A Twisted Kind of Honour
by Hikari ni Michita Sora
Summary: AU. Cloud gets captured in Wutai, leading to events that get him expelled from the SOLDIER program, but is that really the end of his time in Shinra? S/C, Z/A, S/C/Z. COMPLETE
1. Gongaga

**Title: **A Twisted Kind of Honour  
**Rating: **NC-17  
**Pairing**: Sephiroth/Cloud, Zack/Aerith (some S/C/Z)  
**Genre**: Hurt/Comfort  
**Warning**: Non-con, graphic sex, violence, urology (non-con), BDSM themes, kink, BRITISH SPELLING!  
**Chapter**: 1/21  
**Comments**: This really isn't a nice fic. It starts with extreme violence before rapidly degenerating into non-con (OC/Cloud). This will eventually be Sephiroth/Cloud with the possibility of Sephiroth/Cloud/Zack. The first chapter is the worst, so if you can get through it, then the rest will just be plot mostly. Also, although I give the Wutaians Japanese dialect, I mean absolutely nothing by that. I just wanted as alien an language as I could from English so that it gives a truly cut off feel.  
**Summary**: When Cloud's on a mission in the South, he gets captured by a Wutaian terrorist group. What follows scars Cloud's soul permanently and, even when saved, the damage done to his mind is so great he can't resettle back into the ranks of Shinra's military. Is it really possible to save him after he's been through so much? Or is he bound for Midgar's own Asylum?

* * *

**This is now FULL version, not the watered down version. I have decided to include this in full now as it doesn't make sense without having read the full version. Please read the warnings and make an educated decision about reading this. It is listed under M for a reason!

* * *

**

Cloud hadn't really thought much when an order had come from above that a special selection of cadets had been picked for a mission to the south. It had been miles away from Midgar, and the furthest away from home Cloud had ever been. South of Gongaga, it was a nowhere place that the coordinates led to, and it seemed that it was just a small Wutaian terrorist group's base. It would be easy, apparently, to take the base down and then they'd be returning back to base within the week. But still, a week in tropical climes was worth it. Particularly if it meant dropping in to see Zack's parents on the way back with a letter from their son reassuring them that he was okay.

It didn't take long, though, for the cadets to realize that fighting in a tropical climate wasn't exactly fun. Cloud's uniform was soaked through, sticking to his skin and smelled absolutely disgusting. His eyes were stinging from the sweat that had dripped down his dirty brow into them. He had no water left, and the stupid Shinra rations he had on him were packed full of salt that made his throat feel like it had dried up and died. If it weren't for the fact that he'd been able to find a fairly juicy piece of fruit the day before he was certain he would have died of dehydration by now.

Still, Cloud was kind of honoured that he had been chosen because they thought he was tough enough to weather such conditions. Although the blisters on his feet and the way that every muscle ached told him that he probably wasn't quite as prepared for this mission as he had thought he was. He wasn't a SOLDIER after all, just an ordinary cadet, who could only be pushed so far before he met his limit. He was almost there.

The true mission began late the following evening when a gunfire battle had started between the terrorists and another small group of cadets slightly to the east. He wasn't afraid, as such, but the constant tension was starting to get to him. If the battle would just come his way, he could show everyone who had failed him for the first round of SOLDIER exams exactly what he was made of.

Then the battle _did_ come his way and the fear crashed down on him like a waterfall. He managed to make himself fire back, knowing that he _might_ be killing someone with those stray bullets, but more worried about the ones that were whizzing past his own head. He fought against his fear, his shaking hands, his chattering teeth and the voice in his head screaming 'run fool run'. He kept his finger on the trigger of his gun, firing almost wildly into the undergrowth, hoping to high Hell that he was getting those that were firing at him and not just wasting ammo.

He heard a strange thud sound next to him and turned. The cadet beside him was staring up at the sky blankly. Cloud felt sick when he realized that the whole of the side of his face had been blown off, bits of brain splattering over the nearby greenery. _Snipers!_

He looked around for his commanding officer to see if he was going to be sent for cover. He looked up in time to see SOLDIER First Class Lieutenant Binek take enough bullets to the chest to render a Behemoth dead. The SOLDIER still struggled for a few minutes and then went still, his eyes open and glassy and so utterly devoid of life that for a moment Cloud was paralyzed. After a moment a bullet grazed his arm and he swore, getting under cover.

Who was his commanding officer now? He tried to think. There was… who? It had been a handful of cadets, a First Class, Second Class and a couple of Privates who had all been sent into battle first… Cloud reached for his PHS, radioing out to all the Shinra Personnel in the surrounding area.

There was only one reply. "This is Second Class Officer Kunsel. Stay down and where you are kid. Zack's gonna have my hind when he hears how abysmally this has gone…" He then radioed out leaving Cloud alone with the quiet static.

Cloud did as he was told, hiding down low in the undergrowth and waiting for the Second Class to get closer to his location. Minutes later, that seemed like hours in the unnatural silence after the battle, he heard footsteps and waited until they were directly in front of him before he stirred. He snaked out a hand, wiggling forward on his stomach to crawl out of the bushes.

Too late he realised he'd been tricked. Although they had been Shinra boots, the face he looked up into was clearly a Wutaian scout. For a moment the two of them looked at each other before the terrorist brought up his gun and hit Cloud across the face with it.

The world exploded in front of his eyes then faded into darkness.

* * *

Cloud woke hours later and he looked around himself warily. He had been captured, he remembered, and his eyes tried to adjust to his new darkened conditions. He was in a hut, just a normal jungle hut, but there was something else there. It was filled with all kinds of weaponry, some of which bore the Shinra logo.

"Glad to see you awake, Kid."

Cloud jumped and turned to see a man in a Second Class uniform was slumped on the floor. He was bound, his hands and feet tied together forcing him to arch his back in a way that must have been painful. Cloud realized that he was bound as well, but he was attached to some weird kind of rig. His arms were at shoulder height, his feet were tied to either end of a wooden pole. He pulled on his hands and realized that, while he could move them from side to side, there was no way he could move them _down_ to untie himself.

"For the most part, it seems like they're going to ransom us, so they won't kill us for a good while yet," Kunsel said and Cloud sent him a nervous glance. Kunsel shrugged. "Shinra might pay up, but it might not. It's the Company's official line that they don't negotiate with terrorists after all."

Cloud felt fear clog his throat and he turned away, trying to find something else to talk about. "Are… Do you think they'll beat us up much?" he asked. Kunsel shrugged again, looking rather worried.

"They won't see much point in beating me up. I'm Mako-enhanced after all and the bruises won't show…" he said. Cloud read between the lines of that comment and felt the fear turn to led in his stomach. _Oh… So whatever they do, it'll be done to me huh? Great… Why couldn't Zack have come on this mission? We'd have been all right if Zack had been here… Or the General! Why did they send rookies out here when the guys were armed up to the teeth?!_

"It's Cloud, isn't it?" Kunsel asked suddenly. Cloud nodded. The man sighed. "Listen, Cloud, whatever happens to us here, you just gotta think that when you get back to Midgar they'll promote you to Third Class just for having put up with this shit, all right? You've gotta get through all this, understand?" Cloud just nodded, not really wanting to think about the torture he would have to endure until Shinra either coughed up or he was shot in the back of the head.

The door banged open and a few men walked in. There were only three of them, hardly the full rebel force, but it was enough for Cloud's spine to tingle in fear. He must have moved a little because he was instantly the focus of their attention.

"彼は覚 めるな？"

Cloud didn't understand a word and wondered what it meant. He curled in on himself. That caused a bit of laughter.

"彼は女の子のように 見える。。。" One of them sneered. That caused another to have a thoughtful look on his face.

"私は彼が女の子のように叫ぶかどうか疑問に思う?"

Cloud didn't have a clue what any of it meant and would rather not find out. The looks they were giving him were the kinds of looks he'd received from certain kinds of men in the showers, looks that made his skin crawl and his heart hammer in his chest at the same time. Part of Cloud knew that he was _that way_ inclined, but to have his preferences forced on him was frightening. These men had the look to them that they were going to force the issue. Violently.

"堅いロープ引っ張り上げる," One man barked and it sounded like an order. Cloud saw them moving towards him and struggled against the ropes. They began to tighten and pulling upwards. He realized that the ropes binding him were on a winch and he was pulled from the floor where he had been slumped to his feet and eventually off the floor completely. He cried out a little at the strain it put on his shoulders and struggled to undo the ropes that were tight on his wrists.

"彼がいかに戦うか見なさい."

Cloud watched warily as a man walked towards him, a smirk in place. Kunsel was silent, just watching on and Cloud wondered if he should hate the man for doing nothing or if he understood that it would probably mean death for them both if he did. There was a moment when Cloud actually prayed that they were just going to beat him up.

Then a hand reached out and stroked his face softly and Cloud _knew_ what was going to happen. He tried to bite the fingers that were stretched towards him but that caused a dizzying backhand to the face that made him swing in the air.

Taking advantage of his momentary loss of sight the man had pulled down his fatigues and left him exposed from the waist down, his trousers caught on the bindings around his feet. The pole between his legs prevented him from bringing his feet together and he soon realized he didn't have the strength to keep his knees up to protect himself for very long. The men seemed to realise that Cloud couldn't defend himself and began chuckling to themselves.

Cloud didn't look at Kunsel any more, feeling too ashamed, and let his eyes turn up towards the ceiling, away from the mocking laughter of the men in the room. He felt hands on his naked hips and he was turned around, his face now pressed against the wood of the wall. He heard some more laughter as one of the men stroked the cheeks of his ass. A second later there was a sharp thwack as he spanked the skin there. Cloud yelped and tried to get away, but only succeeded in pressing himself against the wall. The hand descended again, and again, and Cloud felt the skin redden and turn hot under the man's hand. His body trembled with fear as he knew what would happen should the man's interests take a different turn. At the moment it just seemed to be humiliation but if it turned into more.

And then it _did_. A finger shoved between his lips, poked at his tongue a little and withdrew before pressing between the crease of his ass and _inside_ him. He sobbed in helplessness, desperately trying to get away, desperately trying not to give them what they wanted at the same time. They wanted to see a Shinra Cadet writhing in agony, right? Didn't that mean he should deny them their pleasure?

And when the burn eventually went away, another finger was added, and the pain began again. Hard and dry, fingers were pumped in and out of his ass until his whole world became the burning ring of muscle and split skin that was being mercilessly plundered.

He didn't even notice when those fingers withdrew, the pain being so great by that point that he could barely _think_, let alone register exactly what it meant.

A large, blunt object slid inside him. At first Cloud thought it must have been the man's dick, but he realized quite quickly that it wasn't. He glanced behind him and his insides went cold when he realized he'd been impaled on the rifle of a shotgun. His expert eyes realized that the safety catch was off.

He whimpered and tried to get himself off the damn thing. The man just kept pushing it into him, deeper than things were supposed to go when fucking, deep into his bowels. Cloud could feel blood leaking down his legs and wondered if this was how he was going to die. God, what would Shinra tell his mother? _He got his insides shot out by a shotgun that was inserted, at the time, into his anus._

"You…" his tormentor said in a thick accent. Cloud shivered and wondered what the man wanted so much that he would speak in Common to him. "Get off on it."

Cloud's eyes widened and he shook his head violently. That just caused the shotgun to be shoved further inside him. "You not understand? You get off on this. I not kill you. Understand?"

Cloud nodded his head miserably and the man began to move the hated thing inside him. Cloud tried to push back his fear and tried to imagine it as just a weirdly shaped sex toy, but he couldn't build up the image at all. He remained flaccid and his tormentor said something menacing in Wutaian. Cloud tensed, ready to feel a bullet ripping through him, tearing through organs and muscle until it lodged itself in his brain but he didn't, instead all he felt was the shot gun withdrawing a little and rubbing at a length inside him more insistently. Cloud realized, when a jolt of strange hazy pleasure went through him that it was his prostate the man was aiming for.

His cock began to get full and rise and Cloud tried to think of fantasies that would help him get off and end this parody of sex as fast as possible. He imagined Sephiroth, the beautiful General he'd never spoken to but had admired from afar for a while. Sephiroth had tied him up like this… And it wasn't a shotgun… But the hilt of Masamune… Slowly trying to wring pleasure out of him… Every cry he made, it was for Sephiroth's ears only… That was right… And in the background, Zack was watching with a warm smile because he knew that Cloud got off on being watched sometimes, and that Sephiroth was so gentle with Cloud that even though there was blood, it was what Cloud wanted…

He began to feel orgasm rip through him, almost disjointedly. And he called Sephiroth's name as he came without even realizing it. His body hung limp from it's bonds and he twitched as the shotgun was withdrawn. He was let down until his feet could touch the floor and then again until he could lie down on the floor.

He lay there shivering, watching as they left.

"You okay, kid?" Kunsel asked, after a moment of silence.

Cloud was crying too hard to reply.

* * *

Zack cursed when he heard that the tracer following Cloud's squad had disappeared off the radar. He had looked angrily to Sephiroth for an explanation, but the man just blinked slowly and began to check up on other squadrons in the area. The area appeared to have been emptied as far back as Gongaga.

"They were stronger than I anticipated," Sephiroth said, sounding a little surprised. Zack stared at Sephiroth, wondering if that's all the man would say when he'd made a blunder that had cost at least fifty lives. Then Zack re-evaluated. He wouldn't care how many other lives had been lost if Spike and Kunsel turned up safe and sound…

"What are you thinking, Zack?" Sephiroth asked and Zack realized he'd been staring at the radar as though it might suddenly show him Cloud's squadron's tag magically.

"I'm thinking that he was too young, Seph. That's what I'm thinking," he answered. Sephiroth's brow creased to show that he didn't have a clue who Zack was talking about. The man rubbed at his face and turned away from the radar, leaning against the desk and pointedly not looking at Sephiroth.

"I was mentoring a kid. Cloud Strife… I put him forward for this mission because you made it sound like it was going to be easy but with a chance at combat. He was badly injured a few weeks back and it had knocked his confidence… I thought that maybe this time it would be better for him… So I nominated him and Kunsel to go… I _put him there_ and now he's _dead_…" Zack's voice choked up on the last word. He turned to Sephiroth, mako-blue eyes shining with emotions that he knew that Sephiroth would never understand, even if he tried to put them into words.

"I've been in this job far too long to even hope that he's still alive. Hopefully they'll give us the bodies back though right? I mean, he has a mother back in Nibelheim. She'll want to bury him." Zack was trying to convince himself. Sephiroth shrugged, indicating that he didn't know rather than that he didn't care. Zack remembered that he had never met Cloud, wouldn't understand how Zack could be so torn up that the blond was dead and wouldn't understand the guilt that Zack was feeling at that moment. Putting people in the line of fire was something he did everyday. Technically, he had chosen all fifty of those men and slaughtered them in his own oversight.

"You might want to go home early tonight, Zack. It'll be a long few days while we sort out which of the cadets are truly missing-in-action and which of them are perhaps still alive and just not in a position to use their PHS…" His eyes were kind but Zack knew he couldn't be alone. He still took the chance to get away and immediately called Aerith.

"Can I come round?" he asked, aware that it was late and she probably would have been in bed. The voice on the other end of the line was fairly cheerful though.

"Sure, Zack. It sounds like you need me."

* * *

The morning light crept into the room and Cloud stirred a little. They had left him alone for the rest of the day and he'd almost managed to convince himself that it hadn't happened until he realized that his pants were down round his ankles and there was dried blood on the inside of his thighs.

One of the terrorists came in and Cloud immediately froze. The man looked at him and smiled a smile without humour before he bent down to show Cloud that he had brought food. Cloud stared at it. It was just a weak looking broth, made out of god knew what, but it was food and god, he was hungry… Thirsty too…

The man smirked and walked straight past Cloud to Kunsel, feeding him first. The Second Class obediently opened and closed his mouth as he was told and the terrorist moved away as soon as he was finished. Then the second bowl was brought towards Cloud. He opened his mouth, expecting to be fed, but the man grinned somewhat evilly.

"No. You not eat like soldier," the man said, putting the bowl on the floor near Cloud's face. "You eat like bitch," he said, pointing at the bowl. Cloud baulked, his stomach twisting in humiliation. "You eat like bitch while I fuck. Understand?"

Cloud understood. Of course he understood and his stomach turned over. He wasn't hungry anymore, but when he made no move to roll onto his knees the man pulled out a gun and pointed it at Cloud's head. "You fucked," he said. Cloud moved, sweating in fear. He began to lap at the broth, his eyes closed.

He felt the breach of something large into him, the return of the burning pain that split him open. He carried on lapping at the broth, biting his tongue so as not to let out noises of pain. It wasn't long before the man pulled out of him. Cloud was relieved and saw the man walk around the front of him. He was stroking himself and Cloud watched as the terrorist came straight into his food. The man laughed at the look on Cloud's face and then used his cum-covered hand to force Cloud's face towards the bowl.

"Eat all!" he ordered, laughing. Cloud did as he was told and, as soon as the man left, threw up every last drop.

* * *

Zack woke up beside Aerith's flower bed and groaned. Aerith was awake already, moving around the flowers tending to them. He felt a rush of love for her before he sat up and greeted her with a soft good morning. She turned around, smiling.

"Cloud's alive," she said. Zack stared at her, not even knowing how she'd found that out. She clasped her hands in front of her. "He's suffering, but whole. I don't think his mind will last much longer though. They're putting him through a lot."

Zack momentarily forgot how to breathe. His first question 'how do you know' gave way to the most important one. "Do you know where he is?"

Aerith's smile dropped away and she shook her head. "Cloud doesn't know where he is, so I don't," she explained. Zack nodded slowly. He didn't understand how Aerith knew, but he had always known there was something different about her. If she was psychic… well… That was something that wouldn't surprise him.

"You said… he won't last much longer?" Zack asked. Aerith looked down into Zack's eyes and nodded slowly.

"He was always so vulnerable Zack. It doesn't take much to break someone like that," she said. Zack's stomach turned and he stood up.

"I have to get back to base and get Sephiroth to send out a search party," he said, dropping a kiss to her cheek. Aerith nodded, her smile returning.

"Make sure to tell the General that I said hello," she said cheerfully. Zack wasn't sure if Sephiroth would even remember who Aerith was, but he nodded and gave her a thumbs up.

Aerith watched him go and stroked the petals of a flower, wincing as she felt another wave of panic/pain/humiliation from Cloud and forcing the connection between herself and the Planet to close. Zack would find Cloud, and then the boy wouldn't have to suffer any more…

* * *

Cloud knew he'd been there for a week already. Kunsel had told him that. Cloud couldn't really remember. He passed out, more often than not, from whatever they did to him. He had been healed though, this time, as the damage they'd done had been so great that he would have died without it.

It was when he heard them coming again that he curled in on himself, his wrists protesting against their bindings. The skin had been rubbed off them long ago, leaving sore, tender wounds. He blearily looked at them, trying to hold back the begging that automatically left his mouth to tell them to leave him alone. He was surprised when they ignored him and instead began to move around the room doing something else.

"They're going to film a video," Kunsel said as they erected a screen in front of the only source of light in the room, a luminescent light in the centre. Cloud didn't know what that really meant anymore and was still expecting the inevitable torture even when they made Kunsel sit on a chair in front of the camera and started holding up cards for him to read from.

* * *

"General, sir! We've reports from MNN! They've received a video from the terrorists who took out our men in Gongaga!"

Sephiroth looked up from his desk and automatically turned on the television and turned it over to the Midgar News Network. It was showing the news reader, her hand to her ear, reporting on breaking news of Shinra military cadets caught in Gongaga.

Sephiroth watched impassively as the newsreader explained that, though they had a video, that it was too graphic to be broadcast and it was currently being sent directly to Shinra HQ. All she could confirm were two names and an amount asked for them.

"Cadet Cloud Strife and Second Class SOLDIER Kunsel are both seen alive in the videos," the reporter said and Sephiroth noted that he phrase 'alive and well' was not used. "The amounts asked is 800,000 Gil per person, a whopping 1,600,000 Gil for the release of both."

Sephiroth turned the TV off and stood up. At that moment Zack skidded to a stop in the corridor outside his office. His face was red and his eyes were bright.

"Is it true? Is Spike alive?" Zack asked. Sephiroth inclined his head slowly. Zack whooped, punching the air. "Have you seen the video? Is he all right? Has President Shinra agreed to pay the ransom?"

Sephiroth shook his head again but it didn't seem to dim Zack's spirits. He led the man out of his office and down to the tech room a floor below. Once there, the men saluted, before bringing up the video they'd been sent on a large screen. Their demeanour, sombre and slightly green looking, led Sephiroth to believe this wouldn't be easy viewing. He turned to warn Zack but seeing the puppy dog expression on the young man's face he found he couldn't. Maybe it would be enough for Zack to know that they were alive.

The screen began to play and Kunsel's face appeared on the screen. Zack laughed and pointed, seeming not to notice everyone else's complete lack of joy at this video coming in.

"Second Class SOLDIER Kunsel here. I've been told to tell you that I've not been harmed in anyway. I've been fed and water has been provided. Apart from a bit of rope burn on my wrists I'm pretty good, to be honest," Kunsel said, but his eyes were haunted and Sephiroth wondered what the man had seen that made him look like he had been through hell in the last few days. "The price on my head is 800,000 Gil to be dropped off at the edge of Gongaga where the Shinra Base used to be. Latitude: -23.200961 Longitude: -5.482178."

Sephiroth thought the cost was extravagant and knew that there had to be something more to this… They would be pulling on heart strings to get that kind of money for one man alone and there seemed to be no marks on Kunsel at all… The SOLDIER was moved off the chair and a moment later there was the sound of someone crying out in absolute terror and a disheveled creature was put in front of the camera.

Sephiroth's mako-enhanced eyes picked out every detail. There was semen caked in dirty blond hair, and there were a myriad of bruises all over the slightly tanned and sunburned skin. A split lip and cut from what had to have been a knife across the man's forehead. A scar across his cheek had become infected and the skin around it was red and puffy. Blue eyes looked up into the camera, normal blue eyes, not mako ones. There was a moment of silence where the man just trembled, looking to the people behind the camera in absolute terror.

"Wh-what do I say…?" he asked, and his voice was hoarse and broken. The voice of someone who had screamed for a week. Sephiroth glanced at Zack to see that the man's smile had disappeared and that he had his hand over his mouth, looking sick. He knew that Zack was seeing the same details that he was.

"I-I'm…" Cloud seemed to sway a moment and his eyes went unfocused before he seemed to get a hold of himself. "C-Cadet… Cloud Strife," he stuttered, eyes darting around again as he pressed himself back in the seat. His bound arms came up in front of him in a defensive gesture that showed Sephiroth that the skin had almost been worn away to the bone.

"I-I haven't… haven't been…" Cloud seemed to be having trouble reading and Sephiroth wondered if they'd hit him around the head to stop him from screaming when they were dragging him to the camera. "…harmed… 800,000 Gil for my… return…"

Cloud stopped reading whatever was on the screen then and his eyes went to the side where obviously something was happening. He shrank back in the seat and turned his face away. "N-nno…" he choked out. A man walked onto the screen and he squeezed Cloud's jaw, forcing his mouth open.

Sephiroth saw the man undo his fly with the other hand and then, with a feeling halfway between fascination and horror, watched as the man appeared to piss into Cloud's mouth. The blond gagged and groaned, but Sephiroth saw his throat move as he had to have swallowed some. The man eventually moved away and Cloud vomited, half of it went down his grimy military fatigues.

He looked up and his eyes seemed to focus once again on a board. "Th… This is what I'm… used f-f-for…" he read. Sephiroth felt an uncomfortable feeling slide into his stomach. Usually he could view almost anything and not feel sickened like most people, but something about seeing this boy treated in this way… It was _wrong_, he realized. Wrong in a way that even Sephiroth could identify. Wrong in a way that even war wasn't.

"Zack… Help me…" Cloud whimpered and the video ended. Sephiroth heard Zack gasp when his own name was mentioned and reacted just in time to stop Zack from putting his fist through sensitive tracking equipment. He could see the crazed look in his friend's eyes as he restrained him and he tried to think of something to say to calm him.

"We've got no trace for the video and they eliminated all elements that we could use to track it. President Shinra has released an official statement saying that we don't deal with terrorists and the Vice-President is currently appealing the decision," an intelligence officer was saying, acting as though Sephiroth wasn't in the middle of stopping Zack kicking the crap out of some unsuspecting machine. "Analysis of body language has pretty much suggested that Kunsel was telling the truth. He's not personally been harmed. Strife on the other hand seems to be the target and we predict severe mental damage that could affect his position in the military."

Sephiroth wondered if the intelligence officer even realized that Zack's murderous rage had zeroed in on him for that statement. Sephiroth sighed and realized that he had no choice anymore. He activated the Sleep Materia in his gauntlet and felt Zack sag in his arms.

"Spike…" Zack whispered as he went under.

Sephiroth looked at the intelligence officer. "Hand over the full amount at the place specified. I will make sure that I take full responsibility from the top," he said as he picked up Zack's prone form. The officer nodded and the room became a hustle of action.

"I just hope we're in time to save his mind…"

* * *

_**Edits Made: **02/03/2010_

_General editing, typos, grammar, flow, ellipsis all caught._

_Changes made for later continuity_

_More gore added_

_POV problems fixed._


	2. Humanity

**Title: **A Twisted Kind of Honour  
**Rating: **NC-17  
**Pairing**: Sephiroth/Cloud, Zack/Aerith (some S/C/Z)  
**Genre**: Hurt/Comfort  
**Warning**: Implied non-con, BRITISH SPELLING!  
**Chapter**: 2/??  
**Comments**: This chapter sees Cloud saved. To those who have stayed with this fic, despite it's fairly disturbing beginnings. The relationship aspect of this fic really begins next chapter, but I felt it was important to describe Cloud's rescue in as much detail as I could.

* * *

**Chapter Two:**

**Humanity**

Kunsel could hear footfalls.

"We've found him!"

He felt a rush of relief on hearing Zack's voice. Zack who was tearing away his blindfold and gag with so much force that Kunsel knew that his regrowth had been torn off his upper lip.

"Where's Cloud?" Zack asked immediately and Kunsel shook his head. He saw other SOLDIERs gathering around and some of them started to ask him how he was and making sure that he was alright. Zack's question though, was the only one he answered.

"They kept him," he said quietly. Zack looked like he wanted to be sick. "They've realized that they can get more money if they keep him rather than let him go…"

* * *

"And that is why we don't negotiate with terrorists," President Shinra said. Sephiroth bristled. He didn't need telling that this was a huge cock-up. He knew that perfectly well.

"1,600,000 Gil and we only retrieved one man!" President Shinra yelled. Sephiroth didn't even bother to look like he regretted it.

"One man in our custody is better than one man in theirs," he replied. The President looked about to explode.

"General, it was a huge amount of money and we didn't actually meet our objectives with it! It was enough money to educate every child in the Slums! Do you have any idea what we're going to have to tell Strife's mother? That her son now won't be returning home because General Sephiroth pre-empted orders and gave money to terrorists too soon?! That bitch will take us for every penny she can!" His face was turning purple and his chins were wobbling. Sephiroth had the impression of being scolded by a particularly large beetroot.

"I will inform Ms. Strife if you wish," he said. He wasn't going to let people do his dirty work for his own failure. He'd already had to deal with Zack's crushing disappointment and the waiting game while another video came in. They weren't disappointed, there was another video waiting for Sephiroth to watch as soon as he finished being chewed out here.

"No. I'll deal with Strife's mother. You have the tact of an ape most of the time and you'd only serve to make matters worse," the President said dismissively. Sephiroth didn't comment, he didn't see the point in responding to petty insults.

"Just get out of my sight General. We're going to have to deal with the media surrounding this mistake as well and I'll have to cover that it was our _Golden Boy's_ mistake that cost us the life of my- a young cadet," the President sneered. Sephiroth wondered what the man had been about to say before he corrected himself. He didn't question though, just saluting and leaving. He prayed to any deity that hadn't abandoned him yet that Cloud Strife would come back to Midgar safe and sound, if only so he could rub it in the Old Fat One's face.

* * *

The intelligence room was empty. They'd all gone home for the night. The only thing that was still left on was the vid-screen, flickering light across the wall.

Zack watched the video avidly. It wasn't easy watching. There was no light in Cloud's eyes at all. He didn't seem able to speak apart from the odd grunt of pain as they hit him. He had teeth missing… Zack swore that Shinra would pay for every penny of cosmetic surgery Cloud needed to feel himself again after this…

Blood seemed to be dripping from every orifice. Even Cloud's eyes seemed to have blood dripping from them in place of tears. He was a mess.

"You're not supposed to be watching this on your own…"

Zack looked up to see Sephiroth stood there. Zack had to give Sephiroth credit, he had personally overseen this operation and he had spared no resources in trying to track where the rebels had taken Cloud. It seemed impossible to find though.

They had sent out search parties. They had sent out thermal sensor helicopters which had only proved that Gongaga was pretty damn hot and everything was either red or yellow on the scanner. Sephiroth had even sent a squad of First Classes to pick up the missing soldiers and still they'd come back without Cloud.

"He's so fragile Seph…" Zack breathed, watching as Cloud was hit around the back of the head for not reading his script right. In the end they gave up but flashing a figure on the screen. 2,000,000 for his return. Cloud saw the figure and his expression didn't change, even though he must have known his situation was hopeless.

"He's still alive. There's hope," Sephiroth replied. Zack looked at the General and felt a bitter smile come to his lips.

"Is there? Really? Because I think they've killed the Cloud that I knew even if his body comes back here," he said. Sephiroth's eyes narrowed and the man walked into the room.

"You'll give up on him that easily?" the General asked and Zack growled, meeting Sephiroth's irritated stare with a glare of his own.

"It's not a case of giving up it's a case of knowing when you're beat! Look at him, Seph! He's not even able to focus on anything! They're _raping him_ _every day_! How could he not be completely and utterly insane by now?" Zack asked. Sephiroth seemed to snap then.

"What's the point in saving him then, hm Zack?" Sephiroth's voice was so cold that Zack backed up a little. "What's the point in me sending the resources after him? His best friend has already given him up as lost, after all. And if he's insane, why should he live? It would be better for them just to keep using him until they grow bored and then let them kill him? Is that what you're suggesting?"

Zack looked away, ashamed. He realized that must have been what he sounded like. That Sephiroth, one who didn't understand human emotion at all, was the one who called him up on it… "I'm sorry… I just.. . I see him beat up and… It's too much, y'know. He's a friend and… He's never going to be the cute kid I mentored again. It's sad…"

Sephiroth shook his head, folding his arms over his chest and looking at the frozen image on the screen of Cloud's injured face. "Perhaps there will be a way to heal him when he returns. Perhaps that boy you knew is just sleeping somewhere inside him. Some people use that as a defense mechanism you know. Develop a split personality, one that was raped and humiliated while keeping themselves free and pure."

Zack looked at Cloud's image. "You think that's what he's done? Imagined it's happening to someone else?"

Sephiroth shrugged. "I haven't really studied trauma like this. Not many SOLDIERs become fucktoys for terrorists." Zack winced but it didn't seem that Sephiroth understood how harsh his language had been.

"We're going to get him back, right?" Zack asked. Sephiroth looked at Zack, his green eyes glowing brighter than Zack had ever seen them before.

"We're going to get him back and then cut the dick off every terrorist in Gongaga," he promised. Zack figured that would have to keep him going for now, although in his head he added that he was going to cook them and make those bastards _eat them_.

* * *

Cloud shivered. His shirt was so stiff with god knew what that it chafed his skin. He'd come down with some kind of jungle fever and the terrorists had been forced to leave off him if they didn't want to catch it themselves. They'd left a few giant bowls of water and some dry crumbly bread for him to eat and drink. It was easy to eat in the dog like position he had to take up to prevent his hands from chafing anymore. He was certain that he'd done permanent damage to them as he couldn't wiggle his fingers anymore.

He was hallucinating quite regularly due to the fever as well. He'd had one horrible hallucination of giant spiders all over his body and they had bitten him everywhere causing him to swell up and his skin to split and bleed. That one had been followed by him being rescued by Sephiroth who'd proceeded to rape him brutally.

Cloud couldn't say that the second hallucination had stirred a twisted hope within him though. He wished that it were real, that Sephiroth did care enough to rescue him from this hell even if it was just to continue the torture that he was going through here….

He looked at his wrists. Infected. Green-yellow pus oozed from the wounds. He could wash them, he thought. He could bite at the pus and suck it out, then hold water in his mouth to wash the wounds.

He began to do it, ignoring the pain. A guard game in, a piece of fabric covering his mouth and nose to prevent the germs spreading. Cloud didn't stop what he was doing. He realized the water was changed while he had been piercing the pustules and he began to use the cool water to wash away what he could, spitting it onto his wrists and sucking away the yellow/red mess that began to run down his wrists.

"彼は異常だよ。。。" Cloud heard his captors talking amongst themselves but he didn't stop what he was doing.

"You. Stop," the terrorist said. Cloud stared at him, not comprehending. "You not… eat hand off…" The man ordered and Cloud realised what they thought he was doing. They thought he was chewing off his own limbs like an animal caught in a trap. He grinned, his teeth stained red and bit down hard on his wrist.

They all seemed to move towards him at once and he felt his jaw being squeezed until he let go of his own wrist and they were shoving something over his nose. It smelled bad. Probably some drug to knock him out, he thought woozily…

His finger twitched and just before he lost consciousness Cloud smiled. _I haven't lost my hand after all then…_

* * *

"So Kunsel couldn't tell us anything?" Zack asked. They were sat in the cafeteria over lunch. The mashed potatoes were like cement and the carrots were so over cooked they were just orange mush. Even so, Zack ate them as though they were the best thing he'd ever tasted. After hearing that Kunsel and Cloud had been living off jungle broth (something he'd eaten as a child and hated), he was determined to eat enough proper food to make up for both himself and Cloud.

"He refused to tell us the majority of the tortures that happened to Cloud. He said that it's the boy's to tell, something I can understand even if it does mean we can't have psychologists at the hand to deal with him… Other than that, he could only tell us that the cabin that he was kept in faced south…" Sephiroth explained. "They blindfolded him to remove him from the place…"

Zack groaned. How on Gaia were they going to find Cloud if there were never any goddamn clues? Was there some god somewhere that held a grudge against the little guy or something?

"Seph, can't we just start searching the area one more time? From Gongaga all the way to the ocean if we have to," Zack suggested and not for the first time. He and Sephiroth had this argument every day, and every day Sephiroth would repeat President Shinra's insistence that they spend no more money in getting a _cadet_ back. Zack began to feel resentment that the President would have paid it for Rufus or perhaps even a few of the First Classes, but because Cloud was a _cadet_ he wasn't important enough…

"I'm not going over this again. We can't save Strife that way. We have to rely on something else happening. Perhaps they'll decide it's not worth it. Perhaps he'll escape on his own or they'll fuck up. Until then, we're going to have to wait," Sephiroth said. He looked tired, Zack realised, and this was the first time he'd ever seemed that way. It was unnerving to see the person who everyone viewed as invincible as completely and utterly vulnerable. Rendered so by a blond boy who had managed to get himself captured on a training mission.

"Seph… I'm sorry," he said. "I'm going on and on about the Cloud thing as though you're not doing your best. I know you are," Zack said. Sephiroth shook his head, which was all the acknowledgement Zack knew he'd get for his apology.

"How are things with your girl?" Sephiroth asked. Zack blinked. He hadn't even realised that Sephiroth knew about Aerith. Not really, anyway. They had met. More than once. But Sephiroth tended to forget things like that quite easily.

"She's great, Seph. A little worried about me because of this business with Cloud, but really understanding about it. I've been helping her make a cart to sell her flowers. You should see it. It's the best improvisation vehicle you've ever seen!" he said, laughing a little. The thing looked like a go-kart gone wrong, painted pink and white with huge holes in it where Zack had accidentally hit the nails too hard and put the hammer through the side of the wagon instead.

"I'll be sure to visit her some time," Sephiroth said, surprising Zack even more. He wasn't sure what Aerith and Sephiroth would talk about exactly, but for some reason he didn't worry about it. Sephiroth was from a different world from him most of the time, but then in a completely different way, so was Aerith. Perhaps it was their different ways of looking at the world that had drawn Zack to begin with. He'd always got the impression that they were uncomfortable with each other though.

"What's with the sudden interest?" Zack asked. Sephiroth poked at a soggy carrot.

"You go to her when you are depressed and she makes you feel better. I want to see if there is anything special about her that would make me feel the same way," Sephiroth admitted and Zack realised that this was one of those times he was going to have to explain a little human contact to Sephiroth.

"Yeah, but she makes me feel better because she's my girl. If she was someone else's I wouldn't feel the same," he explained. Sephiroth nodded, showing he understood at least a little bit. "So you've got to get a girl of your own, then you'll feel better when you see her."

Sephiroth held up one of the carrots in front of him in distaste. "I don't like girls," he said firmly. Zack blinked. Well, that certainly explained a few things.

"Then a guy then. I bet you like the cute type, am I right?" he chuckled. "An androgynous kid with a face full of innocence but who's absolutely dirty in bed." He had expected Sephiroth to ignore him, but instead the man raised an eyebrow.

"You've just described half the cadets who join here each year," he said. Zack's smile drifted away when he realised exactly who he'd described. _Cloud…_

"I don't have a 'type' Zack. That is, I think, the problem. As it is, I have you to cheer me up," Sephiroth said, putting the cold carrot into his mouth and chewing. "So I better make the most of it."

Feeling the need to keep the mood cheerful Zack forced a grin. "Don't get any ideas about how I am in the sack though! Come near me and I swear, I'll cut it off," he threatened jokingly. Sephiroth didn't react apart from to spear another carrot.

"I'll remember that…" he assured Zack before they lapsed into silence again.

* * *

It was night. Cloud was certain that was the only reason they'd let him outside. They'd untied his hands but drugged him so he couldn't have escaped anyway. He could see the moon and it was so beautiful…

There were fireflies too… There was something interesting about the fireflies… What was it…? It was something important. Something in the vaults of his memory…

_"Ah, I'm from Gongaga. Us country boys should stay together hm?" __Zack grinned__, patting Cloud on the back. Cloud smiled and nodded, feeling glad that he had made at least one friend in SOLDIER. They continued to watch the fireworks over the plate together for a moment and Cloud was startled when what he had first thought was a stray bit of ash landed on his nose. It still glowed._

"_Did you know that in Gongaga there are fireflies everywhere near the reactor but no where else? Weird huh? My ma said it was something to do with the mako but I never saw them anywhere else..."_

The reactor? They were near the reactor…? Oh but the moon was so pretty and the leaves on the trees and… Cloud stumbled and one of the terrorists grabbed him to keep him on his feet.

Wow… everything looked so lovely tonight…

* * *

Zack's PHS went off at a stupid time in the morning. He groaned and picked it up, flipping it open to see that the caller ID was Aerith.

"Yo…" he said, yawning. Aerith didn't even bother with pleasantries.

"The Gongaga Reactor," she said. Zack's sleep addled mind couldn't quite understand what that had to do with anything.

"Zack, did you hear? They have Cloud at the Gongaga Reactor!" she repeated. The sleep disappeared from Zack's mind and he stared at the wall for a moment.

"Aerith. I love you but I've gotta go tell Seph. I'll talk to you later and buy you dinner at the best restaurant in town, okay?" he promised, pressing a kiss to the phone. She laughed delightedly.

"Go play hero, Zack Fair," she said. Zack grinned and hung up, almost forgetting to put his pants on in his eagerness to get to the door.

* * *

Sephiroth moved through the jungle like a panther. That's what Zack compared him to anyway, and he knew his jungle animals after all. The heat was so incredible that even Sephiroth felt a bead of sweat slide down his chest. How Cloud had survived in this heat to begin with was beyond him. He had thought that the boy's mountain background would have made this kind of climate virtually intolerable for him.

"There's nothing to the north of the reactor. We're going to circle around to the east and see if we can find anything there," Zack's voice in his earpiece almost made him start. It didn't quite catch him unaware, but it was enough for Sephiroth to have to take a deep breath to steady himself.

"Roger," he replied. He carried on moving through the jungle. He was on his own, having left his team a while back. They were loud, far too loud for a mission as sensitive as this one, and Sephiroth knew that whatever he was met with in this jungle, he could take easily. He carried on moving.

He was surprised when he came across a complex that wasn't on his map and hadn't been picked up by the helicopters either. He looked around and noticed that all the buildings were southward facing. He began to move through the complex silently. Hearing cries coming from a cabin at the far end and he paused at a grimy window. He glanced inside.

Cloud was there, Sephiroth realised, and so were two of the terrorists. They were hitting him so hard his body was bouncing across the room like a doll. Sephiroth's grip on Masamune tightened and he got to the door. He assessed the situation, realised that he would have them all dead and Cloud free before any of them could even cry out, and pushed open the door.

Their blood sprayed down on him like rain and the stickiness of it was almost sweet compared to the sweat that soaked his body. He licked his lips, tasting the sweet tangy flavour he associated with victory and turned to Cloud, glowing eyes narrowing when he saw what a mess the cadet truly was.

The first thing that hit him was the stench. Cloud smelled like a Slums cesspit. His uniform was _crusty_ and his hair was more like a solid block of brown than the blond spikes that Sephiroth could vaguely recall from before the mission. His skin was also dark with dirt and blood and bruises.

"You… came?" Cloud's voice was hoarse, low, quiet. Sephiroth nodded, not seeing the point in wasting words. Cloud's eyes showed relief that didn't match his next words. "Please don't rape me…"

"I'm not here to rape you," he assured the blond. For a moment there was confusion in the would-be blond's eyes.

"This isn't a hallucination?" he asked. Sephiroth shook his head. That seemed to panic Cloud and he tried to get to his feet. Sephiroth rushed over to him to catch him as he sagged to the ground again.

"You don't need to salute, cadet," he said when Cloud made a quiet noise of protest and tried to raise his hand to his forehead.

He looked over Cloud's wounds and realised that he would have to let someone who specialised in healing materia take care of the wounds that he'd sustained. His wrists looked like someone had tried to saw his hands off and there were peculiar bite marks in the flesh that made Sephiroth's blood run a little cold when he reflected on what could have caused them.

"I'll carry you," he said, but Cloud didn't seem to be able to talk anymore. He was trembling so badly his teeth were chattering. Sephiroth wasn't good at reassuring people, but he'd been round Zack enough to know that inane chatter, it didn't matter what about, could calm people.

He began to tell Cloud about what had been happening in Midgar, starting with things to do with Shinra and eventually ending up telling Cloud about all the other things, like Zack's flower cart and Reno's latest misadventure that resulted in nearly blowing up the Weapons Development Department. Cloud eventually stopped shaking when they were almost back at Gongaga. Zack was waiting there, his head in his hands, obviously thinking that it had been a failure.

Sephiroth watched as Zack raised his head and saw him. The look on Zack's face, the immense relief, happiness, sorrow… It was such a spectrum that Sephiroth was more sure than ever that Zack felt more than any other human on the Planet. He gave Cloud over to Zack's care and watched as the man arranged treatments and cast a quick sleep materia to stop Cloud from becoming too panicked by the number of people helping him.

He heard a few people thanking him and he wondered why they were. He'd saved Cloud because it was wrong that someone would be treated like that, not because it was some kind of extra duty that he had been forced to perform…

It wasn't until Zack thanked him that Sephiroth thought he understood. This was that thing called _humanity_ at work again. They weren't thanking him as such, just expressing their heartfelt relief that Cloud was _safe_. They were saying thank you to him because there was no one else to say thank you to, apart from whatever god or goddess they worshipped.

"Thank you, General Sephiroth, sir," Zack said, the formality unexpected. Sephiroth nodded slowly.

"I'm just glad we can bring him home, Lieutenant."

* * *

**List of Edits:**

_Global stylistic edits, continuity, grammar, spelling etc._

_Added more to Rupert vs. Sephiroth scene._


	3. A Relationship Based on Caffeine

**Title: **A Twisted Kind of Honour  
**Rating: **NC-17  
**Pairing**: Sephiroth/Cloud, Zack/Aeris (some S/C/Z)  
**Genre**: Hurt/Comfort  
**Warning**: BRITISH SPELLING! Allusions to rape but nothing else.

**Chapter**: 3/21

**Comments**: This chapter starts to bring in the idea of Cloud outside the kidnap situation. It features a six-month time skip as well that will give the whole fic a schizophrenic feel. It also shows the two distinct sides to this fic, the dark side which deals with the events of the first two chapters, and the lighter side that details a relationship beginning between two men who have been hurt greatly. There is no sex over the next three chapters and the kinky stuff probably won't start for another four…

* * *

**Chapter Three:**

**A Relationship Based on Caffeine**

Cloud was in a white room, wearing a pair of pyjamas that swamped him. The injuries he had sustained had become infected and had some had severely scarred. One mark on his face, a knife wound that had been given to him in the first few days of capture, and the marks around his wrists, had scarred quite deeply. Apparently Cloud had cried when he realized that they'd always be there to remind him and no one had been able to calm him until they'd sedated him.

Sephiroth had come to visit once. Cloud had seen him and begun to gibber as though one of his attackers were in the room. The staff had tried to explain that in Cloud had suffered from a specific fever in the jungle that had caused him to hallucinate that certain things that the men had done to him had been done by other figures. Those prominent in those nightmares appeared to be himself and Zack, although Cloud seemed to be able to allow Zack to be near him whereas Sephiroth left him a mindless wreck.

Zack gave him updates however. Cloud had managed to use his repaired hands for the first time the other day. Or that Cloud had been able to sit through an entire meal without being sick once. The biggest accomplishment to date was that Cloud had been able to allow his mother to hold him. Physical touch, such as hugging or even touching his hand, had been impossible, but Zack said that Cloud had been able to let his mother embrace him.

It was encouraging.

But it didn't save him. Sephiroth had been in meetings all week regarding Kunsel and Cloud's rehabilitation. Kunsel was fine and his conduct was being rewarded accordingly. He was being promoted to First Class. Cloud however, was being pensioned off as things currently stood.

Sephiroth had tried to void the wish expressed by the President, to have Cloud put in Midgar Asylum until he was healed, fully paid for by Shinra. Sephiroth had heard all kinds of things about the people who were in that place. That so many so-called 'balanced' Shinra employees managed to escape that place (Hojo, Scarlet, Palmer…) meant that whoever was _inside_ it must be absolutely nuts. The President was pretty insistent however. He had requisitioned all Cloud's documents and Sephiroth had been more than a little suspicious at the President's motives for sending Cloud into the asylum. It seemed almost like the President had a personal vendetta against Cloud.

It didn't work and on the third week after Cloud's return Sephiroth had Zack running into his office in a panic.

"Where's Spike? He's not in his room!" Zack had said, putting both hands on Sephiroth's desk and looking at him as though Sephiroth had the answer to everything. He had phoned round and eventually got through to Tseng who said that Cloud had been moved to the Asylum in the middle of the night to prevent any interference from 'certain factions'.

"You're joking," Zack breathed. Sephiroth wished that Zack would stop looking at him as though he had personally drugged Cloud and put him in that place. Or that he could do something about it now. "Seph… we have to save him."

"Just how many times do you expect me to do that Lieutenant Fair?" Sephiroth asked, looking down at his paperwork to avoid the disappointed look in Zack's eyes. "Strife has been a personal crusade of yours and I have tried to back you every step along the way. This time I pulled all the strings but I still can't go directly against the President. He wanted Strife to disappear, and now the boy has. Wait a few months and then we can work at discharging him-"

"A few months! Seph, he'll be completely ga-ga then!" Zack slammed his fists against the table. Sephiroth just looked up at him in irritation.

"Lieutenant," he snapped. "Please have your temper tantrum elsewhere. SOLDIER's job was to get Strife out of the jungle. It was Shinra's job to rehabilitate him. If they have decided that it would be best to put him in the Asylum then that is where he will be put. You over-estimate my position and your own." He then threw a rather thick folder across the desk at Zack

"That is the folder detailing all of Strife's case up until now. The majority of it is psyche reports that show that he is completely incapable of leading a normal life," Sephiroth didn't try to make it sound pleasant for Zack. It would not do to sugar coat this. "His experiences have been so terrible that his mind has been completely shattered. With six months of professional help then maybe, and it is just maybe, he might be able to live a normal civilian life. He will _never_ be rejoining us at SOLDIER however."

Zack took the folder and stormed out with it. Sephiroth ignored the man's open disrespect and returned to what he had been doing. It was a long list of cadets to be assessed for SOLDIER. He scanned down it and his heart clenched when 'Strife, Cloud' came up near the bottom. He glanced at the date and realized the list had been written two months ago, before all this had happened. He slowly ran a line through the boy's name and put a star next to the name, jotting at the bottom 'taken off active duty'.

* * *

Six months later and Zack still wasn't talking to Sephiroth. It was the longest time that Sephiroth had spent without Zack's company since the man had made First Class and he had to admit that, though he got more work done, he was lonely. A few trips below the Plate to various of their usual haunts revealed that Zack had been there a lot recently, usually drinking himself into a stupor and ranting about how unfair Shinra was. Sephiroth had only seen him once, during an incident with a summoned monster, and even then, they hadn't exactly spoken to each other.

Luckily, Zack's work wasn't being affected. Sephiroth wasn't sure what he would have done if he would have had to call Zack into his office to discipline him for not doing his job right. With the mass-desertion, Zack was worked harder than ever. So few SOLDIERs meant that those that remained had to do so much more. It was enough that Sephiroth was feeling the strain. He knew that most of the other SOLDIERs must be too.

He eventually gave up trying to find Zack and went to a more high class area of town. He wandered around for a while, ignoring the stares that he got as people recognized him. He decided to buy himself a coffee to walk around with to keep his hands warm against the winter cold of Firstmonth. It didn't really help that much, as he didn't feel the cold, but it made him seem more normal and less like a SOLDIER on patrol.

He reached for the door handle at the same time as another mittened hand. He glanced to the side and blinked when he realized who it was. Cloud Strife was stood there, a woolen hat flattening his spiked hair down around his face, a scarf up round the bottom of his face hiding the scar that ran down the bottom of his cheek… But those eyes were unmistakable.

"General, sir," the blond said, nodding his head. Sephiroth noticed that the blond's hand twitched as he remembered that he didn't have to salute anymore. He slipped his hand into his pocket instead.

Sephiroth opened the door and held it open. The blond slipped in passed him and joined the queue. Sephiroth stood behind him. He could sense that Cloud kept turning slightly, as if to see if he were still there.

"You were released?" Sephiroth decided to ask. The blond jumped and then ducked his head a little.

"Um… Yes," he said quietly. "There wasn't much more they could do for me and my mother was worried. I returned to Nibelheim for a while but I missed the city so I came back here. I didn't realize that the military pension was so good. I only need to work part-time to get by in this area."

Sephiroth nodded to show he was listening and stepped forward as the queue began to dwindle. "What are you having?" he asked when he got to the counter. Cloud looked at him as though he'd grown a second head and then looked quickly away again.

"Latte," he said in that soft voice of his. Sephiroth nodded and ordered his own cappuccino. He waited as the coffee machine gurgled and tried to think of something to say. He didn't want to talk about the Asylum or about what had happened to Cloud particularly with the boy.

"What job do you have?" he decided. It was rather safe ground, after all. Cloud had been reaching for a stirrer and jumped so hard he knocked the pot over. Sephiroth wished he were Zack, and that he would be able to handle these kinds of social situations without making people nervous. Cloud was apologizing and trying to retrieve all the little plastic spoons that had scattered all over the side. For every time the blond apologized the man behind the counter told him it was alright, which only caused Cloud to apologise again.

Sephiroth couldn't help it. He chuckled. Cloud looked at him, large blue eyes holding a little bit of wonder in them. It was strange, Sephiroth realized, to see that look leveled at him by those blue eyes. Something strange stirred in his gut, but he put that down to wanting his caffeine.

"Where do you wish to sit?" Sephiroth said, paying for both of their coffees and gesturing around the little coffee shop. Cloud looked like he wanted to protest but then his mouth snapped shut and he walked to a seat by the window. He sat down, slowly removing his layers. Hat, scarf and coat were draped over the back of the chair. They revealed that Cloud was slim now and had lost a lot of the muscle definition that had made his build so desirable as a soldier. He was swamped by a cheap polyester polo shirt that had 'Midgar Electricals' written on it. Sephiroth assumed it was where he worked part time.

And he left his gloves on. They covered the scars on his wrists, Sephiroth realized. He sipped his cappuccino thoughtfully as he regarded the changes in Cloud.

Suddenly the blond smiled and Sephiroth's chest felt tight. Cloud put his own coffee down to cover his mouth though, hiding a slight giggle from Sephiroth's hungry gaze.

"You've… milk moustache…" he said, pointing in the general vicinity of Sephiroth's mouth. The man picked up a serviette and wiped the foam off his top lip, wondering why he felt a strange uncertain feeling winding it's way from his stomach to his cheeks and turning them pink.

"You work at Midgar Electricals?" Sephiroth asked, mostly to take the topic of conversation away from himself. Cloud nodded, sipping his latte before wincing and dumping three sugar cubes in it. Sephiroth wondered if the blond had forgotten that the stuff wouldn't have sugar in it to begin with.

"It's easy work. I work in the TV department there. Compared to the stuff we used at Shinra, most of the stuff is pretty basic to operate. Still, they're impressed by my knowledge so I get as many shifts as I want…" Cloud explained, stirring his coffee absently. He looked out of the window now.

Sephiroth couldn't tear his eyes away from Cloud though. There was something _different_ about him. Sephiroth hadn't really paid any attention to Zack's little protégé while he was a cadet, but then with a month and a half spent obsessively searching for Cloud, healing him and fighting against his placement in the Asylum, he realized he had got used to the haunted blue eyes and frightened tension in the blond. But the one before him was a strange mixture of an adult who lived by themselves, a child who was in awe of his idol and the vulnerable victim of a horrendous crime.

It called on a primal part of Sephiroth that he hadn't known existed and he now realized what Zack must have felt when he was trying to protect Cloud.

"How's Zack?" Cloud asked suddenly, as though reading Sephiroth's thoughts. Sephiroth considered how to answer that question.

"He hasn't spoken to me since you were put in the Asylum," he decided to admit. Cloud's eyes moved from the window back to Sephiroth, studying him as though to check if he was lying.

"That's just stupid. It wasn't your fault," Cloud replied after a moment. A weight that Sephiroth hadn't been aware of lifted off his chest.

"Zack believes it is," he replied, sipping his cappuccino and being extra careful not to coat his top lip in foam. Cloud frowned a little.

"That's ridiculous," he said and Sephiroth admired the way that the blond gestured, raising his hand and holding it palm up in a 'what the hell' way. He realized that something was _very_ wrong if he was watching someone's movements so closely.

"In the end it matters little to me. Zack does his job to the best of his ability. If he doesn't wish to talk to me, that is his choice," Sephiroth said, his voice neutral. Cloud clucked his tongue and folded his arms across his chest.

"But Zack was your only friend, right?" he asked. Sephiroth was surprised that Cloud had known that. It wasn't like many people even considered that Sephiroth had friends, just people who were his subordinates. Genesis and Angeal had been his friends, but only Zack remained accessible. He still nodded a little slowly.

"So he should know better. He's got plenty of people to fall back on if he gets depressed, but you only had _him_. That he left you on your own… that's really low," Cloud's voice was firm and Sephiroth wondered what those eyes would look like if he could see them right now. Cloud seemed to be avoiding looking directly at him and he really wanted to see that righteous anger in them directed towards someone else.

"I tell you what," Cloud said, leaning forward and looking at Sephiroth's chin rather than his eyes. "I'll be here at the same time every week. If you need someone to talk to… well… I'm not in Shinra anymore, so I'm out of the loop but… I'm lonely too." Cloud admitted it in a voice so small that Sephiroth thought he was on the verge of tears. There was no distress on the blond's face though.

"I'll try my best then," Sephiroth said and held out his coffee mug. Cloud smiled and clinked his own against it.

"The coffee pact is made," he declared solemnly but the smile was still on his face. Sephiroth nodded and they spent the rest of their respective coffees in silence, both regarding the other with curiosity and a small amount of awe.

* * *

The next week, Sephiroth 'wandered' into the Slums. He didn't really expect Cloud to be there and he hovered outside the coffee shop for a few minutes debating whether or not to go in. If he went in and Cloud wasn't there, he'd feel like an idiot, even if no one knew that he'd been stood up. If he went in and Cloud was there, he had no idea what they would talk about.

"You could have waited inside you know. I was just held a little late at work."

Sephiroth turned and saw Cloud, cheeks red and breathing pretty hard. The blond had obviously run most of the way to the coffee shop. Sephiroth decided that he wouldn't correct the misconception that Cloud had, that he had been waiting outside for the blond to arrive rather than beating himself over the head with what kind of idiot he'd feel if Cloud didn't show.

"Let's get inside. It's _freezing_," Cloud said, opening the door and slipping inside. Sephiroth followed, feeling rather like a sheep following a shepherd.

Sephiroth ordered his cappuccino, Cloud ordered his latte, and they sat at the same table as last time. Cloud chatted for a while, seeming to be a little nervous. Sephiroth tried to be an attentive listener. Zack had often told him off for not showing that he was listening, but the way that Cloud stuttered when Sephiroth would make a sign to show that he was paying rapt attention made Sephiroth wonder if what he was doing wasn't quite natural.

"So… What about you General? Has anything happened of any significance over the past week?" Cloud asked. Sephiroth's mind opened like a filing cabinet. He sorted through the files that were classified and the ones that seemed boring and realized he had nothing to report.

"No," he said. Cloud blinked and stared at him for a long moment as though waiting for more. Sephiroth stared back. The blond began to smile a little hesitantly, then he began to laugh. Although Sephiroth secretly enjoyed Cloud's beaming face, he did have the feeling he was being laughed _at_ rather than Cloud being simply happy.

"You really are to the point, aren't you?" Cloud asked, chuckling. Sephiroth didn't know what to say to that. He was a military man, and military men tended to be fairly blunt.

"I mean… You're so honest and it doesn't occur to you to sugar coat your words either," Cloud said, his laughter fading even if the smile remained. "It's a good thing though, I think. Even if it seems a little like you're socially inept."

"I was brought up in Hojo's laboratory," Sephiroth volunteered and then wondered why he'd told Cloud that at all. He stared at the frothy top of his coffee and bit down on his tongue. No one apart from Zack, Genesis and Angeal knew why Sephiroth was such a social retard and he had intended for it to stay that way.

"The only social interactions I had as a child were with other specimens, scientists and 'targets'," Sephiroth heard himself explaining. "It was quite a shock to come into the wide world and have to deal with people. Zack tried to explain most of it to me." He tried to keep his voice as monotonous as possible. He heard Cloud made a noise in the back of his throat, but he couldn't really identify what that sound meant without a visual image and there was no way he was looking at the blond.

"Sounds like we're both a bit fucked up then," Cloud said after a moment's silence. Sephiroth risked a peek at the blond's face and found that the man had a smile on his face, though it was hardly a happy expression.

"You… You never healed, did you?" Sephiroth asked. Cloud picked up his coffee, shaking his head before taking a sip. "Is it that hard?"

"It's not that it's hard, it's just that it's complicated. They told me that because of the nature of the damage, there were certain things that I could go through therapy for the rest of my life for and still, it wouldn't help me as much as common human interaction. They just suggest that if I ever get into a relationship I restart my psyche appointments," Cloud admitted, though he looked uncomfortable to have to talk about his mental state with 'The General'.

"So you're basically muddling through on your own?" Sephiroth asked. Cloud nodded, fiddling with the stirrer he'd got with his coffee.

"I guess that makes two of us then," Sephiroth said. Cloud blinked, surprised, and then smiled sweetly, glancing at his watch. His eyes widened and he stood up quickly.

"Ah! I have to go. I've got something in the slow cooker and it's going to be destroyed if I leave it much longer," he said. Sephiroth nodded, wondering exactly how to say goodbye. He felt incredibly sad all of a sudden and he looked up into Cloud's face to try and see if the other felt the same.

"I'll see you next week," Cloud said, his smile still in place. Sephiroth nodded slowly and the blond left the coffee shop without a backward glance.

_Just me then…

* * *

_

"Professor," Sephiroth greeted his father. Hojo looked up from what he was doing and gave Sephiroth an assessing look.

"You're not injured?" he demanded. Sephiroth shook his head. The scientist looked back at his work.

"Unless something is about to drop off, I don't want you taking up my time and lab space," Hojo said, poking something in a petri dish. Sephiroth unstuck his tongue from the roof of his mouth, gathering up his courage to actually address his father about something... unscientific.

"I've been having weird feelings lately," he said. Hojo glanced up, an assessing look on his face.

"What kind?" he demanded. Sephiroth felt the need to tread carefully.

"In relation to other people. I'm starting to... to feel emotions I had only heard about," Sephiroth wasn't sure how to explain it. Things like affection and empathy he understood on an academic level, but he very rarely felt them and when he did, he always had to wonder if he was identifying them correctly.

"Are you feeling a desire to be close to any of my research specimens?" Hojo asked, sounding eager. Sephiroth supressed a shiver at the thought of feeling anything for the twisted beings kept in Shinra's basement.

"No. Just-" he knew he had to lie. "Just fellow SOLDIERs. I think it's comraderie? Is that what they call it?" Sephiroth asked. Hojo began to grin but he turned back to his dishes.

"It's perfectly normal," Hojo said. "Don't worry about it at all. It's just... a side-effect of some of the things I have to put into the mako injections for the Firsts. That's all."

Sephiroth left feeling none the wiser about his feelings. Speaking to Hojo had just made one thing very clear to him: what he was feeling for Cloud couldn't be defined by biology or science. He'd actually have to examine his own thoughts to find the answer.

* * *

Coffee became synonymous with Cloud in Sephiroth's mind and by the next week he was already anticipating their next meeting. He wasn't quite sure what it was that made him feel vaguely inebriated around the blond, but after asking Hojo and being told that it was nothing that he should be concerning himself with, Sephiroth had decided not to worry about it too much.

Although sometimes he did ponder why he thought about the blond cadet quite as much as he did.

Perhaps it was just their shared past? Sephiroth could easily put it down to that, he supposed. He knew all the things that the man had suffered to still be fairly normal. Was it that resilience that Sephiroth admired? The hidden strength and vulnerability in those deep blue eyes? The way that the man moved gracefully like a warrior but no longer had the muscles to back up his catlike reflexes? Did he desire to protect and shelter and help Cloud grow?

Was it because Cloud was damaged and he felt some kind of responsibility?

Sephiroth gave the last one some thought. Did he feel guilty? Not really. Not enough to warrant this much feeling. He felt a little regretful, that things had worked out the way they had, but then he realized that he would probably never have been aware of Cloud's existence if he hadn't been involved in that incident…

"Er… Sir? We… Um…"

Sephiroth snapped back to his meeting, looking at the man who was speaking to him with a completely blank expression.

"Do you want me to explain again, sir?" the lieutenant asked. Sephiroth nodded slowly, rubbing his temples to try to dispel the thoughts of a curious little blond.

* * *

"Haven't you heard?" Reno asked, elbowing Zack in the side. Zack shook his head. He didn't really keep up with the Shinra gossip anymore as he couldn't laugh it off with Sephiroth or Angeal anymore.

"I heard that the General's got a little thing going. Apparently every Wednesday he disappears into the Slums and comes back walkin' on air," Reno explained. Zack shrugged. He didn't care about Sephiroth's rendezvous and he was pretty sure it wasn't what Reno was thinking anyway.

"I know what you're thinking! Regular meetings don't mean anything, right? Well, a bunch of us are following him this coming Wednesday. You up for it?" he asked. Zack just shrugged which Reno took for a yes. He supposed if nothing else, it would satisfy Zack's guilty conscience at ignoring his friend if Sephiroth had found someone to replace him.

He listened to the rest of Reno's jabber with half an ear, trying to imagine what Sephiroth's mystery lover boy might look like.

* * *

Sephiroth was nervous. He'd been meeting with Cloud for two months, and during that time he'd got to know the man quite well. They had talked about a lot of things. Sephiroth had spoken about his childhood, his friendship with Zack, the stresses of being a General. And Cloud… Cloud had told him about being _normal_, and that was enough for Sephiroth to realize that Cloud was his Aeris, that Cloud comforted him in the same way that Zack described Aeris doing for him.

This time he was going to ask Cloud out. If he was turned down, that would be fine and if Cloud misunderstood, then perhaps that was even better. But if Cloud had enjoyed their meetings as much as he had. Then perhaps…?

He shook his head. It would be foolish and Zacklike to get his hopes up too soon. He would wait and see what kind of mood Cloud was in first. His distraction was evident when the person behind the counter of the coffee shop had to wave at him to get his attention to order his drink.

Cloud wasn't there yet. He was late. It wasn't unusual for the blond to be a bit late, but when Sephiroth looked at his watch he realized it had been almost an hour. It was perpetually dark outside, so it wasn't like Sephiroth could tell, but he knew from the time that the sun was setting.

He finished his coffee and sat there with his empty cup thoughtfully. Why had Cloud not showed? Was it simply that something had waylaid him? Perhaps there was something unavoidable that had come up and he'd had no time to drop by and tell Sephiroth that he couldn't meet him today? Perhaps something horrible had happened and Cloud was laying in hospital with every bone in his body broken?

Sephiroth's cup shattered in his hand. He stared at the shattered bits of porcelain and offered to pay for the damage to the waitress who came to clean it up. She just laughed nervously and continued on her way.

He carried on waiting. He glanced at his watch. It was nine. He had been stood up then, he realized grimly. The coffee shop was closing. The chairs were being put on the tables. Only one other group of customers remained. It appeared to be a bunch of slum kids with their hoods up. In his current frame of mind, he didn't care that much about them.

He stood, deciding that he would find the nearest bar and get completely rat-faced. It took a lot for him to do that, and he'd probably have to empty the top shelf before he was even tipsy, but he had the money and, it seemed, the time.

He opened the door and immediately someone ran into him.

"Ah! Gaia! You waited!" Sephiroth looked down into bright blue eyes that were staring at him in complete adoration. He felt arms wrap around his waist before he was quickly let go off.

"I'm so, so sorry! I was asked to go to Kalm to oversee the installation of a particularly elaborate piece of equipment. The PHS signal out there sucks and even if I had signal, you never gave me your number. I rushed here straight from the train station because… well… I thought that there might be the chance, you know?" Cloud was babbling, holding himself awkwardly. Sephiroth heard the door close behind him.

"Do you want to go to dinner somewhere with me?" he asked. Cloud looked up at him as though he were an angel who had offered him the meaning of life on a platter.

"Yes," the blond breathed and Sephiroth found himself smiling.

"The only places that are open now around here are fast food outlets though," Cloud told him. Sephiroth shrugged.

"I eat worse at the cafeteria every day," he replied. Cloud laughed a little nervously and they began to walk away from the coffee shop.

"Chicken or burgers?" Cloud asked. Sephiroth thought for a moment. He had never eaten fast food before and so he didn't know much about either kind of food. He supposed that the chicken would be the kind that was sometimes served at Shinra, with a weird spicy skin and all the bones left in it.

"Burgers," Sephiroth said decisively. Cloud grinned.

"Good choice. I hate chicken," he replied. "Particularly the chicken from the takeout around here. It tastes like breaded cardboard…" He began to detail all the things wrong with Midgar's chicken and Sephiroth listened, as enraptured by this as everything else that Cloud told him.

There had been a world that he had been missing completely, he realized. All those years dealing with war and murder and enforcement and he'd never really seen what _life_ was all about. Cloud, damaged as he was, could still seem to find that life all around him, even if he didn't enjoy it with as much abandon as he had before.

"Here we are. What do you want?" Cloud asked. Sephiroth looked up at the store dubiously. It had a large red sign with "Mildred's Burgers" written in white on it. Sephiroth saw there were pictures of a middle-aged woman all over the place, flipping burgers and promoting special offers. The current one was that you could have double the meat for an extra 2 Gil…

"I'll have whatever you're having," Sephiroth replied, not really sure what he was agreeing to eat. Cloud just grinned and opened the door. The smell of grease was so strong to his mako-enhanced sense of smell that he nearly had to cover his nose to prevent himself from reeling back. He managed it though, sitting himself on a plush bench and waiting patiently as Cloud ordered their food in what seemed like another language.

"I'll have two of Mil's Specials, doubled up with extra onion rings and two… no, three portions of crispy wedges… Oh yeah, and don't scrimp on the mayo this time!" Cloud ordered, doing his best to look imposing even though the spotty teenager on the other side of the counter was taller than he was.

Sephiroth waited while Cloud gathered together their order and watched as the man brought it over to him. "We should find somewhere to eat it… Um… My place is nearby…?"

Sephiroth nodded slowly and stood up, carrying his paper bag of grease. He followed Cloud to his apartment with something akin to anticipation curling in his gut.

* * *

"Did you see who it was?" Reno asked, looking around eagerly. Zack had his back to the door and hadn't seen anyone come up to Sephiroth. Rude shook his head as well, and Zack was sure that the man had seen something but was determined not to feed Reno ammunition to shoot himself in the foot with. Cissnei however, nodded.

"A blond," she confirmed. "Cute, spritely looking. I haven't seen him before, but then, I don't go round the Slums looking for jailbait."

"That young huh?" Zack asked. Cissnei nodded a little uncertainly.

"I hope our General knows what he's doing. The kid was probably sixteenish… I mean, as far as jailbait goes he's on the older scale, but still…" Cissnei trailed off. They all looked at each other.

"Did you see where they went?" Zack asked, the strange urge to save Sephiroth from the inevitable fall from grace. Cissnei shook her head.

"They seemed to just walk away… The windows are pretty steamed up you know," she said. Zack groaned and leaned back on his chair.

"How're we meant to stop him getting arrested then? What if it's some sick fuck videoing it and then selling it to the media?" Zack asked. Reno and the rest looked a little chastised. It was their job after all, to manage the company's little… mishaps. Lord knew that Rufus had enough of them.

"We'll follow him next week and get the kid for sure," Reno said and Zack was far from reassured. He was certain that next time Sephiroth wouldn't be so spacey so as not to notice a lot of people in hoods following him around Midgar.

"I wonder who that kid is…?" he mused, ignoring the waitress' pointed cough that it was time for them to _leave_ now.

_Blond jailbait, hm? Guess I did guess his type all those months ago…_

_

* * *

  
_

**List of Edits**

_Stylistic, grammar, continuity, typos etc._

_Chapter title changed._

_Addition to Sephiroth's POV regarding Shinra's motives for sending Cloud to the Asylum.  
_

_Addition of Crisis Core events in Zack's POV_

_Additional scene: Sephiroth and Hojo._**  
**


	4. Thanks to Reno

**Title: **A Twisted Kind of Honour  
**Rating: **NC-17  
**Pairing**: Sephiroth/Cloud, Zack/Aerith (some S/C/Z)  
**Genre**: Hurt/Comfort  
**Warning**: BRITISH SPELLING! Allusions to rape but nothing else. Kissing between boys.  
**Chapter**: 4/21  
**Comments**: The last chapter set up the premise of how the two got to know each other. This chapter elaborates on Cloud's point of view (as I realize that has been neglected I the previous chapter) as well as bringing together the events of the beginning and the last chapter. Thank you for your reviews so far ^^

* * *

**Chapter Four:**

**Thanks to Reno**

Cloud watched as Sephiroth bit into the burger. The man's eyes actually _crossed_ while he took in the flavor. Cloud had to pretend to drink from his glass to hide his smile. They were in his house, sat on the floor next to his coffee table, eating burgers. _Like it was normal_.

"Well?" he asked after a moment. Sephiroth seemed to be processing the taste still and Cloud waited patiently. He knew that the General sometimes had trouble with things like this…

"It tastes better than the rat we were eating in the Wutai War," Sephiroth said flatly. Cloud couldn't help but laugh then.

"Did you really eat rats? I always thought that Zack was exaggerating," he said. Sephiroth nodded, taking another bite out of his burger.

"They taste like chicken," he said causing Cloud to laugh again. He watched Sephiroth eat for a moment longer before realizing what he was doing and looking for something else to stare at.

A year ago he'd have thought he was dreaming in this situation. To a kid with a crush on the General a mile wide, the idea of eating burgers with him and drinking coffee was the stuff dreams were made of. But now, even though Cloud did get those excited nervous butterflies near Sephiroth, it wasn't the same.

He could remember hands against his skin that touched him in ways that they should not have. He could barely stand to touch himself now, and couldn't let anyone embrace him or touch him without a chance to mentally prepare himself. Appointments with the doctor were avoided like the plague and he'd learned to travel everywhere early or late so as to avoid being jostled in the crowd.

The Cloud who had been hopelessly in love with the General had died back in Gongaga, and though his childish feelings remained, Cloud buried them deep inside himself. Even if Sephiroth reciprocated, which was unlikely, it still would do them absolutely no good. He was marked, permanently. He could never be happy, not in that way, as he was sure that whatever partner he had would never understand. And Cloud wished more than anything he could explain it, explain what he needed to heal.

But no one would want to give him that.

No one would understand that Cloud couldn't be cradled gently or made love to. They wouldn't understand that the memories needed to be overridden, the experiences replayed and then wiped clean… No one could understand the flashbacks that froze him to the spot, or how he would sometimes stare at the walls in his apartment waiting for some monster in human form to come out of the darkness and begin the torture all over again…

He jumped when Sephiroth reached across the table to pick up his drink. Sephiroth raised an eyebrow, as if to ask if he was that frightening. Cloud just laughed nervously. Later he would look back at the incident and wonder if he had _giggled._

Cloud tried to hide his reaction behind his burger as he took another bite, now watching Sephiroth warily. If the man tried anything weird on him… Wait, what was he _thinking_?! The General had been completely open with him, and had been also completely asexual, which was exactly what Cloud wanted.

Sure, he could handle some of the girls in Midgar Electricals hitting on him but as soon as it got serious he'd freak out and usually end up offending one of them. As such, there was a rather rapid turnover of female staff at the store. But if Sephiroth made a move… Just what could Cloud say? He could hardly tell Sephiroth his arse looked big in those leather pants because there was no way the man would be offended by something so trivial, probably just perplexed.

And he'd look like a madman because _everyone_ knew that Sephiroth's ass was goddamn near perfect.

Now he was blushing. Sephiroth had stopped eating and was watching him and Cloud realized he'd been having his inner debate under the watchful eye of the General. It was probably written all over his face.

"U-Um…" Cloud wondered what to say. It was strange. At the coffee shop he could talk about anything with the man, but here, he was uncomfortable. Which was ridiculous. He was in his own house after all. He shouldn't be feeling so on edge.

It wasn't like he was the General's _prey_ or anything.

"I think it's time for me to leave," Sephiroth said, obviously trying to be polite. Cloud found himself nodding reluctantly. He didn't want Sephiroth to go and knew he was being inhospitable, particularly as the man had waited so long for him at the coffee shop but…

"Cloud," Sephiroth called his attention back to the present and Cloud realized that Sephiroth had stood up and was waiting for Cloud to show him out. With a blush and a mumbled apology Cloud got to his feet and shuffled to the door, opening it.

"Next time, we'll eat in a public place," Sephiroth said. Cloud blinked at him, confused. Why on earth would the General want to see him again when… well… this meeting had been disastrous.

"Why?" Cloud found himself asking. Sephiroth just smiled a little and put his hands in his pockets. The gesture was oddly vulnerable and Cloud felt his heart beat harder in his chest.

"It makes you uncomfortable, having someone in your haven against the world. So we start smaller," the General explained. Cloud stared at him, wondering how the man had realized that was the core of the problem.

"When you weren't thinking about it, everything was fine, but you grew more and more skitish as time went on. I think it was because we don't know each other well enough yet," Sephiroth explained, his tone perfectly even and not showing even a tinge of betrayal. Cloud felt a weight he hadn't known was on him lifting away.

"Thank you… for understanding…" he choked out. Sephiroth smiled and leaned forward. Cloud felt himself rooted to the spot as the General moved closer. His throat tightened. Why would a man be coming towards him like this? Why would someone approach him so slowly? Why was Sephiroth smiling like that? Was he going to hurt him? Had this made Sephiroth remember that Cloud wasn't worthy, wasn't the strong cadet but a weak, hopeless-

The kiss was gentle and pressed against the top of his head. He heard Sephiroth breath in the scent of his hair and then the man stepped away. His hands were still in his pockets, safely out of the way. Cloud just stared at the man.

"My intentions aren't entirely honourable, but I do want to help you," Sephiroth said in a low voice that Cloud barely didn't recognize as the General's. He unfroze then and darted back inside his apartment, slamming the door in Sephiroth's face.

He leaned back against the door, expecting any minute for Sephiroth to burst through it and begin to demand things from him. Sexual things. Things that made Cloud try to breathe deeply to prevent the bile from rising in his throat.

But there was not even a tap on the door and when Cloud got the courage to look through the peephole, Sephiroth had gone.

Cloud double-locked and bolted the door just in case.

* * *

The next week Cloud dragged his feet as he walked to the coffee shop. Part of him dreaded going in and Sephiroth not being there, part of him dreaded going in and Sephiroth _being_ there. Caught between the two warring sides, he paused at the door, peeking inside to see if Sephiroth was there.

And he was. At the table in the window where they always sat. His chin was resting on his hand, his eyes glassy as he stared out onto the street with unseeing eyes. Cloud knew that it would still be impossible to creep up on the man, but he didn't look like he was paying attention to anything at that moment.

He had turned up. After Cloud had freaked out and slammed a door in his face. He had still turned up. Cloud's palms began to sweat.

He pushed open the door and immediately felt the weight of the green gaze across the café. He didn't look at the General and walked to the counter, ordering his latte. He took the offered cup and turned around, ducking his head so he wouldn't have to meet Sephiroth's eyes.

_Weak. You weak fucking _pussy _that you can't even _look _at him! You should at least meet his eyes if you're going to do things like that to him! It was only a kiss to the top of your head you _moron _so get on with it. Tell him that you don't want to see him anymore, or that you do but you don't or whatever nonsense you're going to spout and _GET ON WITH IT.

Sometimes Cloud thought that his inner voice sounded a lot like his mother.

He moved in the general direction of Sephiroth. Before he got there though, the General stood up and walked straight past him without even looking at him. Cloud's eyes widened and his grip on his mug tightened. He turned so quickly he slopped some of the coffee over his hand. Sephiroth was walking out of the door.

Cloud quickly put the latte down and dashed outside. Sephiroth was already at the other end of the street and Cloud knew he wouldn't be able to catch up. His legs were long for his height, but he wasn't exactly as tall as the General. And besides, Sephiroth obviously didn't want to talk to him…

_Stop making excuses wimp and start running_.

Cloud did. As he ran be began to realize how far he'd let himself go since he'd been forced out of the army. He was out of breath quite badly by the end of the block. He saw a silver sliver heading up the main road towards the Shinra Building and knew that was Sephiroth. How he'd gone so far so fast Cloud could only guess.

_Mako_… _It must defy the laws of _physics _or something…_

He ran. His feet hit the pavement hard. He didn't know what he was going to say when he caught up to Sephiroth. Didn't know what to say to make it right, to get his friend back, but he had to try. And Sephiroth had turned up to the café, right? He hadn't given up completely…

"Sephiroth!" Cloud called. The man was feigning deafness, Cloud knew he was, as most of the people around the General turned around to see who was calling the man so disrespectfully.

Sephiroth entered the Shinra Building without looking back.

Cloud cursed and began to climb the steps to the main entrance. Once he got to the doors he found his way blocked by security guards set up outside the door.

"We need Shinra ID or for you to provide photo ID and to sign the visitor's book," the guard said stubbornly. Cloud pointed in vain inside, breathlessly mouthing 'Sephiroth'. The security guard put a firm arm on his arm though and dragged him to one side.

Cloud immediately froze up, shrugging the man off.

"I'm here to see the General. I don't care if you have to drag his ass out here because of security," Cloud growled, fishing around in his pocket for some form of ID. All he had was his employee discount card and strangely enough that didn't satisfy the guard at the gate.

"Look. Can't you just… radio in or something?" Cloud asked. The security card just smirked at him.

"Oh of course I can. 'Hello General Sephiroth sir, there's a terrorist at the gates for you. Says he needs to speak to you urgent sir'," the guard put on a high pitched voice that Cloud assumed was supposed to be a parody of Cloud's own. The blond folded his arms.

"Fine. I'll wait out on the steps until he comes out," he reasoned. The guard just shrugged and went back to his post.

Cloud sat down on the steps, his arms hugging his knees as he looked down on the plaza leading to the Plate. It wasn't exactly ugly. Dark, yes, but clean. It was probably the only part of the Slums that was. He wriggled his toes as he contemplated how to sneak past the guards.

"It isn't wise to hang around here to long, yo."

Cloud glanced up. He recognized the suit immediately. A Turk. The man had long red hair and weird tattoos on his cheekbones. A devil-may-care smile on his face. He was handsome but in a way that said that you would get burnt badly if you even _tried_ to touch him.

"They won't let me in so I'm waiting," Cloud replied. The Turk shrugged and sat down next to him. He lit up a cigarette, offering one to Cloud who refused. He lit one up and let the smoke swirl into the air above their heads. Cloud wrinkled his nose.

"Name's Reno," the Turk said, putting the cigarette in his mouth to free up his hand to shake Cloud's. The blond took it.

"Cloud," he replied. Reno didn't seem to recognize the name, so Cloud guessed that the Turks had never really been that interested in his case. Besides, that had been six months ago. A lot probably happened to a Turk in that time.

"You waiting for anyone in particular? Cuz if it's the President I'm meant to throw myself into the line of fire, y'know?" Reno said, taking another drag of his cigarette. He sounded vaguely embittered and Cloud wondered, not for the last time, what a Turk's job entailed exactly.

"If it's the VP, well… I'd let that bastard take the bullet just so long as you make it non-fatal. He's cute when he's in pain but a complete sadist when he's back to full-health," Reno's grin turned cheeky and Cloud felt his cheeks heat. Wow. The Vice-President played for the other team? Then again, when Cloud thought about the man's pretty boy image and the way he was always immaculately dressed, it made a certain amount of sense.

"I'm waiting for a friend. We had a fight and he stormed in there. They won't let me follow him inside," Cloud explained, not saying who his 'friend' was in case it ignited Reno's suspicions. The Turk raised an eyebrow.

"'Friend'?" he asked. Cloud nodded, not quite understanding what the Turk was talking about.

"Follow my lead, kid," Reno said, grabbing Cloud by the back of the neck and yanking him to his feet. Cloud forced the fear away. Seriously, Reno wasn't going to do anything to him on the steps of the Shinra Building. No, that was reserved for dark alleys or broom closets or… He shivered and closed his eyes, concentrating on breathing.

A moment later he was inside the Shinra Building and standing freely in the lobby. Reno was waving a hand in front of his face.

"You okay, buddy? You, like, nearly passed out. I mean, if it was acting, you were fucking _great_ you know, but…" Reno looked genuinely concerned and Cloud rubbed his neck where Reno's hand had been and then shook himself.

"I'm fine. I just didn't expect to get hauled in here by my neck… What… did you tell the guard?" Cloud had been aware of talking, but he hadn't known what had been said.

"Oh, I just told him you were being brought in for interrogation," Reno said, shrugging. Cloud stared at him.

"That won't go on my record, will it?" Cloud asked. Reno just laughed.

"Do I look like the kind of guy who writes up his paperwork?" he asked, gesturing to his slightly dirty suit and then stubbing his cigarette out on the pristine lobby floor. Cloud shook his head, smiling at Reno in a kind of grudging friendship.

"Now if I hear you've blown the Pres to smithereens I'll kill you myself, you hear?" Reno threatened and Cloud didn't doubt him. He didn't care either though. He offered his hand to Reno, who took it and gave it a firm squeeze.

"Thanks," Cloud said. Reno just chuckled.

"Yeah, well, Sometimes I'm nice like that."

* * *

Cloud had wandered around after that. He knew his way around Shinra vaguely, but he had no idea where Sephiroth had gone. His secretary had regarded Cloud suspiciously and said she hadn't seen the General since he had left almost an hour and a half before.

That left him with a few other places to check. One of them was Floor 49, a place he didn't have access to now he didn't have a military ID card, and the other was Hojo's labs, not somewhere he particularly wanted to go voluntarily.

So that left him milling vaguely around public areas like the cafeteria, the ground floor lobby and the various museum-esque rooms that displayed the 'wonder' of Shinra's creations. Cloud had actually enjoyed looking at the Space Exploration Exhibit, enough that it distracted him for a few moments at least.

Eventually Cloud realized that there was no way he was going to find the General without asking someone if they'd seen him. He got into the elevator with a sigh and he pressed the button for the ground floor. He sighed a little when the lift stopped on the floor above.

"Ah," Cloud stared at the man who was stood in front of the opened doors. Sephiroth stared back, looking equally shell-shocked. The doors began to close and as one they both dived for the doors to keep them open. It was only Sephiroth's quick reflexes that saved them from colliding.

Instead Cloud ended up stood half-in, half-out of the elevator, his back pressed up against the frame and Sephiroth's hand pressed against the wall beside his head. The General's hair swished past his shoulders and brushed against Cloud's bare arms. He had never noticed how truly long it was until that moment.

"I called but you didn't listen," Cloud said, finding a way to speak past the block in his throat. Sephiroth was so close to him, there was no where to run. Cloud wondered why he wasn't panicking like he had done the day he managed to pep talk himself into wanting this?

Sephiroth's hair smelled strangely medicinal, like he used lye soap or something to wash his hair. It was practical, Cloud realized, but the scent still caused Cloud to want to touch it, wrap himself in it, indulge himself. Sephiroth wasn't moving away either, his hair hanging like a curtain blocking an outside's view of his face as he looked down at the blond.

"I wanted to give you more time. When I saw you in the coffee shop I realized you weren't ready to see me yet," he said. Cloud felt something warm in his chest when Sephiroth explained himself. The man had been looking out for him?

"I've got plenty of courage, General. You shouldn't doubt me so much," Cloud said, looking up at Sephiroth and meeting his eyes. The General looked surprised to see Cloud acting this way. Perhaps he'd been expecting the skittish blond of the week before but Cloud had realized something while wandering around Shinra's halls.

He could pretend that relationships didn't interest him, that he wanted to be alone for the rest of his life, but the fact was that he had gone to the coffee shop, chased after Sephiroth and then wandered around like a lovestruck girl trying to find him. He could lie to himself and say that being the focus of the General's affection wasn't flattering and appreciated but would it really make him happy?

"About what I mentioned at your house… You should forget it," Sephiroth said, finally stepping back. Cloud's senses cleared a little and he realized that the lift was beeping at them incessantly for blocking the doors for so long. As soon as they moved inside the lift it began to move to the floor below.

"I don't want to," Cloud said suddenly. Sephiroth raised an eyebrow and at that moment the door to the lift opened on the ground floor. A few staff stood there, waiting for them to get out. Sephiroth looked at them and then reached for the door close button, holding it so the lift doors wouldn't open until their finished their talk. Cloud found himself smiling at the gesture.

"What do you mean, Cloud?" Sephiroth asked, and Cloud supposed that the man looked nervous.

"I'm not going to be good at this," Cloud explained, leaning back against the wall and resting his palms flat against the metal surface. "I'm not going to be the perfect lover. Hell, I probably won't be able to stand you _holding_ me for weeks but if I ever want to be back to the way I used to be then I have to acknowledge that the me before had a crush on you a mile wide and it hasn't gone away."

He knew his cheeks were colouring but the look on Sephiroth's face, an expression of almost wonder, was enough for him to keep going, to say what he had to say.

"So even though I'll be a rubbish boyfriend and it probably won't work out. I'll accept your 'not exactly honourable' feelings and see where they take us," he said quietly. Sephiroth's finger on the button of the lift slipped and the doors opened again. Cloud chuckled when the lift filled with people and pressed himself against the wall to stop them from brushing up against him too much.

He needn't have worried too much because Sephiroth was already cutting a path to the door for him and holding the door for him to get out.

"I owe you coffee," the General muttered, looking a little starstruck. Cloud chuckled and offered the General a smile.

"That you do," he replied, moving with a little more spirit in his step as he resisted the urge to slide down the banisters of Shinra HQ's lobby.

He did give the guard on the gate the hugest grin of his life though when the man's eyes nearly popped out at seeing Cloud having the door held open for him by the General Sephiroth himself.

* * *

"How much do you love me Reno?" Cissnei asked, sitting on the cafeteria table in front of the red head and flicking her hair over her shoulder. Reno looked up at her. Usually this meant she had something he wanted, which was at the moment any number of things from naked pictures of Rufus to the brand of shampoo that Sephiroth used to offering to take his night shift off him in exchange for some other favour.

"I love you plenty, doll. What is it?" he asked. Beside him Zack looked up, vaguely interested in what was happening. The SOLDIER had just got back from a mission and was poking his cafeteria rations around his plate like they were poisoned. Apparently a week of eating in restaurants at the company's expense had left the man with little taste for the standard fare.

"I just so happen to have video footage of the General and his little piece of jailbait getting together in the lift of all places," Cissnei said, holding up a disc tantalizingly in front of Reno's face. The red head stared at it for a moment before beginning to cackle.

"No, seriously? Shinra lifts at that? Gotta admit the General's style and all that but surely he isn't stupid enough to get his nob out in the lifts? I mean, maybe I'll finally be able to win my bet on how big it is. I still reckon it's gotta be under eleven inches to be in proportion..." Reno trailed off noticing that Zack was turning bright pink.

"What's the matter Fair?" Reno teased. "Not used to hearing of Sephiroth referred to by his wedding tackle?" Cissnei made an impatient noise.

"Footage in exchange for taking my shift next Thursday," she said, tapping Reno on the nose with the disc to get his attention.

"Sure. What's the run-down?" he asked, knowing that he would actually have to know what was happening in order to do his job decently. Cissnei would skin him alive if he screwed up on a swapped shift.

"You've got to find out what Elfé's up to at the Honey Bee," Cissnei said in a sing-song voice. Reno sighed but nodded, holding out his hand. Cissnei deposited the CD into it.

"Happy watching. If you end up fapping to it please use the smaller vid room. When I gave you that Rufus tape it was almost embarrassing the amount of times we caught you," Cissnei said, causing Zack to spurt water out of his _nose_. Reno regarded him with mock disgust for a moment before holding up the CD.

"Well, you wanna watch?" he asked. Zack looked torn for a moment.

"Can I just say I'm only watching this because my bet was on it being twelve inches?" Zack asked hopefully. Reno snorted and stood up.

"Sure. Whatever makes you feel less guilty," he replied.

* * *

Zack stared at the screen in a state of shock. Reno was bitching that Cissnei had tricked him and ejected the DVD from the player.

"Stupid vanilla bullshit. General's not even nailing the kid…" he grumbled, putting the disc back inside the case. "Wouldn't even be able to sell this crap to a gossip mag for enough money to make it worth losin' my job. Can't believe I helped the kid get in here though…"

Zack zoned out the ranting and instead focused on what he had seen. Cloud. Sephiroth. Together.

That just didn't work.

Cloud had _accepted_ Sephiroth's feelings, which meant that the General had confessed at some other time. Which meant that Cloud was Sephiroth's cute little jailbait coffee buddy and they were an _item_.

Cloud didn't blame Sephiroth for being put in the asylum… And Sephiroth was… was…

Would they sleep with each other? No, Cloud had said… But…

Zack was pretty sure he brain was about to leak out of his ears.

"Reno. This stays between us. I technically outrank you and it's an order, you understand?" Zack asked. He hated to pull rank, but this was important. "That boy on the screen… He's the cadet that went missing in Gongaga. You remember?"

The red head thought about it and then green eyes lit up with some kind of knowledge. "You mean the one that went through all that torture and stuff?"

Zack nodded slowly. "Yeah, that's Spike. I don't know how he and Seph managed to meet again but… If he's happy I don't wanna interfere, okay?" He made sure that he looked stern, his mako blue eyes glowing protectively.

Reno looked at him for a long moment then sighed. "Sure thing, Fair. Just make sure you remember that you owe me _all_ the gossip after you talk to the General about this."

Zack nodded, taking the disc from Reno and smashing it under his boot heel. "Reno, you'll be able to hear my conversation with the General from _Cosmo Canyon_. I promise you."

* * *

**Edits:**

_General editting of grammar, style, consistancy, ellipsis, spelling_


	5. Zack's Sorrow

**Title: **A Twisted Kind of Honour  
**Rating: **NC-17  
**Pairing**: Sephiroth/Cloud, Zack/Aerith (some S/C/Z)  
**Genre**: Hurt/Comfort  
**Warning**: BRITISH SPELLING! Allusions to rape but nothing else. Kissing between boys.  
**Chapter**: 5/21  
**Comments**: This chapter includes Zack scolding Sephiroth, Sephiroth getting confused and Cloud panicking. Also Zack/Aerith although why I'm warning for canon het I'm not sure. I'm also changing Nomura-canon here. He has said that Aerith loved Cloud more than she ever loved Zack, but for obvious reasons, this isn't going to hold true in this fic. The chapter also explains the slight changes I've made to the canon leading up to this event in regards to Crisis Core i.e. what Zack's been doing for the last six months. Sometimes I've used JP translations of what people say as it fits better than the English dub (some of Lazard's lines for example).

* * *

**Chapter Five:**

**Zack's Sorrow**

Zack paused outside the door to Sephiroth's office. He _knew_ he was in the right. Sephiroth should not be taking advantage of Cloud when he was still vulnerable from the Gongaga Incident. Sephiroth could barely function as a human being on his own, without being entangled in a complex relationship as well.

He knocked, no longer feeling he had the right to just open the door. There was silence and Zack began to wonder if perhaps Sephiroth wasn't there. He knocked again. This time he heard a sigh.

"Enter if it's that important," he heard Sephiroth's cultured voice call through the door. He opened the door and stepped into the office.

He was surprised that he didn't find Sephiroth behind his desk but instead laid out on the couch that was sometimes used for meetings. The man's feet hung over the edge and his eyes were closed.

Zack realized that Sephiroth had been _resting_ and that was _weird_. He pulled up short.

"Yes Lieutenant?" Sephiroth asked, his voice perfectly measured. Zack put his hands in his pockets. He kind of wished there was a desk between him and Sephiroth at the moment. He would feel safer raging at the man with a barrier between them.

"You're seeing Cloud," Zack said after a moment. One of Sephiroth's eyes opened, regarding Zack carefully.

"And that concerns you how?" Sephiroth asked. Zack guessed it was a small mercy that Sephiroth wasn't denying it.

"It's not that! It's that you shouldn't be playing with the kid! He's been through so much because of Shinra and the military! You sent him to the Asylum!" Zack felt unnerved by how calm Sephiroth was being about this and ended up saying something he hadn't meant to. He clenched his hands into fists at his sides to stop himself from gesturing too enthusiastically as he spoke.

"Cloud can't possibly be ready for a relationship yet! It's only been six months since he was rescued! What did you do, steal him out of the mental ward?" Zack couldn't help but throw his arms up at that. Sephiroth's eyes followed the movement almost lazily.

"If you must know I met Cloud completely by accident below the Plate. There was nothing sinister about it at all. Everything else that happened grew naturally from our encounter," Sephiroth's voice would have frozen most men to the spot. Zack however knew his friend's defense mechanisms, knew that he'd found a sore spot for Sephiroth.

"Yeah but you know it's wrong! You know that Cloud shouldn't be-"

"Shouldn't be happy Zack? Should remain untouched for the rest of his life as damaged goods? Should be in a nice normal relationship with someone who doesn't know what he's been through?" Sephiroth asked, sitting up. Zack took a step backwards, aware that Masamune was leaning against the wall and that Sephiroth would be able to reach it before he could reach the door.

"It's not that he shouldn't be happy! Of course not! It's just… Him and _you_! It's not good for him," Zack insisted stubbornly. Sephiroth swung his legs around and rose to his feet. His hair was a little mussed from where he'd been sleeping.

"If you must interfere, Zack, then-"

"General, sir, there's a call for you on line one," the secretary poked her head through the door. She was a rather tactless and blunt woman, but she got her job done so Zack had liked her quite a bit. At the moment he just wished she'd disappear.

Sephiroth walked over to his phone, picking it up and pressing the button to answer the call. Zack watched as the General stood in silence for a few moments before everything about him seemed to soften. Sephiroth's eyes, the line of his mouth, even the colour of his skin seemed to somehow melt into something more relaxed.

"I didn't expect you to call me at work," Sephiroth said and Zack realized that it was _Cloud_ on the other end of the phone.

"What?" Sephiroth's voice suddenly took on a sharp tone and Zack growled low in his throat. Didn't Sephiroth understand that you had to be gentle with people like Cloud?

"You're sure…?" Sephiroth's voice softened again and Zack wondered what Cloud was saying on the other end of the phone. He shifted from foot to foot wondering if he could get hold of the phone and talk to Cloud.

"Cloud. Stay where you are okay? I'm going to send someone to fetch you and bring you here. You said you knew the Turk, Reno, right? I'm going to send him to pick you up," Sephiroth looked at the clock and Zack wondered what was going on. Sephiroth's face had drawn tight and he looked like he was going to destroy something. Or _someone_.

"I'll see you in less than five minutes. I'll send the company chopper if I have to," Sephiroth promised before hanging up. Before Zack could ask anything Sephiroth was already barking orders down the phone to Reno.

"I know that you know Cloud Strife, Reno. I need you to collect him from Midgar Electricals in Sector 1. Don't touch him at all, just stay close to him. Bring him straight to my office," Sephiroth ordered. Zack could hear Reno's loud grumbling and colourful language on the other end of the line but Sephiroth seemed to be happy that he was going to do it as he hung up.

"I have no time for you, Lieutenant Fair," Sephiroth said, moving around his desk to the window that looked out over the Slums. Zack regarded Sephiroth's back.

"Something's happened to Cloud?" he asked. Sephiroth's hand rested on the glass.

"He apparently lost one of his gloves. It caused him to have a panic attack and his manager is sending him home. He didn't have anyone to call to pick him up other than me and he left his phone at home so he had to go through the directory and then the Shinra operators boards to get to my number. He was pretty frantic again by that point," Sephiroth's glowing eyes were reflected in the glass and Zack shivered when he saw the inhuman annoyance in them. Was the man annoyed at Cloud? For doing all that?

"Sephiroth…?" Zack stepped forward. Sephiroth spun around, fixing Zack with the full weight of his stare.

"I would never hurt him, Zack," Sephiroth's voice was firm and full of a sincerity that Zack had thought the man incapable of.

"You would never hurt him _on purpose_," Zack conceded. "But you're not exactly the world's most subtle person. What if you hurt him by accident?" He folded his arms, looking away from Sephiroth for a moment. "You're too different!"

"It isn't for you to decide," Sephiroth pointed out. "Cloud decided on this for himself. If that's what he wants, who are you to say that it shouldn't happen. You accuse me of being unable to make him happy but you have no idea what _would_ make him happy. You don't know the Cloud Strife that is a civilian who lives in Sector 1, Lieutenant, you just remember a fifteen year old cadet." Sephiroth leaned against the window, his hand tapping against the glass either in impatience or irritation.

Zack realized the problem then. He could see his friends in their own individual states. He could imagine Cloud laughing and on a date, but not _with someone_. And Sephiroth he just couldn't see with _anyone_. There was something wrong, deeply wrong, with the idea of those two people being together… But Zack also knew that he only thought that because he had no idea how they'd met, what they had in common, how their personalities meshed…

"I want to stay here for when Cloud gets here," Zack said stubbornly. Sephiroth just shrugged and continued to tap his fingers against the glass.

_Since when did Seph become so human?_

"Fucking little cunt! Get back here! Ya can't just-"

The door banged open and Sephiroth was moving, faster than even Zack could see. He watched as Sephiroth wrapped his arms around Cloud's frame and glared over the blond spikes at Reno who was looking like a sheep caught by a wolf. A sheep with a huge bruise forming on his cheek bone.

"I only offered him a hand off the back of the bike. Honest. He just ran off like he was possessed! He fucking _kicked me_ _in the face_… Sir…" Reno seemed to remember his manners at the last moment. Sephiroth's face was impassive.

"You're rather more flexible than your instructors gave you credit for," Sephiroth finally said and they all assumed he was talking to Cloud.

Cloud didn't reply though. One arm was wrapped tightly around Sephiroth's back, but the other was cradled between the two of them. Zack couldn't see it exactly, but he knew that one of Sephiroth's hands was holding it.

"You're dismissed Reno," Sephiroth said. The redhead nodded and backed out of the room. Zack stood there, shifting awkwardly from foot to foot. Cloud hadn't even acknowledged he was there.

"What happened?" Sephiroth's voice was gentle and warm in a way that Zack would have thought him incapable of.

"One- one of the girls… they thought it was- for fashion and they took one… It was just a joke… It wasn't meant to be…" Cloud's voice trailed off. His voice was trembling.

"I don't like looking at them," Cloud's voice was barely above a whisper. If it wasn't for the mako in his system Zack wouldn't have been able to hear anything at all.

Sephiroth meanwhile let go of Cloud for a moment and Zack watched as the man removed one of his gloves and held it out to Cloud. The blond looked at it and then smiled.

Zack finally saw Cloud, six months on. Thinner, older looking, with puffy red eyes and a downward turning mouth. And he saw that Cloud laugh because of _Sephiroth_.

"It's for the wrong hand, General," Cloud said, holding it up to show that the glove Sephiroth had given him wasn't for the same hand as the one he'd lost. Sephiroth immediately went to take the other glove off but Cloud stopped him.

"I have to learn to see them, don't I?" Cloud asked, holding out his injured hand in full view for the first time. Zack couldn't help it, he gasped and that drew Cloud's attention to him for the first time.

The blond hid his hand immediately, staring at Zack in mild panic. What Zack had already seen was enough though. A network of scarring that ran for about four inches along Cloud's wrist, some bite marks further into Cloud's palm and along his arm.

"Z-Zack!" Cloud exclaimed, backing away from Sephiroth as well. The General obviously didn't like this reaction and glared at Zack.

"H-Hi Spike…"

* * *

Cloud drew his hands against his chest trying to hide them. Sephiroth offered him a glove and he took it, sliding the warm leather onto his hand. The gloves were too big for his fingers and covered the scars easily. He then turned to Zack, his eyes narrowing.

"Just why are you here?" he asked, wondering if he could get away with putting his hands on his hips. He didn't, instead just standing there, regarding Zack carefully. The man had always been his friend, but then when he'd gone into the asylum… Zack must have been busy or something… that was it… It must be it.

"I believe he was defending your virtue," Sephiroth said dryly, moving to sit down on the couch and let the two of them sort it out for themselves. Cloud frowned a little.

"My virtue?" he repeated. Sephiroth raised an eyebrow to show that he didn't understand either.

"I just didn't want to see Spike taken advantage of! Not just because you're famous or powerful or because he feels he can't say no! And you didn't tell me, Seph! You didn't say anything!" Zack pointed out. Cloud thought he looked rather like an idiot at that point. Why would Sephiroth tell Zack anything? Why would Sephiroth even give Zack the time of day after being ignored for six months?

"I expected you to visit every day I was in that place, you know," Cloud said mildly, not looking at Zack or at Sephiroth but at the wall instead.

"I would have gone insane waiting for you to come if my mother hadn't realized and pulled me out. Why didn't you come, Zack?" Cloud asked, rubbing his wrists absently. "You must have known where I was…"

"I… I had other things taking up my time, Spike," Zack said softly, taking a step forward. Cloud automatically took a step back.

"Just allow me to explain…"

* * *

"Training is over," Angeal said, selecting 'abort mission' on the VR's console. Zack pouted, folding his arms. He was a Second, he didn't need babysitting. A prodigy, they called him. Although he was nothing compared to the Generals, he was still pretty good and flying through the ranks. It was even more impressive seeing as he had a strange resistance to the SOLDIER treatments that were forced upon them as soon as they passed the SOLDIER exams.

"How come?!" he pouted. Angeal just held out the broken sword with a raised eyebrow. Zack had to concede that it was a pretty obvious problem. Even so…

"Are you for real? But I was just about to get serious!" Angeal rolled his eyes and handed Zack his sword back. Zack looked at the damage. It could never be forged to the same strength again. He sighed, knowing that he was going to have to get another sword from the standard stock again now while he saved his wages for his next custom…

"Hold on to your dreams," Angeal said suddenly, pulling Zack out of his contemplation on how long it'd take for him to save enough money for a decent sword.

"Huh?"

"If you want to be a hero you have to hold on to your dreams and also-," Angeal paused annoyingly in a way that said what he was about to add was important. He often did this and though Zack loved his mentor, he wished the man would just get to the point sometimes. "-your pride."

Angeal left the room and Zack stood there stupidly for a moment. He looked down at his broken sword and then smiled. Yeah, he'd work hard and he'd get a new sword, one that wouldn't break in a simulation… Then he'd show Angeal he had what it took to be a hero.

* * *

"Zack, it's good to finally meet you face to face. Lazard, Director of SOLDIER," Lazard's face was friendly and familiar. It took Zack a few moments to remember where he'd seen someone who looked like… He chuckled nervously, wondering if Lazard's surname was Shinra by any chance. "Heya…" _Please don't tell me that the entire boardroom is full of the Pres's illegitimate children… _

He shook his hand a little nervously and Lazard chuckled. Zack hoped that was a good chuckle…

"On to business," Lazard brought a picture up on the screen as he sat down and Zack moved around Angeal to be able to see clearly. It was a red haired man with SOLDIER First Class beneath his name.

"SOLDIER 1st Class Genesis. A month ago he went missing during a mission in Wutai," Angeal's head was lowered against the table, refusing to look up at the image. Although Zack could see that his mentor was uncomfortable, he wasn't quite sure what had caused it… Perhaps he and Genesis had been friends?

"Know anything about this?" Lazard asked, fixing Zack with a piercing blue gaze. Zack thought about it, but it didn't take long. He knew _of_ Genesis, of course, but it was all very vague.

"Not a clue!" he admitted, realizing he sounded a little too flippant a little too late. What kind of SOLDIER knew nothing about their superior officers? Angeal turned to him sharply then looked away quickly.

"Hmm. The mission is currently stuck in limbo. That's why we've decided to send you," Lazard said. _You mean that there's no one else to send… I've noticed that HQ is fairly empty you know… I may look like an idiot but I do have a brain…_ Zack didn't let it cross his face.

"Uh…to Wutai?" he clarified.

"Yes. This war has gone on long enough," Lazard said. Zack pursed his lips together to stop himself from pointing out that the war was only 'long-stretching' because the Wutaians just didn't give up, no matter what. Sending in one operative or a hundred, the Wutaians would still stand strong and fight back against the odds.

"I've recommended you for First," Angeal said, pulling Zack out of his thoughts. Zack blinked and turned to his mentor, his eyes lighting up and a genuine grin stretching across his features. He began to laugh.

"Huh?! An-ge-al! I love you Angeal!" he bounded over to Angeal, about to give him a particularly vicious hug. He wrapped his arms around his mentor's shoulders and began to squeeze rather tightly. He knew the man could have easily stopped him to begin with and grinned when Angeal pushed him back.

"Don't make me regret this, Zack," Angeal warned. Zack sobered almost immediately. "Sir!" he replied, standing slightly more to attention.

"Once you're packed, we'll leave at once," Angeal's voice was steady but Zack could already feel excitement bubbling up in his stomach as he thought of his first time in true battle. His first time at Wutai.

He left the boardroom and bee lined for Kunsel, checked out his locker, prepared his materia and did a few crunches while he prepared himself. Mentally he knew he couldn't bounce into a warzone on a high. He was likely to get himself blown into a thousand tiny pieces after all. Once he'd calmed down at little he re-entered the boardroom, trying to keep his excitement pushed under a layer of seriousness he knew was expected from him.

"I'll be joining you as well," Lazard announced when he entered the room."I'm counting on you."

"Sir!" Zack said, standing to attention as best he could. He knew he probably looked a little overeager but it was worth it. He was getting a _promotion_… _Finally_ making First! And although he was going to be the youngest First since Sephiroth he still felt it had taken too long…

"By the way, what is your _dream_?" Lazard asked, leaning back in his chair and folding his arms. The way he said dream, as though it was a derisive term, made Zack feel a little uneasy. "'To become first' is it?" he added. Zack decided that Lazard was a pretty scary individual.

"No," he said, trying to act like himself even when Lazard's blue Shinra eyes were staring at him in curiosity. He turned away, swinging his arms to the side.

"To become a hero," he announced, putting his hands on his hips in a way he assumed looked heroic. He missed Lazard's look of disbelief.

"Ah. A sad dream, but a good dream nonetheless…*" Lazard said. Zack turned round.

"Uh… thanks?" he said, unsure of himself. At that moment, Angeal turned up and they didn't have time to talk anymore.

* * *

"I don't see what this has to do with anything," Cloud said, his eyes narrowed. Zack held up his hands before his chest.

"I'm getting there, alright?" he said. Cloud folded his arms, large blue eyes turning away from Zack and to Sephiroth, as though asking if he knew anything about this.

"It's relevant," Sephiroth replied. Cloud seemed to relax a little then and looked back towards Zack. The man wondered how Sephiroth had learned enough about Cloud to be able to read him that way. The Sephiroth he had known had been so emotionally retarded he hadn't really even understood why people had sex, nevermind why people would seek reassurance from others…

"Yeah, well, I kicked some ass in Wutai and the war ended. Then the incident happened in Gongaga. And just after you were freed, I was sent back on a mission to Wutai again. Ifrit was there. Was a pretty tough fight I'll have you know, and I wasn't in great shape when I came back. Spent a week in the Infirmary and after that Aerith's mom got sick so I had to stay with her-"

"Sounds like excuses to me," Cloud replied, eyes dull."I was sick too."

Zack watched as Cloud's hands gripped his own arms, fingers digging into the fabric. He looked away. What Cloud was saying was true but…

"I was going to see you but there were other things distracting me at the time…"

* * *

Ifrit's ugly snout hit the dust and Zack turned away, grinning to himself. _Yeah, take _that _Mister Fire-and-Brimstone!_ He had an ominous feeling. Something was wrong. He dropped back into a ready stance, ready to turn slowly, slightly worried about what he would see when he turned-

The creature threw a fireball so fast and hard that there was no chance to duck or dodge. He felt the fire burn his arms and face, his uniform crisping. The mako surged to the surface, trying to replace his skin as soon as it was burnt away. Crisp blackened flesh replaced by fresh to be burned again by Ifrit's fire. He screamed at the pain as his eyes began to melt. All of a sudden the stream of fire stopped and only the things around him that were still on fire burned. His eyes and skin repaired themselves, healing him fast enough that he could use a Cure materia. He looked up through his rapidly healing eyes to see Sephiroth there, arm outstretched. He hadn't spoken to the man since Cloud had been sent to the asylum. He hadn't had a chance to visit Cloud yet. Wutai had taken up a lot of time and with SOLDIERs defecting all over the place it placed an almost impossible workload on those that were left.

Sephiroth charged forward with Masamune, slicing Ifrit neatly in two with a grace that Zack envied. Of course, using a katana instead of a broadsword did tend to make things look more graceful anyway. Zack was determined not to thank the man for helping him and crossed his arms, looking away as Ifrit turned into a puddle of ashes.

The world around them turned back into the Banoran forests, a few crisped trees and Zack's still healing injuries the only evidence the battle had happened. Sephiroth didn't even have a singed hair. He knelt down beside one of the corpses of the soldiers that Zack had killed earlier, before Ifrit had stuck. He removed a helmet to reveal the face of a pretty boy red head who looked somewhat familiar.

"Genesis," Sephiroth confirmed. "No. A Genesis copy," he corrected himself as he removed another helmet to reveal both soldiers had the same face. Zack took a step back, his skin crawling.

"Where is Angeal?" Sephiroth demanded, his voice sounding harsh. Zack winced a little. This was the General speaking. He could hardly deny him an answer. Still, he found his voice had fled in the light of finding… _clones_ in their midst. He just shook his head, hoping to convey that he didn't know.

"Hmm. So he's gone too," Sephiroth said, looking truly troubled by the information. He stood up while Zack tried to process that. Angeal… Gone? What did Sephiroth mean by that?

"Angeal has betrayed us as well," Sephiroth announced, walking away. Zack stared incredulously at the man. _No way! I know what kind of guy Angeal is and he'd never do that!_

Sephiroth seemed to be able to feel the tension in the air and turned around, regarding Zack with those cold, cold green eyes. _Angeal_ _wouldn't betray us! Never!_

He bit on his bottom lip, feeling tears coming to the back of his eyes. His best friend, now his mentor?! Was he going to be abandoned by everyone? Angeal! No, he couldn't have betrayed them. Sephiroth had to be wrong. He'd been wrong about Cloud, hadn't he? Now he could be wrong about Angeal as well… He had to be wrong about Angeal… _You're wrong!_ But Sephiroth's cool gaze didn't waver and Zack felt the hollowness like a pit in his stomach.

* * *

"Aerith's mom hadn't even recovered by the time I got called away to the Northern Continent. AVALANCHE have labs up there, y'know. They're making... SOLDIER copies or something. They call 'em Ravens," Zack explained. He had Cloud's attention now, he could see. Sephiroth had shifted a little uncomfortably during the retelling of the battle against Ifrit, but hadn't interrupted or disputed anything.

"I had two friends, Essai and Sebastian… They were good SOLDIERs but what they'd done to them… It wasn't even _human_," Zack said, feeling the bitterness rising up in him. "They took two men and turned them into mindless shells capable of only killing things. At that moment I hated AVALANCHE more than anything. I razed the lab, went a bit off the rails. It wasn't until Lazard personally ordered me back through the intercom that I actually took notice and left. It felt… It felt like there was no one left in the world on my side."

"I know the feeling," Cloud replied, and though there was a small amount of sympathy in his voice, there was an equal amount of coldness. "And so does Sephiroth." Zack winced. He supposed he had to acknowledge that. He could hardly argue that Sephiroth hadn't been left as alone as he had. Zack had at least had Aerith and Reno and Kunsel and… he'd _never_ been alone, he realized. He'd just thought he had been.

Had Cloud and Sephiroth only had each other?

"After that I barely got back before I was sent back to Banora Village with Tseng. They had spotted Angeal…"

* * *

"Any word on Angeal?" Zack asked, running into the boardroom. Lazard was slumped over his desk and didn't even look up when he entered.

"He hasn't contacted his family either," Lazard sat back looking ten years older and like he hadn't slept for a week. His usually impeccable Pegaso suit was creased and wrinkled. He seemed to notice and folded his arms over the worst of the creases.

"So what's this about?" Zack asked, feeling a little petulant. He had thought there was news. News that he could prove Sephiroth wrong with.

"A new assignment. I want you to go to the hometown of the missing SOLDIER First Class, Genesis," Lazard said. Zack blinked.

"Huh?" he said eloquently. He had thought that they would give up on finding Genesis. After all, he'd attacked SOLDIER operatives. Surely they wouldn't be still trying to find him and save him?

"According to the parents, they've had no contact with Genesis whatsoever. But they can't be trusted," Lazard leaned forward again, putting his chin in his hands.

"Why?" Zack asked, not realizing his naivety.

"They're _his family_," Lazard said, obviously calling Zack on his stupidity. Zack tried to look like he'd known it all along, rolling his eyes to the ceiling and making a knowing noise. Of course family lied to protect family. Would he expect his parents to give him up to Shinra if he went M.I.A?

"I had already dispatched some staff but they lost contact," Lazard said. Zack had seen the Turks on the screen, both listed as 'M.I.A. presumed dead'. "I want you to go and investigate. _He_ will go with you." _He_ was a Turk, Wutaian, with long hair pulled back sharply from his face and a bindi stuck between his brows.

"Tseng, of the Turks," the man said by greeting. It was clipped, proper and businesslike and Zack knew that this man was the complete opposite of him in much the same way Sephiroth was. The two of them would probably be good friends.

"This job is looking _really_ gloomy," Zack said, looking at Lazard with a hand on his hip. He ignored Lazard's tired slump against the desk.

"Let me know when you're ready to go," Tseng said, ignoring the slight much the same way that Sephiroth would. Zack sighed and went to get his things ready.

* * *

"Originally, Sephiroth was assigned to this mission," Tseng said. Zack turned quickly to the Turk. "That makes it a top-priority matter. Be alert, or you'll fail." Zack was pretty sure that Sephiroth had donned some prosthetics and dyed his hair at that point.

"And Sephiroth?" Zack asked, trying not to sound too eager for news of his friend.

"Refusing to go, apparently…" Tseng replied. Zack tried to think of all the reasons why Sephiroth would refuse a mission. Was it his friendship with Genesis and Angeal preventing him from pursuing them too closely? Or had Hojo experimented on him again and made him too sick to do the mission? Usually Hojo experimented on Friday evenings… It was a Wednesday so it didn't make sense that it was Hojo… Misplaced loyalty then…?

"Oh what _is_ that? They spoil him too much," Zack said, trying to keep the mood light and not let his fight with Sephiroth sour Tseng's opinion of him. Tseng chuckled a little, which was more like him clearing his throat.

"Why don't you say that to his face?" the Turk asked. Zack raised his hands in prayer before his face.

"Uh, no thanks!" he said, his eyes begging Tseng not to land him in trouble.

* * *

"I found out in that mission that Seph, Genesis and Angeal used to talk about me as 'the puppy'," Zack admitted, rubbing the back of his neck.

"Zero attention span, restless as a little puppy. It makes sense," Cloud replied. Zack glared at him.

"Just quit it, alright! You can do the ice bitch routine _after_," he said. Cloud's face flushed pink with anger and he raised a hand to strike. Zack caught the hand before it could land though and met Cloud's eyes.

"You're not the only one who had problems, okay? Angeal… He… His own mother! And then... You don't understand. The one person in SOLDIER who I respected most!" Zack tried to put everything he had felt in that mission into his eyes. The helplessness, not being able to even see Genesis before it was too late, being blindsided at every corner, not understanding, not knowing.

"_Why_?" Zack asked, staring at Cloud's eyes. "All I need to know is _why_. But I don't think I'll ever know." Cloud pulled his hand violently out of Zack's grip, folding his arms and turning away.

"It's a big question… 'Why'. Why did the Wutai warn happen? Why won't the terrorists give up? Why are people driven to do things that appear evil?" the blond turned around, eyes old and tired looking. "You'll never know, Zack. You aren't Angeal. You aren't Genesis. They might be suffering greater pain than you could ever know. For all you know his mother might have deserved-"

"Cloud!" Zack interrupted, shocked. He stared at his friend, not understanding how Cloud could be just accepting mindless slaughter so easily. Cloud's back was still to him.

"Those terrorists… what they did was evil in my perspective. But to them I was the evil one. I took their homes, killed their wives and children, made it so that they had to be radicals to be able to live their lives as free men and women…" Cloud shrugged. "Angeal and Genesis must have their reasons. Although it may be as simple as insanity."

Sephiroth stood up suddenly then and Cloud glanced at him. Zack had partly forgotten that Sephiroth was even in the room. He leant against the window, looking out over the dark streets under the Plate.

"Angeal has his reasons. Genesis is probably just a nutball," Sephiroth said finally. Cloud blinked and Zack had to pick his next words carefully.

"How do you know?" he asked. Sephiroth turned to them, eyes glowing in the gloom.

"Because I know Angeal. He still has his sword. He's not given up all his humanity yet," Sephiroth pointed out. Cloud just looked confused at that statement but Zack understood. He put his hands in his pockets.

"The two of you… you found each other without me… I didn't see this one coming and I…. I over-reacted a bit," he said, his eyes turning away. The naivety had been stripped away from his face now. A more battle-weary Zack stood there than had stood there six months ago.

"I can tell you about my six months then…" Cloud offered, a hesitant truce for now. Zack couldn't help the grin that rose to his features.

"I'll be here finishing off my work," Sephiroth replied. Zack chuckled.

"Some things don't ever change," he replied, gesturing to Sephiroth's work load. Sephiroth just shrugged.

"If you get a moment bring me up a cappuccino. Otherwise just get out and have your philosophical arguments about good and evil elsewhere. I'm still not sure how we got from Cloud being underage to debating the rights and wrongs of matricide," he commented, making a shooing gesture towards them and sitting down at his desk.

At that moment Zack remembered his main opposition to the relationship and turned to Cloud. He was glad to see that there was an equal spark of determination in the blond's eyes to fight his own case and they both headed to the cafeteria together.

* * *

Zack went to visit Aerith that evening. He sat amongst the flowers of her garden and watched the butterflies flutter around. Aerith tucked her skirt demurely around her legs and made sure he didn't get a flash of her panties. Zack wouldn't have minded if it weren't for the fact they'd been going out for a while now and he'd never got more than a kiss on the cheek. An eighteen year old's hormones weren't to be taken lightly.

"Cloud and Sephiroth are seeing each other," he said. Aerith's mouth parted in shock for a moment then she smiled a little.

"Oh?" she replied. Zack had been expecting a little more of a reaction than that. He waited a moment but she didn't say anything more.

"I mean… It's kind of wrong isn't it? Cloud's only fifteen…" Zack began. Aerith raised an eyebrow.

"Zack Fair! You were chasing skirts much younger than that!" she said, pointing her finger at him. He couldn't help but grin, caught out. "You're just having a problem with it because Cloud isn't chasing _skirts_." He considered that for a moment.

"I… I guess I am. I mean… I can't help thinking that Sephiroth is taking advantage of him, y'know. He's ten years Cloud's senior…"

"And so?" Aerith replied. "If I remember rightly, you made your way through half the secretarial pool before you even made Second…" She pretended to be thinking rather hard about it. "Or was it the whole secretarial pool?"

"How do you _know_ all this stuff?" Zack asked, feeling some colour rising to his cheeks. Aerith chuckled.

"Fairies, y'know. They make the flowers grow _and _they wear these cute black suits… One of them has absolutely crazy hair… and tattoos on his cheekbones…" she drew lines just below her eyes. Zack stared at her.

"You know _Reno_?!" he asked. Aerith laughed properly then, covering her mouth with her hand.

"I grew up in the same slum as he did. He was quite a bit older but he used to look out for me. Tseng too," she said. Zack just sat there dumbstruck. It had never occurred to him that Turks had childhoods too. It had never really occurred to him that Reno was older than him either… But he had to be at least twenty-one to have made it so far in the Turks… Wow…

"Reno stole my first kiss," Aerith admitted to which Zack actually fell sideways in shock. There was something severely wrong with foul-mouthed, perverted, masochistic Reno stealing pure, sweet, lovely Aerith's first kiss. His mouth opened and closed soundlessly.

"I was eight and Reno was… twelve I think," Aerith tilted her head to the side. "It came out of no where. I was really surprised!" she giggled again. "That was quite an age gap back then. Twelve year olds aren't supposed to kiss eight year olds. My mom told him off for scaring me and he never did it again."

"You know though… I always wondered why you never tried to kiss me," she continued, completely oblivious it seemed, to Zack's growing distress. First finding out that _Reno_ had kissed his girl first, then being told that she'd been waiting for him to kiss her and that _he'd_ been the dense one.

"I always thought 'one day, his hormones will take over and he'll just do it' but you never did. I began to wonder if I should have chosen Reno after all-" he cut her off by clumsily leaning forward and pressing his lips against hers. He felt her smile against his lips and knew that he wasn't being too forward, too boisterous… too much like a _puppy_. No one had ever held his attention like Aerith did. No one had ever managed to captivate him, to be able to ensnare him completely with a single smile… Her lips were so soft, like the petals of the flowers that she grew… Her hair felt like silk when he slid his hand along her back and his fingers tangled with her ponytail.

"And you see… This is what Cloud and Sephiroth are feeling," she said, pulling away only a centimeter so she could speak. Her amused green eyes seemed to take up the world and Zack realized she was right. What if Cloud felt like that? What if he had always just been waiting for Sephiroth to notice him? What if Sephiroth wanted to know what it was like to kiss someone he loved…? Was it his place to disapprove?

"Is this what you felt with Reno?" he couldn't help but ask. Aerith rolled her eyes and shook her head, kissing his forehead as she pulled away.

"What I felt with Reno was some stinky boy putting his dry chapped lips on mine and yelling 'girl cooties ew!' loudly before running away," she said, folding her arms. Zack chuckled, knowing that this was blackmail material for years to come.

"I love you, girl," Zack said softly, giving voice to words he'd only said in a roundabout way before. Aerith smiled and picked a flower, tucking it behind Zack's ear, her fingers lingering on his cheek.

"I know, Zack…" she said, leaning forward to place her lips chastely against his. "I love you too."

* * *

**To be continued…Next chapter – Cloud finds his calling…**


	6. The 'Date'

**Title: **A Twisted Kind of Honour  
**Rating: **NC-17  
**Pairing**: Sephiroth/Cloud, Zack/Aerith (some S/C/Z)  
**Genre**: Hurt/Comfort  
**Warning**: BRITISH SPELLING! Allusions to rape but nothing else. Kissing between boys. Terrorism.  
**Chapter**: 6/??  
**Comments**: In this chapter we mostly focus on some relationship building as well as a little bit of plot at the end.

* * *

**Chapter Six:**

**The Date**

Zack was ignoring him.

Reno could handle that. He was used to people ignoring him. But he liked to at least know _why_ he was being ignored. He wasn't sure there was a legitimate reason this time. He hadn't even spoken _to_ or _about_ Zack since the whole thing with the video of the lift and Zack's pretty severe reaction to it.

And now he was being thoroughly ignored.

"If I've done something to offend you, bud, you should just yell at me and punch me or somethin' rather than holding it all inside, y'know," Reno said, putting his hand on his hip. They were now stood in line at the cafeteria waiting for food. Zack turned to him, opened his mouth as if about to say something but instead he just turned around resolutely.

"Seriously, dude, what's eatin' ya?" Reno pressed, putting his hand on Zack's shoulder. Zack's eyebrow twitched but nothing else happened. Reno bit his lip trying to think of something else to say but at that moment Cissnei wandered over and Zack's attention was taken up with flirting.

* * *

Cloud was irritable at work the next day. The girls had come up and apologized to him and he'd been forced to explain to them that the gloves were there so that he could hide his scars from the world. They'd looked at him pityingly for that and he'd felt like absolute garbage until he'd realized that the gloves he had on were _Sephiroth's_ and he'd forgotten to give them back.

He found he was extra careful with his hands that day, not touching anything dirty with them or using them to wipe dust off the TVs like he did with his own gloves. He found himself stroking his thumbs at odd moments when he didn't have anything to do.

"Those are new, aren't they?" one of the girls asked. Cloud shrank back from them a little before he nodded, holding his hands close to his chest as he did so.

"They look a bit bigger than your other ones. Do you want us to go get you some new ones from down the road? Seriously, it'll be no trouble. I mean, we caused so much trouble yesterday...?" she asked. Cloud shook his head.

"No… These are a-" he paused. Why should he lie about who they belonged to? He could admit he had a boyfriend, couldn't he? Most of them had seen a Turk drag him off yesterday, they could put up with him revealing he was gay, couldn't they? The manager already knew anyway, having asked Cloud straight out one day. Although the manager had worked it out from the way Cloud handled male and female customers rather than anything obvious.

"They're my boyfriend's," he said, watching their reactions carefully. One of them blinked stupidly, the other just laughed nervously.

"You mean… You've got a partner?" the laughing one asked. Cloud nodded slowly, wondering if it was wrong. He'd come across prejudices in his hometown, but he'd thought it was all but eradicated in Midgar.

"Oh wow. I didn't realize! How long have you been together? What's he like? Is he cute?" she asked. Cloud blushed to the roots of his hair and took a step backwards, feeling suddenly claustrophobic.

"Just a week… And… he's…" _The General of Shinra's SOLDIER Division. A cold-blooded killer. The Demon of Wutai. The result of the twisted experiments of a deranged scientist. The youngest First Class SOLDIER in history._ "He's a bit of a retard I guess. But he's handsome." The girls squealed and Cloud wondered if they did that for _all_ cute guys or just the gay ones. He sidestepped a customer who was coming over to ask about televisions and let the girls handle it. He skulked into the stock room to take a deep breath.

"You'll never hear the end of that now," the manager said, stepping in with a clipboard. Cloud guessed he must have been listening near the door to their conversation. He leaned against the wall.

"I have nothing to be ashamed of," he replied. The manager, a man called Sam, cleared his throat.

"If you had nothing you felt ashamed of, you wouldn't wear the gloves," he pointed out. Cloud looked down at his hands.

"I just don't want people to think they can ask about them. My scars aren't up for discussion," he said. Sam just jotted something down on the clipboard as he counted up the stock.

"Uh huh. And drawing attention to yourself by wearing those gloves is a great way to get people not thinking about your hands," he replied. Cloud bristled. _Who asked you for your opinion anyway?_

Sensing the tension the manager turned and sighed, seeing Cloud's offended expression. "Listen kid, don't take it personally. I'm just pointing out a flaw in your logic. You say you've got a new boyfriend. Throw your all into it. I can tell you're holding back, s'the kinda kid you are, but you've gotta make the most of life. Wearing gloves, scarves that cover your cheek. You're just dwelling too much on where you been not where you goin'."

Cloud thought about it and looked down at his hands, encased in Sephiroth's gloves. "I'm not ready yet," he said softly.

"Then how can you be with your boyfriend, hm? Or is this something you haven't exactly thought through?" he asked. Cloud bit his lip.

"I guess- I guess I didn't. I mean, I want to be with him but not as much as he wants to be with me. He's in love with me and I can't say that I'm in love with him," he admitted, leaning his head back against the wall. It felt good, talking to Sam, saying the things he couldn't say to Zack or Sephiroth. Zack would have jumped on him saying something like this as proof that he shouldn't be with Sephiroth and that wasn't necessarily true.

Sephiroth was his security blanket, his protection against the outside world. The man would die for him. To have a protector that strong… To have a rescuer like that…

"You like him though, right?" Sam asked. Cloud nodded slowly. "Then what's the problem? You're fifteen kid, you don't have to stay with the guy for the rest of your life. You're going to have some fun, learn a few tricks that you can do with your tongue and then move on."

Cloud felt his cheeks tinge again. The thought of kissing Sephiroth was almost alien to him. The thought of using his tongue anywhere else made him feel sick. Sam was right, this was something he wasn't really ready for, in any sense. But at the same time he had felt so right when Sephiroth's arms had wrapped around him yesterday… He did get butterflies in his stomach when he heard Sephiroth's voice over the phone. He did find himself smiling to himself when he thought of Sephiroth on his own.

"Is it enough… to want someone to be the only one for you?" Cloud asked. Sam turned, raising an eyebrow and chewing on the tip of his pen.

"It's a good start. Not all love is love at first sight, y'know. Perhaps it'd be best for you to give it time? I've no doubt that the guy is something special though, to have turned your head. You strike me as the picky type," he said. Cloud wasn't sure about that but he kept his mouth shut on that.

A gradual love? Perhaps that was true. For now, Sephiroth was his friend and his crutch and someone who made his heart beat irregularly. But in the future…

In the future Cloud wanted him to be the one who made all others fade into the background.

* * *

"Okay, seriously. This is two days now! Zack, you gotta speak to me man!" Reno said, tapping the SOLDIER on the shoulder. Zack turned to look at him, opened his mouth, closed it, opened it again and then just stood there with it open.

Then suddenly Zack launched himself forward and Reno found himself _kissing_ him.

"What the fuck?!?" Reno pulled away, wiping his mouth and staring at the SOLDIER like he'd lost his mind. Zack had his head tilted to one side and was obviously thinking. Reno could almost hear the cogs turning.

"I don't have to be jealous. You're a shit kisser," Zack declared suddenly. Reno took a step forward, squaring up against Zack. Even though he was still a skinny runt compared to Zack they were still roughly the same height.

"Say what?" he growled. Zack blinked, as though he had forgotten Reno was there. He seemed to realize what he'd said and opened his mouth to apologize. Reno struck at that moment, sliding his tongue into Zack's mouth and forcing the SOLDIER to kiss him back.

Finally Reno pulled back, rather smug over Zack's stunned expression. "Now who's shit, huh?"

"That's it. I gotta castrate you," Zack said, his face completely serious.

"What."

Reno started running.

* * *

Cloud looked at himself in the mirror. Sephiroth had suggested a… date… It was going to be horribly cliché. He was going to take Cloud out for a meal. A posh above-Plate one, of course, and then they were going to go to the cinema for a late night screening of whatever movie took their fancy.

Cloud couldn't find anything to wear. It seemed despite his small stature he'd still managed to grow a few inches since he'd last had a suit measured for him. He did have a black pair of trousers from work that he had quickly ironed and sprayed with deodorant in the hopes that they'd be alright. They looked cheap and the knees were a bit worn, but at least they were black. Cloud only had jeans and combats otherwise…

The shirt was a little easier. He just wore a simple white one over a white t-shirt. He buttoned it up and pulled out a tie. A blue one. His mother had picked it and it was the only one he owned. Dressed like that he looked exactly like the jailbait Zack described him as. Horrendously young. Sephiroth was going to be arrested immediately upon entering the restaurant with him.

He had tried to tame his hair, but all that happened was the carefully waxed spikes went back to wherever they'd started and so Cloud had washed it all out and just let it dry naturally however it wanted to. It was just easier all round if he did it that way.

Finally the cologne. Zack had helped him with this. Cloud hadn't had a clue what to buy so Zack had just told him to borrow his. Apparently Aerith liked it, so it had to be good in Zack's book. Cloud thought it smelled alright. Kind of woody and spicy. A little dated if he was honest. But it would at least make him seem older… or something… He slapped some on his cheeks, wincing as it stung them.

Finally he slipped the cue cards Zack had given him into his pocket. They were cards that listed dos and don'ts on first dates and had made quite interesting reading. Cloud had been tempted to ask how exactly Zack had amassed so much knowledge being only two years his senior, but decided there were some things better off not knowing.

He took one more look at himself before he grabbed his gloves and scarf, wrapping them around himself and then shrugging on his coat. After he'd dressed he grabbed his wallet, his PHS and the small bag that held Sephiroth's gloves in it. He then paced awkwardly for a few moments before steeling himself to leave the house.

Sephiroth wasn't going to stand him up.

They'd agreed to meet outside Shinra HQ. Sephiroth was coming straight from the office and had said that he wouldn't have time to go home and change so he'd change in the office and meet Cloud in the lobby. Cloud had a security code to get into the building and everything.

He began to slowly walk to the Shinra building, wondering what kind of place Sephiroth would be taking him. Zack's cards covered everything from haute cuisine to a normal family restaurant but Cloud was pretty sure that Sephiroth wouldn't take him anywhere normal. Or within Zack's budget for that matter.

He saw Shinra HQ looming in front of him and paused for a moment to look up at the structure. It held up a plate that blocked out the sky, blocked out the sun. Most of the people below Plate had vitamin deficiencies because of it. Like veal, kept in the dark and fed to Shinra.

He put his hands in his pockets and lowered his head as he walked to the spot where he was meant to meet Sephiroth.

He didn't look up as people walked passed him. Office ladies clocking out for the night, off-duty SOLDIERs and general town planners all streaming past him. He listened to snatches of their conversations.

"-I heard that they were going to finish Sector 8 in about ten year's time… I mean, how long does it take to finish a-"

"-roth is gonna completely kick ass. I don't care what AVALANCHE say about their-"

"-gonna hit the nearest brothel and lose myself there, y'know? All this shit with Ang-"

"You got yer fake IDs…?"

Cloud glanced up at that. Two men in suits and bulky overcoats were hanging around the entrance. They were loitering in much the same way he was but there was something _off_ about them. He frowned a little, watching as one of them reached into the inner pocket of his coat and took something out.

Pulling the coat back revealed a padded vest covered in explosives. Cloud felt his blood go cold. _AVALANCHE!_

He looked up at the guard at the gate. Would he be tricked by the IDs and let them in? But what could Cloud do? He wasn't strong enough to over-power two grown men and what if they decided to set it off outside and blew him to pieces? He looked away from them for a moment to fish his phone out of his pocket before hitting Speed Dial 2.

"Seph. It's Cloud. I'm outside," he said, his voice sounding strained.

"There are some men out here. They're from the _mountains_," Cloud said. He tried to keep his voice down, but even so he had to speak in code unless they overheard him. He heard Sephiroth make a small noise of confusion before.

"Cloud, wait away from the entrance. I'll have Turks down there as soon as I can get hold of Tseng," he said, his voice clipped. Cloud nodded and began to drift away from the entrance, phone still against his ear.

"They've got IDs. They both look like they're from the Gold Saucer area," he explained their appearances and clothes so that Sephiroth could report it to the guard on duty. If he could just stall them long enough.

"Just promise me you'll stay out of the way," Sephiroth said after he'd finished. Cloud had no problem with that. He didn't want to be blown to smithereens particularly.

"I promise," he said. No sooner had he said that than Sephiroth had hung up.

* * *

Sephiroth looked across the meeting room at the Vice-President and Director Lazard, a pretty family picture but one that was a little disconcerting at the moment. He had reason to believe that Rufus may have known about what was going on because there had been a spark of… something when Sephiroth had announced that they were under attack from AVALANCHE and that the plaza needed to be cleared as quickly as possible.

"Both of you are to go to the top floor and get the helicopter out," Sephiroth ordered. Rufus gave a curt nod, Lazard made a gesture that was fairly nonchalant. Sephiroth folded his arms.

"Vice-President, Director, I'll place you in the hands of Tseng if that's alright. I believe my skills will be more needed on the plaza," he said levelly, resisting the urge to run down there. He had to remember that these two men were powerful, not in the sense that Sephiroth, Angeal and Genesis were, but in the sense that they could make life very difficult for a Shinra Poster Boy who was meeting a minor for a date. The less they knew of it the better… And so he couldn't reveal his direct concerns involving this attack.

"Of course General. As soon as Tseng arrives," Rufus said and Sephiroth swore that the tongue that flashed out to lick his lips was forked.

"I am sure that-"

At that moment an explosion rocked the building, blew the glass in even up on the 49th Floor and coated Rufus Shinra in a thousand tiny pieces of glass.

* * *

Cloud stared at the destruction, trembling slightly. The explosion had shook him to the core. He'd had the opportunity to prevent it, he'd tried his best, and he'd still failed. Behind him he heard Reno cussing around a mouthful of blood. The Turk spat it onto the floor, a red foamy stain on the side street.

"Hold my gun. I gotta call Tseng," Reno said. Cloud numbly took the pistol off Reno and pointed it towards the ground away from his foot. Reno immediately started dialling a number and was soon saying something in a mixture of code, curses and slum talk. Cloud didn't even try to follow what was being said.

"Hold on a minute, boss," Reno said suddenly. Cloud stiffened as Reno turned towards him and walked behind him. He felt the tips of Reno's fingers brush through his hair.

"Shit man, why didn't you tell me you were bleeding!" he said. Cloud winced and put his hand on the back of his neck, drawing it away and seeing blood. Had he hit his head against the wall that hard? He felt his vision blur a little.

"Reno!"

Cloud knew that was Zack's voice. He turned only to have his vision swim in front of his eyes. He then suddenly stumbled, Reno's arm wrapping around his torso to stop him from falling. He wanted to fight against the contact but couldn't, his eyes beginning to fall closed.

"Cloud? What the hell is he doing here? Where's Sephiroth? Why aren't there guards here yet?" Zack was shouting, his voice slightly frantic. Cloud heard Reno's voice as though through a barrel of water and then he passed out.

* * *

Cloud woke on a paramedic's stretcher. He was still in Shinra Square so at least he hadn't already got to the hospital and been unconscious for a few days. It couldn't be that bad then, right? He struggled to sit up, getting a gentle tut and a hand on his shoulder for his efforts.

"Let them look at you," he head a deep voice say as a tall, silver haired figure swam in and out of focus. "You've got a pretty bad concussion from the blast."

Cloud frowned a little. "But our date..." he heard himself slur, wincing at the childish tone as well. Sephiroth actually chuckled, though it sounded a little strained.

"As flattered as I am that you view our date as that important, your health comes first," he chided in that same soft, worried tone. Cloud opened his mouth to protest against that logic but at that moment the paramedics cast Sleep on him and he was once more falling into darkness.

* * *

Sephiroth watched the ambulance leave the scene and turned to Reno.

"Reports?" he demanded. The Turk gave a rather sloppy salute.

"AVALANCE, sir. Seems they were just after as many employees as they could take down. Both targets were killed in the blast. A quick scout of the area shows no immediate threats. Public transport has been suspended," he said, no trace of the Slums accent in his voice. He looked to the side that moment and Sephiroth followed his gaze to see Zack walking over, murder gleaming in his eyes.

"Casualties?" Sephiroth asked. Reno edged away from Zack little as the man stood next to him.

"3 civilians dead, 24 injured, 12 walking wounded," he said. He then took a deliberate step away from Zack. "Cloud Strife isn't included in these statistics. Shinra doesn't want to release any info on him after the terrorist incident. They're worried that any fame he recieves from it will harm the company reputation."

"Fucking Shinra," Zack swore and Sephiroth saw his grip on his sword tighten. Sephiroth himself felt fairly detatched from the situation. Cloud was safe now. He could rage later, blame himself for not getting down 49 Floors on time, for not having adequate security at HQ, for having asked Cloud to meet him here in the first place. For now though, he had a job to do.

"Reno, you and the Turks run Intel. I want everyone ID'd, CCTV lifted from every camera in the area and everything cordoned off," he ordered. Reno wasa already on it, relaying the orders to other Turks on the field before reporting to Tseng.

Sephiroth returned his attention to Zack. He could see that Zack was baying for blood. It would be all too easy to set Zack on AVALANCHE and watch the ensuing blood bath. He also knew that Zack wouldn't ask enough questions, and that there would eventually be a civilian casualty that Sephiroth would have to take the blame for.

"You are to help the Turks detain anyone they suspect," Sephiroth's voice was stern, talking over Zack's protests. They stared at each other angrily for a moment while Reno tried to look insignificant next to them.

"Zack, I need you to be my SiC here while I go to Cloud," he said softly. Zack's anger softened a little.

"Alright," he said. "But next time there's a mission against AVALANCHE, I want to be on it."

Sephiroth nodded and watched as Reno and Zack began to move purposefully through the crowd. He then turned his attention to a grunt nearby who was wandering around aimlessly, at a loss at what to do.

"Bring me a bike. As fast as you can," he ordered. The grunt jumped and saluted before running off to get Sephiroth his motorcycle.

* * *

Sephiroth paused outside the room to check himself over. He removed his gloves and washed his hands in the alcohol spray. No point in taking germs in with him, after all.

Cloud had a private room away from the wards where Slum children were packed like rats in a sewer. Their illnesses passed between them. A few were obviously terminally ill, but without anyone to pay for the treatment of orphans, they were left to die in their own mess on the dirty wards. Sephiroth was glad that Cloud had a private room away from all that, even if he was in the Children's Wing. All under 18s had to go there, but it was a startling reminder to Sephiroth how young Cloud was.

Sephiroth entered the room. Cloud was sat up in bed, his head wrapped in gauze. He was wearing a think pair of white pyjamas that the hospital supplied and was shivering in the cool temperature of the ward.

"Why didn't you ask a nurse to turn the heating up?" Sephiroth asked by way of greeting. Cloud's eyes turned his way and he saw that the blond was still struggling to focus.

"Didn't want to bother them. There are others worse off than me," he said. Sephiroth nodded. A soldier's mentality. The most fatally injured come first.

Sephiroth grabbed an extra blanket from a pile on the chair beside Cloud's bed and laid it over the blond, tucking it around him with care. There was an awkward silence.

"I didn't mean to ruin our date..." Cloud began. Sephiroth shook his head, annoyed when some of his hair got in his eyes. He tucked it behind his ear.

'I should have arranged to meet elsewhere. It was foolish for me to bring you to the Shinra building in the current climate," Sephiroth replied. Cloud went silent for a moment.

"I want to help though," he said after a moment, biting his lip as he thought about what he wanted to say next. "I've been trained to go into situations like that..."

Cloud met his eyes, not quite focused but full of sincereity.

"I want to be an informer for Shinra."

Sephiroth felt his stomach turn to ice. Could he really do that? Could he let Cloud infiltrate AVALANCHE for Shinra? Could he refuse?

"I..." he began and realised he didn't know how to finish that sentence.

"I want to stop this. The terrorism achieves nothing..." Cloud continued. "You and Zack, you can fight them but you can't pre-empt them. You can't infiltrate them. Your eyes give you away and it's easy to tell at Turk a mile off... I have a reason to hate Shinra. I can do this. Please Sephiroth..." He trailed away leaving just large blue eyes full of longing to help.

He couldn't so no when Cloud asked like that. He nodded curtly, feeling his stomach melting and slithering to his toes instead.

"I guess we can't see each other anymore, then," he said lightly, though he felt vaguely sick. Cloud's eyes widened and he reached forward to take Sephiroth's hand. Sephiroth saw the scars around Cloud's wrists and closed his eyes.

"If AVALANCHE find out you're seeing me, they'll no doubt kill you," he said levelly. Cloud pulled back, frowning a little.

"I'll think of something-"

"Cloud-"

"No! I will. There's got to be something they'll bel-"

"It's not possible-"

"I'm not breaking up with you."

Cloud's stubborn face was determined. Sephiroth couldn't help but be in slight awe of that stubbornness. It rivalled one that he possessed and he knew at that moment they'd just be going round in circles. This was a fight for when Cloud was better...

"I guess I'll find us some food..." he said, getting to his feet with a small sigh. Cloud obviously took this for surrender and smiled up at him.

"Burgers?" he suggested hopefully. Sephiroth winced.

"Burgers it is then..." he replied to the sound of Cloud's bright laughter at his reaction.


	7. Investigation Sector of the General

**Title: **A Twisted Kind of Honour  
**Rating: **NC-17  
**Pairing**: Sephiroth/Cloud, Zack/Aeris (some S/C/Z)  
**Genre**: Hurt/Comfort  
**Warning**: BRITISH SPELLING! Allusions to rape but nothing else. Kissing between boys. Terrorism.  
**Chapter**: 7/20 ← yes, I have actually managed to plan this out now!  
**Comments**: Thanks for all the reviews and everything! Over 7000 hits! 30 Faves! Over 60 Alerts and 3 C2s! It really means a lot to me to have this much support. Please leave reviews or criticism, as it can only make the story better if you do!

I completely apologise for the lack of updates pretty much since before Easter. I got swamped in work and, though I regularly thought about this fic, I got lost a bit with other things. Now I'm ready to work on it again. I think. I've also planned out some of the sequel to this, if I decide to write it (it may be an epic oneshot yet). Previous chapters at neko_writes

**Chapter Seven:**

**Investigation Sector of the General Affairs Division Training**

Sephiroth really wasn't sure about this. He'd managed to get things through the bureaucracy, though barely, and had managed to even secure some funding for this idiot scheme, but he still felt that it was the mark of extreme stupidity on everyone's part. Even his own.

"You are sure?" he asked. Cloud still had his head and arm wrapped tightly in bandages but his eyes were clear and his face determined. Sephiroth wondered if Cloud had copied that stubborn look from Zack.

"It's the only way I can help," Cloud replied and Sephiroth knew when an argument was lost. He had heard Zack try to convince Cloud that he didn't _have_ to help, that Cloud could just let him and Sephiroth do all the dirty work, but Cloud had looked at him like he was an idiot.

"_I don't want to come home one day to a telegram saying you're both dead because of AVALANCHE... I want to be part of this battle too."_

It had ended explosively, with Zack telling Cloud that if he wanted to die that badly he should throw himself off the Plate now and save them all the heartache and Cloud cheerfully slamming the door to his apartment in Zack's face and refusing to come out.

Sephiroth had never thought of the two of them as alike before, but they certainly shared a large amount of stubbornness.

He pushed open the door to the conference room and held it open for Cloud. The blond ducked in past him and his gaze immediately focused in on the large amount of blue suits in the room. Sephiroth wondered what he'd been expecting.

"I was expecting someone taller," Tseng commented, with no trace of irony in his voice. Sephiroth decided now wasn't time to comment. He briefly put his hand on Cloud's shoulder to imply that he should keep _silent_ and walked to the head of the table.

"You're aware what this meeting is about, I assume," he asked, all too used to playing these games with Tseng. Veld rarely discussed anything with SOLDIER, sending his lackies instead.

"I may have received some information about SOLDIER wanting to train a Turk," Tseng replied dryly, taking his seat after Sephiroth had sat down. Sephiroth saw Cloud awkwardly sit in between Reno and Cissnei, ignoring the looks the two were giving each other. Reno put his feet up on the table and Sephiroth rolled his eyes. You could take Reno out of the Slum, but you'd never teach him any manners.

"That's right. We want someone trained by you who reports only to SOLDIER," Sephiroth kept his voice calm, neutral, as though he wasn't asking for anything unusual.

"Turks don't report to SOLDIER, yo. We train him, we have him," Reno piped up. Sephiroth leaned forward, taking a piece of paper from the assorted files in front of him.

"This piece of paper is signed by about twenty people who's ranks exceed yours and Tseng's combined. It clearly states here that Turks training is to be granted to any candidate with SOLDIER potential who is... resourceful enough to make a good spy," Sephiroth slid the paper towards Tseng, who didn't even look at it. Probably had already lifted it from the system.

"We don't take on SOLDIER spies either," Cissnei interjected. She was leaning on Cloud's shoulder and Sephiroth was surprised that Cloud hadn't curled up into a protective ball against the touch. Even so, he looked a little nervous, his blue eyes scanning the room.

"Strife isn't a spy for SOLDIER into the affairs of the Turks," Sephiroth's eyes narrowed. He knew it was going to be a hard fight to get anyone into the Turks who had such strong links to SOLDIER but he hadn't thought that Tseng would offer much resistance with the President's backing behind it.

"Even so, he's a danger to himself this way," Cissnei continued, as though she wasn't virtually leaning over Cloud's lap to be able to see Sephiroth over Reno's feet. "Links with the General, links with Fair, links to Shinra-"

"Shinra allowed me to be captured and tortured by Wutaian terrorists. So far I've managed to infiltrate Shinra through General Sephiroth. Firstly using my previous relationship with Zack Fair to incite guilt in the General, and then by using that guilt to create a relationship that allows me access to a certain level of information that many informants are unable to achieve," Cloud suddenly said, his voice sounding much more calm than his eyes, that were wildly looking between Tseng, Sephiroth and Cissnei's hand that had crept onto his knee.

"So you have given it some thought then," Tseng said, folding his arms and leaning back into his chair. He glanced at Sephiroth before looking back towards Cloud.

"Train him, yo. You can tell he's wacky enough that they'd think him capable of it. No offence, Strife, but you look like you're drugged up or something," Reno said, taking his feet off the table. Sephiroth saw Cloud's hands turn into fists.

"It's just... I..." Cloud took a few deep breaths and Tseng leaned forward intently. It was clear he thought that Cloud was weak or being bullied into this by a higher source. Sephiroth cleared his throat.

"Cissnei. If you'd just sit back a little. I know you're trying to distract your newest recruit with tantalizing shots of your cleavage but I think you're making him uncomfortable," Sephiroth dead panned. Cissnei sat back with a chuckle and he saw Cloud send him a grateful look.

"There is no such thing as a shy Turk," Tseng said, getting to his feet. "You'll have to lose that almost immediately if you are going to train with us."

Cloud looked up sharply, victory shining in his eyes. Tseng didn't meet his eyes and just left the room. Reno and Cissnei looked shocked and Cissnei folded her arms across her chest.

Sephiroth just let himself smirk inwardly. Not even the Turks could ignore a direct request from the President after all. Or perhaps Tseng could see something in Cloud that no one else could?

* * *

Cloud was actually proud of the suit he received the first day of training. He'd expected there to be a class of recruits or something, but Tseng had explained that Turks didn't train like SOLDIERs did. Every Turk's training was tailored to what that Turk was expected to achieve. Reno had studied explosives almost explicitly, Cissnei had studied subterfuge, Tseng himself had been primarily an electronics man, but Cloud was going to get something different altogether.

The majority of his training was going to be in espionage, naturally, but Tseng was going to make sure that he had a wide enough knowledge of hand-to-hand and weapons training that he wasn't caught out. He was also going to get some natural disaster training, as Tseng wanted him to survive the next bomb he came up against unscathed.

"You're going to have to pretend to be someone you despise," Tseng said, his voice calm as he handed Cloud his very own 'work' PHS and ear piece.

"I understand that sir," Cloud replied. Tseng gave him a funny look.

"You're a Turk now, Strife. We just refer to each other by name here," he said. Cloud tensed when Tseng's long, cool fingers helped him adjust the ear piece, the tips of his fingers tickling the flesh around his ear. "We're a pretty irreverent lot and you'll only hear Reno or Cissnei call one person 'sir' and that's the President. Sometimes Reno calls the Vice-President 'Boss' but I think that is a personal thing between them that you shouldn't get involved in."

Cloud nodded. He'd kind of guessed that Reno and the Vice-President had some weird kind of relationship going on behind the scenes that no one was supposed to know about. Although it seemed to be common knowledge amongst the Turks. Then again, most of the Turks found anything to be common knowledge. They seemed to know everything before everyone else. Cloud had even found out some strange things about Zack and a girlfriend that his friend had neglected to tell him about.

"You are a tense when people touch you," Tseng said as he withdrew his hands. Cloud looked down at his own gloved ones.

"It's a... I'm sure you've read my file-" Cloud began but Tseng cut him off.

"The file has been restricted. There are perhaps three people in the whole of Shinra with access to it now. It shows up as deleted on the SOLDIER and Turks database," he explained. Cloud frowned.

"Standard protocol for espionage agents. Make it seem like Shinra has forgotten them and archived them away somewhere. A false file will be created to corroborate your story," Tseng leaned over the desk where a computer was loading one of the training programmes.

"I see. The touching thing is... just a mental hang up. From Wutai," Cloud explained, trying to be delicate about it. Tseng didn't even pause what he was doing.

"I see. Well, most Turks have tragic and unusual pasts, so you're not the first who has been through training with mental issues. I will say this though, if you ever had a therapist, you're going to need to start seeing them again. Turks Training will push you to the limits and beyond what you are comfortable with. There may be times when you might even have to have intercourse with someone just to ensure you don't get found out," Tseng made it sound like he was talking to about the weather but Cloud was horrified. The thought of sex with Sephiroth was difficult enough, without thinking about sex with other people.

"You're lucky that the majority of people in AVALANCHE are complete sociopaths and won't want that from you," Tseng leaned back as the programme finally finished loading.

"All you've got to do is answer these questions so that we know what you're capable of and what we need to train you into," Tseng said before backing off completely. Cloud sat down in front of the computer and nervously removed his gloves so he could type, glancing back at Tseng to make sure that the other wasn't watching his hands.

The questions were simple questions of mathematics, literacy and reasoning. It didn't take Cloud long to realise it was more an IQ test than anything else and he began to get less worried about 'passing' or 'failing'. Most of it was relatively simple anyway.

He looked up and saw Tseng watching him. Cloud adjusted his sleeves to hide his wrists and continued the test.

* * *

_Welcome to the Investigation Sector of the Division of General Affairs, Cloud Strife._

* * *

Cloud waited in the room outside Tseng's office for what seemed like an hour. The man was drawing up documents that would allow Cloud to legally carry a concealed weapon, although the document would probably soon be 'lost' only to be recovered when needed. Cloud was staring down at his own gloved hands, wondering if he'd soon be killing people with them.

He began to wonder what kind of gun he'd be given. He knew that some Turks got given elaborate guns that could fire seemingly forever without reloading because of materia installed in their handles... Would he be given one of those types?

Tseng returned, his arms folded as Cloud got to his feet. He resisted the urge to salute. Turks didn't salute anyone... He shifted his weight from side to side nervously.

"You've been granted permission for a concealed blade and gun," Tseng said. Cloud nodded, sticking his hands in his pockets. Tseng's mouth thinned as though he was reminded of something at that moment and Cloud quickly straightened his posture.

"As you were going through SOLDIER training, I'm assuming you can shoot passably with a machine gun, but I'm still going to get some of the others to train you in precision shooting," Tseng began to fiddle with his PHS as he spoke.

"Sir...?" Cloud prompted when Tseng didn't continue.

Tseng looked up and sighed. "Go home and get some rest, Strife. We're going to start tomorrow at 9am... And drop the 'sir'."

Cloud didn't need telling twice.

* * *

The precision shooting wasn't difficult per sé, but Cloud could feel amused blue eyes on his back the entire time. He was tensing up at all the wrong moments and his palms were sweating. Reno had been sent to do his training, but the redhead hadn't come alone. Instead he and the Vice-President were both sat behind, watching him shoot and... doing other things.

It was enough to make Cloud want to phone up Sephiroth and tell him he was quitting. Rufus made an odd groaning sound from behind them and Cloud completely lost it, accidentally shooting the mannequin he was supposed to be shooting in the head in the crotch. He spun on his heel.

They weren't actually doing anything that bad. Rufus was seated and Reno had draped himself over the back of the chair, his chin resting on the Vice-President's shoulder. Even so, the amusement dripping off the two of them let Cloud know they were doing this on purpose to put pressure on him. He growled.

"How am I meant to concentrate, Vice-President, sir, when you insist on doing your best to distract me?" he forced politeness into his tone. Tseng had made it clear that he expected Cloud to be almost perfect after this one session and Cloud was beginning to think he might fail the course before he even started it.

"You can't even shoot with such minor distractions, Strife?" Rufus asked, getting to his feet. Reno was smirking, slinking around the chair with a grin. Cloud felt the hairs stand up on the back of his neck. Both men were so much taller than him and the way they were stalking forward was making his heart race and his knees start to tremble.

"I'm new..." Cloud was horrified to find his voice cracked as he spoke. Rufus chuckled and then, almost faster than Cloud could see, he drew a gun from his coat. Cloud just had enough time to duck before a shot echoed around the firing range.

Quaking on the floor, Cloud turned to see where the bullet had gone and realised that Rufus had managed a shot directly into the centre of the mannequin's brow... Where Cloud's head had been moments before. He glared up at Rufus, wondering if it was disrespectful to your superiors if you punch them for trying to shoot you.

"Nice reflexes, Squirt," Reno said, chuckling. Rufus rolled his eyes and offered a hand to help Cloud up. Cloud took it and Rufus grimaced when he felt Cloud's clammy palms against his own. Cloud felt the stupid desire to wipe his hands on his trousers but ignored it. Rufus made a gesture with his finger for Cloud to turn around and he did so, his heart hammering. Was Rufus playing some stupid game with him? Was he going to get shot?

"Hold the gun like you were doing..." he heard Rufus say and he was aware that the man was rather close. He began to tremble when he felt Rufus' hands rest on his shoulders. He raised the gun, trying to keep his hands steady.

"Ah.. You're still thinking about this like a machine gun. Here..." Rufus tilted Cloud's hand up a little adjusted his grip slightly. He kept his arms in place and Cloud realised that he could smell the expensive cologne that Rufus wore.

He was about to squeeze the trigger when the door hissed open. Cloud glanced at the door and saw Sephiroth and Zack there. The two of them froze and Cloud realised what this had to look like. He quickly scrambled away and saw Reno and Rufus smirking at each other.

"This room isn't listed as in use..." Sephiroth said after an awkward pause. Cloud swallowed.

"Tseng booked it for shooting practise..." he explained weakly. Sephiroth nodded put his hands in the pockets of his trenchcoat. Zack was looking back and forth between Cloud and Sephiroth then at Rufus and round again. Cloud felt his face colour.

"Don't get your panties in a twist, General. I was just teaching him to adjust his grip," Rufus said, pushing past Sephiroth at the door. Reno took that as his own cue to leave as well. Cloud sighed and glanced at the mannequin. How was he meant to do this when it seemed like all the Turks apart from Tseng weren't on his side?

"You know, I'm just going to go beat up Reno," Zack said cheerfully. "Because seriously Spike, you look _green_ and it's gotta be his fault somehow..." Cloud blinked, not quite sure why Zack was so keen to take on a Turk. Zack was gone before Cloud managed to wet his mouth enough to speak.

"I was going to call last night but I didn't want you to think that I didn't think you could handle it," Sephiroth said, closing the door behind him. He glanced around the VR room before he going to sit in the chair that Rufus had been in moments before. Cloud awkwardly adjusted the gun in his hand.

"It's okay. I passed out after dinner anyway," Cloud replied, turning the safety on on the gun. He didn't need to accidentally shoot Sephiroth to make his day even better.

"We never did go for dinner," Sephiroth said. Cloud glanced up at him. He wasn't sure what to respond to that. He walked over to Sephiroth perching on the arm of the chair.

"I have no idea when I'll next have any free time... Tseng doesn't disclose arrangements in advance very often," Cloud explained. Sephiroth looked up at him, green eyes glowing brightly.

"If you want to back out of our relationship-"

"No!" Cloud glared down at Sephiroth. He hesitantly put his hand on Sephiroth's shoulder. "That's not it! I just... I have to get through this training and... it's hard. Tseng expects perfection on the first try and... I'm just not a natural at this like most of them... I have to work really hard..."

Sephiroth's eyes closed and Cloud moved his hand to the other's neck. He stroked the warm, soft skin there, feeling Sephiroth's hair against his knuckles as he did so.

"You're not wearing gloves," Sephiroth commented, opening his eyes. Cloud nodded slowly.

"Was told I should get used to using bare hands with weaponry," he replied. He leaned forward, pressing a kiss against the top of Sephiroth's head. He felt the General's arm wrap around him briefly before he was allowed to move away.

"If there is time tonight... Zack has invited us both to visit Aeris," Sephiroth let the invitation hover. Cloud looked down at him, saw the hesitance, the worry, the fear of rejection and had to resist the urge to kiss the top of Sephiroth's head again.

"If I'm free, I'll meet you at your office," he said. Sephiroth frowned.

"Do you have the clearance to get to my office?" he asked. Cloud laughed, raising his hand to hide his smile.

"General, have you forgotten? I'm a Turk now. We get _everywhere_."

* * *

Aeris' house was warm and homely. Cloud immediately felt at ease. Elmyra had fussed over him when he'd arrived, commenting that he was far too 'thin' for a teenage boy and forcing a freshly made cake into his hand and making him sit down to the table. Zack winked at him as he tucked into a cupcake of his own. Only Sephiroth stood there awkwardly, cupcake in hand, looking as though he was waiting for the axe to fall.

Cloud eventually took pity on the General, relieving him of the cake for truly altruistic reasons and forcing him to sit around the rough wooden table. Elmyra caught his eye and smiled at him, wiping her hands on her apron as she began to prepare their meal for the evening.

"Aeris won't be much longer. She spends far too much time at the Church," Elmyra said, stirring whatever it was on the stove a few times. Cloud nodded. He was looking forward to meeting Aeris. He'd heard a lot about her, but so far hadn't even met her once. He was sure that whoever could put up with Zack was quite a strong person, but he couldn't believe _all_ the attributes Zack gave her. If one person was all the things Aeris was, they'd be thought of as a god, nevermind a normal human being.

"Do you want me to go pick her up?" Zack asked, looking a little worried. Elmyra waved a hand dismissively.

"There are no doubt Turks making sure she gets here all right. Tseng takes good care of her," she said. Cloud blinked, glancing at Sephiroth who was staring uncomfortably at the table in front of him. _Why are Turks involved? Aeris is just some girl right? Is it because she's involved with Zack...?_

He opened his mouth to ask before shutting it again. There was no point. From the look in Zack's eyes, it was news to him as well that Aeris was being watched over by the Turks and Sephiroth appeared to be in a world of his own.

"Wow, three handsome men waiting for me in my kitchen. Am I the luckiest girl in the Slums or what?"

Cloud turned to see a petite brunette standing at the door. Her chestnut hair was tied back in a ponytail and her green eyes were large and clear and... they seemed to be the same colour as the General's. He glanced at Sephiroth again to see that the man had briefly glanced in her direction before turning away again. No one seemed to find it unusual.

"Hey! Stop perving on my friends in my presence!" Zack joked. Elmyra patted him on the shoulder as she passed to take the basket of unsold flowers from Aeris as she removed her shoes. Aeris handed it to her with a small smile, letting her mother kiss her cheek, before walking to the table and seating herself between Zack and Cloud.

"You do not need to buffer yourself, Miss Gainsborough. I am well aware that this... place... doesn't like me and am trying to be as unobtrusive as possible," Sephiroth said suddenly. Cloud blinked, not sure what Sephiroth was saying and feeling weird at the sudden formality in the air. Aeris just smiled back kindly.

"I'm not buffering myself, General. Your presence is rather different from the first time we met," she said, not even flinching when Sephiroth's slightly deadened eyes turned to her. Cloud felt a chill go through him. He'd never seen Sephiroth look so uncomfortable. Why had the man asked him to come here to meet Aeris if it would have made him feel so terrible?

"You are going to say something cheesy, Miss Gainsborough, and I'd prefer if you kept it to yourself," Sephiroth said finally. Aeris smiled and linked her hand with Zack's.

"So, Cloud, it's the first time we've met officially right?" she asked. Cloud nodded slowly, wishing that he'd thought to wear his gloves and scarf to hide his scars. He was lucky, he supposed, that Aeris was sitting so that she couldn't see it.

"Yeah. Pleased to meet you," Cloud said, ducking his head somewhat awkwardly. Aeris smiled.

"You feel more at peace now. I was worried about you. At one point it felt like you might tear-"

"Babe," Zack interrupted. Cloud shifted awkwardly in his seat. He knew there was something weird about Aeris, something beyond the normal, but the way she was talking... as though she _knew_... As though she could _feel_ him...

"Miss Gainsborough has certain abilities. Don't let it worry you if she says something weird," Sephiroth said. Cloud turned to him, tilting his head to the side slightly. Sephiroth shrugged.

"We're very similar in certain respects," he said.

"We're not similar at all," Aeris interjected. Zack shifted in his seat awkwardly. "We are polar opposites General."

"Well. The stew is ready!" Elmyra put the large stew pot in the middle of the table in an attempt to break up the developing tension. Cloud reached to put his hand on Sephiroth's knee under the table and squeezed slightly. He wasn't sure what was going on here.

Aeris seemed nice, pretty and eerily omniscient, but at the same time, he could sense that Sephiroth was distinctly uncomfortable in her presence. And now that Cloud could touch Sephiroth, he could feel something different himself, a weird shift in pressure that made him feel a little disorientated.

"Don't," Sephiroth said, removing Cloud's hand. Cloud blinked, staring at Sephiroth even as Elmyra loaded his plate with food. He could feel it now, something different about Sephiroth, something that he'd always ignored but in this house it was intensified to something almost unbearable.

Sephiroth met his eyes for only a moment before standing up. "Excuse me," he said, bowing and leaving the house.

* * *

Sephiroth stood outside trying to stop his hands from shaking. He could hear it in there, the screams of thousands echoing inside his head. Sometimes he would see curls of green trying to trap him. He knew that Aeris did her best to stop it, but he also knew that his own presence hurt her the same as hers hurt him.

It was, no doubt, Hojo's fault. Sephiroth knew that there were certain things that had been done to create him that were against nature, and he never felt it as acutely as he did when he was at Aeris' house.

"Sephiroth..."

He turned. Cloud was stood there in his blue Turks suit, looking uncertain and so very young. He closed the door behind him gently and bit his lip as he looked up at him.

"Why did we come here?" he asked gently. Sephiroth looked at the flowers, trying to admire them for their beauty but unable to. Every time he tried, the face of another dead Wutaian child would be forced into his mind instead.

"Aeris is good for people. For ordinary people," Sephiroth said, trying to keep his voice neutral, trying not to let it show that he was completely lost. "This place as well. I wanted you to be able to relax..."

"I can't relax if you're uncomfortable," Cloud pointed out. He stepped forward and gently took Sephiroth's hand, running his thumb over the leather.

"I'm sorry," Sephiroth said, looking into Cloud's eyes. The blond smiled up at him and he shrugged.

"C'mon. You can walk me home," Cloud said, pulling on Sephiroth's hand to lead him back into the heart of the Slums. Sephiroth resisted a little, glancing at the little cottage.

"I apologised for us both and said we were going early. Zack was upset but he understands," Cloud said, catching Sephiroth's resistance. Sephiroth looked down at their joined hands.

"I'm sorry," he repeated. "I'm sorry I'm not normal."

Cloud seemed shocked for a moment before his smile appeared again and he ducked his head embarrassed.

"No offence General, but that's kind of what I like about you."

**To be continued...**

**Next Chapter: Into AVALANCHE... Cloud finishes his training...**


	8. Into AVALANCHE

**Title: **A Twisted Kind of Honour  
**Rating: **NC-17  
**Pairing**: Sephiroth/Cloud, Zack/Aeris (some S/C/Z)  
**Genre**: Hurt/Comfort  
**Warning**: BRITISH SPELLING! Allusions to rape but nothing else. Kissing between boys. Terrorism.  
**Chapter**: 8/20  
**Comments**: So... There is actual plot here. I know, right, what's plot doing in this fic? We're also getting closer to certain bits that I know some people have been looking forward to, and that's the S/C/Z stuff. Most of it will be happening 'off-screen' but I may post the oneshots up separately somewhere at some point. I created a word in this chapter, points to the one who finds it!

**Chapter Eight:**

**Into AVALANCHE**

The silence in the room was almost too much. A bead of sweat ran down the back of Cloud's neck. Six months of training. Six months of toughening up, of learning new skills, of putting everything on the line, and now it was down to a simple choice of a red stamp or a blue one. Tseng sat with his hands clasped perfectly in between the two, giving nothing away.

Behind him Sephiroth waited, ready to either accept 'SOLDIER's Turk' or to comfort him in failure. Cloud was grateful. Things had been difficult for him over the last few months. Since the night in Aeris' house, he and Sephiroth had only been able to get alone time together on the odd evening. The rest of their time was spent within the Shinra building, usually in the company of Zack or one of the Turks. There was strain to keep their relationship going, as well as outside pressure from others to make something 'more' of it.

Cloud had strictly kept their relationship as non-sexual as he could. For a start, he knew he looked like jailbait, and even though Turks training had stripped away the puppy fat and replaced it with lean muscles. But also part of him knew that it just wasn't time yet. That he wasn't ready and that Sephiroth quite honestly didn't care. If there was one thing that was reassuring about that it was that Sephiroth wasn't pressuring him into it.

"Strife?"

Cloud blinked and came back to the present, staring at Tseng. He noticed that the Wutaian was leaning slightly towards the blue stamp and managed a small smile.

"You're being deployed straight away. Intelligence tells us that you should head down to Wall Market. Apparently there is a gathering at the Honey Bee Inn tonight. We've called off the raid SOLDIER originally planned," Tseng said, lifting the blue stamp and pressing it against the Turks' training paperwork. Cloud's hands clenched into fists.

"I also want you to know that, despite the fact that you report to SOLDIER and not the Turks, you are still one of us," Tseng looked up, meeting Cloud's eyes. "And Turks protect their own. You have access to all the same safe houses and provisions as the average Turk."

"Thank you, Tseng," Cloud replied with a small bow. Tseng's mouth tilted upwards.

"I wasn't sure at first, but you'll make a pretty good Turk. If you were in my own division I'd have definitely made you my partner," Tseng said. Cloud wasn't sure what to reply to that and was flattered and alarmed in equal measure. Whatever qualities he had, he hadn't ever thought that Tseng would think so highly of them, and he wasn't sure that being Tseng's partner would be particularly beneficial for either of them.

"You have four hours to prepare. I'd suggest changing out of the suit and burning it," Tseng said. Cloud chuckled, putting his hands in his pockets.

"I'll pass it onto Reno. He's always ruining his. It'll save him some money this month," he said. Tseng gave him a small smile for that before he filed away the paperwork and returned to his computer. Cloud bowed again, realising he was dismissed and gestured to Sephiroth to lead the way out.

"I will never understand Turks," Sephiroth said, rubbing his temples. Cloud smiled and patted his arm.

"Just because we're completely irreverent doesn't mean we're bad," he said. Sephiroth cast him a tired smile. He honestly did look tired, Cloud realised. Usually Sephiroth seemed to beat back all kinds of fatigue, but at this moment he looked like he was getting old.

Cloud paused and then ran a hand through Sephiroth's hair gently. The other's eyes softened a little. It hadn't taken Cloud long to realise that no one was allowed to touch Sephiroth's hair other than him. Zack had once made the mistake of catching it to get Sephiroth's attention. Cloud had never known silent treatment so bad and eventually Zack had caved and said sorry.

"You're going to go into the Honey Bee tonight?" he asked. Cloud looked at the floor, then back up at Sephiroth. He knew that the General would never ask him not to do something he considered his job, but he could also see the worry.

"No. Tseng was well-meaning, but I don't think it wise to just turn up out of the blue at one of their meetings that they may or may not know that Shinra are aware of," Cloud said gently. "There will be other meetings, I'm sure, and if I hang around Wall Market enough, I'm sure that eventually I'll be recruited anyway."

Sephiroth nodded. Cloud watched his carefully schooled expression with a small amount of affectionate exasperation. To most Sephiroth would look his usual, calm and collected self. To Cloud though, he could see the strain beginning to show. He knew that it wasn't just worry about himself however. Things had been going wrong with SOLDIER recently, and almost all the Firsts had defected, leaving a lot of work to Zack, Sephiroth and Kunsel. Not to mention that apparently Hojo had been pushing Sephiroth to inspect reactors all over the Planet.

Even the General had a breaking point it seemed, and this appeared to be it.

"Let's get some coffee on the way back to mine," Cloud suggested. Sephiroth glanced up, obviously confused. Cloud allowed himself a small smile.

"You're not working tonight right? So we've both got the night off. I was thinking I could cook something for us... I mean, I'm not a great chef or anything, but my mom taught me how to make a pretty neat Nibel stew and..." Cloud knew he was rambling, but it was mostly because Sephiroth was just staring at him, having not agreed to anything yet.

"Just us?" Sephiroth asked. Cloud faltered, putting his hands in his pockets.

"Well... Not exactly..." he admitted. He still found it too intrusive to just have Sephiroth in his apartment, and almost always he'd have to invite someone else over to take away the oppressive seeming atmosphere of having given up his 'safe space'.

"I see," Sephiroth said. He didn't sound disappointed, just accepting, and that made Cloud feel even worse. _Really... He must be bored with me already... I don't... I can't... This isn't even a relationship. I can't even kiss him without creeping out..._

"It's just Zack..." Cloud offered, his voice a little weak. Sephiroth nodded.

"He's already waiting..." Cloud knew his voice sounded high-pitched, nervous and worried.

"He has a key?" Sephiroth asked, and Cloud _did_ see the hurt in Sephiroth's eyes then. He pressed a button for the high speed lift.

"He's waiting for us at the coffee shop," Cloud explained, not wanting to tell Sephiroth that Zack did indeed have his spare key. It hadn't been anything particularly meaningful, just that Zack had needed something he'd left at Cloud's and the other had been too busy to go home and collect it. Zack had taken the spare key and just... never returned it...

"I see," Sephiroth said. Cloud tried not to be too put off by how dejected Sephiroth sounded. Was it really time to start trying to push himself more? With Turks training, Cloud hadn't really thought about how stagnant their relationship had become. Now he guessed that he really hadn't been doing enough and...

He'd grown to care.

It was a bit of a shock. At first he'd assumed that he had been flattered by the attention and, well, Sephiroth had been a close friend and it was worth it to live out even a small part of his fantasies from _before_ Gongaga. Yet now...

Cloud glanced down at his wrists.

Now he was asking himself if it would be really so bad to want it again. He still had the nightmares of Gongaga, but sometimes now he was rescued before the torture started. Although in reality he had to live with the events that had taken place, in his dreams he was slowly healing. He looked up at Sephiroth.

Was it really time?

The lift arrived and Cloud stepped into it, pressing the button for the ground floor. Sephiroth stood beside him, a silent presence that didn't intrude on his thoughts. His stomach flopped as the lift began it's swift descent downwards and he gripped the handrail tightly.

"You're worried about something," Sephiroth said, his voice perfectly measured. Cloud watched the floor numbers start to count down.

"I'm just thinking about everything up until now. It's been a long journey to get here and... well... there's so much more left to do," he said, not sure if he was talking about Turks work or his relationships at that point.

It seemed Sephiroth didn't either as he remained silent.

*

Zack managed to fill up the awkward silences perfectly. Cloud had never appreciated Zack quite as much as in that moment. He placed the pot of stew in the middle of the table, taking the lid off and pulling back as the steam erupted onto his face. He put the lid to one side and shoved a serving spoon into it, knowing that Zack would no doubt help himself and Sephiroth would take his lead.

He returned with the bread and potatoes a moment later to see Zack happily scooping out all the dumplings.

"Leave some for us too," Cloud scolded, putting the bread and potatoes on the table and taking the serving spoon off Zack.

"Heeeey! They're the best bit!" Zack protested, trying to protect his hoard of dumplings from Cloud who was using his fork to remove some of them to put on Sephiroth's plate. The General looked vaguely amused and looked down at the dumplings with a bemused acceptance.

Cloud took over serving things then, not trusting Zack at all. He served the two SOLDIERs large amounts, settling for a smaller amount for himself. He didn't have the mako in his system that leached away all the energy. He then began to tuck in, ignoring Zack's terrible table manners and concentrating instead on chewing on a particularly tough piece of meat.

"'s goodh!" Zack said, accidentally spraying a bit of dumpling onto the table cloth. Cloud and Sephiroth both stared at it for a moment before glancing at each other and starting to laugh. Cloud used his napkin to wipe it up and smiled at Zack.

"You know, you can slow down. It's not going to run off your plate you know," he pointed out. Zack shrugged.

"It tastes pretty fantastic. What meat is it? Doesn't taste like beef, it's more gamey... Some kind of rabbit or something?" he asked. Cloud blinked. He thought it should be obvious what went into Nibel stew.

"It's wolf, Zack. Nibel Wolf to be precise," Sephiroth explained patiently, obviously knowing his food quite well from his travels. Cloud blinked when Zack dropped his cutlery and turned almost green.

"W-wolf?!"

Cloud nodded, spooning some more into his mouth. Nibel Wolves were pretty much a nuisance in Nibelheim and, since they were one of the largest creatures in the area and were hunted anyway, Nibelheimers had come up with inventive ways of using them. Nibel Stew was nothing compared to the Wolf Tongue Soup that Cloud remembered Tifa's mother forcing into him. Now that _was_ vile.

"You've eaten worse," Sephiroth pointed out, stealing one of Zack's dumplings. The other snapped out of whatever he was thinking then and tried to get it back with his fork, effectively tearing it in half.

"Hey! That's the only thing not contaminated by carnivore meat!" he protested, trying to get more. Sephiroth was fast enough to protect his food and Cloud just watched, not sure whether now was a good time to remind them of their manners.

"Zack, it's wolf. It's not like I served you rat or something..." Cloud pointed out when Sephiroth shoved what was rest of the dumpling in his mouth to prevent Zack getting it. They stared at the General, whose cheeks were bulging as he tried to chew it.

Zack poked Sephiroth cheek with almost awe. "I didn't know your face could look that fat..." he said, poking it again.

It was the last straw for Cloud who had been watching with a mix of humour and increasing miffedness. He stared at Sephiroth's cheeks and put his head in his hands, not sure whether to laugh or cry at the two idiots who managed to spoil just about _everything_ he planned.

"Seriously, sir, that's impressive. You managed to swallow it too!"

"Thank you Lieutenant."

"Do it again! I wanna get a picture on my PHS."

Cloud took another mouthful of stew and chewed on his wolf meat, wishing the insanity away.

*

"Aagh, I'm stuffed!" Zack said, flopping onto the rug in front of the ancient gas fire in Cloud's lounge. He slapped his belly for good measure. Cloud glared at him.

"Don't think you're staying there, Zack! You promised to help with the dishes now get in there and _help_," he gave Zack a prod with his shoe. Zack grumbled and got slowly to his feet. Cloud watched him go into the kitchen to help Sephiroth with a sigh.

He felt like he was babysitting. It was strange that Zack managed to bring out the childish side of even _Sephiroth_. Cloud felt a little jealous that Zack could be so carefree with the General, and have the man respond in kind, but he also knew that Zack had never really understood Sephiroth either.

He collapsed onto the sofa, grabbing his blanket from where it was folded over the arm and spreading it over his legs. Nibel Stew always made him homesick and he realised how much he missed his mother. Phoning her only did so much to relieve the loneliness. He turned the TV on, turning it off the news channel it had been on that morning to something a little more frivolous. It was a karaoke show and Cloud watched and let his brain turn to mush.

"Is he asleep?" he heard Zack whisper loudly. He raised his head from where it was resting and looked at the two. Sephiroth had his arms folded and looked like he didn't know whether he was allowed to sit on the couch next to Cloud or if he should sit on the floor or something. Cloud opened his mouth to say it was okay when Zack plonked himself down next to him and began to bury under the blanket himself.

"All cosy!" he announced. Cloud sighed and leaned back against the sofa. Sephiroth sat down by the fire, pulling his hair out of the way and choosing to look at the TV rather than at Cloud. He jumped when Zack's hand accidentally brushed against his thigh and grabbed the man's hand, forcing it above the blankets. Zack was blushing brightly.

"Sorry. I was just trying to-"

"I know," Cloud snapped, already more than annoyed by it all. It had started out as a nice idea and everything had just degenerated. Perhaps he should have just invited Sephiroth? Awkward silences were better than this after all.

The rest of the night passed with Cloud sulking, Sephiroth carefully schooling his expression so he didn't look jealous and Zack being completely and utterly dense about it all.

*

Cloud opened his wardrobe the next morning, and for the first time in months, he didn't don a black suit. Instead he pulled on a pair of ratty jeans, torn at the knees, and a t-shirt with a anarchistic phrase on it. He had bought some temporary die that he used to dye the tips of his spikes red and grabbed a pair of sunglasses (because of course, below Plate chic didn't mean you had to _see_ in the gloom). He grabbed a pair of dirty and worn boots that he'd bought from a second hand shop specifically for Wall Market and declared himself ready.

He grabbed a leather jacket, sliding it over his shoulders to hide the automatic he had under his armpit and he strapped a few knives around his upper arms underneath the leather so that he could flick a knife into his hand in seconds. Wall Market couldn't be taken seriously enough and, though most didn't have a problem when walking through it, Cloud wasn't stupid enough to think that he'd be left alone once he arrived there. He knew he'd been seen with the General and within the Shinra building regularly enough for AVALANCHE to know quite a bit about him by now.

He looked at himself in the mirror, seeing that he looked like every other street kid, albeit a bit cleaner, and took himself out of the door to the train. He was surprised that people ignored him so readily. It seemed that a street kid with scars on his face and hands didn't attract attention in the same way that clean-cut blond kids did. He looked out of the window of the train, staring up at what slum people called 'the rotting pizza'. It wasn't even complete but it blocked out the sun so completely that it might as well have been night to the people beneath.

It wasn't natural. Cloud sighed. Now wasn't the time to judge Shinra anyway. Shinra might be an evil, but they were a necessary one. People needed power, and they needed Shinra's army, and they needed something to aspire to. Cloud could understand that.

Besides, if he doubted Shinra, it made everything he had done, Sephiroth had done, Zack had done.... it made it all meaningless.

He got off the train, letting the doors grind open and stepping onto the dirty platform. He knew he had to walk through Sector 6 to get to it and kept himself alert. He didn't want to get mugged on his way. He was lucky that no one wanted to bother him. For once it was probably because he fitted in.

He got to the entrance of Wall Market, staring at the _maneki-neko_ in front of the store. That meant Wutaians had moved into the area. He suppressed a shiver. Would the Wutaian terrorist movement really have joined forces with AVALANCHE? If they had, Cloud wasn't sure he'd be able to work with them. It had been difficult enough to work with Tseng at times, his face being overlaid by other Wutaians, but to deal with true natives, ones that hadn't been born and raised in Midgar...

"Are you lookin' for some fun Honey?"

Cloud turned to see a... well, he supposed it was a woman. It was a rather muscled transvestite, her make-up troweled onto her face and her wig very worn and threadbare. He felt a blush coming to his face when he saw how tight her hot pants were and the... bulge in them.

"Um, no, sorry," he said. The transvestite looked a little disappointed and lit up a cigarette.

"You think the thing's gaudy too, righ'?" she asked, gesturing to the _maneki-neko_. Cloud looked at the golden thing, it's tongue out and it's paw raised. It was sort of cute, but it was cheap and... well, yes, gaudy.

"Stupid Wutaians have move in and taken o'er most of the shops roun' 'ere. 'sa disgrace s'what it is..." she continued, giving the statue a kick with her stilletto'd gogo-boot. Cloud watched the plastic thing wobble rather like a weeble.

"Hear they tryin' to get wiv AVALANCHE but they won' 'ave 'em," she continued, puffing on her cigarette. "AVALANCHE at leas' 'ave brains though. They not 'avin' anythin' to do wiv 'em. Dun wan' Shinra on their backs. Rather easy to arrest Wutaians, not so much normal citizens..."

Cloud nodded, suddenly glad he'd managed to look like a john wanting to pick up a prostitute. They obviously had a lot of information and were drugged up enough that they pretty much spilled whatever they were currently thinking about.

"How much you say you were payin'?" she asked, narrowing her eyes shrewdly. Cloud shook his head, holding up his hands.

"I don't have any money, Miss. You're going to have to go somewhere else for a customer," he said. He couldn't talk like a street kid, his Nibel accent was too strong to disguise. She smiled at him and patted his cheek.

"Aw, you be a cute lil' country kid, eh? I tell you what, half-price for ya and I'll expand yer horizons," she said. Cloud pulled away sharply, falling over his own feet as he did so and knocking into the _maneki-neko_. When he rolled off it it righted itself and smashed into the startled transvestite's crotch, causing her to shriek in pain as Cloud darted off into the depths of the market.

He stopped, panting, outside the bar. He stood, hands on his knees, as he tried to catch his breath. The transvestite hadn't followed him, so at least he was lucky in that sense, but he also knew that he'd lost a good source of information from that.

He still had no idea where AVALANCHE were based in Wall Market, just that they were somewhere. He glanced around, wondering where he'd hide if he was a terrorist and then sighed. He couldn't think of anywhere. He glanced at the bar. Well, at least he could get some food or something.

He sat on the end of the bar, ignoring the regulars' grumbling at having to move up and ordered beer (only bottle things were safe to drink in the Slums where the alcohol would kill the bacteria) and something to eat. He was sure that anything they brought him would give him gut ache, but it was better than being hungry he supposed.

He began to play with his phone as he waited, flicking through the apps. on it to see if he'd downloaded anything to pass the time while he became a 'fixture' in the slums. He ended up playing Tetris on his phone, sipping his beer absently and picking at the sandwiches he was brought. He leaned against the bar as he concentrated, looking more casual now that he wasn't thinking about how he had to appear.

He didn't notice anyone entering the bar, but he suddenly sensed a presence behind him and he turned, his hand clenched tightly on the bottle ready to use it as a weapon if needed. The man behind him was tall and thin, a green bandanna around his forehead. His dark hair stuck out from underneath it and his dark eyes bored into Cloud.

"Fancy PHS ya got there. I'm relievin' you of it," he said, trying to snatch it out of Cloud's hand. Cloud quickly pocketed it, gripping the man's wrist as he reached for it.

The next thing Cloud knew he was being thrown across the room. His body hit a table painfully and as it overturned he felt the glass smashing underneath his body. He grimaced, knowing he had to get up quickly and managing to jump to his feet in time to dodge a punch aimed at his face.

He quickly shook out his arms, knife hilts sliding into his palms. Moments later he was fully armed, blades held out defensively in front of him. The man smirked, cracking his knuckles.

"Heh. Prickly lil hedgehog aintcha," he said, dropping into a fighters stance. Cloud had expected others to try to get out of the way, but instead they seemed to be crowding around to watch the fight.

"Go Shears!" someone shouted and Cloud tightened his grip on his knives.

"Money's on the hedgehog!" someone else screamed. Cloud, distracted by the shouting, barely had time to react when Shears moved towards him with the intent of stealing one of the knives. He just managed to get out of the way, ducking behind the overturned table before bringing one of the knives down hard on Shear's foot.

The man screamed, staring down as blood began to ooze out of the bottom of his shoe where it was pinned to the floor. Cloud jerked the blade free, getting to his feet. Shears was obviously angry now and Cloud was pretty sure it was time to split, but then a dark haired girl stepped forward, putting her hand on his shoulder. Shears immediately stepped back and the crowd, as though fearing the girl, quickly dispersed.

"What's your name?" she asked, though Cloud thought he could see that she already knew.

"Cloud," he answered. The woman's eyebrows rose and she folded her arms.

"Honest, aren't you? No alias?" she asked. Cloud straightened, sheathing his blades. He could sense that they wouldn't be much good anyway if this was who he thought it was.

"I don't need one," he replied, clipping the blades into place. "I'm looking for Elfé."

The woman stepped forward and peered into his face. He saw she was looking for something and met her eyes stoically.

"Well, you've found her. And what does the General's lover want with the leader of AVALANCHE, hm?"


	9. Getting A Rise From The General

**Title: **A Twisted Kind of Honour  
**Rating: **NC-17  
**Pairing**: Sephiroth/Cloud, Zack/Aeris (some S/C/Z)  
**Genre**: Hurt/Comfort  
**Warning**: BRITISH SPELLING! Allusions to rape. M/M scenes. Terrorism.  
**Chapter**: 9/20  
**Comments**: Thank you so much for the kind reviews! It means a lot to get some and I got quite a few a while after posting. The amount of alerts are fantastic, and it's great to know that there are people following this story, even if they don't leave feedback. I assume I'm doing things right if you're not all complaining! Over 10,000 hits now! Thank you so much!

Next chapter involves sex.

**For those of you reading on , I would like to point you to my FictionPress: username Medico Della Peste. I will be uploading original works there shortly.**

**Chapter Nine:**

**Getting a Rise from the General**

"And what does the General's lover want with the leader of AVALANCHE, hm?" Elfé asked, her eyes serious. She was wearing khaki green combat gear, held together with a series of leather straps that probably held in place a scabbard underneath her mantle.

Cloud refused to be daunted. "To pass on information," he said, his eyes flashing brightly. This was the woman who tried to kill Sephiroth and Zack, who had hurt all those innocent people on the plaza that day...

"Oh really?" she looked amused and gestured to Shears. "We better talk about this elsewhere," she said, putting her hands in her pockets as she regarded Cloud. He kept his back ramrod straight, glad that she didn't appear to have any weapons beyond her sword. She wouldn't be able to dodge a bullet at least.

Cloud watched Shears limp in front of him and couldn't help a Reno-esque smirk. He'd managed to defend himself adequately and injure his opponent. He wasn't a greenhorn cadet any more. Shears caught the smirk and growled something under his breath. It seemed he wouldn't directly attack him though, without Elfé's orders. A few other members of AVALANCHE joined them at the door, flanking Elfé.

"Where are we going?" Cloud asked. Elfé shook her head and pushed Cloud in front of her.

"Just keep walking," she growled. It wasn't long before Cloud was lost. He knew he way around certain parts of the Slums, mostly the upper class areas (as upper class as the slums got anyway), but this area was truly a shanty town.

"If you're just going to run me through, you don't need to do something fancy like take me somewhere deserted," Cloud pointed out. Elfé snorted and the party came to a stop. The area was deserted, junk piled up on all sides instead.

"We should put a bullet in your head and leave you as a message to Shinra," she said, baring her teeth as she did so. Cloud got the image of a feral cat and he folded his arms, ignoring the churning sensation in his stomach.

"Not much of a message. Shinra already got me back virtually in a body bag once, they'll not care if terrorists actually manage it this time," he said. Elfé's eyes narrowed.

"You're saying that General Sephiroth wouldn't care?" she asked. Cloud met her eyes, knowing that he had to get this right.

"General Sephiroth...? Oh, he'd care. But you wanted to make a point against _Shinra_ not _Sephiroth_ and there's a difference," Cloud pointed out. Elfé said nothing but Shears stepped forward then.

"Shinra, Sephiroth, SOLDIER... They're all the same," he said. Cloud shrugged.

"I think you'll find there's a difference if you were on the inside, but you're not, are you?" he asked, putting on an air of superiority. "There are just some things you'll never understand."

"And you're offering us that inside look? Why? Found your General dicking his secretary or something?" Shears asked, his eyes intent on Cloud's face. Cloud made himself smirk.

"About a year ago, I was taken hostage in Wutai..." Cloud began, walking closer to Shears. Even though the other was his superior in height and age, he seemed to not want Cloud near him. Cloud tried to channel as much creepy-out-of-his-mind Turk-power as he could.

"Up until that point, I'd loved Shinra. I joined to impress the General, to make the girls in my home town love me, to be everything that the posters say that I could have been," Cloud was surprised that the bitterness in his voice wasn't feigned. He had thought he was over not being a SOLDIER. Perhaps not...

"Instead I got a Wutaian's cock down my throat and a nice little pay-off to keep silent from Shinra," Cloud spat out the words. Shears continued watching impassively, though a few of the others there winced.

"I hate them," Cloud hissed, his eyes narrowing. "So I decided to get back at them the only way I could. I used my friendship with a SOLDIER called Zack Fair to get to the General, and then I sold my soul to get my revenge. I have the General, Shinra's greatest weapon, in my pocket. I have access to all kinds of information just by overhearing snatches of conversation on the phone or by visiting him in his office and glancing over his desk top."

"And when the time comes, I can take him out."

*

Sephiroth stared at his paperwork. He wasn't getting anything done at all. He didn't know what he was supposed to be even _doing_. He sighed as he sifted through the pages and was almost relieved when there was a knock at his door. He laid aside the... whatever it was... that he was looking at and called for them to enter.

Rufus stepped in, his ego immediately filling the room. Reno loped in after him, leaning against the wall in a way that seemed completely casual. Sephiroth rolled his eyes and rose to his feet as well.

"Vice-President," he said, bowing slightly. They weren't of directly equivalent rank, but there wasn't much between them. "To what do I owe this honour?"

"Just coming to check up on you, General. I hear that you've been somewhat busy plotting with the Turks recently. I just came to inquire how that was going," he said, his pretty boy features arranged thoughtfully into genuine concern. Sephiroth immediately grew suspicious though. Tseng had told him that no one, absolutely no one, had been told of Cloud's mission beyond the Turks, and Turks kept quiet no matter who was asking.

"It is going well," Sephiroth said, though he wasn't sure it was.

"That's good then," Rufus said, and Sephiroth noticed a flicker of disappointment in his eyes. He glanced at Reno, and saw the red head's displeasure that Rufus was fishing for information. He then noticed Sephiroth watching him and wiped his expression clean, standing a little straighter.

"And how are things going with your pretty blond friend then?" Rufus asked. Sephiroth could tell this was petty revenge and sighed, folding his arms.

"What exactly do you want to hear, Vice President?" he asked, leaning against his desk.

"Oh, I don't know. There are rumours though, rumours that your boyfriend refuses to sleep with you. Is that really true, General? Because most people who have been dating for six weeks, never mind six months, tend to have got a little further..." Rufus' voice was laced with poison and Sephiroth tried not to let it get to him. Even so, Sephiroth had been wondering when Cloud might actually allow him to touch him.

"My personal life is none of your concern," Sephiroth said quietly. Rufus laughed.

"And so it's true. Really, General, you could do better," he pointed out. "Cloud is cute. He has a naïve charm that I'm sure got to you at first, but there are others who would be more understanding-"

"I don't need understanding, thank you, Vice President," Sephiroth cut him off. "I am perfectly aware that my relationship with Cloud is unusual, but I am also aware that your own relationships aren't exactly thought well of by your father. Perhaps I could give you advice on better choices of bed partners too?" Sephiroth let his eyes drift over pointedly to Reno. The red head didn't look angry though, he was grinning from ear to ear.

"That just told you, boss," he said, pushing off the wall and opening the door.

"Come on, you're not going to get a rise from the General that way," he said. He stepped out of the room. Rufus' lip twitched into a snarl and he left the room.

Sephiroth sighed and glanced back down at his paperwork.

"Why does the Vice-President want to know about Cloud so much...?"

*

"A double agent," Elfé said quietly, leaning against the wall. The tension seemed to have diffused a little and Shears had even backed off. Cloud guessed he must have looked pretty frightening when he'd been talking like that.

"We have no assurances we can trust him. He's too closely tied to Shinra!" Shears said, but Cloud could see from the light in Elfé's eyes that he'd won already. She pitied him, and that was enough. He could use that against her.

"Then we'll test him. We're planning to launch an attack on the Shinra Plaza again next week. It'll be a bigger blast than before, but not enough to smash the support pillar. Still, we're estimating about 50 employees will be killed in the blast, with hundreds more injured," Elfé said. Cloud felt cold, but he nodded slowly. He would have to tell Sephiroth and figure out how to minimise the casualties without making it look like Shinra had been prepared.

"In a week, after the blast, we'll contact you if you pass the test and don't blab to Shinra. If you don't... well... We know who to catch in the next explosion," Elfé's determination was clear. Cloud nodded slowly.

"Alright then."

*

Zack pushed the door open to Sephiroth's apartment. When he'd heard the General had gone home early, he'd nearly done a double take. Sephiroth just didn't take the day off. Nothing was that important. But something clearly was this time.

Zack took off his boots and called out so that Sephiroth would know he was there. He found Sephiroth sat on his couch, in front of him various papers were spread. He didn't even glance up.

"Something just doesn't add up, Zack," Sephiroth said quietly. "Something to do with the Vice President."

Zack sat next to Sephiroth on the couch. "That why you got out of the office? So no one would know what you were looking into?"

Sephiroth nodded absently, sorting through the papers in front of him. He eventually found the one he was looking for and handed it to Zack. He scanned it, realising it was an order for chemicals that would make explosives. The signature on it was Rufus' and the date was...

"Three days before the attack on the Plaza," Sephiroth confirmed. "What's more, he regularly has funds going from his bank account into another one. It turns out the other one is off-shore and I can't get access to any information."

Zack tried to follow the trail of Sephiroth's thoughts. "You think he's funding AVALANCHE?"

"I think I'm close to proving it," Sephiroth replied. "All this evidence, what would he say when confronted?"

"You've got to be careful. We're talking the Prez's son here," Zack pointed out. Sephiroth sighed and leaned back against the couch.

"I know. Also, with Cloud's mission in AVALANCHE, things are even more complicated if Rufus finds out his true purpose," Sephiroth said quietly. Zack hadn't even thought of that, but it made a certain amount of sense all the same.

"What are we going to do?" Zack asked. Sephiroth rubbed the bridge of his nose.

"Nothing. At least not yet," he replied. "I'm worried that, in some way, Rufus has the Turks behind him. Particularly with Reno as his current toy."

"You think Reno will betray Cloud?" Zack pressed. He would quite happily lock Reno away in a room without windows for a lesser reason.

"No. The Turks are loyal to their own above all else," Sephiroth replied. "Reno must have kept silent, that's why Rufus came fishing to me." At that point, Sephiroth's expression darkened and Zack had a suspicion that Rufus had said some other things.

"Can I talk to you, Zack?" Sephiroth said finally. Zack nodded, leaning back on the couch as well, pulling one leg up. He could tell that Sephiroth had something else on his mind as well.

"I'm sorry... it's personal but... You and Aeris... Are you... are you sleeping together yet?" he asked. Zack had to laugh, it wasn't the question he was expecting.

"Hey, a gentlemen never kisses and tells!" he protested, but then seeing that Sephiroth didn't even smile he sobered up.

"Er, well... Yeah... When we get the chance and her mom's out, you know... Why?" Zack asked, knowing that Aeris would _kill_ him if he told anyone. Sephiroth nodded slowly.

"Is it strange that... that myself and Cloud... haven't yet?" he asked. Zack blinked. Oh, wow, how was he meant to answer a question like that? Yes it was strange but at the same time... Cloud...

"Well... I mean... nothing...? Not even a..." Zack couldn't believe he was about to say this in front of _Sephiroth_. "Not even a hand job or anything?" he asked. Sephiroth looked at him blankly. "_Nothing_?" The man nodded.

Zack sighed and looked at the floor. He'd thought... He'd thought that, perhaps, Cloud had been healing, what with all the Turks stuff and how he wasn't so jumpy any more. But it seemed that Cloud had filled his life with other things and just... just forgotten Sephiroth entirely.

"I'm not sure how much longer this can continue," Sephiroth said softly. "I think he knows it as well. I enjoy his company, but that my relationship with him is virtually the same as I have with you... It's not the way I imagined it."

Zack remained silent for a long moment, trying to think about what he could say to make it seem better. There wasn't much though. Cloud seemed to have changed recently, grown stronger, but still not strong enough it seemed.

"Have you discussed it with him?" he asked. Sephiroth shook his head.

"It would frighten him," he said softly. Zack frowned. Would it? Or was Cloud, in some way, waiting for it? He couldn't see the blond making the first move on this front.

"Why don't you... why don't you suggest him moving in? He might agree you know. It's a step forward," he suggested. Sephiroth stared at the papers in front of him for a moment.

"You think he'll say yes?" he asked. Zack thought about Cloud, about how protective he was of his apartment, but then about the affection he'd sometimes caught in Cloud's gaze when looking at Sephiroth.

"I think it's worth a shot," Zack conceded. "If not, I mean, you've lost nothing... And if he says no, well, perhaps it's better to just be friends after all."

"I don't want to be friends with him, Zack," Sephiroth's voice sounded dead and Zack resisted the urge to give him a hug.

"I know, Seph, I know."

*

Cloud was surprised to find a text message from Sephiroth inviting him to dinner. He glanced at the time and realised he wouldn't have time to get changed before he went. He looked down at himself. At least it was still relatively clean, even if it clearly was below-Plate fashion.

His security clearance was questioned so many times on the way up that Cloud began to wish he had got changed. He was going to be just as late anyway. He eventually got to Sephiroth's apartment and knocked at the door, standing there awkwardly.

Sephiroth opened the door and immediately one eyebrow raised. Cloud shrugged apologetically as he stepped inside.

"Sorry, work clothes. I didn't have time to get changed," he said softly. "I should technically be reporting in but I figured it was late enough and I'd burden you with all the details in the morning." He flashed Sephiroth a smile.

Sephiroth gave him a slightly troubled one back. Cloud wasn't sure if it was the clothes that made Sephiroth look so unsure. He didn't think it was _that _strange.

"Are the red spikes too much?" he asked. Sephiroth just shook his head and ushered Cloud into his dining room. Cloud blinked when he saw candles, and even more when he saw wine. Sephiroth had really gone to a lot of effort, hadn't he?

"What's the occasion?" he asked, turning to look up at Sephiroth. Sephiroth looked down at him and then away quickly.

"Let's eat first," Sephiroth suggested. Cloud immediately grew suspicious. He removed his jacket, sitting down. What was on Sephiroth's mind that he felt it had to be kept until the end...?

Was he breaking up with him?

Cloud felt fear clog his throat. He'd sensed Sephiroth had been a little peeved at him the other day, but he'd honestly thought that it would be all okay...

"Sephiroth?" he said and realised his voice was a little high-pitched with panic. Sephiroth sat down opposite him and poured some wine.

"Yes?" he asked. Cloud couldn't see his face, the candles were in the way and made him light-blind.

"Wh-what... What's this about? I mean..." he looked at the plate in front of him. "It's not bad is it?"

Sephiroth placed the bottle of wine down and stood up, walking around the table to kneel beside Cloud's chair. He slid a hand through Cloud's hair and Cloud forced himself to relax.

"I didn't want to just blurt this out..." he said. Cloud's mind was racing. Why was Sephiroth on his knees? Strange imaginings from his cadet days came back to him, though his more adult brain told him to stop being so stupid.

"Cloud... will you-" _Marry?!?!??! "-_move in with me?"

Cloud blinked. Okay, not the question he'd been expecting, but not far wrong. He met Sephiroth's eyes and tried to quell the fear that rose up from that.

"Can I still keep my apartment?" he asked softly. Sephiroth's expression shuttered.

"N-not like that! I mean... I want to move in... B-but... I want... It's... it's important to have that space..." Cloud wasn't sure how to explain. Sephiroth stood up, but he kept his hand resting on Cloud's shoulder.

"Would a room that is yours alone work?" Sephiroth asked quietly. Cloud thought about it. It wasn't the same. He couldn't run and hide in just a room. There would be no stopping anyone getting in... He tried to breathe and think. Sephiroth... He'd understand, right?

"Just for a while... Can I keep it?" he asked. Sephiroth nodded slowly.

"Thank you."


	10. Pressure

**Title: **A Twisted Kind of Honour  
**Rating: **NC-17  
**Pairing**: Sephiroth/Cloud, Zack/Aeris (some S/C/Z)  
**Genre**: Hurt/Comfort  
**Warning**: BRITISH SPELLING! Allusions to rape. M/M scenes. Terrorism. Graphic sex.  
**Chapter**: 10/20  
**Comments**: Officially half way through the story now! Yay! **This chapter has a sex scene in it **which isn't 'new' as such, as it was posted to my journal about 6 months ago, but is still new in context! Also, special thanks to IA1979, whose kind reviews encouraged me to update this faster. Also, through my LJ you can see what I listen to when I write Twisted.

**Chapter Ten:**

**Pressure**

Sephiroth dutifully slid all his clothes to one side in his wardrobe and Cloud stepped around him to start hanging up clothes. Sephiroth watched as his wardrobe filled up. It was actually quite startling to see the difference between his side of the wardrobe, which was mostly black, and the other colours on Cloud's side of the wardrobe. He couldn't help but smile a little as he ran his fingers down the rough material of one of Cloud's cheap shirts.

"Stop being sentimental and help," Cloud said as he dumped another box of trinkets onto the bed. Sephiroth smiled and wrapped his arms around Cloud's waist.

"This is my first official day off in my career and you're going to make me carry boxes?" Sephiroth asked. Cloud looked up at him.

"You have enhanced strength and can carry these boxes far easier than I can. Go help Zack," Cloud said, removing his arms from around his waist and opening the box. Sephiroth knew pulling rank wouldn't be a wise move with how stressed Cloud was feeling at the moment so he did as he was told.

Cloud hadn't moved his furniture from his flat, and had left some of his clothes and personal belongings there. Most of it was moving into Sephiroth's flat though, and Zack had managed to fill most of the hire car they were using with bits and pieces.

"I've been sent to help," Sephiroth said. Zack grinned at him.

"You've been kicked out haven't you? You'll go upstairs and he'll have rearranged everything," he teased. Sephiroth just shrugged. It wasn't like he was emotionally attached to where his furniture was.

"You know, it's still a little weird to have Cloud living with you, y'know. And it must be a great risk for him," Zack said, handing a box over to Sephiroth. The General flashed him a warning look and Zack shut his mouth quickly. The terrorist attack had happened, just as Cloud had reported it would, but luckily Sephiroth had managed to pull off a small miracle and have SOLDIERs disguised as average employees. There hadn't been a single fatality in the blast, but AVALANCHE had appeared appeased.

Cloud hadn't mentioned if he'd had contact with them, and Sephiroth didn't want to pry, trusting Cloud to reveal anything important. For most couples it would have been strange not to be able to talk about their jobs, but for Sephiroth, who had always been dealing with classified files, it was second nature, and Cloud was private enough that it didn't matter to him.

"Have you spoken to Cloud about... y'know...?" Zack pressed, handing Sephiroth a box full of what appeared to be gun maintenance manuals. Sephiroth shook his head as he scanned over the book titles.

"There just hasn't been the right moment and I don't want him to think that I asked him to move in so I could have my wicked way with him," Sephiroth pointed out. Zack laughed at that.

"'Wicked way' Seph? Who speaks that way anymore? Well, apart from Rufus Shinra..." Zack seemed to drift into some kid of fantasy at that point and Sephiroth knew better than to disturb him while he was going over whatever daydream was in his head.

Sephiroth continued to ferry boxes up to the apartment until they were gone. After that he and Zack were unceremoniously kicked out while Cloud 'tidied up', whatever that meant when everything was in boxes. Zack had immediately suggested a local bar and Sephiroth couldn't deny that cold beer definitely seemed like a good idea if he was going to go home and find Cloud as stressed out as he had been earlier that day.

They walked into the smoky bar and Sephiroth went to find a table, not wanting to have to bother with being recognised at the bar. He found a quiet corner in the and sat in the dark, staring down at the dirty table. He guessed he was a little dejected that Cloud hadn't really taken to the idea as well as Sephiroth had hoped. Cloud seemed to be getting more and more distant as the day came and now seemed to want Sephiroth completely out of the way.

Sephiroth really wondered what Cloud was going to make of the fact that he hadn't made up the guest bed and had expected them to be sleeping _together_. He held no illusions that would cause an argument when he got home as Cloud tried to find where Sephiroth kept the spare linen and Sephiroth stubbornly remained silent.

"Here ya go," Zack said. Sephiroth had been expecting a few bottles, but Zack had brought over three _pitchers_ of beer. Sephiroth regarded them sceptically.

"I don't get drunk Zack," he pointed out. It was one of Sephiroth's rules he held for himself. Drunkenness led to impaired judgement and slower reflexes, something that Sephiroth felt would not be beneficial to his standing in the company if it was splashed all over the front of Midgar Mail.

"Just drink as much as you want," Zack said cheerfully as he poured the beer into glasses and handed one to Sephiroth. He took it reservedly, the leather of his gloves cooling around the glass.

"Cheers!" Zack said brightly and took a long drink of the beer. Sephiroth looked at the glass in his hand and sighed, downing his own as well.

*

Cloud sighed in relief when Sephiroth left without any fuss. He needed time to get used to everything. He began to slowly sort through his boxes, finding places in Sephiroth's minimalist apartment to put things. When it came to his books he began to struggle, as Sephiroth didn't have a bookcase. He decided that for now he'd have to leave them in stacks on the floor. The effect wasn't as bad as Cloud had expected, though far from neat, it didn't look too bad. Just lived in. Something Sephiroth's apartment had definitely been lacking before.

Cloud then began to snoop around the rooms. He found the guest bedroom easily, noting it would be perfect for when Zack got too drunk to go home and also contained a small closet where Cloud could squirrel away some of his own weaponry that wouldn't fit within Sephiroth's safe.

Sephiroth's bedroom was disappointingly normal. If Cloud had been hoping to find some embarrassing teenage love letters, he was disappointed. After some snooping all Cloud found that was mildly embarrassing was a box of condoms in the drawer, with a gift tag still attached to them that said "Happy 16th Birthday Sephiroth! Now you're finally legal! From Genesis". They were now well beyond their effective use date.

Cloud began to prepare dinner. He had already planned to tell Zack to get lost when the two got back from wherever they'd gone. He intended to spend the evening getting used to living with Sephiroth on his own, without outside interference. It was absolutely terrifying to think about, but Cloud knew he had to get used to it. If he was honest, he knew that this was the first step into becoming 'normal' again, and he had to take the opportunity with both hands.

He glanced at the recipe. He was making pasta, which would be relatively simple but also pleasantly romantic. He began to stir the wine into the bolognese sauce as instructed and jumped a little when his phone went off. He glanced at the phone and saw that it was a withheld number.

He snatched it up, stirring the mince still. "Strife here."

"It's Shears. We need you to meet us tonight," the man said abruptly. Cloud looked at the food in front of him.

"Does it have to be tonight? I have plans," Cloud replied, trying to sound nonchalant. In fact he was terrified that AVALANCHE might realise that he really didn't want to venture into their lair without adequate time to prepare the right state of mind.

"It has to be tonight. We need some information before we launch our next attack," Shears said. Cloud sighed.

"I really don't have any news to give you that you don't already know-"

"Be there, Strife, or AVALANCHE are going to be bombing _your_ pansy ass next," Shears said before hanging up. Cloud sighed and stared down at the phone before putting it on the worktop. He turned the heat down low and left a note for Sephiroth explaining he had to go out and didn't know when he'd be back.

He then threw on some slum clothes and left the building to go below Plate.

*

Sephiroth had drunk quite a lot. They had both had a pitcher each and the third one, well, most of it was going all over the table as opposed to in their glasses. Sephiroth took another sip of beer.

"Seriously, you just gotta talk about things, y'know?" Zack slurred, slumping against Sephiroth. "Cuz if you don't talk nothing changes!"

Sephiroth nodded, as though he'd heard a great piece of wisdom. "I just don't know _how_ to talk about it I guess."

"Just tell him what you wanna do. He'll probably want to do it too. If not he'll just say no and that'll be that," Zack pointed out. "Can't be cel-celibra-celibrat- Can't go without sex forever." Zack was swaying now where he sat. Sephiroth pretended not to notice the slurring.

"You're right. Cloud wouldn't have agreed to move in with me if he didn't want us to be together..." Sephiroth said, drinking more beer. "Which means I should probably get home and get talking to him."

"One more beer?" Zack pressed. Sephiroth looked at the pitcher, which was somehow empty.

"One more beer."

*

Cloud stepped into the Honey Bee Inn and felt a chill go down his spine. Sleazy men pawed at women in the corners and dead-eyed women with hardly any clothes on moved from party to party, their beaded thongs catching the red light obscenely.

Cloud took a few more steps forward, trying to see anyone who was out of place enough to be AVALANCHE in here. He did catch a few people's eyes, but he had to look away quickly so that they didn't think he after something. After wandering around aimlessly for a few moments he was eventually approached by a woman wearing a slightly less revealing bumblebee outfit.

"Are you looking for a party, sir?" she asked. Cloud buried his face in his scarf.

"I'm looking for a man named Shears. Is he here?" he asked. The woman's mouth turned down and she sighed.

"His party are always in the red room," she said, gesturing for Cloud to move into the corridor. "They aren't very good customers to be honest. Never leave a tip."

"They use the services here?" Cloud questioned, his skin crawling as he thought about what they might be doing in the 'red room'. They paused outside a door that read "&$#% Room".

"This is the red room," the woman said, gesturing to the sign. Cloud sighed and glanced at it, not sure how that said 'red' in any stretch of the imagination.

"And if you must know, there's only one in the party who uses our services. That's Elfé," she winked and then opened the door. Cloud stepped into the room slightly bemused. Sure enough, AVALANCHE weren't engaging in any lewd sex acts within the room, but were instead using the bed as a table with various bits of paper scattered across it.

"You made it then," Shears commented without turning. Cloud forced himself into a calm state so he wouldn't rise to it.

"Wouldn't have missed it for the world," he managed to drawl effectively.

"Whatever mountain boy. Get your ass down here. I need your expertise on whether or not these plans are correct," Shears said, gesturing to the space next to him. Cloud carefully sandwiched himself between Shears and another member, trying to ignore the shiver of disgust that went through him when the two leaned forward and cut even further into his personal space.

"This is a reactor plan," Cloud stated, frowning slightly. It didn't say which reactor it was, but they were all laid out pretty much the same. Cloud leaned forward, looking for any architectural differences which would allow him to figure out which sector it was meant to be.

"Yeah. We decided to go straight for the throat. If we destroy the reactors, Shinra will have to spend their time repairing them and that'll give us time to plan more attacks," Shears explained. Cloud looked dubious.

"I can just see Shinra leaving it and letting the Slums people starve without power, rerouteing the mako to the above Plate properties from other reactors," he replied honestly. It wasn't like Shinra would care about the Slums. "You'd have to attack two or three reactors to really _bother_ Shinra."

Cloud could see a few of the other members of AVALANCHE looking at each other. They didn't seem to know whether to rely on his intelligence or immediately question it.

"Any plans you put in place for this one, with plenty of manpower could be applied to any reactor in the world," Cloud continued, undaunted. "All reactors are the same." Also, when reactors exploded they tended not to take out so many civilians, compared to AVALANCHE's other explosions.

"But not all have the escape routes available to make them viable," Shears put forward. Cloud had to concede that.

"If you're going to bomb a reactor, you'd be best of starting with one in the middle of nowhere than one in Midgar. The ones in Midgar are so well protected by SOLDIER that you won't get anywhere near them," Cloud said, pulling the map towards him so he could see where they planned to put the bombs. He frowned. They planned to plant it in the middle of the reactor?

"Do you have any idea what kind of carnage that kind of bomb will create?" Cloud demanded, looking at the specification for the bomb they were building. "Combined with the amount of mako you're setting free into the environment you'd wipe out the equivalent of an entire Sector! You need to half the amount of explosive at least-"

"Where does your expertise come from, Mr. Strife?"

Cloud turned around to see Elfé, dressed much more simply than usual in a pair of khaki shorts and a tank top. He did notice she'd gone braless though, and his eyes were drawn to her nipples as they extended through the top. He felt Shears squirm a little next to him and knew that he'd noticed as well. Cloud smirked evilly and made room for her between himself and Shears.

"You think I'd come from an army background without some knowledge of explosives?" he asked. Elfé knelt down beside him and leaned forward to pull the plans closer to her. Cloud got a clearer view of her chest as she did so, though she seemed oblivious to the sudden perverted nature of the men in the room.

"These plans will be put on hold. We don't have the man power at the moment to spare. Our main concern should be the capture and detainment of SOLDIERs in order to test more of the Ravens. Fuhito is close to creating a Raven that retains it's mind and I want to test them against someone. That's where your intelligence comes in, Strife, I need to know where I'm going to find some inebriated SOLDIERs who might be able to be captured," Elfé said, rolling up the plans and wrapping an elastic band around them. Cloud bit his lip. He couldn't place SOLDIERs at risk like that... He needed a distraction.

He leaned a little towards Elfé. "I don't think this is the right time to plan an attack against SOLDIER, Elfé," he said in a voice that was quieter than his normal speaking one. She leaned in towards him, trying to hear what he was saying.

"Why?" she demanded, eyes bright and demanding. Cloud didn't think she was aware of how close she was getting to him and Shears was starting to look alarmed. Cloud was quick enough to hook his hand behind her neck and bring his other up to touch her cheek before she could pull away.

"Because your face is too pretty to be scarred by SOLDIERs on the warpath," he said, trying his best to put on the 'tough guy' act. It seemed to work, though he was slightly concerned by the way that Elfé's pupils seemed to dilate in lust.

"Get off her Strife!" Shears threatened. Cloud laughed and let go of her.

"It's too soon to attack Shinra directly like that. And definitely not SOLDIER. You need to start thinking with some kind of self-preservation," Cloud said flatly. Elfé snarled at Cloud, though he detected something else in her behaviour, something that was far from anger.

"If you don't mind, I'll leave now," Cloud said, getting to his feet. A few members of AVALANCHE rose to their feet as well, obviously thinking of taking him outside and giving him a good hiding.

"No. Leave him," Elfé ordered. The men obediently sat down, though their glares still followed Cloud towards the door.

"Take my advice on board and allow things to cool down before your next attack," Cloud warned. "Otherwise SOLDIER _will_ get to you."

*

Cloud returned home and the first thing he smelled was vomit. He turned frowned, taking a few steps into the lounge. Zack and Sephiroth were collapsed on the sofa, and a quick look into the bathroom showed that whoever had been sick had been unable to find the toilet in time and had found the sink instead.

Taking a few steps forward, concerned that the two might be truly in need of medical help, Cloud reached out to touch Sephiroth's forehead gently. Green eyes flew open and then immediately went slightly out of focus. The sickly sweet scent of alcohol came to Cloud's senses and he immediately pulled back.

"I can't believe this," he said, putting his head in his hands. "Zack wake up!"

"He was sick. He needs sleep," Sephiroth said, his voice slightly slurred. Cloud's eyes narrowed angrily and he grabbed the front of Zack's uniform, pulling him off the couch so that he fell onto the floor.

"Get up!" Cloud snapped, watching as Zack struggled to sit up. "Why do you two spoil _everything_?!" He backed up when he saw Sephiroth's eyes narrow angrily and felt a cold sweat go down his back.

_He's more powerful than you. His judgement is going to be skewed by the drink and you're shouting at him. He could do whatever he wanted to you Strife, and now you have no bolt hole. What are you going to do, hm? Was your evening going to be so romantic that it's worth getting raped by two angry SOLDIERs over?_

"'m sorry, Cloud... We was jus' celebrating," Zack slurred as he tried to get to his feet and fell over, starting to giggle to himself. Cloud backed away, his breathing becoming more and more laboured.

"Zack, get into the spare room and sleep it off," Cloud managed to force out. Zack nodded and promptly fell over again, deciding to crawl towards the bedroom instead. Cloud waited until he'd left before turning to Sephiroth.

"What's wrong?" Sephiroth asked, standing up. Even drunk the man retained his balance and swiftness and Cloud began to back away in the direction of the master bedroom.

"Don't come near me!" he found himself screaming. Sephiroth frowned, staying where he stood.

Cloud bolted, slamming the bedroom door behind him and shoving a chair under the door handle to stop Sephiroth getting in. He huddled into the bed with a shudder and began to cry.

*

Sephiroth awoke the next morning feeling like his head had been placed in the oven. His mouth was disgustingly dry, his eyes hurt whenever light shone into them, and his limbs felt sluggish. He went to the fridge, immediately drinking the two pints of milk he found there. A few moments later it was coming up into the toilet bowl. Sephiroth glanced at his sink mournfully, noticing that there was still Zack's vomit from the night before left there. He washed his face in the bath instead, splashing cold water against his cheek and swilling his mouth out before going to sit on the sofa.

A few minutes later Zack dragged himself down the hall, his eyes blood-shot and his voice sounding hoarse.

"I didn't imagine Cloud coming home angry and sending me to bed, did I?" Zack asked, pouring himself a glass of water, downing it and before pouring himself another.

"I don't think so," Sephiroth replied dryly. "Is this what a hangover feels like?"

"Like what?" Zack asked, sitting down and handing another glass over water to Sephiroth.

"Like a car alarm is going off behind my eyes," Sephiroth replied. Zack chuckled.

"Yeah, that sounds about right..." he replied, before his good humour bled away. "Cloud was really pissed off last night..."

"No, he was frightened," Sephiroth disagreed quietly. Zack blinked, turning to Sephiroth with an astonished look on his face.

"We're two very powerful men who, with plenty of alcohol in us, probably reminded him of something he'd rather not think about," Sephiroth continued, refusing to look at Zack. "We fucked up."

"I never thought I'd hear you say something like that," Zack said softly. Sephiroth shrugged.

"From now on I think I'm going to be saying it a lot-"

"Good morning," Cloud greeted them both coldly. He was fully dressed and his eyes had large bags under them. It was clear he hadn't slept. His gloves were back on his hands and he had a scarf hung around his neck. Sephiroth couldn't remember the last time Cloud had worn gloves in his presence.

"I expect you to clean the bathroom Zack. It's disgusting," Cloud said curtly as he walked to the door to collect the mail, not even looking at it before he threw it onto the coffee table. "And change the bed sheets in the guest room."

Zack seemed not to know what to say. He just nodded dumbly, his eyes turning towards the bathroom with trepidation. Sephiroth waited for Cloud to say something to him, but he didn't, shutting him out.

"Cloud-"

"I don't want to talk to you. Although you can throw away last night's dinner that I prepared. It'll be congealed by now," the venom in Cloud's voice cut through anything Sephiroth had been about to say. Sephiroth sighed.

"I need to talk to you-"

"And I don't want to hear it. I'll be back late tonight. Don't wait up-"

"Cloud, just listen to me-"

"I'm not yours to order around in here, _sir_."

*

Sephiroth considered how he was supposed to broach this subject after Cloud's complete denial to speak with him earlier. Rolling over in bed and just starting to talk took more courage than he had. This was saying something as Sephiroth had gone into battle against entire armies with the odds stacked against him without so much of a twinge of nerves. Still, in light of their fight it seemed too out of place to just randomly start a conversation… Cloud's pyjama clothed back was like an impenetrable barrier.

But Sephiroth knew he had to do something. They couldn't continue like this. As much as Sephiroth wanted to believe that he and Cloud loved each other enough to get through everything, Cloud's reactions were proving that love alone couldn't keep them together. They both needed that physical connection – Sephiroth to feel like he had Cloud's full attention and Cloud to start to heal properly.

"Cloud…" he began. He saw the blond's shoulders tense and tried not to wince before rolling onto his side and spooning against his back. Cloud relaxed a little, obviously expecting that Sephiroth was backing down… The General guessed this could be seen that way even putting his plan into motion…

"I just want you to listen. You don't have to say or do anything. You don't even have to do the things I'm suggesting but… I want you to know what I'm thinking…" Lines all copied parrot fashion from Zack's advice earlier but still well meant. Cloud didn't know that Sephiroth needed to borrow words from other people, even if Sephiroth felt a bit like a fake at that moment.

He moved so his mouth was near Cloud's ear, not wanting to say any of it too loudly, slightly embarrassed by what he was about to say.

"I need you to know that I desire you…" Sephiroth began, keeping his voice low and as soft as possible. No need to spook Cloud into thinking it was an order. The blond lay stiff and unresponsive in his arms, but Sephiroth had expected that. Zack's advice came back to mind. He shouldn't be deterred by a lack of response. Cloud was shocked that Sephiroth was approaching him like this, but if he truly wanted Sephiroth to stop, he'd say so.

"I want to be able to touch you, Cloud," he admitted, remembering to use Cloud's name to make it more intimate. "To run my hands over your chest, ribs, stomach, thighs, scars and all... Everywhere… I know your skin must feel so soft…" Sephiroth closed his eyes, only able to imagine what it must feel like, petal soft against his fingertips that were made sensitive by the gloves he always wore.

"I want to bring you pleasure that makes you to gasp and beg…" Sephiroth continued. "To get you hard and dripping in my hands and mouth and know that you're thinking of no one but me…"

He heard Cloud gasp and wondered if he should stop. Zack had told him to tell Cloud everything though. That no surprises or secrets were a good thing, particularly in the current kind of situation.

"I want to be inside you… I want the tight walls of your insides to grip my cock like you don't want to let it go. I want to stroke you to orgasm from the inside and for you to love every second of it…"

Cloud moved then and Sephiroth got ready to pull away, certain that Cloud was going to yell at him and call him perverted and curse him like the Wutaians that had raped him.

But Cloud didn't. Sephiroth stared as Cloud's hands moved towards his own crotch, stroking himself through the fabric with a whimper.

*

Cloud couldn't help it. He felt embarrassed, in a vague way, that he'd got hard while Sephiroth murmured all those things to him but Sephiroth was right. They should be able to do those things and, if that was all true, Sephiroth wouldn't care if Cloud sprouted a stiffy talking about it.

He continued to stroke himself through the fabric of his pyjamas. The friction was enough to make him start to leak and the tightness in his stomach increased when Sephiroth moved back to spooning against him.

The other still didn't touch him though. Cloud found he was grateful. Sephiroth understood that this was as far as Cloud could be pushed. For now.

He began to grow frustrated with his pyjamas being in the way and he pulled them down a little at the front, allowing his cock to spring free. He heard Sephiroth gasp and when he readjusted his position Cloud felt the man's cock pressing up against his backside. Sephiroth didn't push up against him though, even though he must have wanted to. Cloud didn't know what to do either so he kept himself still, his hand still stroking himself.

He could picture all the things Sephiroth had talked about. The fantasies of his cadet days rising in his thoughts and burning into his mind. An erotic picture of him cradled in Sephiroth's arms, bodies rocking together, Sephiroth's hair tangled between their limbs as they moved faster and faster, trying to reach climax together…

Cloud turned onto his back, knowing it would be easier to cum all over his pyjama top than to have to change the sheets. He kept his eyes closed, at first too embarrassed by what he was doing to open them. Then he grew anxious. Was Sephiroth watching? What did he look like?

Cloud opened his eyes a little, slits of deep blue peeking between his fair eyelashes. He'd expected Sephiroth would be watching his hand on his cock, but he wasn't. Glittering emerald eyes, pupils dilated with desire, were watching his face. When he saw Cloud's eyes open he smiled, a simple smile that made Cloud's heart ache to see.

Sephiroth's eyes did wander, Cloud realized, but they always returned to his face.

"Kiss me," Cloud asked, feeling himself getting close. He closed his eyes as Sephiroth leaned in.

The first brush of lips were light and soft. Cloud felt a whisper of a moan pass through his lips before Sephiroth's mouth covered his fully. He was surprised when Sephiroth's wet tongue slid into his mouth, but he found the electric jolt going through his stomach in response to the all too addictive feeling. He groaned, finally pushed over the edge, imagining his cock in Sephiroth's mouth when the man sucked gently on his tongue. He felt hot cum shoot out of the swollen slit and over his fist, onto the soft cotton of his shirt.

Sephiroth drew back shortly, saliva stretching between their mouths as he did so. Cloud could feel the totally unromantic feeling of saliva cold around his mouth and cum cooling against his chest. They stared at each other for a long moment though.

"I have cum in my hair…" Sephiroth said finally, pulling on the strands where a blob of white had clogged the silver strands together.

Cloud began to laugh. He couldn't help himself. Sephiroth gave him a look before chuckling himself. He wiped his hair against Cloud's pyjamas before leaning back.

Cloud began to feel the dampness more uncomfortably now, permeating the fabric. He shrugged off the top and paused. Usually he would put another one on immediately, hiding his scars from view and snuggle under the covers. But… he'd just jerked off in front of Sephiroth… Sleeping without a top wasn't so bad, was it?

He lay back down and Sephiroth curled up against him. Cloud wondered if the man was still erect but he didn't dare feel. He wasn't sure he could do that yet. Sephiroth didn't seem to mind though, curling up against him and breathing deeply.

"Let's make this work, Seph…" Cloud whispered. "Mm…" Sephiroth replied and Cloud knew he was already asleep.


	11. The Third Wheel

**Title: **A Twisted Kind of Honour  
**Rating: **NC-17  
**Pairing**: Sephiroth/Cloud, Zack/Aeris (some S/C/Z)  
**Genre**: Hurt/Comfort  
**Warning**: BRITISH SPELLING! Direct talk about rape. M/M scenes. Terrorism. Dialogue heavy.  
**Chapter**: 11/20  
**Comments**: Thank you for all your support! Many reviewers have pointed out this story has a lack of reviews, but I'm absolutely amazed by the amount I've got! Thank you so much everyone for the critique, encouragement and general enthusiasm towards this fic! I've now broken 70 reviews and over 100 alerts! To those not aware, there is currently a poll on my Profile for you to decide which fic you'd like to see after _Il Sogno Galleggiate_ is finished. Poll closes when finishes.

**Chapter Eleven:**

**The Third Wheel**

Cloud spent most of the morning the colour of a tomato. Whenever he thought he'd finally gotten over the night before, he would suddenly flare up again because he'd remembered it. Luckily, Sephiroth wasn't around to notice the effect he'd had and Cloud was alone in his embarrassment.

"Ah! Stop thinking about it!" Cloud snapped at himself, splashing his hot face with cold water. He watched it drip into the sink for a moment and then reached for the towel to pat his face dry. He knew he would have to think about him and Sephiroth at some point, and about how far he was willing to go with this, but it was too mortifying at the moment.

He folded the towel and placed it on the towel rack. His eyes drifted to the scars on his wrists. He let his hand rest on the slowly warming towel as he stared at the ridged, purpled flesh. When he'd been in the asylum, Cloud had often wished he'd just been killed in Gongaga, but now he was almost glad he hadn't been. Almost. It was still difficult. He still suffered terrible nightmares, though luckily he hadn't had a night terror with Sephiroth there yet. He could only imagine Sephiroth's reaction to that. He'd probably think Cloud was a nutball...

Cloud moved his hand from the rail and he walked back to lounge. He had nothing to do for the time being. After giving Sephiroth all the information he'd gleaned from Elfé, although none of the details of the encounter. Cloud still wasn't sure how he felt about touching up Elfé. Even so, Sephiroth had the reactors on alert for any potential bombing and Cloud sincerely hoped that Elfé took his advice and didn't pursue the reactors at the moment.

Cloud sat down heavily on the couch. He stared at the television. It wasn't even turned on. He stared at it for a long moment before he reached for the remote, turning the TV on and watching the Midgar rolling news channel until he'd seen pretty much all there was to see.

Bored once more Cloud decided to do some more tidying up or something.

It seemed he was all restless energy today...

*

Sephiroth had been ordered to train some of the new recruits. It was strange to see the new year's cadets already at the stage where they were being considered for selection for SOLDIER. Some of these were Cloud's classmates, and Sephiroth couldn't help but feel a tinge of regret when he considered how Cloud might have been joining him in SOLDIER. But then, if Cloud had, he wasn't sure that he'd have ever had the relationship with Cloud that he had now. Fraternisation wasn't allowed between SOLDIERs, though it was often overlooked if a SOLDIER was good enough. Sephiroth was sure that there would have been someone who would have made it their mission to bring him down using his relationship with Cloud.

At least as a Turk, Cloud had enough mythical deadliness to be able to put off any would-be careerists who thought it would be a good idea to get up the ladder by discrediting others further up it.

He started the VR program. The cadets all shifted nervously as the cold metal walls of Shinra Headquarters disappeared around them and the walls of a Wutaian fortress appeared instead. Sephiroth surveyed the area. He was familiar with it, of course, and recognised it as one that Angeal had used to train Zack. A twinge of nostalgia ran through him at the thought.

He drew Masamune, watching as the cadets all shifted out of his way. "The program will force you to keep up with me. It might be disorientating, but there is no other way for the non-enhanced to keep up with a First," he said simply. One by one the cadets nodded and Sephiroth took a few confident steps forward.

The Wutaians spawned a few seconds after he stepped around the corner. He sighed. It wasn't the programmer's fault that Firsts' sight allowed them to see all the little pixels as they blurred together into virtual reality, but he wished they had thought about making the process smoother on the eyes.

He took a few steps forward, waiting for them to start shooting. A few seconds and the AI kicked in and bullets started to whiz towards him. Sephiroth managed to deflect them with Masamune, all the way continuing unhurriedly forward. He cut the first Wutaian completely in half, his blade slicing through the man's spinal chord with an audible crunch. He then turned to the other two, jumping into the air and swivelling so that he could slice both their throats before he reached the floor. Behind him blood sprayed unrealistically, spattering the walls. The cadets looked more than a little afraid, as though they expected him to turn on them next.

"As Firsts, you will be expected to fight with a certain sense of style in battle. Yes, it is important that you win battles, style must never come before that, but as a First you should already be so advanced in battle that nothing you come up against should be able to beat you. Now these will respawn. I want you to attempt to take them down in the same amount of time it took me. With all thirty of you, it shouldn't be too hard," Sephiroth said, glancing at the corpses.

"Twenty-nine of us, sir," a cadet piped up suddenly. "There are only twenty-nine since Strife left."

Sephiroth raised an eyebrow. "Well, you'll just have to work that little bit harder then, won't you?"

*

Sephiroth got home feeling utterly disgusting and coated in sweat. After training the cadets he'd got his teeth into the VR system properly and had soon been joined by Zack. Three hours later they'd left the VR room in a state of disarray, bits of the walls hanging off where they'd accidentally blasted it while in their VR battle. Sephiroth could almost see the zeros disappearing from his end of year bonus.

He put his keys down and stared around at his apartment. It hadn't been messy when he'd left, but it was positively _gleaming_. He could also smell something that was definitely food. He popped his head around the door to the kitchen. Cloud was stirring something on the stove rather absently, staring off into space as he did so.

Sephiroth longed to sneak up behind him, but he knew he was likely to freak Cloud out far too much if he did that. Instead he cleared his throat as he stepped in. Cloud snapped out of his reverie and turned around quickly. Seeing it was Sephiroth though he smiled and, to Sephiroth's surprise, turned a violent shade of pink very quickly.

"U-um. Welcome home!" he squeaked, turning back to the pot on the stove and leaving Sephiroth feeling rather perplexed. He glanced down at himself, making sure he hadn't done something embarrassing like left his fly open or something, but was pleased to find he'd done no such thing. He began to retreat from the room.

"I'm going to go shower if there's enough time?" Sephiroth asked. Cloud didn't turn, though his shoulders hunched a little.

"S-sure! It's j-just stew. I can put it on low," Cloud said, adjusting the temperature. Sephiroth had no idea what had got into Cloud so he just left him to it. He shed his clothes and dumped them into the laundry hamper and then stepped into the shower, letting the hot water wash over his skin. Cuts from blows that Zack had half managed to land had already scabbed over and Sephiroth rubbed his nail over some of them to encourage them to come off.

When he'd been a child he had constantly picked at any scabs he picked up, hoping that it would scar and he'd have something to proudly show the others. Yet now matter what he did, how infected a wound became, it would heal over as though nothing had injured him at all. He had learned not to let it bother him though. Besides, he and Cloud would make a terrible pair if they were _both_ covered in scars.

Sephiroth grimaced. That had been a thoughtless joke, even in his own head. He washed his hair, no small task, and turned off the water. It was at that moment that he realised that his bathroom had been completely reordered. His towels weren't in the cabinet he kept them in, in fact, he couldn't find _any_ towels whatsoever. He began to look for something to cover himself with and found nothing. _What on Gaia has he done with the towels...?_

"Cloud? Where are the towels?" Sephiroth called, stepping back into the steamed up shower stall so as not to give Cloud too much of an eyeful. He didn't hear a response for a few minutes and then he saw Cloud shuffling into the bathroom with his arms full of towels.

"Sorry. Some of them were looking a bit thread-bare too so I threw them out and replaced them. I forgot to bring the new ones in," he said, placing the towels down on the floor and backing up. Sephiroth couldn't see much through the steamed glass, but he could tell Cloud's eyes were averted.

"It's alright. You live here too. I should have checked before I got in," Sephiroth replied. He wiped the steam away from his eye level but the condensation on the glass just made the view through it even more blurry.

"W-well... I'll just be outside..." Cloud said, before darting out of the room. Sephiroth sighed. He should have guessed that Cloud wouldn't be ready for that yet...

*

Cloud's heart was beating so fast he was surprised that Sephiroth hadn't heard it. He hadn't been able to _not_ look when he was in there, but at the same time, it had been with a kind of terrified fascination. He'd mostly just seen a silhouette, but his mind could provide the rest for him. He knew how toned Sephiroth's chest was, he knew that it stood to reason the rest of him would be as well. He rested his head against the wall.

_I'm so not ready for this_.

Cloud tried to take a deep breath. If seeing Sephiroth naked freaked him out more than it excited him what was it going to be like to do anything else with the man? What if Sephiroth wanted to do more than they had last night tonight? What if he tried to push Cloud to do more? Cloud pushed himself away from the wall.

That wouldn't happen. Sephiroth knew that even one push might topple him. Didn't he? But what had last night been if not a push. And yet last night hadn't been frightening, at least, not at the time. At the time it had felt right. Sephiroth had said all the right things and Cloud had felt so _hot_, like none of his scars existed and none of his past, that it was just him and the blanket of Sephiroth's words...

But Sephiroth wanted more than that. He'd said that quite clearly.

_To be... inside me?_

Something in Cloud shivered in repulsion at that. He didn't want _anything_ inside him. He'd had enough of the pain that was caused. He knew that there was scarring and tearing inside him. The doctors in the asylum had been quite clinical when they explained all the various bits of anatomy to him that was involved in rape. He had been so far out of it on different drugs at the time that they could have been talking about anything and he wouldn't have cared.

Maybe he needed some of that to get on with Sephiroth? Some nice numbing pills, where nothing felt bad, but nothing felt good either. He was pretty sure that Sephiroth could do anything with him when he was like that and he just wouldn't _mind_ all that much...

Cloud discounted the idea. Sephiroth would notice Cloud was out of it straight away and he would probably tell him off for taking them. Sephiroth would probably see it as running away.

_It's not my fault if that's all I want to do..._ _This has become serious much faster than I thought it would..._

Sephiroth stepped out of the bathroom wrapped in just a towel and blinked to see Cloud lingering there. He tilted his head to one side, water dripping from the tips of his hair. "Cloud...?"

Cloud's shoulders hunched up, even as he tried to stop them. He wanted his scarf to hide behind. And his gloves. He wanted a wall between him and Sephiroth. Sephiroth seemed to sense his confusion and reached forward to take his hand.

"Come on. You can talk to me about whatever's bothering you while I get dressed," Sephiroth said, pulling on Cloud's hand to move him towards the bedroom. Cloud didn't move though and he ended up stumbling as Sephiroth's superior strength dragged him forward a few steps before the other registered his reluctance.

He wasn't sure what to do anymore. He couldn't move any further forward. Sephiroth's hand on his own felt cloying. It was too much. Cloud felt his throat tighten. He _wanted_ this. He wanted it _all_. He hated that this fear was stopping him, but he couldn't take another step forward. His knees had locked stubbornly and he was worried if he let them bend he'd collapse.

"I'm sorry," he choked out. Sephiroth shook his head, obviously confused.

"It's alright," he reassured Cloud. "Take as long as you need."

"No. I can't do _this_," Cloud stared fearfully at the door to their bedroom. "I just... I can't trust you! I can't trust that you won't hurt me!" He admitted in a small voice. Sephiroth's face fell. The hurt Cloud saw there was almost too much to bear on top of all the other emotions Cloud was trying to contend with. He turned his face away.

"Isn't it okay like this? We could just stay like this... forever..." Cloud suggested, his hand falling from Sephiroth's now lax grip.

"No, Cloud, this isn't okay. I don't want to be your friend. I want to be your _lover_. That's what last night was about. I've been patient. As patient as I can be. I've waited. I've understood," Sephiroth's voice was cool, devoid of the emotion that Cloud had seen roiling in his eyes. "Were you just playing with me this entire time? Why did you move in if you didn't expect this to develop?"

"No!" Cloud protested, reaching to grab Sephiroth's hand once more. The other moved it away faster than Cloud could even see. He gripped air instead of Sephiroth's hand and stared at it for a few moments. "It's not that I don't want you. It's just... When we're alone... I get scared of you. I can't stop you-"

"I would stop the moment you said-"

"That doesn't matter! I know that logically, Seph! But I'm still terrified! Not the virgin nerves but truly _terrified_! I feel like I'm having a heart attack and drowning at the same time!" Cloud replied, his cheeks turning red now with shame and anger at himself.

"What do you want me to do?" Sephiroth sounded defeated. He was no longer looking at Cloud, his hand holding the towel in place. "I can't undo my modifications. I can't make myself into something harmless. I'm a SOLDIER. I was created to hurt things."

"But that's not _all_ you are!" Cloud cried. "And I like the fact that you're strong enough to protect me-"

"That same strength also terrifies you-"

"We're just going around in circles," Cloud admitted, gripping his hair tightly, trying to distract himself from the fact he felt like he was going into a panic attack by grounding himself in the pain.

Sephiroth was silent for a moment. "Maybe it would help if you talked to me about what happened in Gongaga?" he asked. Cloud stilled. He hadn't shared the details with anyone apart from his therapist. Sephiroth knew enough from the medical reports that he had never needed to explain the scars or his reactions to anything, but maybe it would help. Maybe if Sephiroth understood the sources of his fears, he could do something to allay them?

"I want Zack here too..." Cloud said softly. "If I'm going to relive all this, I'll do it with him here so I don't have to repeat it to him later."

Sephiroth nodded but Cloud was certain that, just for a moment, those green eyes flared with anger.

*

Cloud settled on the sofa, staring at the Moondeer coffee cup in front of him. Zack had bought coffee, cakes and a box of tissues. Cloud had felt even more uncomfortable than ever by the special treatment, until the scent of coffee met his nose and he remembered those early days when he and Sephiroth had first started to talk to each other. He inhaled the smell of the latte and tried to calm his nerves by remembering all the conversations they'd had in that little coffee shop.

Zack perched on the coffee table corner, careful not to upset the coffee on it. Sephiroth sat in a chair to the side, far enough away that Cloud didn't feel crowded, but near enough that Cloud could turn to him to comfort. The room fell silent and Cloud knew that he had to begin.

"I don't know where to start," he admitted quietly. Sephiroth sipped his coffee and didn't answer. Zack also remained silent and Cloud began to realise that they really weren't going to save him from this, that he might as well get it over with.

"I was constantly restrained. Mostly through shackles that were attached to my hands and then attached to pulleys," Cloud decided to begin with some of the things that were most obvious. "I think it was because in that way you can still... still watch people struggle, but they can't escape..." Zack made a small noise in his throat, obviously uncomfortable. Sephiroth was an unreadable wall.

"I had to eat all my meals off the floor... Like... like a dog... I couldn't have eaten any other way with how I was bound but... they would taunt me," Cloud was suddenly glad to have the coffee, cake and the tissues. It meant he could hide behind them and take comfort in them. He wasn't still there.

"Kunsel... Kunsel was really good. He'd say things like "Just get through this shit and they'll make you Third out of guilt!" and things... I guess... I guess we both thought we were going to be dead... Kunsel went through a lot less than I did, probably because they realised he had accelerated healing and wouldn't look as beaten up on the videos... I mean, at the time I just _hated_ him, because he'd got away first and had been hurt least... But then as soon as I was rescued I began to realise that watching things like... like what happened to me can't have been easy..." He sipped his coffee.

"What did they do to you, Cloud?" Zack's voice was so gentle that Cloud felt his throat choke up from gratitude. A friend like Zack was truly priceless.

"The worse thing is that these scars... I think I did them to myself," Cloud said, holding out his wrists to look at them. "I don't remember much, once the fever set in, but there were teeth marks on my arms when I woke up. I think... I think I tried to chew my own hands off to escape..."

"Shit..." Zack squirmed uncomfortably, glancing across at Sephiroth. Cloud purposefully didn't look up.

"You're avoiding the main issue here," Sephiroth said quietly. Cloud hunched up a little. He knew he was. He didn't want to talk about that. He wanted to run and hide. He put the coffee down on the table.

"No. I'm not.... I just... I don't like to admit it happened," Cloud said. "I don't like to think that they... that they raped me..." he felt tears gather in the corners of his eyes. "Th-that I... that I _came_ from it. I mean, like I _enjoyed _it."

"Seph, I can't do this. I'll be outside," Zack said desperately. Sephiroth growled though and Cloud curled into an even tighter ball.

"Zack you stay right where you are," Sephiroth threatened. "You already ran away from Cloud's problems once, you're not doing it again." He then moved so that he was sat beside Cloud, his arms going around Cloud's waist gently. Cloud turned his face away so that the other wouldn't see his tears.

"It's something that I can explain, if you want," Sephiroth said softly. "It's a psychological weapon against the victim, to make them feel that they were complicit. Obviously, you weren't agreeing to any of this. It doesn't matter if... if you physically react."

"You don't understand. You don't understand anything!" Cloud cried, trying to push Sephiroth away from him.

"Then tell me so I do," Sephiroth insisted. Zack was looking paler and paler.

"I imagined it was you!" Cloud suddenly blurted out. "That's why I'm terrified! Because as the fever took hold of me more strongly, I couldn't distinguish between fantasy and reality anymore!" Sephiroth moved away as if burned. "Zack too."

At that Zack got to his feet and began pacing. Sephiroth was staring somewhere over Cloud's shoulder. He pulled his knees up to his chest, wondering if they'd be so disgusted with him they'd throw him out straight away or if they'd let him collect his things first.

"Why?" Sephiroth finally asked. Cloud bit his lip.

"B-because they... they used a shotgun to... y'know..." he tried to swallow his tears. "Told me if I didn't orgasm they'd fire it. I was terrified, but at the same time, I couldn't escape. So I just thought about fantasies I'd had as a cadet. Over time it became a coping mechanism. Whenever they came to me I'd disappear into some fantasy world I created in my own head and locked myself away..." He was surprised when warm arms wrapped around him again. He looked up to see that Zack had wrapped his arms around him firmly, bent over him awkwardly to do it.

"W-why aren't you disgusted with me?" Cloud asked, confused. Zack's arms around him just tightened and Cloud could see his shoulders were shaking. Was Zack... crying?

"We aren't disgusted because there's nothing to be disgusted by," Sephiroth said. He didn't make any moves forward, instead sitting quite far back. Cloud kind of wished he'd move closer and cuddle him right now, but he didn't trust Sephiroth not to throw him out yet.

"Of course there is. I just admitted to tons of things that should make you disgusted with me," Cloud pointed out. Sephiroth just shook his head.

"But I also can understand some other peculiarities in your behaviour now," Sephiroth said, leaning back against the couch as he thought. "The most important thing is that you feel safe. Obviously, that feeling is something I can't provide for you."

Cloud wanted to protest, but he also knew that Sephiroth was true. There was just too much power there, Cloud would never feel safe with Sephiroth alone...

"You can let Zack touch you with much less nerves, however," Sephiroth pointed out. Cloud blinked. He realised he hadn't tensed up the same way he did with Sephiroth, but then, Zack had never been in a sexual situation with him before, that's what made it different.

"Seph, now's really not the time to get jealous," Zack said, and his voice was choked and muffled from where his face was buried in Cloud's shoulder. Cloud hesitantly ran a hand through his tangled hair.

"I'm not jealous. I'm thinking of a solution," Sephiroth replied, then glanced at his watch. "It's getting late. Zack, would you sleep in the main bedroom with Cloud. I'll take the guest bedroom."

"You don't have to!" Cloud protested as Sephiroth stood up. Sephiroth just smiled and leaned around Zack to kiss him on the forehead.

"I know I don't, but I need time to think on my own sometimes too," he said softly before leaving the other two in the lounge.

*

Zack lay next to Cloud, unsure whether to try to talk to him or not. Cloud had changed into chocobo pyjamas, said goodnight, and then started to sob into his pillow. Zack listened to it as long as he could before he rolled over.

"You know, when I was sad as a kid I would make frog noises until I laughed. It's pretty funny and works best when your voice is all sad from crying," Zack said. Cloud looked at him with a glare that clearly said 'I'm not a kid'. Zack just smiled back.

"Now, repeat after me: _Gae-gul, gae-gul_," Zack said, putting on his best frog croak.

"Frogs do _not_ make that sound, Zack," Cloud protested, though he was smiling reluctantly.

"They do in Gongaga," Zack replied. Cloud's eyes shadowed again.

"No they don't," he said, back to being stony faced. Zack sighed.

"Well what noise do they make then?" he asked, still not giving up. Cloud shrugged.

"_Ribbit, ribbit_," he replied, and even though he obviously was fighting it, he couldn't help the smile that rose to his lips.

"Nuh-uh. You're totally wrong. Stupid Nibelheimers don't know what noise frogs make," Zack protested. Cloud raised an eyebrow.

"Oh yeah? You're totally wrong. I can make better frog noises than you, Zack Fair."

"Bring it, Chocobo-head."

*

Sephiroth dragged Zack out of bed early the next morning, leaving Cloud to rest. He made the other coffee while Zack showered and dressed. When Zack finally appeared in the kitchen he looked at least like he'd rejoined the living.

"I got you up so I could talk to you before Cloud got up," Sephiroth said softly. "I don't want to suggest this with him present and force you into accepting."

Zack looked confused and Sephiroth didn't blame him. He'd spent all night wondering if he could truly ask this of his best friend, but in the end he had felt that he had no choice. There was only one way he could stay with Cloud, in light of recent events.

"I want you to be there when Cloud and I are... intimate..." Sephiroth forced his expression to be neutral. Zack was still looking confused. "He trusts you, you're certainly strong enough to stop me, which will lay aside his fears of being physically unable to stop me, and I know that you will be able to help us both get our heads around things."

"Seph... I have a girlfriend..." Zack pointed out. Sephiroth nodded.

"I know. That's why I asked you without Cloud here. I want you to think about it. You don't have to answer straight away..." he said. Zack shook his head disbelievingly.

"But if I don't, you and Cloud won't stay together long..." he replied, putting his head in his hands. Sephiroth shrugged.

"That isn't your problem," Sephiroth said softly. "You're not responsible for curing all your friend's problems."

"If I say yes, I don't have to... you know... do anything with either of you? Just watching, right?" Zack asked. Sephiroth nodded.

"If you touch Cloud, I'll sever your head from your body," he replied, smiling as he put the coffee down on the table and went to go wake Cloud up as well. Zack paled.

"Seriously, don't smile at me like that. I already feel I need to duck."


	12. Before Crisis Formatting Fixed

**Title: **A Twisted Kind of Honour  
**Rating: **NC-17  
**Pairing**: Sephiroth/Cloud, Zack/Aeris (some S/C/Z)  
**Genre**: Hurt/Comfort  
**Warning**: BRITISH SPELLING! Direct talk about rape. Voyeurism. M/M scenes. Terrorism.  
**Chapter**: 12/20  
**Comments**: Response has been amazing! Thank you! Because you've all been so awesome, you get an extra long chapter! This chapter DOES have sex in it, it also has violence, it has intrigue and begins to show which direction this will head to towards the end to those of you who know your Crisis Core and Before Crisis timelines. There are only three more chapters before this heads to it's climax. I'm hoping that I'll keep a fairly brisk update schedule up until the end now, particularly as there are some juicy revelations coming up!

**TO THOSE OF YOU HAVING FORMATTING PROBLEMS:** If this fic is centered or you are having trouble with the review button, the answer is relatively simple. Please upgrade your java and your browser. I was having trouble but by downloading Mozilla 3.6 and Adobe Flash 10 I managed to fix it all. Hopefully this should help!

**Chapter Twelve:**

**Before Crisis**

Sephiroth had fully intended to talk to Cloud that morning about the offer he made to Zack, trusting Zack to speak to Aeris himself. However, at a few minutes after nine his PHS rang and he was called into the office. Figuring he could still talk to Cloud later that day, Sephiroth went to work. Just as he was about to clock off however, the alarms sounded.

"Something tells me the gods are against me today."

*

Zack cursed. He hated these freaky floors. It always made his skin itch from the memory of the mako injections he'd suffered through to become a SOLDIER. Unfortunately, Hojo was refusing to leave his precious specimens and Zack was the only one who was left in headquarters to stop Genesis from getting to him.

Zack sighed as he glanced at the scientist. It was going to be a long night at this rate. No one had attempted to get onto this floor, the evacuation and the stupid robots having meant that most people had either fled the building or holed themselves up somewhere. Zack glanced down at the sword in his hand.

He had grown lax over the last few months. With Cloud working so hard on the AVALANCHE side of things, he had allowed himself to be distracted from the problems within SOLDIER. It wasn't that he'd forgotten about Angeal as such, more that he'd forgotten that he was a _threat_.

The door opened and Zack raised his weapon ready to strike. He lowered it again when he saw it was Cloud. "Sorry to frighten you. The General's sent me round disabling those robots. I just wanted to check that everything was alright in here before I moved onto the next floor," Cloud said, glancing around the room for anything out of place.

"Nah, it's all alright in here. Hojo's a pain in the ass but it's nothing I can't handle," Zack replied. Cloud smiled and took his PHS out of his pocket.

"I'll tell Seph to relieve you when he's done securing the President's safety," he offered. Zack nodded. Hojo was freaking _creepy_. He didn't want to be in here any longer than he had to be.

"Um... Zack... can you hear voices?" Cloud asked suddenly. Zack blinked and listened, his enhanced hearing picking up Hojo's voice, but also one other. He cursed. When had Hojo moved onto the second level of the lab?

"Is this Hollander's order? Do you really think if you follow Hollander your deterioration will stop? How sad, truly how sad!" Hojo laughed his creepy laugh. "Do you really think some third rate scientist can stop you deterioration?"

Zack began to run upstairs, Cloud on his heels. He knew better than to tell Cloud to turn back. The other had already pulled out a gun and had flicked off the safety.

The scene that presented itself was Zack's worse case scenario. Genesis was there, having backed Hojo against the wall. Angeal was also there though. Zack didn't know if that was a good thing or not.

"Stop this already Genesis!" Angeal shouted. He glanced over to see Zack there and glanced over his shoulder again to see Cloud. Zack glanced behind him and saw that Cloud had the gun pointed steadily at Hojo.

"Well, isn't this quite the sight?" Hojo remarked, glancing at Cloud as well. Zack wondered what the hell Cloud was thinking. Why wasn't he pointing the gun at Genesis? Genesis began to spout poetry and Zack growled. Just what the hell was going on here?!

"I'll kill Hojo rather than let you guys leave with him," Cloud said, his hands steady and his eyes cold. Zack tightened his hand around his sword. He had no idea what the repercussions of killing Hojo would be, but he really hoped it wouldn't come to that.

"What meaning do you think the Goddess' gift has for us?" Genesis asked Cloud. The blond didn't seem shaken to be addressed.

"I've read what remains of Loveless, Genesis, and it's clear that the Gift of the Goddess is the death which befalls all mankind," Cloud replied. Zack really didn't know what was happening now, this pseudo literary battle that Cloud seemed engaged in, but he did notice Genesis' hand twitch and knew he was about to cast magic. He threw himself over Hojo to protect him. He watched as Cloud was thrown back over the edge of the platform by the blast.

He had a choice. Chase Angeal and Genesis or check on Cloud...

"I'll get the Turk," Hojo said, seeing Zack's indecision. "His wounds will need a doctor in any case."

Zack nodded and got to his feet, chasing after Angeal.

*

Cissnei stared at the mail in her inbox.

"Keep Zack Fair under surveillance for possible defection. - Veld"

*

Cloud groaned. He hurt everywhere. He opened his eyes and saw a pair of oversized eyes looking down with him. It only took a few seconds for him to realise that it was Hojo's glasses magnifying his eyes, making him appear like a rather greasy insect.

"Don't move, Turk. You've broken too much," Hojo ordered. Cloud just swallowed in response. He felt kind of strange. It hurt a lot, but it felt like floating too. Had Hojo already administered painkillers?

"Z-Zack...?" Cloud managed to get out.

"I'm sure that Fair has managed to get himself into trouble already but you're of no use to him. I've already called my son to get him to assist," Hojo said. Cloud frowned, unable to remember who Hojo's son was. He watched as Hojo injected him with something. It was weird looking, green and bright. It made him feel even lighter.

"Hm... interesting. Your wounds are already closing... Part mako-part morphine injections... Looks like I've finally..."

Cloud passed out.

*

Sephiroth stared at Cloud, who had been shoved into a corner of Hojo's lab and put under constant surveillance. The blond had broken almost every bone in his body according to Hojo, and yet there was barely a scratch on him. Hojo had said that he'd 'taken a calculated risk' and used a mako injection to heal him.

Sephiroth almost wished that he hadn't. Cloud's body had started rejecting the mako shortly after the wounds had healed and, although he was physically healed, his body was now going through a withdrawal so bad that he had to be strapped to the bed to prevent himself from hurting himself as the seizures shook him. He'd even had a bit placed between his teeth to prevent him from biting down on his tongue.

"I saved him. Isn't that good enough?" Hojo grumbled. Sephiroth sighed. He had once thought like Hojo, once been idiotic enough to think that his first love would be science and that human life wasn't worth anything. Cloud had been an experiment to Hojo...

"Next time, wait for the medical staff, Father. I do not wish to find Cloud in this state ever again," Sephiroth said, his voice low. Hojo's eyes narrowed.

"I don't take orders from you, Sephiroth. Mind your tongue when talking to your elders," he snapped. Sephiroth was already nodding, deferring to Hojo. He then glanced back at Cloud.

"Zack is going to Modeoheim with Tseng. If Cloud wakes up before I'm back, reassure him Zack's okay and just on a mission," he said, turning away. Hojo regarded him for a moment, his bug-like eyes narrowed suspiciously.

"Just who is this boy to you, Sephiroth?" he asked. Sephiroth just shrugged.

"A diversion to pass the time," he replied, knowing that admitting emotions to Hojo would just get him sneered at. Hojo regarded Sephiroth for long moment that even made the General nervous.

"I see," he said and walked away.

*

Sephiroth really didn't know what to do or say. Cloud had recovered enough to have been discharged, though it had been a few days of nightmares for the blond. Being restrained and the withdrawal seemed to have brought other memories to the forefront of his mind. Even so, he was relatively okay, considering. Zack was a different problem. He had pretty much gone missing in the Slums after the death of Angeal in Modeoheim. Cloud had attempted to find him but, even with the help of his fellow Turks, there are been no sign of Zack.

Then suddenly Zack turned up to work on day as though nothing were wrong. Immediately Sephiroth understood why Zack had distanced himself. In his cheek was a rather distinctive scar, mirroring the one on Cloud's own. He saw Zack flinch a little under his gaze.

"From Angeal?" Sephiroth asked. Zack turned his face away, hiding the scar.

"I didn't want Cloud to... to freak out. You know he will when he sees it. At least if it was healed I figured it'd be less weird for him," he replied. Sephiroth reached out, gripping Zack's jaw and forcing him to turn his head.

"You allowed this to scar..." Sephiroth said softly, though it was hardly an accusation. Zack gritted his teeth.

"It's all I have to remember him by... that and... he left me his Buster Sword," Zack replied. Sephiroth let go of Zack's face. He had always known that Zack and Angeal were close, but he had never thought they were that close. Sephiroth had always considered it a relationship of teacher and student, and that further emotions didn't run too deeply. Seeing Zack, scarred and oddly vulnerable, he realised he had handled this far too flippantly. He had focussed too much on Cloud and AVALANCHE and had forgotten that Zack had been dealing with Genesis and SOLDIER's defection on his own.

"There was nothing of Angeal left. He would have been glad that you killed him," Sephiroth felt he needed to say. Zack's eyes closed.

"Do you hate me?" he asked. Sephiroth frowned.

"Why would I hate you Zack?" he asked. Zack shook his head, putting his hands in his pockets.

"I killed your friend," he said, his voice cracking.

"You did what you were ordered to. You did what needed to be done. If I had been in your shoes... I would have faltered," Sephiroth admitted. Zack looked up, surprised, but also looking even more guilt ridden. "I would have preferred it to be Genesis dead, but Angeal knew what his defection meant. He knew what he was doing and he left his honour behind when he joined Genesis. I take comfort in the memories I have of him before all this. I do not blame you for killing what remained of the person I knew."

Zack's shoulder's sagged and, to Sephiroth's surprise, he leaned forward, resting his forehead on his shoulder. Sephiroth awkwardly put his arms around Zack's shoulders. He could feel the other's shoulders shaking but he said nothing. There were some things that just needed time to heal.

*

Cloud still felt shaky. He had been unable to meet with AVALANCHE now for weeks and he was worried about the reactor bombings. It had been relatively quiet though, and Reno had only mentioned that Rude had been tricked by an AVALANCHE spy but the threat was neutralised.

Even worse was his home situation. Sephiroth had refused to sleep in the same room with him, and was working stupidly long hours to avoid being alone with Cloud. At first Cloud had been grateful, but now he was frustrated. He hadn't expected his and Sephiroth's relationship to go backwards after having poured his heart out to the other.

Even worse than that was the fact that Zack had disappeared again. He was angry at the both of them for running away on him. He'd confided in them to find the next day that both of them had gone. He had been left to bumble around the apartment on his own, growing tired easily from his body's rapid healing and the mako withdrawal.

He heard a knock at the door and sighed, getting to his feet to see who it was. He checked through the peep hole and blinked when he saw it was Aeris. She was accompanied by Tseng, who looked completely impassive. Aeris, however, looked nervous. She was glancing behind her towards Tseng, her arms crossed over her chest. Cloud opened the door.

"Er, hi," he said as he opened the door. Tseng nodded to him and backed away, letting Aeris enter alone.

"I'm sorry just to turn up it's just... I know what Zack's like and I don't want..." Aeris shook her head and let the door close behind her.

Despite his curiosity, Cloud knew he had to be polite. "Sit down. I'll get you some tea," he said. Aeris nodded and perched on the sofa in the place that Cloud always thought of as 'Zack's spot'. Cloud wondered if it was Aeris' abilities that sensed Zack's normal presence there or if it were just a coincidence?

A few minutes later he returned with two mugs of tea and he placed one in front of Aeris, setting down on the sofa next to her and waiting to hear what she'd come to say. She sipped the tea before cradling it in her lap.

"Zack killed Angeal," Aeris began. Cloud nodded. He knew that from reading Sephiroth's mail when the other wasn't looking.

"Is that why he's in hiding? Is he afraid Sephiroth's angry with him?" Cloud asked. Aeris sighed.

"Partially. There's something else though... I mean, something that he thinks will hurt you," she said quietly. "His face... he ended up with a scar... in the same place as yours." She gestured to her own cheek and Cloud subconsciously reached up to his own face.

"I'm not so fragile that I would freak out over something like that," Cloud said, feeling angry at being so protected all the time. Aeris turned the mug in her hand.

"I know. I tried to tell him that he would be better off talking to you and Sephiroth, but that's just not the way that Zack's mind works. I just wanted to warn you about it," she said, putting the mostly full mug of tea back on the coffee table. Cloud nodded.

"I'll go beat some sense into him now then," he said firmly. Aeris smiled.

"Please do. I've done my best to comfort him but I can't help but feel angry at Angeal and I know that Zack really doesn't need that right now. I think it'll do him good to spend time with you and Sephiroth for a while," she said. Cloud frowned. There was more in her words, like a layer that he couldn't see beyond. She was looking at him with knowing, slightly amused eyes, and Cloud really didn't know why.

"I'll do my best to distract him," he said nodding. Aeris' mouth twitched upwards.

"I'm sure you will."

*

_"Are you sure you don't want to go back Zack? They'll understand. Sephiroth knew Angeal better than I did," Aeris said. Zack curled up even more tightly on her bed and began to miserably pluck the petals off a flower._

_"It's not just Angeal and the scar... I... There's something I haven't told you," Zack said quietly. Aeris knelt beside the bed, smoothing Zack's hair back from his face. The scar was nearly healed now, thanks to Aeris' Cure materia._

_"Cloud... he sort of... told me and Seph everything that had happened in Gongaga," Zack said, not looking at her. "It turns out he's afraid of Sephiroth. No, that's not right... I just don't know how to describe it. It made perfect sense when I was there but..."_

_Aeris shook her head. "I know what you mean. Cloud is afraid of intimacy, so the more he cares, the more afraid he feels of that person."_

_"Yeah. That. Well... Seph- he... He asked that I sort of... supervise them..." Zack stuttered out. Aeris stared at him for a few moments as she let that sink in._

_"Supervise them? You mean that Sephiroth wants a kinky threesome with you don't you?" she pressed, smiling a little in relief. She had thought that it might have been something much worse._

_"Aeris!" Zack complained, putting his face in his hands. His ears were tinged pink though._

_"Are you asking for permission to sleep with Cloud and Sephiroth, Zack?" she teased, poking him in the side._

_"No!" Zack blurted out, then seeing Aeris' face he looked away. "But it's going to end up being like that isn't it?"_

_Aeris looked at him. His face was handsome even scarred at is was but his eyes were troubled. She leaned forward and pressed a kiss against his cheek, feeling the scab of the wound scratch against her lips._

_"It's the right thing to help them, Zack," she said softly. "Just so long as you promise that you don't fall in love with either of them. I'll share your body but your heart is mine."_

_Zack stared at her for a moment before drawing her into a tight embrace. "I'm sorry. I don't want to hurt you. I don't know if Sephiroth was even serious about it..."_

_"I love you Zack Fair, so just make sure you remember that when you're with them."_

_"I will, babe. I'll remember it every day until I die."_

*

Cloud glanced up when he heard the door open. He saw Sephiroth walk in, rubbing his face tiredly. A few seconds later Zack walked in. Cloud got to his feet, stalking passed Sephiroth who was watching him warily and firmly punched Zack in the jaw.

"You're such a selfish _prick_ you know that?!" Cloud shouted. Sephiroth reached out to grab him before he landed another blow on Zack. Cloud froze up then shrugged Sephiroth off, angrily pacing into the living room.

"I'm not best pleased with _you_ either," Cloud said, looking at Sephiroth as though he wanted to kill him. He was really _really_ angry. He wasn't sure he could get much angrier without combusting.

"Oh sure, let's all treat Cloud like he's an idiot. After all, he's the youngest. He's _fragile_," Cloud said the word like it was a curse. He kicked at the coffee table as he passed it.

"What is this about?" Sephiroth asked, his voice calm. Annoyingly so. Cloud span around to face the two of them.

"I had a visitor today," Cloud said, trying to keep his voice sounding pleasant. "Aeris came to see me." He heard Zack swear but Sephiroth still looked clueless.

"Just when were you planning to ask _me_ about this stupid _threesome_ idea?" Cloud all but shrieked. "On what _planet_ did that make sense to either of you?!"

*

_"I really think there's a different conversation happening under the surface here..." Cloud said. Aeris tilted her head to the side._

_"I'm talking about Zack... You know, and Sephiroth's offer," she said. Cloud still looked blank._

_"They have spoken to you about this, haven't they? The threesome idea?" Aeris pressed, looking a little worried. Cloud's eyebrow twitched._

*

"I think we need to sit down and calm down," Sephiroth suggested. Cloud shook his head.

"I'm happy pacing angrily thanks. I've had a good four hours to work myself up to this level of anger and I _really_ don't want to lose momentum now," he bit out. Zack shuffled forward and sat down, looking like a naughty school kid.

"Strife, sit," Sephiroth ordered. Cloud glowered at him.

"You know what _sir_ I don't think I will," he replied. "Why don't _you_?"

Sephiroth stared at him for a moment, as though trying to gauge a weak point. Cloud stared back, able to handle the scrutiny for once. He was so angry at the moment that it kept the fear at bay. After that tense moment Sephiroth sat down, crossing his legs and putting his arm over the back of the sofa as though he didn't have a care in the world. Cloud had to bite back a snarl.

"When are either of you going to _talk_ to me?" he demanded. "When are you going to treat me as something other than a _child_? I'm not going to _break_!"

Sephiroth just continued to watch in silence. Zack shifted uncomfortably.

"I didn't know Seph hadn't say anything," he tried to defend himself. Cloud's eyes narrowed.

"No, you just went and hid yourself away because you thought I'd freak out because you managed to get your face sliced open. Thanks for the vote of confidence in my mental state, Zack," he snapped. Zack grimaced.

"Look, there's more to it than that-"

"I don't _care_!" Cloud said over him. He turned to Sephiroth, knowing that the other was waiting for him to shout himself out before he joined the argument.

"Well?" he demanded. He was almost certain that Sephiroth hadn't blinked since this fight began.

"I asked Zack to be there when we were intimate because I knew you felt safe with him. He is more than capable of stopping me and also has more knowledge of sex than both of us put together," he said. Cloud gritted his teeth.

"Oh so _logical_ Sephiroth. Well done. Now what about the fact that Zack has a _girlfriend_? Or the fact that I might be a little uncomfortable having sex with you when there's someone _in the room_?" he asked, almost vibrating with anger now. Sephiroth blinked slowly.

"You don't know this. You are assuming it to be so because of social conventions towards relationships. You refuse to acknowledge that this would be beneficial to you because you're afraid to break the taboo of having a third person in this," Sephiroth said coldly. Cloud puffed up like a bullfrog.

"Are you really using _psychology _on me?!" Cloud demanded. Sephiroth shook his head.

"Cloud, it's not like I'll be involved as such. If you want I can wait outside the door and you can just shout if you want me to come in and stop things," Zack offered. Cloud stared at the two of them.

"It is the only solution that will keep us together. If you don't want that Cloud, please pack a bag now. I have no time for this," Sephiroth said, getting to his feet and glancing down at Zack. "Make sure to keep your eye on Aeris. AVALANCHE made contact with her a few days ago. Maybe the two of you could go on holiday to Costa Del Sol for a few weeks?"

Cloud was floored by the dismissal. He also pricked his ears up at the mention of AVALANCHE. They'd got to Aeris? He hadn't been there! Was Sephiroth subtly telling him that he hadn't done his job properly?

"I'll suggest it to her," Zack said, nodding and getting to his feet as well. Cloud watched as the two SOLDIERs walked to the door. Zack punched his fist against Sephiroth's shoulder as he left and Sephiroth returned to the room. He looked pointedly at Cloud and then disappeared into the guest room.

"Why am _I_ the one who is being treated like they did something wrong?" he asked empty air.

Unsurprisingly, it didn't answer him.

*

Zack cursed. He and Aeris had been enjoying a drink with Cissnei (and some harmless flirting but seriously, there was no problem with that; Aeris hadn't seemed to mind that much), when out of the blue orders had come to get to Junon as fast as possible to stop an AVALANCHE attack. So now he was on a boat heading quickly to the port.

He'd had to bring Aeris along with him and it left him on edge. He knew that it was going to be dangerous once they got there and that he'd be needed on the front lines and would be unable to defend her. He contemplated asking Cissnei but he knew that she would be operating under her own orders once there. Cissnei might lead Aeris into even worse danger than leaving her on the transport would.

"You can use materia, right?" Cissnei was asking her. Aeris nodded slowly.

"I'll leave you with a Fire materia then. Whatever you do, don't use it near the fuel tanks," Cissnei said, removing the materia from the slot within her shuriken and passing it to Aeris. Aeris' fingers closed around the orb and she stared down at it for a moment.

"It's loud here," Aeris said softly. Zack glanced at her, wondering what she meant.

"The Planet... There's something at Junon that it doesn't like," she whispered softly. Cissnei squirmed uncomfortably and Zack remembered that Sephiroth had said that AVALANCHE had got to Aeris somehow.

"Well, we've got to protect it," he said softly. Aeris shook her head.

"Oh, I know Zack. I'm hardly militant. Unlike AVALANCHE I can hear exactly what is happening to the world, but it's not like I can do anything about it. Not even AVALANCHE can do something about it. What's one Ancient going to do to change things?" she asked with a shrug. "Besides, without Shinra's power, I know that a lot of people would be worse off."

Zack didn't know what to say to that so he remained silent. He didn't often listen to the criticism of Shinra, but he guessed that Aeris heard more about it when she was in the Slums. He wondered what she truly thought about him, about Shinra, about AVALANCHE, but he didn't dare ask her with Cissnei there. He was a little suspicious about how often she had popped up on his missions recently.

*

Sephiroth cut through most of the Genesis clones easily. It wasn't a challenge. Beside him he had numerous Turks to back him up. The deficiency of trustworthy SOLDIERs was beginning to show and Sephiroth felt the absence of having enhanced men fighting beside him.

Although he did have to rather admire Cloud's sharpshooting abilities. He had been sceptical at first when Cloud had, fierce-eyed, asked to be included on this mission. Now, however, he had to admit that they had saved themselves a lot of trouble by having a gunman on the team. There was only so much that short-range weapons (if you could call Masamune short-range) could take out.

Cloud shot a clone straight into the forehead, not even bothering to watch it fall to the floor before he was reloading his gun and spinning around to cover Reno's back. Sephiroth had never thought of Cloud as able to fight, though he knew that the other could. Watching him, cheeks bright with colour from exertion, ruthlessly ploughing down Genesis copies, made him realise that Cloud had been right to be angry with them. He wasn't fragile, he was so strong that he could do what Sephiroth could even without the enhancements that made the other a General.

"I'm almost out of ammo, sir," Cloud shouted, firing a shot that ricocheted off one of the clone's armour and ended up embedded in Reno's foot. Luckily the other Turk didn't seem so distracted.

"They seem to be thinning," Sephiroth assured him. "Zack and Cissnei will be here soon and then you Turks can concentrate on securing the base." Cloud nodded, reloading his gun and darting ahead of Sephiroth to attempt to get a shot at one of the copies that was trying to remove Rude's head from his shoulders.

A large explosion went up to their left. Sephiroth turned to see that in the docks there was a boat on fire. He cursed, watching as the fire began to spread from ship to ship. Cloud backed up until he was once more level with Sephiroth.

"Cover my back. I'm going to go see what caused that. I'm hoping that AVALANCHE haven't decided to co-ordinate their attacks with Genesis," Cloud said. Sephiroth nodded, guarding Cloud against a few stray bullets with his sword as the other retreated towards the docks.

*

Aeris was staring wide eyed at the docks. Zack was beside her, looking a little disbelieving. Cissnei was on her PHS, attempting to contact Tseng to tell him not to panic about the rapidly spreading fire, that it had been an accident not a terrorist attack.

"She didn't tell me it was mastered," Aeris said sheepishly. "I just thought I'd cover you as you left the ship..."

Zack watched the boat begin to sink into the harbour. "Oh, I'm in so much trouble..."

*

Sephiroth held the door open for Cloud once they got to the apartment. Zack tiredly followed him. Despite the shower he'd had at Aeris', he still smelled faintly of smoke. Sephiroth undid the buckles of his coat and hung it up. Cloud tiredly pulled off his boots and absently shrugged off his jacket, hanging it up beside Sephiroth's.

"Mind if I stay tonight? I can't face going back to barracks," Zack said as he stretched, yawning. Sephiroth shook his head and Cloud just shuffled into the kitchen. A few moments later the sound of the oven being turned on filtered into the hall. Zack drifted towards the potential food.

Cloud was dumping frozen leftovers into ovenproof dishes and then shoving them in the oven. He paused to sniff each one, obviously trying to discover whether it was bolognese, curry or something else by smell. All the frozen food looked the same to Zack anyway.

"Chilli, bolognese and stew," Sephiroth said as he came in. Cloud nodded, dumbly accepting that Sephiroth's nose was better than his and putting them in the oven. He then began to prepare potatoes and pasta, dumping them into boiling water and standing, watching them tiredly.

"I can help," Zack offered. Cloud shook his head and stirred the spaghetti.

"Um... Are we still not talking to each other?" Zack decided to ask, breaking the silence. Sephiroth leaned against the side. Cloud didn't even turn around.

"Still mad," he replied. Zack sighed.

"You were brilliant today, Cloud," Sephiroth said suddenly. Zack saw Cloud's head twitch, as though he wanted to look at Sephiroth but at the last minute decided that he would rather still be mad at him.

"I realised you were right. I have been treating you confusingly, all at once expecting you to be alright with everything and yet not consulting you in advance," Sephiroth said. Zack wondered if he should leave the room. "But I still stand by what I suggested. I see it as the only way to advance."

"Zack?" Cloud said. Zack wondered what he was supposed to say. He eyed the food in the oven. He really didn't want to be kicked out before he got to eat.

"Why don't we just try it once, eh, Spike? I mean, if it doesn't work, it doesn't work. At least we _tried_," Zack said. Sephiroth nodded and he released a breath he hadn't been aware he'd been holding. At least one of his friends didn't think he was insane.

"You're a pervert Zack Fair. You're just trying to win that bet you had with Reno," Cloud said and Zack sighed in relief. He grinned.

"How'd you know about the betting pool?" he asked. Sephiroth just looked confused.

"Because I had a bet in my cadet days on seven," Cloud replied, his cheeks turning pink. Zack began to laugh, clutching his sides. Oh this couldn't get any better.

"To just what are we referring here?" Sephiroth asked. Cloud turned back to the potatoes and Zack couldn't stop laughing long enough to answer him.

*

After dinner Cloud began to get jittery. Zack thought it was kind of cute how Cloud couldn't sit still, despite being obviously weary. Eventually, at only a little after eight in the evening, Cloud went to get his pyjamas in and Zack glanced at Sephiroth.

"Now would be a really great time to get this over with before he develops a nervous twitch," Zack pointed out. Sephiroth's lips tilted into a smirk.

"Is it sadistic that I was rather enjoying how cute he is when he's nervous?" he asked. Zack couldn't help by chuckle.

"Yep, Seph, you're one sadistic bastard. Now get in that bedroom before _I_ start getting performance anxiety!" he said, pushing Sephiroth towards the door to the bedroom. Cloud froze when the two of them walked in. He'd managed to strip down and get his pyjama bottoms on, but the shirt was still in his hands.

"S-Sephiroth?" he stuttered, turning pink and his gaze turning to the bed. Zack decided to be kind and not say anything at this moment. Instead he just sat at the edge of the bed and looked up at Sephiroth.

"If you are too tired tonight, then you don't have to," Sephiroth offered. Zack tutted. Offering Cloud an out wasn't going to help. Zack prepared himself for sleeping in the guest room. He was surprised when Cloud glanced at him again and then took a few hesitant steps forward, putting his hands on Sephiroth's chest.

"N-no... I'm terrified but... this is better somehow..." Cloud admitted softly. "I can't be afraid of you forever."

Zack got a sudden attack of nerves. Was he really about to sit here while his friends got it on? He shifted a little uncomfortably. Hot as it would be, he couldn't really pretend that this was going to be a comfortable experience.

He watched as Sephiroth lent down, kissing Cloud on the mouth gently. Cloud responded, his hands going up to Sephiroth's shoulders to yank him down lower. He watched as Sephiroth's hands slid around Cloud's waist, calloused fingertips sliding over the soft skin of Cloud's back. Zack swallowed as he watched Cloud press himself forward against Sephiroth's body.

He forced himself to look away, shifting awkwardly on the bed. A few minutes later he felt the bed dip behind him. His heart was pounding. He hadn't thought this through when he'd agreed to it. He glanced at Cloud to see the tension creeping back into the other's frame. Sephiroth lay beside him, whispering things into his ear that Zack purposefully chose not to listen in on. He watched as Cloud only grew more and more tense.

"I'm here, Cloud," Zack said softly, just to make sure that Cloud hadn't forgotten that this could stop whenever he wanted. Cloud glanced at Zack and Sephiroth's eyes, glowing in the gloom, focussed on him as well.

"I have no idea what I'm doing," Cloud admitted. Zack took pity and smiled a little. He shifted onto the bed so that he was lying down beside Cloud.

"I'm only going to help you this once. Most of this is instinctual," Zack said. He kept his eyes on Sephiroth though, as he gently encircled each of Cloud's wrists in his own hands. Sephiroth didn't look about to decapitate him though, so he gently moved Cloud's hands towards Sephiroth's chest. He guided the blond's touches, feeling a certain thrill himself when Sephiroth let out a quiet moan.

Cloud's hands began to move on their own, with Zack's hold on his wrists only there as a kind of comfort. Eventually Zack let go, remaining laid out behind Cloud as the blond began to unbutton Sephiroth's trousers.

It was when Cloud came across Sephiroth's arousal that he froze. Zack could tell that Cloud was seconds away from bolting and quickly took the situation into his own hands.

"Cloud... Would you be better off watching this time?" Zack suggested. He was trying not to stare at Sephiroth, who was waiting patiently for Cloud to either touch him or run.

I didn't win the bet, damn.

"Wh-what do you mean?" Cloud asked, turning to have a look at Zack. He grinned cheekily in reply.

"The General said he'd behead me if I touched you. He said nothing about touching him," Zack said. Sephiroth's eyes narrowed, but he still said nothing.

"How would that help?" Cloud asked. "Are you sure you're not just trying to sleep with my boyfriend?" Zack couldn't help but chuckle, glad that Cloud had got his sense of humour back.

"You'll see that he's not going to hurt you because he hasn't hurt me. And you get a kinky show," Zack winked.

"Is no one going to ask me for my say in this?" Sephiroth asked. Cloud looked a little afraid when Sephiroth spoke.

"Hey. Are you saying you don't want to sleep with me? I'm hot," Zack said, trying to ease the tension. Cloud was scooting back against him, obviously worried that Sephiroth was angry. Zack didn't see anger in his expression though, just a kind of curiosity.

"I refuse to have full penetrative sex with you Zack," Sephiroth said carefully. The Gongagan smirked.

"Well, that leaves us with a whole world of opportunities," Zack said, putting on fake cheer.

"It does?" Cloud asked, sounding somewhat hopeful. Zack nodded enthusiastically.

"Not all sex involves someone sticking their dick in the other person, Cloud," he said. Cloud elbowed him in the ribs.

"I know that! I just... I mean, I know about blow jobs but..." Cloud trailed off, blushing bright pink. Zack placed a kiss on his shoulder and gave him a gentle tug to tell him to get out of the way.

"Well, consider this your education in non-penetrative sex," Zack said. "That sounds really unsexy." He clambered over Cloud, making sure he didn't put his knee anywhere sensitive and managed to weasel his way into Sephiroth's lap. The General looked up at him, amusement now fighting whatever had been there before.

"You're not really my type," Sephiroth said. Zack swatted him on the chest, not bothering to hold back. Sephiroth could take it after all.

"Shut up and be instructive," Zack teased. Sephiroth quirked an eyebrow.

"You to really know how to set the mood," Cloud piped in. Zack laughed.

"See, this is what you two are missing," he said, poking Sephiroth in the forehead as he said it. "You get so caught up in everything you forget to have fun too. Being intense is fine, but sex is one of those things that shouldn't be so serious. If you always treat it that way, you're going to get nerves really quickly."

Cloud blinked, as though he hadn't ever occurred to him that sex could be fun. Sephiroth shifted a little and Zack felt Sephiroth's arousal brushing the cloth under his ass. He smirked and began to wiggle his hips a little.

Sephiroth let out a gasp and Zack took the opportunity to lean forward and begin to kiss Sephiroth's neck. He bit and licked and kissed his way down. He could hear Sephiroth's heart pounding with his advanced hearing, but also he could hear Cloud's breath hitching. He continued down, over Sephiroth's bare chest and down to his trousers, which although they had been undone were still hanging onto his hips.

He pushed them aside, spending a moment trying to work out just how many inches it was. He nuzzled Sephiroth's erection, letting it rub against his cheek and kissing the base near the off-white pubic hair. That answered another bet as well.

He felt a hand in his hair and he glanced up. Sephiroth's hand was gentle, aware of his own strength to an almost painful amount. Zack let his tongue lick up the organ, dancing it over the tip and then back down. He heard Cloud shift next to him but he didn't look at him. He figured Cloud wouldn't appreciate an audience while he got used to things like this.

"You have too many clothes on for this to be a good show Zack," Cloud suddenly said. Zack choked and had to pull back so he didn't cough all over Sephiroth's cock. The other looked mildly displeased that Zack had stopped.

"Aren't you supposed to be the shy one?" he asked, though he hooked his fingers under his top and pulled it off. Cloud shrugged.

"I'm mostly naked. Sephiroth is naked. You're the only one fully dressed," Cloud pointed out. Zack hadn't noticed that Cloud was only in his boxers until that moment. When had he removed his pyjama pants?

"I know you just want a good look at my ass," Zack teased.

"Seen it before. It's not that impressive," Cloud replied without even dropping a beat. It was Sephiroth's turn to look surprised.

"Not like that," Zack amended. "Just after training when I used the old wet towel technique."

"That's really annoying you know-"

"Zack. Get your clothes off," Sephiroth bit out. Zack grinned.

"Think I've got him all hot and bothered?" he asked. Cloud was about to reply when Zack suddenly felt himself moving sideways. He found himself underneath Sephiroth, half on top of Cloud. The other's eyes were glowing a little.

"Now, Zack," he said, letting the other go. Zack began to laugh.

"Really hot and bothered," he confirmed as he wiggled out of his trousers and boxers. He felt Cloud's hands hesitantly running up his back and he arched it. Goosebumps ran across his flesh and his nipples hardened from the touch. He felt Sephiroth take one of them into his mouth, lightly biting on it.

He couldn't hold back a gasp at that. Cloud responded by touching more firmly, stroking down to Zack's ass, not quite touching it, before running his hands back up. Sephiroth's hands rested on Zack's hips. It was reassuring, Zack told himself, that they could relate this way. He didn't detect any jealousy from either partner. It was almost as though they were making love to each other through him.

Zack reached back and took Cloud's hand in his own, pulling it around him. It forced the blond against his back and he could feel his erection. He pretended not to notice though, sliding Cloud's fingers into Sephiroth's hair. Cloud immediately began to stroke through it and Zack felt him pump his hips a little against his back when Sephiroth leaned into the touch.

Sephiroth's hand wrapped around Zack's cock and he began to stroke hard and fast. Zack wasn't going to last long, but he guessed that was okay. It wasn't the point for this to be a drawn out love-making. This was meant to be a demonstration. Not all sex was bad. Cloud didn't have to be afraid.

Unable to stop himself, Cloud began to rub himself against Zack's back. If Sephiroth noticed he didn't say anything. Instead he moved down Zack's chest himself and then hesitantly licked the tip of Zack's cock.

Zack let out a shout, his stomach muscles quivering as Sephiroth took him deeper into his mouth. He took a few swipes of an inexpert tongue to bring him off, pressing back against Cloud hard as he spilled himself into Sephiroth's mouth. He heard a whimper and felt a dampness against his back that told him that Cloud at least, had enjoyed the show.

"Come here," he said sleepily to Sephiroth, determined not to leave the other without release. Sephiroth licked his lips, causing Zack to groan. Before Zack could reach him though, Cloud had clambered over him and was pulling Sephiroth into a heated kiss. Zack just watched, half-amazed that Cloud could become so lust-drunk that he could forget his fears so completely.

Cloud barely touched Sephiroth before the other came, spurting up his young lover's stomach. Zack watched as Cloud drew away, looking sleepy and smug. Sephiroth was just staring at him as though seeing him for the first time.

"This was a good idea," Cloud said firmly. "I'm glad I had it."

Zack couldn't help it. He began to laugh.


	13. Tifa

**Title: **A Twisted Kind of Honour  
**Rating: **NC-17  
**Pairing**: Sephiroth/Cloud, Zack/Aeris (some S/C/Z)  
**Genre**: Hurt/Comfort  
**Warning**: BRITISH SPELLING! Direct talk about rape. Voyeurism. M/M scenes. Terrorism.  
**Chapter**: 13/20  
**Comments**: Enter one of the biggest changes to the order of events I've made to date. This affects everything and, if you look closely, it actually has a really big hint as to where I'm going with this.

**Chapter Thirteen:**

**Tifa**

Cloud woke the next day feeling too warm and oddly sticky. He realised his mouth was dry and only when he opened his eyes did he realise that he'd pressed himself up against Sephiroth's back and accidentally got a mouthful of the other's hair in the process. Behind him he realised was the reason for his overheating. Whereas Sephiroth was always a little cool to the touch, like a stone wall on a hot day, Zack was like a furnace, radiating heat against Cloud's back.

Last night came back to him in waves. The feel of Sephiroth's skin against his fingertips, Zack's reassuringly strong hands around his wrists, the feel of Sephiroth heavy against his palm. The vision that had been Zack sucking off Sephiroth. Overcoming the fear and lusting after Sephiroth enough to actually _do_ something about it.

_I should be proud of myself but all I feel is utterly embarrassed._

He slid from Zack's monkey grip and silently padded around the room. He pulled on his pyjamas and went to make breakfast, knowing the scent of pancakes would soon have both SOLDIERs stirring.

Sure enough, Cloud was serving up the first stack of pancakes when Zack walked into the kitchen. He looked barely awake as he yawned, scratching his hair chest. Cloud felt his cheeks heat slightly. Zack had decided to just wear his boxers.

"Smells good, Spike," Zack muttered, pouring himself some coffee and half-heartedly helping himself.

"They're all for you. I'm making extra for Sephiroth," Cloud offered. Zack just prodded the pancakes, looking a little queasy.

"Zack?" Cloud said uncertainly. Zack looked up and then sighed.

"Sorry, Cloud. Just thinking," he said. Cloud sat down, ignoring Sephiroth's pancakes for now.

"Last night was too much, wasn't it? Too weird, right?" Cloud asked, glancing down at his coffee. He had to admit, he had thought it would have been weirder than it was. He wouldn't have had the courage, though, without Zack's presence.

"It's not that," Zack said, surprising Cloud. "It's just that I told Aeris I wouldn't be... you know... involved. And then the moment I got in there, I was throwing all caution to the wind and getting down and dirty."

Cloud turned bright pink at Zack's phrasing, but the other was still staring at his pancakes like they were going to spell out the answer. Cloud ran a hand through his tangled hair and dropped two sugar cubes into his coffee.

"Well, if it helps any, I was glad you did. I would never have had the nerve otherwise, Zack," he said, careful to keep his voice free of judgement. "But also, you've got to keep your promise to Aeris. After all, she's your girlfriend and I'm just a friend."

"Not 'just a friend'," Zack replied, looking up and smiling genuinely for the first time that morning. "Best friend." He ruffled Cloud's hair.

Cloud smiled back, sipping his coffee. "Still, if you want to back out-"

"No, I want to see this through now. I'm just going to tell Aeris outright how this has gone. If she wants me to leave her then... well... I love her a lot, but I kind of know we're not meant to be together," Zack said with a sad shrug. Cloud frowned.

"What makes you say that?" he asked. Zack was cutting circles out of his pancakes.

"She hates SOLDIER. She thinks they're unnatural. And I guess she's right. The first time I met her I fell off the Plate and fell through the ceiling of the Church she was in and lived to tell the tale... It must have freaked her out," Zack admitted miserably. Cloud tutted.

"Aeris is smart enough to make her own choices. I don't know why she puts up with a dork like you unless she loves you. _A lot," _Cloud emphasised the words, earning a grin from Zack. "So I'm pretty sure that no matter what you did, she'd forgive you... Eventually. She must have known that you wouldn't look without touching. You see shiny and start meddling before even engage your brain."

Zack laughed. "And what 'shiny' are you referring to exactly?"

"Sephiroth, of course," Cloud replied, deadpan. Zack cackled and took a mouthful of his pancakes. Cloud relaxed a little.

"She's a good girl, Zack. I'm sorry that I'm so messed up but I can't give up your support yet," Cloud said, his tone quiet. Zack's cheeks were bulging with pancake so Cloud left him to eat and started to make Sephiroth's.

*

Sephiroth settled behind his desk feeling distinctly like he should do some very heavy training. Although he'd never had an ounce of fat on him in his life, he was feeling decidedly stodgy after eating around twelve of Cloud's pancakes that morning. He still hadn't been able to turn any down, and even Zack's eating habits hadn't put him off his food.

_Sex gives me an appetite it seems._

He realised he'd started to smirk to himself and carefully schooled his features back into neutrality. Last night _had_ been a good development, and from what he had caught of Cloud and Zack's conversation that morning, it was something that was likely to happen again. He knew that Cloud probably hadn't realised he'd been able to hear, but he knew that Zack had been acutely aware that even from the bedroom he'd have heard every word.

He turned on his computer, scanning through his emails and categorising them to important, urgent, ones to be delegated and ones to delete without opening them. One caught his eye though. It was his request into certain classified reports regarding AVALANCHE and the theories on their funding. He opened it, scanning through the information therein.

One thing became apparently clear. There was definitely one main financier. Not only that, it was obvious that he had a fair amount of knowledge on how the political organisations within Shinra worked. Most of the finances were in accounts that would require Turks co-operating with SOLDIER to access, something that until recently had been highly unlikely.

It all confirmed it for Sephiroth.

Rufus Shinra. Rufus Shinra was working for AVALANCHE.

*

Cloud didn't have time to put on Slum clothes. AVALANCHE had given him a time and a place that would have left it impossible for him to do anything other than run all the way there. He got to the meeting place and doubled over, breathing hard. His t-shirt had soaked through, light green cotton sticking to his body disgustingly. He also was almost certain he had blisters from his trainers.

"Well, don't we look clean cut," Shears said, stepping out of the shadows so suddenly that Cloud had to jump. Elfé stepped out behind him, her eyes immediately running over his form. Cloud wanted to fold his arms over his body and hide it from her, but it wasn't part of the persona he'd built for himself. Instead he took a few steps closer and ignored her, staring down Shears instead.

"Playing the General's fucktoy takes a certain amount of style," he replied, gesturing to the designer jeans that Sephiroth had bought him on the insistence that he get something that 'fitted properly'. How these were meant to fit properly, Cloud wasn't sure, they just seemed like jeans to him, but he hadn't wanted to argue when he'd seen Sephiroth's eyes light up.

"You call that designer crap style-"

"Have we come here to trade fashion tips? I'm leaving," Cloud said, turning around. Elfé reached out and grabbed his arm, her fingers digging into the scars on his wrists. He froze and looked over his shoulder at her. She looked down at her hand and realised what she'd done, removing it straight away and putting her hand in her pocket.

"Shears is just being obnoxious. We actually want you for something," she admitted. "Let's get off the street though, in case someone sees you talking to us."

Cloud nodded and followed them into the alley they'd been skulking in. In this area it was harder to find places to skulk effectively, but around the back of the pet shop seemed a place that it was likely they wouldn't be bothered.

"We've discovered some of the secrets of the SOLDIER plan," Elfé said excitedly. Cloud just looked at her with a bored expression.

"Fuhito is going to create some SOLDIERs and we'll be able to send them into battle against Sephiroth and the others. Don't you see? We'll definitely beat Shinra with our Ravens once we know how to insert mako into them!" Elfé's eyes were lit up. Cloud leaned against the wall. The cold stone felt good against his overheated body.

"Don't trust anyone who works with Hojo," Cloud said, staring up at the scrap of Plate he could see through the gap in the buildings. "Scientists don't draw the same moral boundaries as we do. If he's working with Hojo, he's not on your side anymore."

For once, Shears was nodding, agreeing with what Cloud was saying. Elfé however looked frustrated. "But just think what we can do with weapons that powerful-"

"We could become world powers-" Cloud interrupted.

"Exactly! We could terrorise Shinra and all the people until they gave up mako energy-"

"-and then fill the power void left with leaders of our own-"

"Yeah and then-"

"-and become as bad as Shinra," Cloud finished. Elfé stared at him, confused as to why he'd suddenly turned on her vision of a bright new future. He shook his head.

"You want to create a race of monsters to fight Shinra's own? And trust me, Hojo definitely _hasn't_ offered the secrets to creating SOLDIERs to you. He won't even do that to save two of Shinra's Generals-" Cloud began forcefully. This time it was Shears who interrupted.

"I heard about that. Genesis and Angeal... What happened to them?" he asked. Cloud looked down from the Plate finally.

"They were human once. Then they became SOLDIERs through an incomplete process created by one of Hojo's rivals. Rather than offer them the secret to making SOLDIERs like Sephiroth and prolonging their lives, Hojo refused to tell them based on his own pride. Angeal is dead. Genesis officially is dead, but he's still very much alive... somewhere... slowly wasting away," Cloud explained. "That's why Hojo isn't to be trusted. He would turn on his own children to get what he wanted."

Elfé looked like she had more to say, but Shears silenced her with a look. She looked sullenly at the ground.

"If we can't have SOLDIERs of our own, how are we meant to fight?" she asked. Cloud shrugged.

"That's not my concern. I'm just telling you that you will never make another Sephiroth, no matter how much mako you pump into your followers," he pushed away from the wall, preparing himself to leave. He wanted to get away from these two now. Something about talking about the SOLDIER program made his skin stand on end in a way it hadn't when he'd been a cadet. There was something unsettling about it, particularly now he knew the ins and outs of the Angeal and Genesis cases.

"Cloud," Elfé said, causing him to pause. She studied his face for a long moment. Beside her Shears shifted uncomfortably. "We're meeting two months from now for a strategy meeting at the Honey Bee. We're also bringing in a new member. I want you to make sure she doesn't work for Shinra. Her background is a bit iffy. We've put her on a simple mission that should keep her busy until then."

Cloud nodded once to Elfé and once to Shears before he took his leave.

*

Rufus had noticed that his computer had been tapped the moment he walked into his office. He had deliberately taken calls and written emails as normal, wondering who would be stupid enough to attempt to do this to him. After all, he was hardly going to conduct any _private_ matters within the Shinra building itself. Or at least, he wasn't going to do it with company property.

He was a rich kid, not an idiot.

He wasn't that surprised to find Sephiroth had come to visit him a few hours later. He had already guessed that the man was onto him, since he'd accidentally put his foot in it trying to discover what Sephiroth's little pet had been up to. He made a point of letting his hand linger on top of his monitor, over the camera, where he knew the tap was located. Sephiroth's sharp eyesight picked it up, but to the General's credit his expression didn't change.

"I've been told to inform you there's been a security breach in your office and that we'll be sending in Turks later to debug the room," Sephiroth said firmly. Rufus raised an eyebrow.

"They sent the General to tell me this? What are you, Sephiroth, a glorified messenger boy?" he asked. Sephiroth folded his arms across his chest.

"Just as you are a glorified secretary?" he replied. Rufus smirked.

"Not for much longer," he replied. Sephiroth raised an eyebrow.

"Are you being sent on vacation, Rufus?" he asked, feigning ignorance. Rufus rose to his feet.

"Oh, I intend to be going somewhere with a view," Rufus replied, referring to his father's office that had views of the entire above-Plate city. Sephiroth dropped his arms, seeming satisfied with something.

"Look after him," he said simply before he turned on his heel and left. Rufus stared at the General's retreating back.

"Look after _who_?"

*

Zack stood awkwardly in the Church. Aeris had crouched down with her flowers. Zack guessed the thing that hurt most was that she hadn't been surprised by what he'd told her, just disappointed. It had been crushing to see those eyes dim a little as she looked away from him and occupied herself with her flowers instead.

"I know you, Zack. You have a big heart, more than big enough for all of us... But I want it for _me_," Aeris said quietly. "Of course I do."

"You're the one who told me to do this," Zack pointed out. Aeris nodded.

"I've seen Cloud. He needs you. He needs you more than I ever could," she admitted, her fingertips brushing against a lily petal.

"That's not true. I don't want it to be a choice between the two of you," Zack said, kneeling down next to her. "I love you, not Cloud or Sephiroth."

"I know," Aeris replied simply, carefully breaking the stem of one of the flowers and turning to slid it behind Zack's ear. It looked ridiculous but she didn't so much as smile.

"My mother likes you, you know?" Aeris said, tracing the flowers. "But she thinks you're a jerk for not at least proposing to me before going off to get laid with your bet friends. Some kind of security would have been nice."

Zack wasn't sure what to say to that. He was pretty sure that Elmyra hadn't said anything of the sort, but then from the look in Aeris' eyes, she wasn't talking about Elmyra. He sat back, confused.

"You're going to have sex with them. I know that," Aeris continued, looking back at her flowers. "And I'm not going to stop you. I'm not going to make you feel guilty about it. I know that you'll feel guilty enough for the two of us anyway."

Zack felt like the biggest scumbag on Gaia already. Aeris turned to him, green eyes searching his face.

"Just make sure that you don't become too much of a crutch," she warned. "I'm not handing you over permanently. I want you back, without Cloud-shaped holes in your heart."

"I'm not going to fall for Cloud," Zack said, chuckling. Aeris shook her head, looking unconvinced.

"I think that there's always the possibility that you and Cloud could fall in love. You're well-matched. One day he's going to realise that Sephiroth isn't human enough to understand what love is about and then he'll turn to you," Aeris said softly. Zack frowned. Aeris was usually tactful about Sephiroth, and his superhuman abilities, even for a SOLDIER. For her to talk so bluntly... was she really that insecure?

"I promise you, I'm not going to elope with Cloud," Zack said. At that moment the door opened and Aeris got to her feet. Zack followed, glad when he saw a mop of blond hair at the other end of the building instead of some thugs.

"I didn't interrupt anything, did I?" Cloud asked, taking a few steps forward over the creaky floorboards. Zack glanced at Aeris, but she was smiling warmly, a freshly picked flower in her hand. She immediately tucked it behind Cloud's ear, the same as she had to Zack.

"No. You're just in time to help me pick some flowers for my wagon," she said. Cloud smiled at her and took the flower from behind his ear. He grabbed a prayer book from one of the ruined pews and trapped the flower between it.

"I'll press it so it lasts longer. This is the first freebie I've got off you," he said. Aeris laughed lightly.

"Of course, a shrewd businesswoman never gives away what she could sell!" she replied.

Zack felt a weight settle in his chest at seeing the two of them getting on so well, something that didn't shift until he left later that day, having filled the wagon with flowers.

*

Over the next few months Zack began to realise that, though he'd done a lot in his relatively short life, he'd never quite done something this interesting. Dating Aeris during the day, then going back to Sephiroth's in the evenings soon became normal instead of weird. Zack ended up just assuming he was staying over there and Cloud never seemed to mind. Zack sometimes thought he saw the odd wistful look from Sephiroth, but the other man never said anything. Aeris said even less, choosing to ignore it for the most part unless Zack said something. There would be an awkward pause then, before Zack moved onto something else as quickly as he could think.

They'd soon began to realise that they needed a little bit more help beyond the basic 'this is how we do sex' tips. Sephiroth had found some information on the internet support groups that had suggested re-enacting certain scenarios and turning them into something safe and pleasurable. Cloud had immediately baulked, but Sephiroth hadn't let it drop.

Sephiroth came up with very creative ways to twist the situations. As Cloud wouldn't allow anything to penetrate him, it left few options. Sephiroth had, however, found a way to re-enact Cloud's Masamune fantasy in a way that had left Zack unable to sit down for three days and Cloud smug every time he saw Zack wince when he sat. Sephiroth had reverently cleaned Masamune for those three days straight, as though seeing Zack wince reminded him that something so sacred had been used for something so base.

That and the puppy costumes... Zack had found them extremely cute, right up until the point when he had to put it on. At first he'd felt stupid in it, though seeing Cloud's tan puppy ears _had_ been cute.

In nearly every scene though, Cloud was merely a voyeur, who could choose to get involved or not. That small amount of power did wonders. Cloud slowly grew more confident, even getting to the point where he would initiate contact without problem. He would still blush and stutter when Zack made jokes, would still sleep in his pyjamas, but it became clear he was becoming more and more confident from the way that he no longer shied away from Zack or Sephiroth's casual touches.

All in all, it had been a very pleasant way to spend two months that had seen a lull in terrorist activity and no sign of Genesis. Zack had almost become secure in his relationships.

*

Cloud stepped into the Honey Bee Inn with the air of someone who had seen it all before. The girls didn't bother him this time, recognising from his sense of purpose that he wasn't there for fun, but for the meeting occurring in the back room.

It helped that he was a little more comfortable with sex now. Having had most of his memories from Gongaga twisted into perverted, but enjoyable, bedroom games had helped to a certain extent. Sephiroth never took it so far that Cloud was forced back into that degrading role, and he always ran through the ideas first to make sure that Cloud didn't think it was too bad. Zack had thrown himself into everything with the abandon of a man who knew that he was soon going to end up bound to one woman for the rest of his life.

Cloud guessed it was like a prolonged bachelor party for Zack, who had begun to avoid talking about Aeris in front of him. Cloud had to admit he was worried, but Sephiroth had told him not to interfere. That if Zack wanted to stop, he could do at any time. It was Zack's choice, and Aeris' to put up with it. It wasn't Cloud's job to make up their minds for them.

Cloud pushed it all out of his mind when he stepped into the room. He was immediately presented with the scene of Elfé pushing a pretty, busty dark haired woman against the wall, kissing her fiercely. For a moment Cloud assumed it was another of the Honey Bee's call girls, but then he looked closer.

"Tifa?!" His voice sounded strangely high-pitched. The dark haired girl pushed Elfé away hurriedly, staring at Cloud with wide eyes. Cloud felt a mixture of all kinds of emotions; surprise, jealousy, anger, attraction; all rushing through him so fast that he could barely tell them apart.

"Cloud!" she replied. Elfé raised an eyebrow.

"You two know each other?" she asked. Cloud stalked forward and grabbed Tifa's wrist, dragging her away from Elfé.

"Touch her again, and I swear Elfé, I'll hurt you," he snapped. Tifa was staring at him with big eyes. The other members of AVALANCHE in the room were just watching the exchange silently.

"Oh? Which one of us were you jealous of, hm?" she asked. Cloud snarled and pulled Tifa out of the hideout with him, all thoughts of espionage gone from his mind for the moment. He dragged her out of the Honey Bee and down the side of the building towards the wall of the slums, where he knew he wouldn't be overheard.

"Just what are you playing at Tifa?! What are you doing here?" Cloud demanded. Tifa regarded him stonily. She was still wearing the outdated Nibelheim fashion, a cowboy hat hanging down behind her head.

"I ran away," she said. Cloud tapped his foot, waiting for more.

"Don't act like you're older or wiser, Cloud! I have my reasons!" Tifa protested. Cloud just looked at her in disbelief.

"When was the last time you spoke to your mother, huh?" Tifa demanded. Cloud thought about it. He didn't usually phone her, preferring to write letters. He usually wrote about once a month, though his mother's replies were more sporadic.

"Why?" he asked. Tifa's face was lit by the eerie neon of the Slums as she faced away from him.

"You don't know what's become of Nibelheim, do you?" she asked. Cloud frowned. His mother hadn't mentioned anything bad in her letters. She mostly just talked about village gossip.

"Two years ago we requested help from Shinra, just after you left to come back to Midgar. The guys at the mako reactor had all been killed and the monsters were getting out of control," Tifa began. "They started to become more daring, and they came into the town even. There were rumours that they were being drawn by mako close to the surface, but there wasn't much we could do about it. So we petitioned Shinra to help us."

"They sent one Turk to assess the situation. He told us that they'd send someone, but no one ever came. The monsters grew more and more problematic. We were overrun and couldn't get supplies," Tifa folded her arms over her stomach. Cloud felt cold spreading through him. Why hadn't his mother mentioned this?

"The villagers... they began to hate Shinra. The reactor is still running, and the monsters are even more mutated and stronger than ever. We had to hire mercenaries to protect the village. Of course, they're _horrible_. They've committed so many crimes against the villagers that I couldn't even count them on both hands, but the villagers are powerless to stop them because then they lose their protection," Tifa's eyes sought his own again. Cloud stared back at her.

"So you decided to join AVALANCHE? Why? The only people who can save the village from mercenaries is Shinra," he pointed out. Tifa shook her head.

"The Nibelheimers would never accept a Shinra soldier in their village ever again after they abandoned them. I'm here to get revenge," she said, her eyes bright with bloodlust. Cloud didn't know what to do without giving himself away. Tifa wasn't a good enough liar to be able to handle the truth. He sighed, running a hand through his hair.

"Fine. I'll vouch for you in there. But listen... don't get too involved. It's best that way," Cloud said softly, making sure she was looking at him when he said it. "AVALANCHE is a dangerous group, and it's not always on the moral high ground. Make sure that you're not so far in you can't back out."

Tifa just blinked incomprehensibly. Cloud sighed again and led her back into the Honey Bee to face a gloating Elfé and a disbelieving Shears.

*

Cloud sat, mildly bored. They were discussing their plans to bomb reactors again, but were picking ones in rural areas that would be less guarded and result in virtually no casualties. Cloud remembered the names of the reactors but was too distracted by Tifa's presence and the way that Elfé kept on looking at him. He wondered if she'd been trying to make him jealous; a kind of 'You have a male lover, well I have a female one' way of peacocking. Even so, it was pitiful and he refused to meet her eyes.

"We'll need you here again, Cloud," Shears said, pulling Cloud from his almost dreamlike stare at Tifa. He turned to Shears, blinking.

"Why?" he asked. "Isn't it dangerous to meet in the same place two nights in a row?"

"We won't be found," Shears said smugly. "Tomorrow you meet our financier. He's getting impatient with our progress. I figured I'd throw you out to convince him we're doing our best but picking our targets better."

Cloud shifted uneasily. "Yeah, sure," he replied, ignoring the way Elfé's eyes bored into the side of his face.

"Tomorrow it is then."


	14. An Elaborate Game

**Title: **A Twisted Kind of Honour  
**Rating: **NC-17  
**Pairing**: Sephiroth/Cloud, Zack/Aeris (some S/C/Z)  
**Genre**: Hurt/Comfort  
**Warning**: BRITISH SPELLING! Direct talk about rape. Voyeurism. M/M scenes. Terrorism. Het.  
**Chapter**: 14/20  
**Comments**: This chapter will probably divide the people in this fic. There is a het sex scene in this chapter. It is vital to the plot. Do not tell me that it's cruel to Sephiroth etc. as it's _meant to be_. And it will be dealt with appropriately.

**Chapter Fourteen:**

**An Elaborate Game**

Aeris put the plate of food in front of Zack. He'd come over for dinner. It was the first time she'd seen him that week. He'd phoned her, and naturally she'd pretended everything was alright. Yet now, with him here in front of her, laughing with her mother, she couldn't pretend everything was alright any more. She sat to the table, watching as Zack devoured the steak and kidney pie and potatoes with relish.

"I was thinking that we could go out tomorrow night," Aeris said, keeping her voice light. Zack's face fell and he quickly swallowed what was in his mouth.

"Er... I kind of planned something with Cloud," Zack said. Aeris looked down at her plate.

"Oh. Just Cloud?" she asked. Elmyra seemed to realise that there was a conversation happening under this conversation and excused herself to go and get a drink of water.

"Ah. No. Sephiroth too," Zack said, looking shifty. Aeris sighed and pushed her plate away.

"Zack, why are you lying to me about it? Don't you understand that this is hard enough?" she asked, green eyes annoyed when she turned to him. Zack hunched over his plate miserably.

"Why'd you say yes in the first place then?" he asked his potatoes. Aeris felt sick when she realised he wouldn't even look at her.

"Because it was the right thing to do for everyone else," Aeris replied, her voice barely above a whisper. "It was the right thing for you, obviously. You prefer them to me."

"It's not that-" Zack began but stopped, his mouth snapping shut. He looked up at her, mako blue eyes boring into the side of her face.

"I understand. Cloud is vulnerable. A little brother figure. He reminds you of home," she whispered. Zack shook his head.

"It's not that. I just... I can't abandon them now. Cloud's made such progress and I don't want him to go backwards... I mean, I'm not involved all the time now, but Cloud still likes me within ear-shot, y'know?" Zack said, obviously trying to make her understand. Aeris folded her hands in her lap and tried not to show him how upset she was.

"There's going to come a moment when I lose you..." Aeris said softly. "There will be a moment when you stop coming here."

Zack was silent for a long moment. "Come with us tonight. We're just going out. You know, dancing. I'll prove to you that things aren't that bad."

Aeris glanced at him then nodded once, grimly. She hoped that Zack was right.

*

Cloud felt extremely awkward. Zack had assured him what he was wearing was fine before he'd gone to pick up Aeris. Cloud wasn't so sure. He had a pair of jeans on that were way tighter around his backside than he'd have ever bought for himself and a long sleeved black shirt that also seemed to be made to fit like a second skin. Zack had even forced him the change the buckle of his belt to something loud and glittery and that had a stupid reconstruction of a dragon on it.

All in all, Cloud felt a little ridiculous. He looked in the mirror though and was surprised to find that he did look older, at least. The darker colours gave him a more serious demeanour and made his tanned skin seem lighter.

The bathroom door opened and Sephiroth exited, towel around his waist. Cloud breathed in sharply, catching the scent of Sephiroth's aftershave. The other had been relatively uncertain about going dancing, convinced that he would attract unwanted attention. Zack had just laughed and told him that if he couldn't dance, he would leave him behind. Sephiroth had given him a long look and then shrugged, leaving Zack and Cloud to plan.

Now though, Cloud could tell that Sephiroth was as nervous as he was. The other was going to rather impressive lengths to be presentable, particularly if he was wearing _aftershave_ of all things. Cloud walked over to him, wrapping his arms around his damp waist.

"Are you sure we couldn't just stay in?" Cloud asked. Sephiroth shook his head.

"Zack has invited Miss Gainsborough. He'll be annoyed if we ditch him to stay in and watch television," Sephiroth pointed out. Cloud pouted and let Sephiroth out of his grasp. He watched as the other walked to the wardrobe, hands twitching automatically to the usual battle leathers he wore before he drew them aside and began to look through his other clothes for something to wear.

Cloud wished that Sephiroth _would_ just wear the damn battle leathers. It would be less weird that way. Sephiroth threw some clothes onto the bed and Cloud was at least a little relieved that a pair of leather pants were there. It wouldn't be a complete transformation then. Sephiroth turned around and raised an eyebrow.

"Why are you hovering? Are you going to tell me off for my fashion choices?" he asked, dropping the towel and stepping straight into the leather trousers. Cloud groaned. Now it would be in his head all night that Sephiroth had no boxers on.

"No, I was just thinking that this isn't _us_, Seph, this is _Zack_," Cloud said, sitting on the edge of the bed. Sephiroth zipped up the trousers and pulled on a dark grey shirt that had a weird silky sheen to it. He began to button it up.

"We try it once. If it doesn't work, then we don't do it again," he said simply. Cloud flopped back onto the bed.

"I know but... Do you get the feeling that Zack's... I don't know... here too much at the moment? I can't remember the last time he said he was going to see Aeris," Cloud wasn't sure that Sephiroth would share his concerns. He had noticed though, that Zack was calling Aeris less and less, talking about her only occasionally and making more and more plans with Cloud in particular. He'd known that things would change with the nature of their relationship, but Cloud kind of missed the Zack who was so in love with his girlfriend that he couldn't stop talking about her. It sometimes felt to Cloud like he loved Aeris more than Zack did.

"That's Zack's concern," Sephiroth said curtly. Cloud sighed, knowing that Sephiroth just wouldn't get it.

"I guess so..." he said. He felt a pressure as Sephiroth knelt on the bed and leaned over him. He could see the concern in Sephiroth's eyes, even though his expression was carefully blank.

"It bothers you that much?" Sephiroth asked. Cloud looked up at Sephiroth, meeting his eyes.

"I won't need Zack to be with us forever. He's my best friend, but he's not my lover. I'm worried that he'll have no life to go back to once I've got over this," Cloud replied. Sephiroth reached out to slowly trace his fingers over Cloud's cheek. His fingertips ran over the ridge of the scar and Cloud let his eyes close.

"I will discuss this with Zack if you want," Sephiroth offered. Cloud nodded.

"I don't want to seem ungrateful, Seph, but... it's not Zack I'm in love with," he said with a shrug. He saw something flutter across Sephiroth's expression, but he had no idea what he'd said to cause it. It had looked happy, at least.

"I will speak to him," Sephiroth said, leaning in to kiss Cloud.

"Yo guys! I'm back!"

Sephiroth sighed when he heard the front door slam as Zack came back, presumably with Aeris. Cloud wanted nothing more than to just snag the back of Sephiroth's neck and kiss him, but the other pressed a chaste kiss to his forehead and pulled away, going to find his shoes.

*

Aeris saw the way that Cloud carefully avoided eye contact with her and Zack. She also noticed that Sephiroth steered Zack away from Cloud pretty quickly when he first walked in and distracted the other with talk about where they were going to be going that night. She was more than a little relieved that it seemed that Cloud and Sephiroth were aware of the changes that had come over Zack the same as she was.

Cloud eventually awkwardly offered that she looked nice. Aeris smiled and couldn't resist the urge to tease. "Is that in an aesthetically appealing way, or in an 'I think you're attractive' way?" she asked. Cloud turned pink.

"I like girls too," he protested. Aeris found herself giggling.

"I do! It's just... they scare me a little and... I really don't think a girl would understand... Well, maybe one of the Turks girls would..." Cloud realised he was babbling and Aeris patted him on the shoulder.

"It's okay Cloud, I was just teasing you," she said. Cloud shook his head.

"I just don't want to be stereotyped as Sephiroth's homo as hell boyfriend," Cloud replied and Aeris guessed that this had been something that Cloud had heard from somewhere. She wondered who it was that gave the boy grief about their relationship, but then Zack was walking over and offering her his arm.

"Come on, we're going to get so drunk we can't stand up straight!" Zack announced.

"_You _are," Cloud dead-panned. Zack guffawed.

"Oh, now _that_ is a challenge."

*

Cloud stared. Zack danced like he didn't have a bone in his body. It was almost frightening how well he managed to lose himself in the music. Cloud had never seen a man move his hips that way outside the bedroom and he was pretty sure that it wasn't just him that was noticing Zack. Zack, meanwhile, was oblivious, dancing with Aeris. She wasn't quite as boneless or fluid as Zack, though she had a kind of grace about her that meant it didn't matter. Her cheeks were flushed and her eyes bright. She looked happier than she had done in weeks and Cloud was glad she'd somehow reconnected with Zack.

He glanced down at the drink in his hand. Zack had refused to buy him soft drinks so he'd ended up on shots of whiskey. It had been Sephiroth's idea. Shots were less likely to be spiked and freed you up quickly so you weren't holding onto glasses with the likelihood of having it spilled. Cloud drank it, feeling it burn all the way down.

Sephiroth had an arm wrapped protectively around his waist and Cloud leaned against him. The amount of people and the heat was making him a little edgy, but he still would use it as an excuse to cuddle up against Sephiroth's side all the same. The other didn't seem to mind that much.

Cloud thought it was also kind of cute how Sephiroth's eyes really did glow in the dark here. In their apartment Cloud would sometimes watch as Sephiroth fell asleep and marvel at how even when his eyes were closed, the green glow penetrated his eyelids. Rather like a torch with a piece of paper held over it. In the night club, under all the UV lights and bright colours, Sephiroth's eyes looked almost normal.

"What?" Sephiroth said lowly, leaning down so that his lips were next to Cloud's ear.

"It's nothing," Cloud murmured back, happy to have Sephiroth's undivided attention. Sephiroth's lips quirked upwards and he casually moved his hand so that it was just underneath the cloth of Cloud's shirt. Cloud felt all the hairs on the back of his neck go up and all his awareness go to that warm hand curling around his side. He let his eyes drop to half-closed.

The song changed and Aeris leaned forward to talk to Zack. They retreated back from the dance floor and Cloud reluctantly straightened up a little. The whiskey was starting to have an effect and he was feeling rather mellow, all things considered.

"Come on Spike. Aeris wants a drink but I want to dance!" Zack said, grabbing Cloud's arm. Cloud gave Sephiroth his empty glass and followed Zack awkwardly, not sure how to tell the other that he couldn't dance. In the middle of the dance floor Zack stopped and Cloud tried his best not to look terrified.

"Don't look so frightened, Spike. It's just dancing!" Zack said, laughing. He then positioned himself behind Cloud, his hands holding the other's hips lightly. "Just follow my lead, okay? That's all Aeris does. So long as you pay attention to the beat, you'll be fine."

At first Cloud felt stupid, with Zack pretty much moving his hips for him. Eventually he relaxed a little and began to move a little more fluidly, his head dropping back against Zack's shoulder. The older man didn't flirt, didn't say anything ridiculous, and Cloud quite happily lost himself in the music.

*

Watching Cloud be dragged off by Zack left Sephiroth with a strange problem. He and Aeris didn't get on that well at the best of times. Now with the prospect of watching her boyfriend pawing his, he wondered if this was going to be more awkward than even he could handle.

"We should dance," Aeris said resolutely. Sephiroth just blinked at her. She smiled up at him, her hand held out. He reluctantly touched her and noticed that she barely even flinched.

Following her to the dance floor was surreal. He could no longer see Cloud clearly and he felt almost like a traitor to him when Aeris' arms wrapped around his neck.

"I've been wanting to talk to you," Aeris said as they began to move to the music. Sephiroth said nothing, figuring she'd either tell him or not.

"I want this thing you have with Zack to stop," she continued. "I don't want to have to share him any more... I'm losing him." She looked afraid and Sephiroth could feel her body was tense as he let his hands rest on her waist. She was probably thinking about how he could crush her with a simple squeeze if he was so minded.

"It seems in this, Miss Gainsborough, we are in agreement," he said and was pleased when he saw complete surprise spread over her features.

"Cloud has expressed his displeasure in the situation also. He doesn't want Zack to forget where he belongs and asked me to address it with him. I will do so, but I thought that for tonight, it would be wiser to let him have fun. It has been a tough few months for Zack, after all," he said. Aeris was nodding to everything he was saying, listening intently. He began to forget that they were meant to be dancing.

"Thank you," Aeris said, her eyes closing. Sephiroth nodded and let his hand drop from her waist.

"You're more than welcome, Miss Gainsborough."

*

The Turks Annual 'Let's Get Rat Arsed Drunk' Fest, was in full swing. They entered the club like they owned it and, while Rude and some of the others immediately hit the floor, Reno and Tseng gravitated towards the bar. Reno didn't mind dancing, but he preferred a good hard drink first. He started as he meant to go on, with the cheapest vodka he could get. He drank it like it was water. A night didn't really get interesting until he was seeing double anyway.

His gaze was caught by a few couples on the dance floor that he hadn't been expecting. The General was there for a start. He wasn't dancing with a pretty boy blond either, but rather with Fair's girl. The Ancient. Reno watched as the two slowly stopped dancing, obviously talking intently. She'd probably just discovered that Fair was having hot dirty sex with the General. It was the most likely situation after all. You couldn't hide something like that forever.

The other two who came into view immediately changed Reno's suggestion of the events. _Maybe they're swingers?_ He saw Zack and Cloud dancing with each other. Cloud followed Zack's movements almost seamlessly, his inebriation obviously helping him get over his nervousness and draping over Zack. Reno smirked. Maybe Sephiroth and the Ancient did have a lot to talk about if these two had got caught up in each other?

"They look good together, do they not?"

Reno lowered his shot of vodka from his lips to see Rufus. The man was still dressed all in white and Reno growled when he realised the other had come out without any kind of protection at all. Nearly every Turk in the room had just lost their night out in lieu of protecting their ignorant VP.

"Pft. They're completely incompatible," Reno replied, swallowing the shot and calling the bartender over for another. He began to dig into his pockets for the money but Rufus suavely handed over the cash before Reno could even get his wallet out.

"Explain," Rufus said, leaning against the bar. Reno grabbed his shot, deciding not to say thank you. Rufus wouldn't have bought it for him if he weren't after getting him drunk for information anyway.

"Fair's a selfish kind of guy. He bounces around like a puppy dog, not realising that he breaks a lot of shit he touches," Reno said, eyeing the two who were dancing together. "He ultimately puts his own needs above others. You wouldn't want to be the one waiting for Zack at home, cuz if he's busy, he ain't gonna be callin' ya any time soon. Just look at him now, he's clearly not thinking one bit about his girlfriend."

Reno turned to Rufus, wondering if he was still listening. He was surprised to find that Rufus was. He smirked and downed the shot of vodka, waiting for Rufus to refill his glass before continuing.

"Sephiroth on the other hand is someone who feels so worthless, they'll do anything to prove it," Reno said. Rufus frowned, as though he was about to protest. "Nah, hear me out. Sephiroth will do almost anything for Cloud. He'd chop off his own dick if it would help the lil' guy out with his issues. Someone who's damaged, they don't need someone who will forget about them just cuz they're not in their immediate line of sight."

Reno began to wonder if he should move onto the tequila. It would hurt more in the morning, sure, but it would taste better than this vodka. Although he thought that maybe Rufus had been ordering him some of the more expensive stuff...

"And since when did you become such a good judge of character, Reno?" Rufus asked, his arm sliding around Reno's waist. Reno didn't say anything. Sleeping with Rufus and flirting with Rufus was one thing, but Reno hated it when Rufus patronised him. He wasn't a child, and he wasn't stupid. Uncultured he'd admit to, but stupid?

"Since I realised someone close to me was playing games, yo," Reno replied, his green eyes flashing dangerously towards Rufus. The Vice President looked mildly surprised.

"I thought you liked playing games, Reno. Keeps you on your toes," he replied after a moment. Reno let out a bark of laughter.

"Yeah. And you treat us Turks like dogs. Like we don't understand what's goin' on in front of our eyes," he accused. "But just so you know, Rufus, I play games like the best of them. I'm already one step ahead o' ya. Just so ya know." He put his glass on the bar.

"Just what are you referring to?" Rufus asked, obviously worried about what Reno knew about his little game with AVALANCHE. Reno just smirked.

"Can't you read _my _poker face, yo," he said as he disappeared into the crowded dance floor.

*

Cloud had seen Sephiroth leave the dance floor again with Aeris and had felt weird. They'd been dancing together? Surely that was a bit strange. Zack hadn't even noticed, he was pretty sure. Cloud wondered what they had spoken about. He was about to break away from Zack and go and find out when he saw Reno materialise from the sea of people.

"Yo. Just thought I'd say good luck for tonight," Reno said to Cloud, ignoring Zack all together. Cloud blinked.

"Er, thanks," he said, wondering how Reno had found out that he planned to meet AVALANCHE tonight. Reno had smirked and ruffled his hair before leaving.

"What was that about?" Zack asked suspiciously, his grip on Cloud's waist tightening. Cloud let out a quiet gasp as he felt the fingers tighten hard enough to bruise.

"Zack, that hurts," he said. Zack let go immediately looking mortified. He looked down at his hands and then up at Cloud.

"I'm sorry... It's just... SOLDIER y'know..." Zack looked so guilty that Cloud couldn't feel angry at him. He still rubbed his sore sides a little though.

"He was just teasing me, Zack," he said, not sure why he was lying about going to an AVALANCHE meeting. He hadn't wanted to tell Sephiroth before hand just in case the financier didn't turn up. Not telling Zack was just because he didn't want the other to try to come with him.

"Are you sur-"

"Hey you two? Are you going to get another drink? The bartender's just announced it's two for one on all shots for the next ten minutes," Aeris said, sliding her arm around Zack's waist possessively. Cloud took that opportunity to escape, promising to bring back drinks.

*

Cloud was watching from the bar. It was getting close to midnight. Any moment his phone would ring to tell him that it was clear for him to make his way to the Honey Bee. He watched as Cissnei, who was already pretty drunk, climbed onto the stage and started to dance. She ran her hands through her hair and swung her hips around wildly. Even Cloud had to admit that she was the picture of free-spiritedness.

Cloud laughed when Reno followed her up, grabbing her hips and making lewd faces. Some on the dance floor were laughing and pointing, others were too caught up in dancing themselves to care. Reno attempted to slid his hand up Cissnei's top and got his wrist twisted up behind his back for his cheek. If Cloud squinted he thought he could read Reno's lips yelling 'I yield! I fucking yield okay?'.

A few moments later Zack was on stage as well and Cloud put his hand to his cover his mouth. He saw Aeris' hand reaching for Zack's pants leg to pull him down again but he shrugged her off, grabbing Cissnei and putting him over her shoulder. Reno grinned evilly and began to spank her while Zack laughed and she beat him on the back.

His phone began to vibrate in his pocket and Cloud tore himself away, slipping out of the club seen only by a single pair of green eyes.

*

The Honey Bee was a hive of activity. Cloud had never seen so many AVALANCHE members in one place at once. He felt a little guilty at not telling Sephiroth. Tonight would have been a perfect night for a SOLDIER raid. Even so, he felt that whatever information he could get about the finances would still help prevent further attacks. If Shinra could block the flow of money it would eventually stop AVALANCHE without a great loss of life on both sides.

He had to admit, he was rather drunk. He'd had at least twelve shorts of whiskey in the club and the warmth that had settled in his chest was starting to radiate throughout his body. His cheeks were glowing rosily. He wasn't so drunk that he would say something stupid, but he knew that his judgement was impaired. Why had he let Zack convince him to drink anyway?

He let himself be ushered into the Red Room where he was sat down next to Elfé. For once she wasn't her obnoxious self. She spoke to him civilly, her tone could even have been described as warm. He let himself be drawn into a conversation about weaponry rather easily, more easily than he would have done without the whiskey in him. He felt a little sleepy now, in the warm, and also ravenously hungry for some reason. Elfé rested her hand on his shoulder as she leaned forward to tell him a small detail about the hilt of a sword she had her eye on.

The door swung open and at first, Cloud didn't even notice. Seconds later though a hush came over the room and Cloud found himself looking towards the tall, blond Vice President of the Shinra Electrical Power Company.

"Strife?" Rufus said at the same time Cloud got to his feet with a startled "Rufus?!".

For a long moment there was a stand off and everyone in the room seemed to be looking between the two of them. Rufus collected himself first and stalked over to Cloud, grabbing his arm and throwing him into the en-suite attached to the room. Cloud stumbled inside, grabbing onto the sink for support. Rufus kicked the door shut behind him and locked the door.

"What the fuck, Strife? What are you doing here?" Rufus snarled. Cloud straightened, wishing more than ever that he hadn't drank so much. What had he been _thinking_?

"I could ask the same of you," he pointed out. Rufus tensed up.

"We have a stalemate. Sephiroth knows you're here- Oh that bastard. This is what he meant isn't it. 'Look after him'. Oh really, Sephiroth, only you would be so romantic to think that I wouldn't kill you just out of loyalty to him," Rufus began to bitch. Cloud noticed that his pupils were slightly dilated as well. _He's drunk too... And he's crazy._

"Keep your silence here and I keep mine in Shinra," Cloud interrupted. Rufus' blue eyes snapped towards Cloud's and for a moment there was silence.

"I should kill you here and now. Who cares if Sephiroth discovers?" Rufus said, reaching into his jacket for his gun. Cloud lifted his head, standing as straight as he could. If he was going to be shot, he was going to be shot at least while looking his murderer in the eye. Rufus couldn't get his gun out of the holster though, his fingers fumbling on the latch.

"You can't afford Sephiroth to come after you," Cloud said softly. "And you don't really want to kill me either."

Rufus' hands stilled. He looked up at Cloud and then sighed, dropping them from the holster and letting his jacket fall back over it.

"Strife, how can I trust you to keep your word?" he asked. Cloud looked over his shoulder.

"You think I'd manage to avoid AVALANCHE on a vengeance mission? Forever? Even Sephiroth can't guard me twenty four hours a day," Cloud pointed out. "If they find out who I am, I'm dead."

*

Sephiroth realised Cloud was missing after Tseng managed to coax the Turks and Zack off the stage. Aeris had immediately grabbed Zack and started to scold him while Cissnei had chased Reno all the way to the bar with her belt in her hand. Sephiroth had winced when the belt whipped across Reno's shoulders. The other swore and seemed to change direction towards the men's. Cissnei wasn't deterred by the sign on the door and did, of course, follow him in.

It was when Sephiroth scanned the bar that he realised something was wrong. There was a gap where Cloud had been stood. An empty glass stood there. Scanning the dance floor Sephiroth couldn't see the distinctive mop of blond hair anywhere. He gestured for Zack to come over.

"Find Cloud," he ordered. Zack frowned and glanced around the room much as Sephiroth had. He then turned to Sephiroth and nodded, disappearing onto the crowd. Aeris frowned.

"Do you want me to help?" she asked. Sephiroth nodded and they all split up. Sephiroth headed for the men's toilets, the most obvious place for Cloud to be other than the bar. He pushed open the door.

"Ya crazy bitch! Get out of the men's toilets!" he heard Reno shouting. Sephiroth began to walk along the cubicles, pushing open each door. At the end one Cissnei was trying to kick the door open and it was clear that Reno was in there. All the other stalls were empty.

"Reno, Cissnei. Have you seen Cloud?" Sephiroth asked. Cissnei turned to him, startled enough that she dropped the belt. Reno must have heard the buckle clink because a hand darted out from the gap under the door to snag it, disappearing inside with it a moment later. Distracted from his question, Cissnei began to hammer against the door, demanding it back.

"Cissnei, have you seen Cloud?" Sephiroth repeated, losing patience.

"He left earlier, yo," Reno called from inside the stall. "Saw it while I was on stage."

Sephiroth frowned. "Alone?"

"Yeah. I figured he jus' wanted some air, ya know?" Reno replied. Sephiroth gestured for Cissnei to back off. She did so. Sephiroth gave the door a firm kick that knocked it off it's hinges completely. Reno fell against the toilet, his arms raised to protect his face.

"Are you lying to me, Reno?" he asked. Reno pushed the door off himself and glared at Sephiroth.

"Look, if ya can't keep ya boyfriend on a leash, don't freak out when he leaves without ya, yeah?" Reno said, moving so he could get out of the stall. "'sides, if he didn' tell ya where he was goin', why would I tell ya? There might be a reason for his secrecy ya know." Sephiroth realised that Reno's slum speech got heavier the drunk or more pissed off he was.

"Do you know where he is, Reno?" Sephiroth asked. Reno shook his head.

"Wish I did, yo, then I'd kick the VP's ass," he said with a shrug. Sephiroth froze and his eyes narrowed.

"What did you say?" he asked. Reno seemed to realise he'd said too much and held his hands up.

"I didn' say nothin'," he protested. Sephiroth stepped forward.

"When was the last time you had your head flushed down a toilet, Reno? Cadet school?" Sephiroth threatened. Reno's eyes widened and Cissnei smirked behind Sephiroth.

"Shit. Don't you fuckin' dare. Look, I know who Rufus is, alright? I'm fucking him, so it's kind of hard for him to hide it," Reno was speaking very, very quickly. "But I don't know where he is tonight. Or where Cloud is for that matter. I assume wherever they are, they're probably together."

Sephiroth moved out of the bathroom with a speed that left Reno staring at the spot where he'd been without realising he'd left. Cissnei rolled her eyes.

"Now you've done it, Reno," she said, folding her arms. Reno was just glad that he hadn't accidentally given away where AVALANCHE were meeting. He knew he was going to have to give Rufus and Cloud enough time to scram before SOLDIER found them.

*

"It seems there's been a misunderstanding. Why did no one inform me that Strife here was an informant?" Rufus said as he stepped from the bathroom. Cloud walked out, wiping his lip. Rufus had hit him 'just to feel a bit better about the deal' and then run away before Cloud could retaliate. He felt a bit stupid pressing his fingers the the corner of his mouth and checking for blood.

"We would have done if you'd have listened, Mr Shinra," one of the members of AVALANCHE piped up. Rufus just shrugged and walked into the room. Cloud went to sit next to Elfé again. She began to fuss over his lip straight away, handing him a tissue and pressing it to the corner of his mouth.

"I want to talk to you outside," Elfé whispered to him. Cloud nodded. She rose to her feet and left. Cloud waited a few more moments, dabbing his mouth. He saw in the middle of the table there was a bottle of wine. Without caring any more, he grabbed it and instead of pouring a glass he just drank as much as he could from the bottle without choking. Across the room, Rufus raised a glass of some kind of alcohol to him in salute. Cloud slammed the bottle down onto the table and glowered at him before getting to his feet unsteadily.

Rufus had clarified a few things to him in that bathroom. For a start, Sephiroth had _known_. Sephiroth had known who financed AVALANCHE and not _told_ him. Did the man think he risked his life for _nothing_? Was he so far from reality that he didn't think that it mattered to Cloud that something like this might be dumped on his lap?

Cloud left the room, looking around for Elfé. She wasn't inside the building, that much was clear. He stopped a bee-girl and she pointed him towards the door, saying that Elfé had left a few moments before. Cloud stepped out of the Inn, swaying drunkly as the cold night air hit him like a brick wall. Feeling a hundred times more drunk than he did before, he staggered around the side of the building, trying to avoid the neon lights. They seemed to be spinning.

"Cloud? Shit, you drank way too much," he heard Elfé say. He looked up and saw her leaning against the wall of the Honey Bee. She was looking at him with calculating brown eyes.

"Rufus... stupid bastards the lot of them..." Cloud slurred, trying to clear his head. This had been a bad idea. Why had he followed her? He propped himself up against the wall.

"Indeed. You know, Rufus is our trump card. He's going to take AVALANCHE to the big time," she said. Was she moving towards him or was he falling forward? Cloud couldn't be sure anymore.

"Rufus is just a child playing with big boys toys," Cloud managed to say. "He holds no real power in the company... Just has his daddy's credit card."

"But he does have some authority. He keeps the Turks off our cases sometimes. And he kept your SOLDIER at bay, didn't he? Sephiroth hasn't launched an attack on us in months," Elfé _was_ moving closer, Cloud was certain now. He felt her hand against his cheek. It was cold.

"Sephiroth knows about Rufus. I don't know why he isn't doing something about it," he said. Elfé looked surprised when he said that, but Cloud didn't understand what was so surprising. Of course Sephiroth knew. Sephiroth knew everything, didn't he? This was just giving his pet a safe job... Sephiroth was _always _one step ahead of everyone else.

"Oh Cloud... you hate him so much, don't you?" she said. He could feel her breasts pushed up against his chest. It was different from being with Sephiroth or Zack. She wanted him to hold her, wanted him to act, not be purely reactive.

"No. I don't hate him Elfé," he admitted softly. "I love him. That's why all this hurts as much as it does."

Elfé tilted her face up towards Cloud. "Do you love him so much that you won't look at me?" Cloud looked down at her brown eyes. She didn't understand, of course she didn't, but she was offering solace. Selfish, disgusting, sordid solace, but it would be comfort all the same. Someone wanted him, not knowing his past, not pitying him, just pure lust and admiration for his character.

Someone who wasn't playing games with his fucking head.

"'m drunk," Cloud muttered. Her lips were close to his now and he could smell the scent of her perfume, cloying and deceptively flowery.

"Forget them, Cloud... Forget Rufus, and Sephiroth, and those that hurt you... I won't hurt you..." Elfé coaxed. Her lips were warm and soft against his, and his arms automatically wrapped around her. She pressed him against the wall, sliding a hand gently against his scarred cheek.

*

Zack had gone to Wall Market, despite Reno's insistence that the Turks check that area. He had automatically smelled a rat at Reno's overwhelming assertions that Cloud would almost _definitely_ be waiting at home. Sephiroth had just gone home, obviously knowing where he needed to look first.

Wall Market had been buzzing with activity, as usual. Zack tried to keep himself as out of sight as he could. He checked the bars and restaurants first, wondering if Cloud had got hungry. He then started to check out the seedier aspects, hoping he didn't find Cloud there. He stopped up short when he came to the Honey Bee Inn.

He stared at the neon monstrosity and immediately struck it from his list. There was no way that Cloud would be in there. For a start, Zack was pretty sure that Cloud was as gay as they came, and no amount of women in bee costumes was going to help him get it up, and secondly, if he and Sephiroth couldn't make Cloud comfortable with sex, how could a complete stranger?

He turned away, about to slip down the back of the building towards the back alleys that would lead him towards Don Corneo's mansion, when a flash of golden hair caught his eye. He focused his vision, staring through the gloom.

He felt the peculiar sensation of all the blood rushing to stomach and bubbling there at what he finally made out. It was definitely Cloud, and a woman whose face Zack knew but couldn't quite place. Cloud had her pushed up against the wall, her legs around his waist. It was clear what they were doing and Zack felt bile rise in his throat.

_What the fuck is he doing? Everything me and Sephiroth have done for him and he's fucking around on us? With what? An AVALANCHE slut?!_

Zack turned away in disgust and went to find the nearest bar. He typed a quick message to Sephiroth on his phone though.

'_Cloud not here. Someone says he was just a while ago though. Stay away while I poke around. Don't need to scare them with the Silver General after all_.'

The lie felt bitter, but the truth was even more so.

*

Cloud moaned. She was wet and tight and soft. She was everything that Sephiroth wasn't. Her body reacted to every touch. He felt no threat from her. Elfé just arched against him, mewling out soft moans and clutching at his shoulders in desperation. She grew tighter and tighter, her body making hot slick noises as they moved together.

He came inside her, reaching down to hold the condom on as he pulled out. She touched herself for a few more seconds before moaning out her completion and trying to pull him forward to kiss him. Cloud pulled away from it though, his brain starting to clear.

"What was in that wine, Elfé?" Cloud asked suddenly. Elfé just gave him a contented smile and slid her panties back up her legs.

"It was Rufus' idea. He wants to make sure he has something concrete to prevent you from snitching on him for a reward," she said, withdrawing her PHS. There was a red light to show that it was recording. Cloud snarled and tried to grab it, but he overbalanced, falling to the floor amongst the trash.

"You're doing remarkably well for someone who's drunk a mix of a powerful aphrodisiac, a dash of Rohypnol and as much alcohol as you have," Elfé's tone was condescending. "I expected you to pass out half way through. I guess it just goes to show that once you start you see things through to the end."

Cloud swore at her, desperately trying to stay conscious. She laughed and patted his cheek. "Oh, don't get me wrong. This was really fun. You're my favourite out of all the boys at the moment, but really Cloud... You finished far too soon. It's polite to wait for the lady... Although I know you've not got much experience with that."

"I'll kill you for this..." Cloud spat, feeling all strength leave his muscles. He felt hate bubbling in him so strongly that he could barely see straight.

"Hm... I'd like to see you try... Goodnight Cloud."

And she began to cover him up with trash.

*

Reno dropped by a few hours later. He stared at the Honey Bee Inn for a moment, always taken in by how goddamn _bright _that thing was. He then went down the side of the building. He'd recovered more Turks from this alley than he could count, and he had already heard from Rufus that Cloud would be here.

He found him with his pants still around his ankles, face down under a pile of garbage. Reno made a face and extracted him from it. Cloud made a low gurgle in his throat.

"Yeah. I know. Elfé is bitch. So's Rufus," Reno said softly, adjusting Cloud in his arms. "You need to put weight on, y'know. You're pretty light..."

"'m sorry... I didn't... I wasn't thinking straight..." Cloud whimpered. Reno sighed.

"We'll talk about what happened in the morning. You can apologise as much as you want when the drugs and booze aren't talking..." Reno said. Cloud buried his face into his chest and started to sob. Reno didn't say anymore.


	15. Caught

**Title: **A Twisted Kind of Honour  
**Rating: **NC-17  
**Pairing**: Sephiroth/Cloud, Zack/Aeris (some S/C/Z)  
**Genre**: Hurt/Comfort  
**Warning**: BRITISH SPELLING! Direct talk about rape. Voyeurism. M/M scenes. Terrorism.  
**Chapter**: 15/20  
**Comments**: Thank you for your response so far! Over 100 reviews! Nearly 18,000 hits! You guys have been amazing. Hope you're liking the current update schedule! I was surprised by the strength of reaction towards Elfé and Rufus. You all hate them, huh? Well, don't form your opinions on everyone just yet, the fic isn't over!

**Chapter Fifteen:**

**Caught**

Cloud woke up and did the first thing he could have done, given the situation. He vomited. He gripped the crisp white sheets and spewed up his guts until there was nothing left in his stomach and he was left retching drily.

"Lovely," he heard a cultured voice say. He looked up and realised he'd been sick all over someone's shoes and trousers. He looked up further still and saw the ice blue eyes and disgusted face of Rufus Shinra. "Really, Strife, could you not have projectile vomited somewhere else?"

Cloud struggled to sit up, his memories of the night before feeling fuzzy. He remembered being in the club, but not much else after that. He began to shake, his brain feeding him confusing images of Rufus and Elfé and a lot of alcohol... There was a memory about an alley...

"_You're doing remarkably well for someone who's drunk a mix of a powerful aphrodisiac, a dash of Rohypnol and as much alcohol as you have..."_

Cloud still was fuzzy, but that snapped certain things into a sharp focus. Someone had drugged him last night. He was in Rufus' room. Rufus had something to do with him being drugged. So had Elfé. It wasn't hard to put all the pieces together.

"You bastard," Cloud hissed. Rufus didn't say anything. He was too busy toeing off his shoes and backing away from the puddle of sick. Cloud couldn't say he felt particularly bad about staining Rufus' cream carpets.

"Yeah yeah. All's fair in love and war, Strife. You just weren't fast enough this time," Rufus replied. Cloud shakily got out of bed, not caring that he stood in his own sick. He was going to _kill _Rufus with his _bare hands_.

"Whoa there!"

He felt someone grab him, holding him back. He began aware that the hands were against his bare skin and that he was dressed in only his boxers. Every scar was on display and Rufus was regarding him with a frightened expression.

"I know you want to skin him alive-" Cloud could place the voice now. It was Reno. "-but ya gonna have to join the queue, 'kay?"

Cloud shrugged Reno off and moved away from the both of them. "What happened? Tell me everything," he spat out. Reno was still watching him warily, but Rufus seemed to have been genuinely affected by the vehement look in Cloud's eyes.

"Rufus basically drugged you and then Elfé, that stupid bitch, decided to have some fun and record it on her phone. This guy won't tell me where he put the tape, but don't worry, I've got every single fucking Turk looking for it," Reno said. Cloud felt his stomach fall down to his feet.

"All the Turks? All the Turks know about this?!" he asked, beginning to panic. Reno shrugged.

"There loyal to ya. Don't worry, they won't tell the Bossman or nothing," he said. Cloud bent over and began to retch again, his heart beating so fast that he could barely think straight.

"Sephiroth can't know," he managed to say. Rufus smirked in victory and Cloud wished he had his gun. He wanted to shoot him.

"Yeah. We've completely classified all ya files and everything Rufus touched. No one apart from the Prez himself is going to get his hands on that tape," Reno said and Cloud was surprised to find his tone was meant to be calming. Reno had been fairly accepting of him as a Turk, but he'd never been supportive before. Cloud looked at the man with hurt blue eyes.

"Reno... I can't..." Cloud's throat closed up. "I can't do this again. I'll go insane... I can't go back there and tell them... It was hard enough the first time..." he choked out. Reno gave Rufus a long look and the blond nodded, sweeping out of the room. Cloud watched the door shut and the red head patted his pockets, drawing out a cigarette.

"Ya don' mind, do ya?" he asked. Cloud shook his head, watching as Reno lit up and the smoke wound around the room cloyingly.

"Rufus is a fucker. He probably didn't even think his shit through when he came up with this..." Reno said, blowing smoke up into the air. "He's an idiot, but he did genuinely forget about... y'know... Gongaga an' all. I don' think he thought Elfé would be so cruel about it either..."

"You're looking for excuses for him, aren't you Reno?" Cloud asked. The red head looked at him and for once he looked rather lost.

"I've gotta believe he's good, yo. I'm giving up too fucking much for him."

Cloud didn't know what Reno meant by that and he suddenly decided that he didn't _want_ to know. He folded his arms over his chest.

"I need a shower," he said. Reno nodded and stood up, walking to a chest of drawers and pulling out a blue suit.

"I keep one here... ya know, just in case. You can borrow it. Shouldn' be too big," he said, shoving it towards Cloud. The blond's hands tightened on the Teflon enhanced fabric.

"Thank you Reno," he said. The Turk's eyes skidded down to the floor.

"Don' be thankin' me jus' yet, kiddo," he muttered.

*

Hojo's eyes scanned the document within his grasp. For almost four years Hojo had been pushing for the Reactor inspections. Now, finally, the President had listened. Sephiroth would make a nuisance of himself no more. He'd served his purpose, after all, slaughtering the Wutaians, and now he wasn't needed. The President saw this as well. Sephiroth was becoming more and more powerful as a poster boy for Shinra than the President had ever _dreamed_ about. It was about time he was reduced to the sum of his parts and cannibalised for further experiments. Hojo was certain he could create something even _better_ for _Her_.

He was almost certain that Sephiroth was growing stronger though. His mental state used to be precarious, his nature lonesome. Fair and that 'C' boy had corrupted him. Hojo would look forward to making their lives miserable when Sephiroth was out of the way and could no longer defend them.

The President was getting antsy too, by how long it was taking. SOLDIER had managed to push these inspections back again and again, refusing to go even when there appeared to be mass-murder on site. Now the President was fearing a rebellion by what was left of SOLDIER. After the mass-desertion, President Shinra had grown almost irrational in his fear of the powers of others and the search for the Promised Land. Though he was rightly afraid of Sephiroth, the other could kill him with a pinky finger, Hojo despised the weakness in the other man. No courage to push boundaries.

This one signature from him would seal Sephiroth's fate. He would send his son into insanity and then cause an 'accident' that would lead to his demise. And just in case the revelation of Jenova wasn't enough to push Sephiroth over the edge, Hojo had another ace up his sleeve.

He just hoped that Genesis hadn't changed phone numbers recently.

*

Cloud opened the door to the apartment with a sense of dread. Sephiroth would just look at him and know. He was certain. The other would be able to somehow smell everything on him, despite Reno's assurances that everything was as hidden as hidden could be. He tried his best not to look guilty the moment he stepped into the room.

Sephiroth was there, which was perhaps the thing that showed Cloud most how worried he'd been. He hadn't even gone into work? Green eyes pinned him at the door. They were angry. Emerald flames set in an impassive face. Cloud heard the door close behind him.

Sephiroth stalked forward, his expression intent. As soon as he got within arm's length of Cloud though, something crumbled and he grabbed him, crushing him against his chest.

"You have no idea how long you're grounded for," Sephiroth said roughly. Cloud froze in the embrace and then relaxed. Sephiroth didn't know. Sephiroth had just been worried about him. He wrapped his arms around the General.

"Grounded? For doing my job?" he asked. Sephiroth just squeezed him tighter.

"And you could have told me about Rufus," Cloud said, his throat feeling tight. Yes, if Sephiroth had warned Cloud about Rufus, this all would have turned out differently. Elfé definitely wouldn't have got to dig her claws in for a start.

"And you could have told us where you were going," Sephiroth replied.

"Oh, I doubt he'd have told us anyway."

Cloud pulled away from Sephiroth to see that Zack was there. He hadn't noticed him until then, too caught up in the relief that Sephiroth wasn't throwing him out onto the streets. There was something in Zack's eyes, though, that made a chill go down Cloud's spine. He looked beyond angry.

"That's not fair, Zack. I never tell Sephiroth about missions until after I've carried them out," he pointed out. Zack's blue eyes just stared back blankly.

"Yeah well... I'm going to go check on Aeris. She was worried about you. Oh and Cloud... where did you stay last night?" Zack asked as he stood up. He asked it casually, but there was ice in his words. Cloud frowned.

"Reno picked me up and I ended up staying at Rufus'. Why?" Cloud asked. Zack just shook his head.

"I don't think it matters anymore."

*

Cloud spent the rest of the day in a state between guilt and happiness. Sephiroth wouldn't let him out of his sight at all, and insisted on treating Cloud to whatever he wanted. Once he discovered that Cloud had thrown up all over Rufus that morning, he became even more good-natured. Cloud felt bad. He wasn't sure he'd ever seen Sephiroth this openly happy before.

A few hours later there was a knock at the door and Cloud went to open it. Zack was on the other side with coffee. "We need to talk. Send Sephiroth out to pick up takeout," Zack said simply and Cloud watched dumbly as Zack stalked passed him into the apartment.

He ducked into Sephiroth's study to find the man rifling through some papers. He glanced up when Cloud entered.

"Zack's here. Can you go pick up some take-out from the Wutaian down the road?" Cloud asked with his best puppy eyes. Sephiroth raised an eyebrow.

"And I can't have it delivered because...?" he prompted. Cloud shrugged.

"Because they'll get it ready ten times faster with you glaring at them from across the counter?" he replied. Sephiroth allowed a smile to grace his features.

"If you're that hungry," he conceded. Cloud beamed at him and stood on tiptoe to kiss him on the cheek.

"Mm... I've grown since we first started going out..." Cloud commented. Sephiroth frowned.

"That makes me sound like a cradle snatcher," he said and Cloud snickered.

"Hey, I'm nearly twenty now," he protested with a laugh. Sephiroth nodded.

"Yes, nineteen and three-quarters," he replied drily. Cloud laughed.

"Four years together... Well... six months... recovering after Wutai... Then a further six months dating you... Turk's training seemed to last forever... Infiltrating AVALANCHE... It soon flies, doesn't it?" he said wistfully. Sephiroth put a hand at the base of his spine to lead him out of the room and nodded.

"We've still got a lot of time," Sephiroth replied. Cloud grinned.

"You've got less time than me, Old Man," he teased. Sephiroth rolled his eyes and walked to the door.

"I'll be back in twenty minutes then," he said, putting on his shoes. Cloud smiled and nodded, stepping back and glancing at Zack. The other man looked like someone had died. The door slammed shut as Sephiroth left and Cloud made his way to the sofa where Zack had positioned himself.

"Did you wear a condom?"

For a second Cloud had no idea what Zack had even said it was so sudden. Then it sank in. His eyes widened and his face paled as he realised that Zack knew.

"Don't tell Seph... Oh God don't tell Sephiroth. Pleae Zack-" he began to babble. Zack looked at him like he was something pathetic.

"Who was she?" Zack asked. Cloud put his head in his hands.

"Elfé, leader of AVALANCHE," he replied. His hands were shaking and his teeth were chattering.

"What the fuck were you thinking?" Zack demanded. Cloud took a shuddering breath.

"Thinking? I wasn't thinking, Zack. I was so pumped full of bloody Rohypnol that I'm not sure how I even managed to get outside!" he spat back. Zack paused at that moment.

"Rohypnol?" he repeated.

"Yes, Rohypnol. Surely you've heard that on the tape too? Elfé made sure she recorded that bit I'm sure." He couldn't stop shaking. He was going to be sick again. He stared down at his wrists. Do I have a sign above my head that says 'rape me; it's fun'?

"What tape?" Zack responded, looking a little wide eyed now.

"The one that Elfé made for Rufus to blackmail me... The one that Reno promised had been hidden deep inside Shinra," Cloud replied. "The one you listened to."

"Cloud, I didn't hear any tape. I just so happened to look for you in Wall Market and stumbled across you," he said. Cloud didn't know if that was a relief or not.

"Oh," he replied deadly. "Guess Reno did hide it then."

"Why does Rufus want to blackmail you?" Zack asked but Cloud shook his head, panic already coming over him.

"You have to forget about this Zack! If he finds out I said anything he'll give the tape to Sephiroth. I can't lose him Zack! I can't!" he said desperate. "I love him. More than anything. And I don't want to have to give him up over this!"

"Cloud, how can I forget it? You're saying that Rufus and Elfé conspired to-"

"Don't say it!" Cloud snapped. "I don't remember most of it. I don't want to. The next time I see that woman I'm putting a bullet between her eyes, cover be damned."

Zack stared at him for a long time, as though seeing him for the first time.

The door opened. "I got Chow Mein. Nothing else looked edible," Sephiroth called.

Cloud quickly wiped his face and shook himself out. He plastered on a fake grin and went to take the bag of takeout off Sephiroth as he removed his shoes.

"Chow Mein sounds great."

*

Monday mornings in Shinra offices were like Monday mornings in any offices. Sludgelike. Zack felt even worse than usual, the weight of Cloud's secret hanging like a weight around his neck. The only thing that gave him any feeling of life that morning was the hatred that had been simmering in his gut for Rufus Shinra since yesterday afternoon, seeing Cloud's breakdown and genuine fear. There was no doubt in his mind that losing Sephiroth would _kill_ Cloud.

He nearly walked into Cissnei, he was so lost in thought. She was lurking on the SOLDIER floor, obviously not wanting to be seen here. It was early, there still weren't many about, though Zack was certain that some of the men wandering around must have known she was a Turk, even when she was wearing civvies. She had her arm folded across her chest, propping up her elbow as she bit on her nails. A show of nervousness Zack had never seen in her before.

"Hi," he said vaguely. She immediately let her arms drop.

"Zack. I need to speak with you privately," she said. Zack nodded, sensing that this was serious. God knew what this was about. Was Genesis alive or something? Maybe he'd eaten Rufus? Oh, that would be too good for the other.

"Is there anywhere on this floor free of cameras?" she asked. Zack thought about it. Most of the doors were CCTV monitored, including the training rooms.

"Only Seph's office," he replied. "He's not in yet though. Hojo wanted to see him."

Cissnei nodded. Zack noticed how worried her brown eyes were. What on Gaia could worry her so much? And what did it have to do with _him_? He punched in Sephiroth's security code and let himself into the room, leaving the latch off so Sephiroth could just walk in later. The door was barely shut before Cissnei began.

"Zack, you've got to listen closely, okay?" she said. "I'm going against the President to tell you this. It's really, _really_ important that you don't mess this up."

Zack's attention was completely captured. "Sure, Ciss, just spill. It'll go no further."

"No, I need it to go further. I need you to tell Sephiroth and Cloud all this too." Her eyes were scanning around the office, obviously checking for bugs as she spoke. Zack frowned. It concerned Cloud?

"Is this to do with AVALANCHE?" he asked.

"Just listen Fair," she snapped. Zack held his hands up in defeat.

"There's a mission. It's designed to destroy SOLDIER. The President is putting it into motion soon. And they're starting at the top, with Sephiroth," Cissnei said, her tone completely dead. "The President doesn't like this much power within one department. He wants to pursue an army built of Turks, Ravens and grunts... But of course, you can't just make SOLDIERs redundant. He needs them gone so they can't rise against him."

"But that's ludicrous!" Zack protested. The destruction of SOLDIER? The jewel in Shinra's crown? The ones who had won them mako-rich Wutai? "That backstabbing bastard!"

"Zack, you've got to pay attention to me. The mission... It's going to be to-"

"Ah. I assumed it was Sephiroth as you used his pass code."

Zack jumped and turned to the door. Rufus Shinra was holding the door open, his eyes taking in the scene with a certain amount of relish. All of Zack's attention was completely taken up by Rufus.

"Get out of here, Shinra, before I remove your family jewels and force you to eat them," Zack snarled. Rufus raised an amused eyebrow.

"I wasn't aware I'd touched anything of _yours, _Fair," he replied drily. Cissnei took that opportunity to kiss Zack on the cheek and walk to the door. Zack could see that her posture was rigid though. She'd been caught doing something dangerous.

"Ah, Cissnei. You're needed on the 54th Floor. I believe Tseng is in one of the meeting rooms and wishes to talk to you," Rufus said casually. Cissnei nodded and slipped past him.

"Arranging secret rendezvous with Turks? Your flower girl _will_ be disappointed," Rufus said, his gaze hardening. "Or should I be more specific. Your flower girl doesn't seem that jealous of the _blond_ Turk you're fucking."

"You've got ten seconds to get out of here, Rufus, before I rip your fucking head off your bastard shoulders," Zack said, his eyes flaring bright blue in anger. Rufus' smile spread.

"I'll have you know that my father was married to my mother upon my conception-"

"Is there a problem here, Vice-President?"

Zack wasn't sure if he was glad Sephiroth had turned up or not. His anger subsided but was replaced by the terrible fear that Rufus would tell Sephiroth everything that had happened the night before.

"I was looking for you. I just wanted to assure you that your Turk is in good hands. He's now fully integrated into AVALANCHE. Don't worry, I'll look after him," Rufus said, his eyes completely devoid of emotion when talking to Sephioth.

Zack nearly choked on his own incredulity at the man's nerve.

*

Sephiroth had been surprised that Hojo wished to see him. He made his way to the lab, mildly curious as to what Hojo wanted from him. He let himself in, ignoring the various specimens in tubes around him as he walked to his father's study. The man was pouring over research materials.

"Professor," he said. Hojo looked up.

"Sephiroth? Yes, it's you. Sit down," he said, distractedly. Sephiroth did as he was told, sitting down awkwardly amongst the piles of paperwork. Hojo had never been very structured with his notes.

Hojo finally looked up from what he was doing and Sephiroth waited for him to say something. Hojo didn't though. He just looked at him. Sephiroth resisted the urge to squirm in his seat like a five year old. Whenever his father looked at him like that he remembered the threats from his childhood: behave or I'll throw you in the mako shower again. It felt like that now. He'd done something wrong and was waiting for his father to hurt him for it.

"That's it. You can go," Hojo said finally. Sephiroth just stared at him.

"That is everything?" he asked, wondering what the hell Hojo was on. The man smiled.

"Is it so bad for a man to want to check on his son every now and again?" he asked. Sephiroth decided not to point out that most men would ask their son how their lives were, rather than just assessing their physical status.

"No," he replied. Hojo's brow raised.

"No, _Professor_," Sephiroth repeated.

"Off you go then, Sephiroth. Play SOLDIER or whatever it is you're doing today," he said dismissively. Sephiroth left the lab feeling more confused than ever.

*

Rufus frowned at the computer screen. After finding Strife in AVALANCHE, he'd started digging around. Strife's data had been completely locked, as Reno had threatened, but Fair's and Sephiroth's was still accessible to him. And it wasn't the information within the files themselves that was interesting, but the people who had accessed those files.

_Why on Gaia would Hojo have been accessing his own son's files so often?_

Rufus began to look into it further, tracing Hojo's other movements through the network.

*

Cloud stared at his PHS. It was ringing incessantly, blaring out a heavy rock anthem that Zack had set as his ring tone for him. It vibrated across the table, flashing the caller ID mockingly at him. With hands shaking with hate he raised the phone to his ear and accepted the call.

"Yo, Cloud. It's Shears," the man said. Cloud grunted in response.

"I know it's short notice, but we need you. Fuhito's off his rocker and we caught him trying to kidnap Elfé. We need some of your creepy expertise to get some information out of him," Shears said. There was the sound of a commotion in the background. Cloud could only feel hot, hate stirring in his stomach, slimeily uncoiling around his gut. _Let him fucking kill her for all I care..._

"I'll be right over," he said softly.

"Thanks buddy," Shears replied.

"I'm not your buddy," Cloud said and hung up.

He went to the weapons safe and began to fill the bullets into the breach of his revolver. Each one he slotted in he named._ Elfé, Shears, Fuhito..._

He clicked the gun back together and stuck it into his back pocket. In his holster he shoved his trusty semi-automatic and he loaded his pockets with cartridges. He took his phone out of his pocket, putting it on the coffee table.

Sephiroth would be angry with him, but he was going to kill them all.

*

"That _is_ strange," Sephiroth said, hanging up the phone. Zack looked up at him from under the mountain of paperwork he'd been saddled with.

"What is?" he asked.

"Cloud isn't answering his phone," Sephiroth replied. Zack frowned. In light of recent events, that was perhaps more worrying than usual.

"Maybe he's in the bathroom?" Zack suggested. He hoped to _God_ that Cloud was in the bathroom and not doing something stupid. Especially with that recording lurking somewhere in the Shinra building.

"I'll try again," Sephiroth said, lifting the phone to his ear. Zack's heart was in his mouth and it beat faster and faster the longer the phone rang. Eventually it went through to voice mail.

"You look ill, Zack. What do you know?" Sephiroth demanded, his eyes narrowing dangerously. Zack bit his lip and looked away.

"Seph... It's not that I _know_ anything... but I think I can guess. We need to find that bastard Rufus."

*

Cloud walked into the Honey Bee Inn feeling completely and utterly calm. The hate had turned to ice in his stomach now. _This must be what Sephiorth felt in Wutai... Must have been how he killed all those people..._

"Cloud!"

It was Shears who called him. He stepped forward, ignoring the screams coming from the room beyond. Shears looked stronger than usual. His arms were stained with blood and his face was grim.

"The bastard won't say what he wanted Elfé for," Shears said. Cloud remained silent and just walked past him. Shears followed him into the Red Room. For once it lived up to his name. Fuhito's blood seemed to be splashed everywhere. Elfé stood beside Fuhito, her hand holding his head back so that he wouldn't choke on his own blood from a broken nose. Cloud stepped into a puddle of it and paused, looking at Fuhito critically.

The man was bleeding all over the place. He clearly didn't have long to live. His eyes were swollen almost closed. His fingers were bent in directions that looked unnatural. Both his legs had been clearly broken and his ear had been cut off on the one side leaving a disgusting hole. Cloud wondered what AVALANCHE had expected him to add?

"Ah, so you called in the pet Turk, did you?" Fuhito cackled. All the hairs on the back of Cloud's neck stood up. Shears made a 'wha' face and Elfé released Fuhito's hair. "Shinra's pet bitch to put me down... You never even noticed he was a spy did you? Fucking you over and then fucking the General... Good little bitch-"

Cloud couldn't let Fuhito say anymore. He raised his revolver and shot a single shot into the man's head, his skull exploding at the back and splattering Elfé with his brains. She stood there, stunned for a moment. It only took moments, though, for Shears to get his wits back. A gun was aimed at Cloud's head.

Cloud ducked and felt the bullet graze the back of his neck. He slipped in the blood at his feet and it was long enough for Elfé to come out of her trance and bring her boot down on his hand. His fingers released the revolver as his bones crunched.

_That's my right hand out of action then..._

He grabbed his semi-automatic with his left hand, cursing as he had to roll to avoid more of Shear's bullets. Other members of AVALANCHE had heard the commotion and were pouring in now. Cloud took out as many as he could, changing cartridge after cartridge as he hid behind the room's vibrating bed. Finally a bullet pierced his left shoulder and he felt his gun slipping out of his hands. The pain was maddening and he tried to keep consciousness as he slumped against the side of the bed.

"Still alive Strife?" he heard Shear's shout and then- "Fuck Elfé what the hell are you doing?!"

"Don't kill him you moron! I don't want him dead!"

"But Elfé-"

"No buts! I don't want Cloud Strife dead, you all hear me?"

Cloud would have been reassured if it weren't for the fact he was certain he was already dying.

*

Rufus had never been in a helicopter that Reno was piloting before and now he didn't want to be again. Reno was throwing the thing around like it was a sports car and Rufus was sure his breakfast was going to come up.

"I never knew that Strife meant so much to you," Rufus said, though he was terrified himself. He had never meant for all this to happen. It had spiralled horrendously out of control. Things had come to his attention in the last few hours that he knew would change the course of the Planet's entire history. He felt like he'd been a child playing with pawns and missing the bigger picture. Reno... oh goddess... Reno had seen the bigger picture all along, hadn't he? He knew all about Hojo's plans... Had he been laughing at Rufus' attempts to play President all this time?

"Strife's a Turk, yo. We stick together," he said. Rufus looked at the man. Reno truly was an incredible individual. Loyal to the point of death, ruggedly handsome, patient in a way that people who weren't Rufus would never have got, not even remotely ambitious and, above all those things, ruthless.

"And when everything goes boom? When that order comes from Hojo?" Rufus pressed. Reno glanced at him.

"I'm Shinra's dog, ain't I?" he muttered. Rufus sank back against the seat.

*

Cloud felt the water against his face and forced his eyes open. He hurt like fuck. His hands were bound, creating pressure on the broken bones and his shoulder. He guessed he should be glad he was still alive if it weren't for the fact that he was pretty sure he'd completely lost his mind.

The faces of Shears and Elfé merged with the faces of his Wutaian captors, blurring and darkening until he was back in Gongaga. He didn't know what came out of his mouth in his delirious, terror-filled state. They didn't hurt him, just regarded him with wide eyes that showed that they truly hadn't known how deep this hurt ran.

The Wutaian girl - had there been any females before, she must have been new? - knelt down and touched his cheek. "Is this some act, Turk?" she demanded. He just stared back at her, fear coursing through his veins and a sickening anger that made him not care about the pain. He thrashed against his bonds to get his hands around her neck.

"Fuck, Elfé, he's a complete nutcase. How the fuck did you-"

A bang echoed around the room and Cloud instinctively curled in on himself. The big male Wutaian doubled over, clutching his stomach. He fell to his knees. The Wutaian girl rushed over to him and then looked towards the door.

Cloud vaguely saw a blond man stood there, but he was hazy, fuzzy, coated in blood.

"I have this place surrounded by Turks. I'm sorry, but I can't let you hurt this one. My part in AVALANCHE ends here," the man said, stepping forward and walking to Cloud. Cloud somehow thought this was wrong. This wasn't who was supposed to be here... But he didn't question it as his arms were freed and he was lifted by strong arms.

"You've ruined my suit, Turk. It'll come out of your paycheque," a cultured voice said. Cloud couldn't have cared at all in that moment, as darkness claimed him and he began to remember exactly where he was and who he was with.

*

Sephiroth waited outside the Honey Bee Inn impatiently. Rufus had gone in alone, stating that if there was negotiations to be had, he would be in the best position to do it. He'd returned moments later covered in blood with Cloud cradled in his arms. Sephiroth immediately stepped forward to relieve the man, staring down at Cloud helplessly. The other was passed out, blood splashed over his pale cheeks and matting his hair.

"From the looks of things he was shot and then beaten about a bit," Rufus said. "But he managed to take out quite a few himself. I'd say there were at least twelve or fourteen bodies in there."

Sephiroth didn't care about Cloud's killing spree at that moment. He took him straight to the ambulance. Zack hovered near the doors to the thing, but didn't say anything. Sephiroth let a doctor take Cloud off him and watched as they started to use materia and potions to stabilise his condition.

"Who is going with him?" the doctor asked. Sephiroth just looked at him. The doctor nodded and made room for Sephiroth to get in the back. The sirens switched on and the sped out of Wall Market back to Shinra Hospital.

*

It didn't take long for Tifa to find out where Cloud had been taken. She didn't know exactly what had happened. She'd been in Sector 7, recruiting, as was the task of all AVALANCHE grunts. She didn't hear about the gun battle, Fuhito and Shears' death or Cloud's betrayal until she came back to the Honey Bee and saw it surrounded by Turks.

She'd used her country girl charm to get a red-haired man to tell her that Cloud had been taken back to the Shinra private hospital and he even gave her a ward and room number. She thanked him and ran to the train station, determined to see what damage Cloud had done.

Why had he betrayed AVALANCHE? Surely he had hated Shinra? Elfé hadn't told her much of Cloud's story when she joined. Tifa knew that something had gone horribly wrong with Cloud's training as a cadet. That was why he'd come back to Nibelheim. Tifa hadn't spoken to him. Back then there had been something creepy about Cloud. His hair had been cut short and his eyes were dead to look at.

He hadn't been the fourteen year old boy who had made a promise to her at the fountain.

Then she'd watched Nibelheim start to decline. Watched her father put out request after request to Shinra for help, while none came... She'd heard about children that had been dragged into the mountains by Nibel Wolves the size of bears and the strange screams that echoed down the mountain from the Reactor. Nibelheim had become a town where everyone was afraid to go out after dark.

But once she'd got to Midgar, things had been different. AVALANCHE had lured her in with their hatred of Shinra. She didn't have to care about the Planet, she just had to hate Shinra to join. When she'd seen Cloud there, she'd thought that they shared something. That spark had come back. There was something in his eyes now. He was deadly, yes, he was downright dangerous. It didn't faze Tifa at all. She'd gladly have followed any plan he came up with, so long as it involved destroying Shinra property.

Elfé had insinuated that she and Cloud were seeing each other, so Tifa hadn't tried her luck. She hadn't wanted to piss off the leader of AVALANCHE, not so soon. Cloud hadn't particularly tried to find her either. She'd hoped that, in time, when she gained more prominence in the organisation, he might notice her again...

She arrived at the hospital and found the ward easily. She stepped into the room and found him, surrounded by tubes and coated in bandages. They'd obviously just given him a quick wipe over, as there was still dried blood in his hair and under his nails.

"Oh Cloud... Why did you have to betray us?" she asked and stepped forward, pressing her hand against his own. He was cool to touch. She looked around the room and found an extra blanket, carefully laying it over him.

"You were a Turk all along? Why didn't you tell me? Would you have killed me too? If I had been in that room tonight?" she asked, smoothing his hair from his face.

"Who are you?"

Tifa whirled around, her maroon eyes wide as she took in who stood before her. Sephiroth stood there, his hands clutching a paper cup of coffee. He looked exhausted, far from the poster boy of the Shinra revolution. Tifa shook her head.

"T-Tifa," she said. "Cloud's friend... From Nibelheim," she added just for good measure. She didn't want this man to kill her. Although why Cloud got the attention of the General of Shinra, Tifa didn't understand.

"Ah. I assumed his mother phone you to check on him for her. I would have remembered to phone her myself eventually," Sephiroth said weakly, walking up to the bed and squeezing past Tifa to sink into a seat by his bed. His hand rested briefly against Cloud's cheek, but that in itself told Tifa all she needed to know.

The reason the General of Shinra was here was because he was Cloud's _boyfriend_. The realisation made Tifa feel sick. This was the man who had condemned Nibelheim to a ghost town and Cloud was sleeping with him?

"Do you have her number with you? I need to inform her of my intentions anyway, with regards to Cloud's recovery," Sephiroth said, turning his green eyes to her. For a moment Tifa was terrified he might see through her completely. She shook her head.

"I can pass on a message through my father though, if you'd like," she offered, feeling her tongue unsticking itself from the roof of her mouth.

"Ah, alright. Tell her that after Cloud has become well enough to travel, I'll be making sure he gets time outside Midgar. It ties in neatly to a mission request for myself and Zack as well," Sephiroth said, sipping his coffee and squeezing Cloud's hand as he did so.

"Tell her that I'm bringing Cloud home, to Nibelheim."


	16. To Nibelheim

**Title: **A Twisted Kind of Honour  
**Rating: **NC-17  
**Pairing**: Sephiroth/Cloud, Zack/Aeris (some S/C/Z)  
**Genre**: Hurt/Comfort  
**Warning**: M/M scenes.  
**Chapter**: 16/20  
**Comments**: Thank you for your reviews! I think I annoyed some people last chapter as I got less reviews than the previous chapter, but those of you who stayed with me get a treat! I'm glad as this gets to it's conclusion you're all following it! Happy Valentine's Day! Looooooooooong chapter.

**Chapter Sixteen:**

**To Nibelheim**

Zack sat in the church, looking at the Angeal clone in a tired way. He hadn't been to see Cloud yet. Something told him to stay away, at least while he woke up and asked for him anyway. There was no point in intruding and Sephiroth was looking after his comatose form just fine. Besides, Aeris had wanted to see him, terrified by robots that had gone nuts in the Slums.

He looked up at the Angeal clone though with a small amount of hope. There was something left of his mentor and it was protecting something that Zack loved. Aeris continued to tend to her flowers under it's watchful eyes.

"I'll go get some bits for that improved flower cart you were after," Zack offered. Aeris smiled and nodded to him. He stepped out of the building and was immediately beset by the blasted robots. He dispatched them with a weary case of his Firaga materia and walked past their smouldering bodies.

"They're created to destroy the clones that are running about."

Zack didn't even know if he should act surprised that Tseng was there. He'd grown used to the Turks turning up all over the place. Aeris had already admitted that they were around quite a lot.

"And it can't tell the difference between a monster and a human?" he asked. Tseng gave him a long look.

"Neither you nor Aeris are hardly normal humans. It confuses them," he replied. Zack didn't know why that bothered him as much as it did, but somewhere deep he felt stung.

"Yeah, yeah. Whatever. You're watching over Aeris, aren't you?" Zack asked, trying to catch the other on the backfoot. Tseng just regarded him silently and walked away.

*

Sephiroth could feel a tension in his shoulder blades. He was waiting for Cloud to wake up. He'd had even more surgery to repair his shoulder further and the doctors said that it was just exhaustion that was keeping him asleep now. Sephiroth could understand that, but he still had to resist the urge to poke Cloud to try to get him to wake up.

He was relieved when blue eyes finally opened, confused and barely focusing. Cloud's eyes immediately found his and Sephiroth was amazed by how dead they looked.

"Are you going to shout at me?" was the first words out of Cloud's mouth, his voice sounding hoarse. Sephiroth poured him a glass of water, not responding as he helped Cloud sit up a little to drink it.

"While I'm not pleased with your actions, they've done their job. AVALANCHE has had it's chain of command completely wiped out and is in complete disarray. Rufus has also been placed under house arrest by the Turks. All in all, you completed your mission statement," Sephiroth said, trying to keep his tone light. "I just wish you'd have done it sensibly and taken in back-up."

"I wasn't thinking straight," Cloud replied, lying back on the bed.

"Zack said you had a point to make, but he wouldn't tell me what it was," Sephiroth pressed. Cloud looked up at Sephiroth, his eyes searching the other's face for a long time before he finally spoke.

"No. I won't tell you what it was. AVALANCHE is gone now. I want whatever happened to make it disappear to stay forgotten," he said. Sephiroth gritted his teeth. Cloud shouldn't have secrets from him. He didn't have any from Cloud. Not ones like this. He knew he was being manipulated. Cloud was refusing to talk to him, not because of his position, but because Sephiroth would be angry at whatever risks he'd taken.

"Elfé escaped," Sephiroth said. He saw Cloud's eyes look at him and skitter away again. _Something to do with Elfé then..._ "Shears was killed by Rufus. I believe they found a bullet matching one of your own custom guns embedded in Fuhito's brain. Not to mention the pile of bodies that each bore a trademark execution shot." Cloud didn't so much as flinch at that. He didn't look at Sephiroth either though.

"I don't find killing repulsive, Cloud, but I have to wonder... when did it become so easy for you?" he asked, reaching forward to turn Cloud's face towards him.

"I'm a Turk..." Cloud replied. Sephiroth shook his head.

"You're Cloud Strife first," he said. He saw Cloud's eyes start to become wet and knew that the blond had been trying to put up a brave face.

"I don't want to talk about it Seph..." he said, his voice choked. "I thought I was _there_," he added. Sephiroth nodded, prepared to accept that for now. Cloud began to cry, groaning with pain as each hiccough drew pain from his shoulder across his chest. Sephiroth gently stroked his hair until he'd finished.

"I'm taking you out of Midgar for a while. I think it'd do us both good to get some good," he said. Cloud looked at him questioningly.

"A vacation?" he asked. Sephiroth for a moment felt his gut wrench guiltily.

"Not exactly. An easy mission. A reactor inspection. At Nibelheim," he said. He watched as Cloud's face slowly broke into a smile.

"You knew I'd want to see my ma," he said softly. Sephiroth nodded.

"She phoned the hospital while you were unconscious. I didn't know if you'd told her about us, but I did say I was bringing you to see her. She might have assumed..." Sephiroth trailed off. Cloud's eyes were bright and he put his hand over Sephiroth's own against his cheek.

"Don't worry, Seph. I told her all about you," he said quietly. Sephiroth felt a little alarmed at that.

"Everything?" he repeated, keeping his voice low. Cloud turned bright pink.

"Not _everything_."

*

Sephiroth made sure that Cloud was installed on the sofa with the TV remote within reach and plenty of snacks. Cloud had just looked at him exasperatedly and told him to go already. Sephiroth still didn't want Cloud overexerting himself. The other had done more than enough recently and Sephiroth was reluctant to let him injure himself further by getting up and about before he was healed.

He swept through the Shinra building with the intention of getting in and out as fast as possible. He was merely getting information on the Nibelheim mission and briefing Zack. It really shouldn't take long. He swept passed some Turks who were stood around the entrance. One, a female with long red hair, put her coffee down and made as though to talk to him. Sephiroth immediately changed direction from the lift he was going to take to the stairs. He did not want to be waylaid by some kind of mission from the Turks.

Sure enough, he soon managed to lose her climbing the floors up to the SOLDIER floor.

He swept into the office and was pleased that Zack was on time for once. "How's Cloud?" Zack asked as the door closed.

"He's moaning about being out of action, but other than that he seems in good spirits," Sephiroth replied. "I think it may have something to do with the mountains of chocolate you brought for him yesterday. That much sugar is bound to have an impact on his behaviour. I'm surprised he isn't diabetic already."

Zack grinned. "Yeah, well, I figured he could put a little weight on. He's all stringy at the moment. Needs a bit of puppy fat back on his face." Sephiroth didn't know whether to agree or not. He liked Cloud just fine the way he was.

"Anyway. I brought you here to brief you about the most recent mission. We're taking some grunts, Cloud, and us to Nibelheim," he said. Zack grinned.

"This has absolutely _nothing_ to do with the fact that you want to meet his mother, right?" he asked. Sephiroth pretended he didn't have a clue what Zack was talking about.

"While it is mostly for Cloud that we're going, there is a mission. It's been requested that we attend Nibelheim almost every month for the last few years, but I've been putting it off. It's out of the way and there was too much going on here with Genesis and AVALANCHE," Sephiroth said. He walked over to his desk and leaned against it.

"I sent a scouting party ahead, but we lost contact with them," Sephiroth said seriously. "We have to assume that they got wiped out."

Zack winced. "Not pleasant," he said, folding his arms over his chest and looking thoughtful. "So they were completely destroyed? No intelligence on them whatsoever?"

"They sent some information back about the reactor being different from the others, but then they went MIA. Furthermore, they were SOLDIERs who had been directly involved in chasing down Genesis and Lazard..." Sephiroth replied. "I think there might be more to the Nibelheim Reactor because of that. If we can find some evidence of Genesis having been there, we can highlight him as a threat to Shinra again and get a team of Turks on his case."

"Are you sure that it's right to take Cloud? He won't sit idle while we go into danger..." Zack pointed out. Sephiroth smiled in reply.

"Why do you think I'm waiting until Cloud's well enough before we set off?" he asked. Zack grinned and rubbed the back of his neck.

"I better go say bye to Aeris. She'll be mad if I just disappear on her," he said. Sephiroth nodded and looked about to say more but then he turned away.

Zack didn't think he wanted to know anyway.

*

"So, you're going on a mission to Cloud's home town?" Aeris asked, standing up from the flower garden and turning to him. In her mind, the Planet was screaming. She was finding it difficult to concentrate on whatever it was that Zack was saying. The Planet was in such pain all the time now, but even worse than that, it seemed to be trying to warn her.

_Hush. I'm trying to listen..._

"Yeah. It's only a bit of an investigation mission so I should be back within the month," he said with a grin. Aeris smiled.

"I'll call you every day. Make sure you haven't run away with any northern beauties," she joked, poking him. Zack caught her hand and held it in his own. His hand felt hot against her own. She had been so cold recently...

"I want to say goodbye properly," he said and Aeris looked at his handsome face, and those serious blue eyes, and knew that she couldn't deny him. She stepped towards him, taking his other hand with her own.

"I love you, Zack Fair," she whispered. Zack let go of her hands to wrap her hands around her waist and pull her closer.

"I'm sorry I've been so distant. I promise you, after Nibelheim, things will be different," he said. The Planet was screaming so loudly in her head that she wanted to raise her hands to her ears to block it out.

"I'll hold you to that," she said. Zack smiled and to Aeris it felt like the whole church lit up. She traced over the scar on his cheek and then pulled him down to kiss her.

They made love with the backdrop of flowers and the Planet's screams echoing through Aeris' mind.

*

Cloud grunted with effort as he reached up to grab his shirt out of the wardrobe. He was still stiff, even though his shoulder and hand had healed relatively well. His hand was still weak, but careful injections of mako had strengthened the bones. The only way that anyone would guess he'd once broken his hand would be if they had turned his hand over and seen the scarring on his palm from the burn of mako through his veins.

He folded it and put it into the duffel absently. He wanted at least one set of best clothes with him, particularly for that awkward meeting between Sephiroth and his mother. She'd expect him to be wearing his Sunday best anyway.

He had been told by Sephiroth to wear something comfortable for the journey, so Cloud had decided on some old military-style trousers and a woollen tank top in dark colours, similar to what the SOLDIERs around him would be wearing. He had also managed to find a belt that allowed him to holster more than one gun. He obviously put his revolver on his right side, his favoured gun, but the others and the ammo they needed decorated the rest of the belt like a deadly pattern.

"You really won't need those," Sephiroth had said. Cloud shrugged.

"I might hunt some Nibel Wolf for my mom," he replied. Sephiroth looked a little sceptical.

"You aren't accompanying us to the reactor Cloud," he said firmly. Cloud did his best to look like that had never been his intention. He had a few days of travelling anyway to pester Sephiroth in letting him help with the mission.

After all, he was SOLDIER's Turk.

"Is everything packed?" Sephiroth asked. Cloud shook his head.

"You still need to pack something respectable to visit my mom in," he pointed out. Sephiroth raised an eyebrow.

"And my normal clothes won't do because...?" he asked. Cloud folded his arms, stubbornly.

"Because your chest is bare for a start," he pointed out. "And it's made out of _leather_ which is fine in Midgar but not so great in _Nibelheim." _He stressed the words to help Sephiroth understand it better. The General sighed as he got to his feet.

"Do I have to wear a suit?" he asked. Cloud shook his head.

"Your General uniform might be a good idea, though," he said. Sephiroth froze.

"You've seen that?" he asked. Cloud nodded.

"You'd look smart in it," he replied, not sure why Sephiroth looked so horrified. The man looked bewildered.

"If... if you insist..." he said and took the suit case out of the wardrobe, laying it on the bed beside the duffel. Cloud smiled.

Oh yes, his mom would _swoon_ over the General when dressed like that.

*

Cloud eyed the helicopter warily. He had forgotten to mention it to Sephiroth or Zack, but now that he looked at the method of transport he remembered all over again the original journey from Nibelheim all those years ago. He reached into his pocket for his travel sickness pills, knowing they'd make no difference but knowing that without them he probably would be sick just _looking_ at the thing.

"You're looking a bit peaky," Zack said by way of greeting. Various grunts were climbing into the helicopter and Cloud saw that none of them seemed to be affected the same way.

"We should get on. They're just waiting for us," Sephiroth said. Cloud nodded and shakily got into helicopter, sitting himself down and buckling himself in. He checked his pocket for the sick bag he'd put in there and was relieved to feel the wax paper against his fingertips.

They hadn't even got out of Midgar before Cloud had his head in between his knees, vomiting into a paper bag.

"Oh dear," Zack said. Sephiroth just grimaced. This was going to be a long journey.

*

Cissnei had done her best. She'd run from the bottom of the building to the helicopter pad as quickly as she could. She'd tried to delay the helicopter taking off. She'd done all she could. In the end she got there just as the helicopter was about to take off and began to dash towards the vehicle.

Reno seemed to appear from nowhere, grabbing her and holding her back. Rude grabbed her kicking legs. She screamed, trying to warn them, but over the sounds of the propellers they obviously didn't hear her. Cissnei struggled until the helicopter disappeared into the horizon.

"No! No... Reno... what are you doing?! Let me go!" she said, trying to free her arms as Rude's grip on her ankles tightened.

"Sorry, doll. President's orders," Reno replied. She couldn't see his face, couldn't see if he cared about what he was doing. She snarled but was forced to go limp. She couldn't break free.

"Rude, lock her up in the Turks offices for me, will ya? We don' want anyone to get wind of this defection," Reno said. Cissnei growled at him and tried to twist her head around to look at him.

"Defection?! Have you any idea what they're going to do to them?" she spat. Reno's grip on her wrists tightened.

"No, doll. I don't need to know. I'm Shinra's dog, yo. I just follow orders."

*

They had originally planned to take another helicopter from Costa Del Sol to North Corel and then from there a Jeep. Cloud had been too green to be part of the decision making process, so when it was announced that they were going to spend the night in Costa Del Sol while Sephiroth arranged for another Jeep to be brought to them, he didn't have the heart to tell them all that he got just as sick in cars.

Motion sickness was motion sickness after all.

He sat in the inn room in his moogle pyjamas, a cup of soup in his hands that apparently would give his body back all the nutrients it had lost in the journey. He, Sephiroth and Zack had their own room, although it was three single beds. Cloud wasn't particularly bothered though. He was tired enough that sleeping on his own without the hassle of getting tangled in Sephiroth's hair or Zack accidentally kicking him in his sleep sounded really good.

Sephiroth stepped out of the bathroom dressed in just his boxers, his battle leathers bundled up under his arm. Zack darted in after him. The man had virtually been doing the pee-pee dance for the last five minutes. Sephiroth dumped his battle leathers on the floor near the bed next to Cloud's and sat down on it.

"Why didn't you tell us about the travel sickness?" Sephiroth asked. Cloud's grip on the cup tightened.

"I don't want to be a bother to you," he said softly. "Besides, I get travel sick no matter how I travel, apart from by foot or chocobo."

"So the Jeep I requisitioned..." Sephiroth looked like he was going to develop a tick in his right eye. Cloud shrugged.

"I'll be a little better in a Jeep than in a helicopter," he replied. Sephiroth did look a little gratified by that. Zack came back out of the bathroom.

"Zack, get back in there and wash," Sephiroth said without turning around. Zack froze and Cloud looked up at him.

"Oh c'mon Seph, we're on a mission-"

"I'm facing the next two days trapped in a van with you on the way to North Corel. I expect you to smell at the _end_ of that journey, not at the beginning," he replied coldly. Zack sighed and disappeared into the bathroom again.

"When did you turn into everyone's mother?" Cloud teased. Sephiroth rolled onto his back on the bed.

"And make sure you use soap!" he shouted towards the bathroom.

*

"It sure is raining hard..." Zack said, staring out the back of the Jeep at the rain pouring down. Cloud looked up to see the sheets of rain lashing against the ground so hard that they were creating small streams on the dirt road they'd ended up taking. He still felt terrible, but his stomach was empty and aching and he knew he wasn't going to bring anything more up.

"How you doing?" Zack asked, kneeling down next to Cloud. He looked up at Zack's eyes as saw genuine concern there. Yes, Zack was bored. After two uneventful days on the road, who wouldn't be, but he didn't mean his question casually.

"I'm all right," Cloud replied, his eyes sliding to Sephiroth who was just sat there, looking at Zack exasperatedly.

"I've never had motion sickness. Is this worse than the helicopter or better?" Zack asked. Cloud thought about it a moment.

"It was better until we hit the mountains. The way the Jeep swings around the corners makes me feel even more ill..." he said, holding his stomach. Talking wasn't such a good idea. Every time he opened his mouth he was aware of his vomit breath and even breathing seemed to react with the acid that had burned the back of his mouth.

Zack glanced to another grunt. "You guys are okay too-"

"Settle down," Sephiroth cut him off. Zack sighed.

"They gave me new materia before I left. I wanna use it," he said, addressing Sephiroth this time. He started to do squat thrusts.

"Just like a puppy," Sephiroth replied. For a moment Cloud thought Zack froze, but then the other raised a hand to his cheek and smiled.

"So, you briefed everyone already, right?" Zack asked. Sephiroth nodded. The Jeep came to a sudden halt and Zack overbalanced, falling into Cloud's lap. The blond made an 'urk' noise as Zack's elbow landed in his gut.

"What's going on?" Sephiroth shouted to the driver.

"Sir! Something's crashed into the truck!" the driver shouted back. There was the sound of a loud roar. Sephiroth raised an eyebrow.

"That sounds like a Green Dragon..." Cloud said, remembering their calls from his childhood. If there was one thing worse than Nibel Wolves, it was the dragons. They nested in the mountains and made it difficult to travel during the spring.

"Holy shit, General, sir! He's right! We must have hit one of it's babies or something because it looks mighty pissed off!" the driver shouted. Zack darted out of the truck and Sephiroth followed. Cloud got to his feet as well.

"Don't you dare-" Sephiroth began but Cloud pushed passed him, feeling relieved to be out of the Jeep even if it meant fighting a dragon.

"Sorry, sir, but I'm not sitting out on this one. I at least know something about dragon behaviour in the mountains," he said. Sephiroth growled and muttered something under his breath, sweeping around the front of the Jeep.

Zack had already engaged the creature, a blue of purple SOLDIER uniform, silver steel and black hair. Cloud watched as Zack attempted to bring his blade down on the creature's head only to be swept to one side by a powerful blow from it's tail. He winced when Zack's head cracked against the mountainside.

He raised his revolver, shooting at the beast's head to stop it from going after a dazed Zack. Black eyes focused on him and Sephiroth and Cloud positioned his feet ready for the earth-shaking roar that he felt before he heard. He saw Sephiroth leap past him, flying into the air with Masamune raised high.

Cloud trusted Sephiroth to dodge the rounds he was emptying into the dragon as he made his way towards Zack, a Cure materia in hand. He eventually had to reload and stopped, ejecting the cartridge and letting Sephiroth cast a few powerful spells in the meantime.

The dragon's body eventually fell and Cloud got enough of a breather to cast the magic to stop Zack's head from bleeding. The other man blinked stupidly at him for a moment before getting to his feet.

"Well, that was embarrassing..." he said, rubbing the back of his neck. Cloud shook his head.

"I don't know what you'd do without us Zack," he replied, walking around the back of Zack to check his head. Sephiroth was pulling his sword out of the dragon's throat, Masamune's length coated in slick, red blood.

"We obviously didn't hit that thing. What _did _they hit?" Zack asked. Cloud stepped back, happy that Zack's skull had knitted back together. He glanced up at the mountainside thoughtfully before dropping to his knees and looking under the truck.

It was as he'd thought. Beneath the truck was a small green and red lump. It's form mangled. The baby dragon had obviously fallen from the nest higher on the ledge and the truck had hit it on the way down. He stood up, ignoring the way that the mud soaked through his trousers. He was wet enough anyway from the rain.

"Seems we hit it's chick," Cloud replied. Zack's eyes bugged.

"You mean that was a Mama dragon?" he asked. Cloud nodded and his eyes turned back up to the ledge. He scanned the rockface for a moment.

"Wait here," he said, climbing off the road and running his hands over the rock. There were enough footholds to get to the top relatively easily. It wouldn't be half as hard as climbing in the mountains proper, although the rain would make his handholds slightly slippery.

"Cloud?" he heard Sephiroth say. He glanced over his shoulder.

"Get a Float materia ready just in case I slip," he said and began to climb. It wasn't so hard, and he was surprised at how quickly his mountain instincts came back to him. His right hand was still weak, and he was forced to use his injured left side to take most of his weight. Even so, he was thirty feet up before he even had his first slip, his left foot slipping off a particularly wet foothold.

"Cloud!" he heard Zack shout. Cloud gritted his teeth and re-secured his foot before continuing upwards. He eventually got to a ledge at least fifty feet above Zack and Sephiroth's heads. He pulled himself up and sat there, resting for a moment.

"You're batshit Cloud!" Zack shouted up to him. Cloud rolled his yes.

"Shut up Jungle Boy! Just because your mama didn't teach you to climb trees!" Cloud replied in his thickest Nibelheim accent.

"Why are you even up there anyway?" Zack shouted. Cloud glanced behind him, seeing the ring of rocks that he could easily identify as a dragon's nest. He swung his legs around and crawled towards it.

Nestled in the pebbles and rocks were two dragon chicks the size of kittens. Their eyes weren't even open yet, their hides a translucent pearl colour. They would turn green over the first year of their lives. Cloud knew they had to be less than a few days old for their eyes still to be shut. He gently reached out, picking one up. It made a cute chirping sound and Cloud grinned.

He tucked his shirt into his trousers and unbuttoned it, creating a safe pouch for the little things. He tightened his belt as well to make sure that the shirt wouldn't pull free and accidentally send them plummeting to their death. He then slid the dragons against his skin. They were warm, the little embers inside their stomachs that would eventually create firebreath, keeping their bodies warm from the rain. He shivered a little as they squirmed and made sure that they wouldn't get in the way of him climbing down before he began his descent.

He got to six feet from the ground and let himself drop. His fall was cushioned by a hastily cast Float that set him off balance. He fell onto his back and heard the dragon chicks in his top squeak in protest at the sudden movement.

"Now either you were impregnated up there or you've done something stupid," Zack said. Cloud rolled his eyes and unbuttoned his shirt, pulling out the dragon chicks and placing them on the ground in front of him before he buttoned his shirt. They didn't move very far, just lying there and crying pitifully.

"Care to explain, Strife?" Sephiroth asked. Cloud looked up at Sephiroth and saw that the other wasn't best pleased with him. He didn't care.

"Think of it as an experiment, sir. I want to see if these things can be tamed," he said, picking the chicks up and holding them close to his chest. "They haven't opened their eyes yet. Technically if they see me first, they should identify themselves with me. I'm hoping that I can train them to protect the village from whatever monsters are around here."

Sephiroth was just looking at him like he'd lost his mind. "Dragons are wild animals Cloud-"

The dragon chick made a quiet cry and tried to bury itself into the crook of Cloud's arm. Cloud cuddled it closer to him.

"They're getting cold," he said. Sephiroth seemed to accept that this was a losing battle for now and sighed.

*

Nibelheim was much the same as Cloud remembered it. He stared at the quaint buildings with their slate roofs and their brightly painted doors with a fondness he had never realised he felt for the place. He guessed it was because he came back to this place a success for a change. Okay, he'd not made SOLDIER, but he was coming back here an equal of SOLDIER. An equal of Zack and Sephiroth.

It was enough that he could keep his head held high when the villagers looked at him.

"What's it like? To be home?" Sephiroth asked him, taking one of the little dragons off him so he could jump down from the back of the Jeep.

"Fantastic. I can't wait for you to meet my mom," Cloud replied, offering to take the dragon back off Sephiroth. The General's grip on the thing only increased though. Cloud raised an eyebrow.

"Getting attached? They're cute, right?" he asked. Sephiroth just raised an eyebrow and ran a finger gently down the dragon's snout.

"I don't have a hometown. I guess I don't know what it would feel like to go back to it," he said wistfully. Cloud smiled and tilted his head to the side.

"Then this can be your home town then. I don't mind sharing it," he said, laughing a little when the dragon Sephiroth was holding sneezed and an ember shot out of it's nose. Sephiroth hastily handed the beast back to Cloud.

"I'd be honoured to share it. I hope my parents don't mind me abandoning wherever I was born though," he replied. Cloud tried to juggle the dragons as he followed Sephiroth around the front of the Jeep.

"Who are your parents anyway? I mean, I didn't ask because it seemed touchy but..." Cloud felt sharp teeth nip his arm. The little guys were probably hungry...

"You didn't know?" Sephiroth asked, turning around with a raised eyebrow. "My father is Professor Hojo of the Science Department. My mother was called Jenova. That's all I know about her."

Cloud stared at Sephiroth. The man didn't look a _thing_ like Hojo, that was for sure. "Your mom must have been beautiful because you didn't inherit any of that greasy git's genetics," he said.

At that moment Zack got out of the back of the Jeep, stretching and cracking his back into place.

"So, we gonna get this party started?" he asked. Cloud glanced at him.

"I need to get some things to feed these guys with..." he said. Zack looked at the dragons. Over the last few hours the chicks had begun to grow on the SOLDIERs in the van. Zack had sat with one in his lap for a while and had clearly started to realise why Cloud hadn't left them to die on the ledge.

"Yeah. They'll need some milk-"

"Actually, they'll need double cream mixed with mako," Cloud interrupted him. Zack looked surprised.

"I lived in these mountains a long time. I know it's wildlife. Dragons are creatures that are a mixture of lizard and mako. They'll die if we just give them regular cows milk," Cloud said, feeling another nip to his bicep. He withheld a wince.

"Cloud? Is that you?" The accent was thick enough to spread over butter.

Cloud glanced up. The Mayor was walking towards them. Mayor Lockhart was a sturdy man, with the same dark hair and wine eyes as his daughter. He looked more haggard and grey than he had in the past though. He was probably worried sick about Tifa. Cloud wasn't sure if he wanted to tell him what his daughter was getting up to in Midgar.

"What on Gaia have you got in your hands?" he asked, looking at the dragons amused. "You're as bad as Tifa. Although these guys will be rather useful. Nothing more loyal than a dragon is what they used to say." Cloud grinned. He remembered when they were little, before the accident in the Nibel Mountains, he and Tifa had rescued some Nibel Wolf cubs. They hadn't kept them long though. Nibel Wolves were rabid, and they weren't tameable.

"You've seen tamed dragons before, Mayor?" Cloud asked, slipping into his Nibel accent subconsciously. He saw Zack give Sephiroth a look at the other man steadily looked away.

"There are legends, of course," Mayor Lockhart replied. "Can't say I've seen on in my lifetime, but then, no one has managed to get near a dragon's nest in so long it ain't a surprise. Damn things have been mako-poisoned. And that's saying something for a dragon!"

"I thought that dragons ate mako? How do they get mako poisoned?" Zack asked. The Mayor regarded him suspiciously but answered his question all the same.

"That reactor up the mountain is polluting the mako pools up here that the dragons drink from. Mako's always been close to the surface round here, but there's something that's making it mutate... It's seeping into the ground and things too, and causing all the wildlife around here to go nuts," he replied. "You'd know all this if you'd come years back when we first sent a request for help."

"We were not aware that problem was quite so bad," Sephiroth said, putting his hand on Cloud's shoulder.

"You are SOLDIERs?" the Mayor asked. Cloud stepped to one side to let the two of them introduce themselves.

"Zack Fair, First Class," Zack said, holding out his hand. The Mayor shook it.

"Sephiroth."

Cloud watched the Mayor's eyes widen. He shook the man's hand as well and Sephiroth glanced back at his SOLDIERs.

"Everyone get settled at the inn and freshen up. We wait until tomorrow to investigate the reactor," he announced. There was a chorus of 'Yes sir!" and the others ran into the inn, raucously scrambling to get to their rooms first. Sephiroth followed at a much more sedate pace.

"I guess it helps to have an elite Turk in the Shinra Company. They take our complaints seriously when they finally come to light," Lockhart said, watching Sephiroth in awe. Cloud felt his cheeks colour.

"Elite Turk?" he pressed. The Mayor smiled.

"Your mother is proud of you. Hell, the whole town is. You've got yourself a bit of a reputation you know, for bringing AVALANCHE down. It was all over the news. Though you weren't named of course," he clapped Cloud on the back causing the dragons in his grasp to shriek at the sudden shake.

"Whoa. We better get these things fed," Zack said, taking one of the struggling things off Cloud. "I'll talk to you later about the monster problem. See if we can rustle up a quick extermination squad to clear the area for a while."

The Mayor looked grateful and Cloud smiled, proud that Zack would put himself out so much. Zack and the Mayor continued to talk business as Cloud drifted towards the inn. He saw the curtains twitch at his mother's house and smiled, knowing that he should give her a few minutes to compose herself before he went over there.

The dragons in his arms seemed to agree with a loud screech that made Cloud wince. "Yeah, okay, okay. I'll go boil up some cream and mako for you," he said. He knew they didn't understand him, but they did start to purr rather cutely anyway.

*

They managed to find a mako pool that they could take some samples out of to pour into the cream. It took longer to find a few baby bottles that the mako didn't burn through though. Glass was the only thing that contained the substance apart from the reinforced metal of the reactors and Cloud didn't think that many people would have titanium drinking bottles. Luckily, there were a few old fashioned baby bottles in the attic of the inn and although the teats were quickly chewed to bits by the dragons, it at least contained the mako a little.

Cloud was most pleased by the fact that the dragons opened their eyes for the first time when he was feeding them. He was pretty sure that they saw him as 'mom' right now, and wondered if it was too ambitious to train them to look after the villagers once they left. If the monsters really were becoming more rabid, the people would need something to protect them after SOLDIER left after all.

Cloud eventually climbed the stairs an hour later with two sleepy dragons nestled in his arms. He paused, seeing Sephiroth lurking on the corridor, staring out of the window. Cloud had assumed the man had gone to lie down or plan in his room, but now he wondered if Sephiroth had been stood there the whole time. He still had their duffel in his hand.

"Sephiroth?" Cloud questioned. The man turned, his eyes focusing on Cloud.

"Ah. You managed to feed them?" he asked. Cloud nodded slowly.

"What's the matter?" he asked, glancing out of the window. He could see his mother's house from here and he saw smoke rising from the chimney. He desperately wanted to go and see her, but he wanted to freshen up first.

"The scenery... I think I know this place somehow," Sephiroth replied. Cloud tilted his head to the side.

"Well, you haven't been here since _I've_ been alive. I'd have remembered my hero coming to the village. You're kind of hard to miss," Cloud said. Sephiroth's expression cleared and instead there was the teasing one that made Cloud prepare himself.

"Your _hero_?" Sephiroth repeated. Cloud's eyes narrowed.

"Don't make fun. It's not fair. You wouldn't have a boyfriend if I didn't have a heavy-dose of hero-worship you know," he said. Sephiroth laughed and leaned forward to kiss Cloud. The blond closed his eyes and tilted his head up. The brush of lips was soft and Cloud sighed as Sephiroth pulled away.

"We should put those things to sleep and go visit your mother," Sephiroth suggested. Cloud kept his eyes closed.

"One more kiss first," he said. He heard Sephiroth chuckle as he obliged.

*

Cloud was waiting downstairs for Sephiroth. He ran a hand through his hair and tried not to feel too nervous. His mother would like Sephiroth _plenty_. And Zack for that matter. The innkeeper's wife had set up a baby-pen for the dragons and told Cloud she'd watch over them for him. The pen was by the fire and the two little creatures had curled up around each other, fast asleep.

Zack came downstairs first. He had cleaned up quite well. He was also wearing his dress uniform and Cloud couldn't help but feel his heart rate increase a little. There was something about the formal uniform that was undeniably sexy. It was black, and cut to highlight the trim build of the SOLDIERs who wore them. Zack's uniform was less elaborate than Sephiroth's, with only gold trim around the shoulders and cuffs, gilt buttons down the front. He had special markings on the right arm as well to denote his rank.

"Look smart enough?" Zack asked, holding his arms out and turning. Cloud smiled.

"Yeah. Smart enough for my ma anyway," he replied. Zack's nose wrinkled up.

"You know, now you're back here your accent has come on really strong," he said with a grin. Cloud rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. "Oh, don't get me wrong. It's really cute. Seph likes it anyway."

Cloud ignored the innuendo in that statement and checked his own clothes instead. He was wearing a dress shirt and trousers. He had been tempted to wear his Turk suit, but decided against it. He wasn't sure that his mother would want to see the stitching where Cloud had been forced to repair holes from being shot at.

He heard Zack wolf-whistle and glanced up. Sephiroth was at the bottom of the stairs looking at Zack with distaste. Cloud's mouth felt dry. His eyes roamed up and down Sephiroth's frame. The breast of the jacket was snug across Sephiroth's chest, but not tight enough that it would restrict movement. The high collar of the jacket was lined with gold and it ran down the hem of the jacket. It was double-breasted, instead of the single breast of Zack's uniform, and had a few other bits of regalia decorating it. Cloud noticed that, unlike Zack, Sephiroth had left off the medals he'd won in Wutai however.

"I hate this thing," Sephiroth said, adjusting the collar. Zack laughed.

"Ah, c'mon Seph. When was the last time you got all tarted up for Cloud anyway?" he asked. Sephiroth's eyes slid to Cloud and the blond hoped that he wasn't acting so obviously aroused.

"You look good," Cloud said and felt colour rising to his cheeks when he realised that his Nibelheim accent had been so thick that the words had mangled themselves all together. Sephiroth's discomfort seemed to recede and he smiled.

"Let's get this over with then," he said. Cloud nodded, glancing at the dragons.

"If they show any tendencies of violence or something, just call one of the SOLDIERs from upstairs to have them put down," Cloud told the innkeeper's wife. She nodded. He wouldn't have attachment stopping him from killing these things if they showed _any_ sign of being too wild to tame.

He stepped into the chilled Nibelheim air and shivered. The sun was just setting, casting an eerie red glow over the town, almost like it was ablaze. Cloud ignored the well, not wanting to think about Tifa at the moment, and walked purposefully towards his mother's house. He heard Sephiroth and Zack following him, banter gone as they both let nerves get the better of them.

He rapped on the door, putting his hands in his pockets and automatically hunching and trying to make himself small. There was the barking of a dog and Cloud frowned, not having remembered his mother mentioning she'd got a pet. The door was thrown open a few moments later and a St. Bernard bounded out, putting it's paws on Cloud's shoulders and trying to lick his face. He staggered backwards into Sephiroth, who caught him.

"Oh my! Neb! Get down! Stupid animal!" Cloud heard his mother say, though he couldn't see her over the top of the dog's head. The dog was eventually pulled away and Cloud saw his mother had grabbed the thing's collar, holding it back.

"Sorry Cloud! And you're all smart too!" she said, pushing the dog into the house and blocking his line of sight to their guests with her leg. She held the door open.

"Come in, come in. Introductions can be done inside I'm sure," she said. The dog, Neb, was obviously too excited and Cloud watched his mother pull it outside and put it in its kennel. She then returned, brushing off her apron flustered.

"I forgot that he hadn't seen you before, baby," she said, leaning forward to kiss Cloud on the cheek. He caught the reassuring smell of her perfume. The same one. Always the same one.

"It's okay Ma," he replied. His mother drew back and her eyes went immediately to Zack and Sephiroth behind Cloud.

"Ma, this is General Sephiroth and Lieutenant Zack Fair," Cloud introduced them formally, trying not to stutter or blush too much. His mother's eyes twinkled.

"I'm Herta Strife," she replied. She leaned forward, kissing Zack the same way she had Cloud. The blond found it amusing that Zack turned bright pink and didn't seem to know what to do with himself. When she turned to Sephiroth she seemed to realise that he was far too tall for her to mother. She smoothed her blond hair instead.

"So you're the one who abducted my baby and kept him in Midgar instead of settling down here and making his ma proud?" she said. Cloud groaned. He was pretty certain Sephiroth wouldn't recognise this as teasing.

"I'm sure that Cloud has made you proud in Midgar as he could have done here, Mrs. Strife," Sephiroth replied. Zack gave Cloud a sympathetic look.

"It's Miss Strife, actually," Herta replied. "I was never married."

Cloud elbowed her. "Ma, stop teasing. Sephiroth, don't listen to her. She's terrible," he said. Herta pulled a face.

"And now you've gone and spoiled all my fun. I wanted the General to be eating out of my hand until at least dessert," she said. Cloud stuck his tongue out at her and, faster than he could blink, she'd caught it between her fingers.

"You're still not old enough that I can't send you to your room without dinner," she threatened. Cloud squirmed, trying to get his tongue back. She let him go and wiped her hand on her apron.

"Now, you boys sit down at the table. I want to be able to talk to you while I cook," she ordered. Cloud winced, watching as Zack and Sephiroth did as they were told. Zack looked amused, sitting down and straightening his uniform. Sephiroth looked completely and utterly bewildered.

"So... tell me about what you've been getting up to in Midgar. Nothing of the sanitised crap I get in my letters mind you. I'm not stupid enough to think that you haven't sampled at least _some_ of the vices a city like that has to offer. In fact, if you _haven't_ I might have to disown you," Herta threatened as she began to fuss with the oven. There was obviously something in there. Cloud breathed in through his nose. Nibel Stew. He smirked. Zack would be pleased.

"I don't know what you're talking about, Ma," Cloud replied innocently. Sephiroth glanced at him.

"Oh, bull. Zack, you'll tell me won't you?" Herta straightened.

"I'm afraid Cloud's pretty boring, ma'am. He doesn't really get up to much," Zack lied. Sephiroth didn't so much as blink. He was watching Cloud's mother like she was a formidable foe that needed to be brought down.

"And yet he's been getting up to kinky things with two men," Herta said with a complete straight face. "One of whom is ten years his junior."

Cloud's face flamed. "Ma!"

"Oh, don't you start 'Ma!'ing me like I'm saying something wrong. I want to make sure these two lugs are going to take care of you-"

"No offence, Miss Strife, but Cloud is perfectly capable of taking care of himself," Sephiroth cut through whatever it was she was going to say. "He's one of the sharpest shooters in the Turks, he's brought down a terrorist organisation almost single handedly and is one of the strongest, most versatile people I know. As well as one of the most moral. You have little to worry about."

Herta stared at Sephiroth for a long time before she began to laugh. "Looks like your secrets are safe with these two," she said. Cloud bit his lip.

"Ma. I'm not in a relationship with Zack. What made you think I was?" he asked. Herta smiled and turned as a timer went off. She opened the fridge and pulled out some pre-prepared dumplings, dropping them into the stew bowl.

"Oh. You write about him a lot. You never just mention doing things with Sephiroth. You're so careful with words sometimes, Cloud, so I sometimes try to work things out by myself. Was I really that wrong?" she asked, putting the lid back on the stew bowl.

"Sorry, Ma, but you were this time. Zack's got a girlfriend called Aeris," he said. Herta put the stew back in the oven.

"Well, that clears up some other questions I had," she said with a smile. "I wondered who this mysterious flower girl was. You should write more often. And stop writing in that annoying code that you do. It's impossible to tell who is what to you."

"It's not a code Ma! It's just that I don't want to-"

Cloud and his mother continued to argue through most of dinner, but he could tell that she was genuinely pleased to see him, pleased to see his best friend and he even sensed approval for Sephiroth from her. Zack quickly got used to Herta's abrasiveness and began to needle her back rather like Cloud did. Sephiroth remained uncomfortable, saying relatively little unless it was a compliment and fiddling with the collar of his jacket.

It came time to go and Cloud got to his feet, promising to visit again after they'd seen the reactor tomorrow.

"I thought you'd be staying here. I made your bed up and everything," Herta said as she cleared the dishes into the sink. Cloud felt a sinking in his stomach. He glanced at Sephiroth, whose face was as unreadable as it had been all night.

"Um. We've already paid for a room at the inn," Cloud explained. Herta didn't seem too disappointed.

"Well, Zack can make use of your room then. I know that inn. They'll have given you three person rooms. I know it can be a pain to get some privacy when you've got your friend sleeping in the bed next to you," Herta said. Zack looked about to protest but Cloud glanced at Sephiroth and shook his head.

"Alright. Zack, you help me Ma clear up, right?" he said. Zack blinked, genuinely confused. Cloud just shook his head again, trying to get Zack to understand that he really _wasn't needed_ tonight. The other seemed to get the message and he grinned.

"You leavin' me with all the nasty jobs, eh, Spike?" he asked. Cloud rolled his eyes.

"Like it's a nasty job. You know full-well that my Ma will be feeding you all sorts of treats for helping her. Just don't eat her out of house and home, alright?" he asked. Zack laughed and nodded.

"See you guys tomorrow then," he said. Cloud nodded and took Sephiroth's hand.

"See you tomorrow," he said, shutting the door and stepping into the night air. The scent of mako was overpowering around the village. He reached to take Sephiroth's hand.

"You'll get used to Ma," Cloud said, looking up at his lover's glowing eyes. Sephiroth looked down at him.

"It wasn't your Ma I was having trouble with. Do you have any idea how _distracting_ your accent is?" Sephiroth asked. Cloud's breath caught when he recognised that look in Sephiroth's eyes. He felt almost like the man had stripped him naked.

"No," he managed to reply. Sephiroth smirked.

"It's always been there. I thought it was cute. But here, it's much stronger, isn't it? Are you trying to tempt me with your country boy charm, Cloud?" he asked, his pupils narrowing to cat-like slits. Cloud had to tear his eyes away.

"We need to get to our room. Now," Cloud said, tugging on Sephiroth's hand. The General chuckled.

"Impatient?" he asked. Cloud didn't reply, stomping across the town square and into the inn. The dragons were still alive, Cloud noted absently, and they'd been trapped in the pen with a net. He quickly went upstairs, finding their room and shoving the door open. Sephiroth closed it conscientiously behind him.

Cloud kicked his shoes off, grabbing the front of Sephiroth's jacket and pulling him in for a devouring kiss. Sephiroth's arms slid around Cloud's waist, pulling him close. Strong arms holding him in place. He parted his lips, letting Sephiroth's tongue slide into his mouth, rubbing it sensuously against his own.

He slid his leg between Sephiroth's, moaning into the other's mouth as Sephiroth's hand dropped to squeeze his ass. A shiver went through his body as hot lust ran down his spine and pooled in his stomach. His cock, half-hard all evening from seeing Sephiroth in uniform, began to spring to full life, hardening against the other's leg.

"Cloud..." Sephiroth said, trying to pull away. Cloud's arms snaked around his neck and tried to pull him into another kiss. "Cloud... Mm... wait..." Cloud reluctantly pulled away, looking up at Sephiroth with large, lust-filled eyes. Sephiroth groaned.

"We should stop, before we get carried away," he said. Cloud growled and slid his hands into Sephiroth's hair.

"Seph, I don't think we're on the same wavelength here. I've spent all evening half-hard for you. I've spent the last few months doing my best to get used to sex and intimacy and I even got Zack to stay with my mother so that we would have time alone with each other... Now. Take all that into consideration. Where do _you_ think I was planning to take this?" he demanded. Sephiroth just stared down at him blankly for a few moments.

"I want to have sex with you, Sephiroth. Full, penetrative, make-sure-I-can't-walk-tomorrow sex," Cloud spelled out, just in case the other was still unsure. He saw Sephiroth's eyes darken with lust and it sent a thrill through him. _I did that... This man... Despite everything. He wants me. He wants this body, even though others have used it, others have marked it..._

And under that gaze, Cloud felt like all his scars had disappeared.

Sephiroth kissed him, and this time it was different. It was still passionate, charged with sexual tension that made Cloud's breath come faster, but this time there was a purpose there. The kisses trailed down his jaw and Sephiroth began to undo Cloud's clothes, sliding the shirt off and undoing the other's belt and trousers. Cloud stepped out of them, pulling off his socks and boxers himself. Sephiroth's eyes roamed over his naked body, but they didn't linger on his scars, new or old. He instead returned his gaze to Cloud's face.

"You were made for me," Sephiroth whispered. Cloud heard everything that entailed: perfection, beauty, strength, understanding...

He reached out for Sephiroth. The other reached up to unbutton his uniform but Cloud shook his head.

"Leave it on," he said, surprised by how husky his voice sounded. Sephiroth raised an eyebrow.

"You really want to be fucked by the General?" he asked. Cloud felt his heart rate speed up.

"I think it might make you like that uniform better, sir," he replied. Sephiroth chuckled and stepped forward. His hand slid down Cloud's chest and over his stomach, finally getting to his groin and stroking the hard flesh there. Cloud let his eyes close, a moan breathing through his parted lips as he tried to resist the urge to buck up into Sephiroth's hand.

The other stroked him, teasing him briefly by running the tip of his finger over the slit on the end. He then gently pressed Cloud down against the bed. The General reached into their duffel that had been stored under the bed and grabbed some lube. Cloud had packed it thinking that _something_ might happen while they were at Nibelheim, though he hadn't thought it would be this. But somehow, it felt right. Everything felt right about this.

Sephiroth spread his legs and knelt between them. His slick fingertips circled Cloud's entrance for a few moments. He glanced up at Cloud and the blond nodded. The burn of those fingers entering him filled up his world a few seconds later. He whimpered and bit his lip, remembering to breathe deeply. He felt Sephiroth's hair whisper across his chest as the other leaned forward to kiss him.

Cloud relaxed a little. That gentle reminder of where he was and who he was with enough to make him relax. He opened his eyes and moaned as Sephiroth's fingers curled inside him. The other didn't relent, ruthlessly rubbing against Cloud's prostate until Cloud felt like he was going to explode. He was certain that orgasm was only a thrust away and he wound his hands in Sephiroth's hair.

"Don't make me..." he pleaded. "Don't make me cum... Please, Seph... Together..." He didn't feel particularly coherent. He felt Sephiroth's fingers withdraw and his ass felt empty without them stretching it. He could feel his cock twitching against his stomach as he imagined what was coming next.

Sephiroth unzipped his trousers, pulling out his cock and stroking it a few times before he reached for a condom. Sliding it over his cock he then coated himself with lubricant. Cloud watched as some of the clear gel dripped down from the tip and shivered as it landed just behind his balls.

Sephiroth leaned forward, stroking the tip of his cock around Cloud's entrance. Cloud felt his muscles contracting and easing, responding to the teasing. He bucked his hips upwards towards the man and met Sephiroth's eyes.

With a gentle pressure Sephiroth pushed against him. His body gradually gave way to the thick member and Cloud shuddered, trying to hold back a pained whimper. Sephiroth stopped once the head was inside and Cloud blinked back tears as his body adjusted to the sensation of being stretched quite so thoroughly.

"Are you still okay with this?" Sephiroth asked, though Cloud could tell from the look in Sephiroth's eyes that the man was almost too far gone to be asked to stop. It didn't matter, Cloud felt the same. He hooked his legs over Sephiroth's hips and adjusted himself a little. The new angle relieved some of the burn he'd felt.

"Just... go slow..." he said, aware that it would start to feel good soon, once his body had adjusted. Sephiroth nodded and slowly worked his cock inside. Cloud watched Sephiroth's face, concentrating on it to ignore the burn in his backside. The man had a slight frown on his face as he held back, his eyes concentrating on the place where their bodies joined.

Cloud felt Sephiroth's hips rest against his buttocks, the material of the General's uniform soft against the skin, and sighed. Sephiroth stayed there for a moment, stroking Cloud's legs that were wrapped around his hips, but then he leaned forward, kissing him softly. The change in angle brought Sephiroth's cock deeper into him and Cloud let out a soft moan against the other's lips.

Sephiroth gently took Cloud's hand, pinning it down against the bed and threading his fingers through it, the other one steadying Cloud's hips. He thrust shallowly into him, looking at his face the whole time.

Cloud met his gaze, showing Sephiroth that he was still strong, still wanted this. Wanted _everything_. He squeezed Sephiroth's hand and wet his lips to say that it was okay, it didn't even hurt that much anymore, when Sephiroth's cock brushed against his prostate. His muscles tightened around the other's cock and he felt his cock twitch against his stomach as he let out a whimper. Sephiroth repeated the action, causing Cloud's eyes to shut.

"Seph... ah..." he whimpered. He could feel Sephiroth's hair winding between them, the other's breath mingling with his own, the sweat of their palms as they held each other's hands. His lips sought to find other words but Sephiroth thrust into him harder, his cock rubbing against that spot again but harder. Cloud's back arched off the bed.

Now that Sephiroth had realised that it wasn't hurting Cloud any more, he began to thrust faster, harder. Cloud began to meet each movement of Sephiroth's hips, his cock leaking with each satisfying slap of skin against Sephiroth's clothed hips.

As toe-curling pleasure burned through his gut, Cloud's grip on Sephiroth's hand became tighter. He bit his lip and heard Sephiroth groan from above him. The other's hands were gentle on his hips, as though he wouldn't grab hold for fear of hurting. Cloud leaned upwards, kissing Sephiroth on the lips before the man brushed that spot inside him one last time and sent him spiralling over the edge and into bliss.

He felt Sephiroth thrust into him as he writhed on the other's cock, his orgasm tearing through him. He repeated Sephiroth's name as he shuddered through climax almost desperately. Sephiroth let out a quiet groan and thrust in all the way to the hilt, staying there and thrusting shallowly until he collapsed on top of the blond.

Cloud threaded his fingers through Sephiroth's hair as he tried to catch his breath. Sephiroth eventually stirred, his cock slipping out of Cloud. He gave the blond a smile that made his aching muscles seem to disappear and quickly disposed of the condom, stripping off his uniform as well as he did so.

"Sephiroth..." Cloud started. Sephiroth froze, stepping out of his trousers. Cloud realised he was probably worrying the man now and he scrambled to finish his sentence. "Thank you... for putting up with me through all this... For waiting..."

Sephiroth relaxed and continued to remove his clothes before joining Cloud in the single bed. Cloud made room for him, tangling his limbs with Sephiroth's as soon as the other had laid down.

"No, Cloud. You don't have to thank me for anything. Thank you, for giving me the chance to be the person to help you," Sephiroth replied, sliding a hand into Cloud's hair and kissing his forehead. Cloud let out a soft sigh.

"So if I'm well enough to have sex, can I come with you to the reactor tomorrow?" he asked, his blue eyes turning sly. Sephiroth chuckled.

"We'll see, Cloud, we'll see."

*

Zack saw Cloud the next morning when he left the inn. He was virtually _glowing_. There was a confidence to his stride that hadn't been there yesterday and even though he winced when he made certain movements, he generally seemed to be in a very good place.

"Mornin'," Cloud greeted. Zack grinned at him.

"I know that rosy cheeked glow," he teased. Cloud just shrugged, though he didn't blush as he would have done years before. Zack stared at this new creature before him. Had he really never noticed how confident Cloud was becoming?

"Yeah yeah. Well, we're heading up to the Reactor right? I blackmailed Sephiroth into letting me come," Cloud said, putting his hands in his pockets. Zack laughed.

"Blackmailed him? With what?" he asked. Cloud pulled his hand out of his pocket to show the waistband of a pair of boxers.

"I hid all his underwear and told him unless I could come he wouldn't get it back. He's still looking for it now," he replied. Zack began to howl with laughter.

"When did you become so much like me, huh?" he asked. Cloud rolled his eyes.

"I'm nothing like you, Zack Fair, I just don't like being mollycoddled," he said. At that moment Sephiroth exited the inn and walked up to the two of them outside the mansion. He didn't look particularly pleased.

"Find a pair, did we?" Cloud asked innocently. Sephiroth smirked at him.

"Actually no, I didn't," he replied. Zack couldn't help but laugh again when Cloud's face flooded with colour and he dug into his pocket, holding out the item of clothing. Sephiroth took them and disappeared behind a wall to change.

"It's a good thing not many people are up yet. Can you even imagine what a photo of Seph's tighty-whiteys would have fetched in Midgar?" Zack asked. Cloud shook his head.

"I only gave them back so he wouldn't chafe against the leather while climbing the mountain," he replied. Zack had tears in his eyes from laughing as Sephiroth returned, still doing up his belt.

"Cloud, you're going to be our guide. It's better than endangering the townsfolk," Sephiroth explained. Cloud nodded.

"The Nibel Mountains were my childhood playground. I know what I'm doing," he said. Sephiroth nodded.

"Hey. Can I get a picture?"

Zack jumped and turned to a fat little guy with a camera. He blinked. He hadn't seen him a few moments ago. The way he was looking at Sephiroth was a bit creepy too...

"I've always idolised you, General, sir!" the man continued. Sephiroth glanced at Zack and Zack shrugged. Who was he to tell the guy that he couldn't take a picture.

"All right, just one," Sephiroth replied. Cloud didn't look that happy about it.

They lined up to pose, Zack grinning. At the last minute Cloud yanked Sephiroth down into a kiss. The flash went off. Zack began to laugh at the camera man's expression as he saw Sephiroth's tongue disappearing into Cloud's mouth and went to clap the guy's shoulder.

"Let's have a look," he said, taking the polaroid and shaking it to get it to develop. The photo was perfect, showing Sephiroth and Cloud kissing and Zack looking at them with a large grin spread across his face.

"Mind if I have a copy of this?" Zack asked. The man shook his head.

"I'll have it ready for when you come back down the mountain," he said. Zack nodded and turned to Cloud and Sephiroth.

"Let's mosey then," he said. Cloud rolled his eyes but led the way regardless.

*

_I wonder if I will meet you when I fly up to this sky,  
Taking me to where you are when I've been crying.  
Because if you always always believe in me I can achieve everything.  
Let's hold hands _

**'Te wo Tsunagou', Ayaka**

*****

**End Notes:** I don't usually put notes at the end, but this didn't fit at the beginning. Te wo Tsunagou (手をつなごう) is _A Twisted Kind of Honour_'s theme song, virtually, every verse of that song fits with different parts of the story. I'd suggest googling up the lyrics as it truly is a beautiful song.


	17. The Reactor

**Title: **A Twisted Kind of Honour  
**Rating: **NC-17  
**Pairing**: Sephiroth/Cloud, Zack/Aeris (some S/C/Z)  
**Genre**: Hurt/Comfort  
**Warning**: M/M scenes.  
**Chapter**: 17/20.  
**Comments**: Thanks for all your reviews and comments and faves, alerts, bribes and cookies. I appreciate them all and they keep the updates coming! Two updates in two days because I really couldn't leave you hanging that long.

**Chapter Seventeen:**

**The Reactor**

Rufus stared at the paperwork in front of him. Joining the dots had taken days, but eventually he'd managed to do it. Hojo's research notes, combined with the repeated requests for help from Nibelheim, made it plain to see. The most condemning evidence was the creation of hybrid monsters that had been shipped to the Nibelheim area to be tested by the Shinra Mansion staff... Only looking at the payrolls, no one worked in Shinra Mansion. Those monsters had disappeared. Probably to terrorise the townspeople and _create_ the problem.

It was almost certainly a mission that was supposed to destroy those who went there. Even worse was the knowledge that certain members of the Company had been contacting certain deserters... It was a complete mess, full of backstabbing and betrayal.

_When I own this company, this will end..._

Rufus got to his feet. Armed with the evidence he'd get his father to reverse the order. He had to. Shinra couldn't survive long without SOLDIER after all.

*

"Smell that mountain air!" Zack said, throwing his arms wide as they walked. Cloud rolled his eyes and ducked under his arms to get ahead of him. The MPs behind them were all huffing and puffing, unused to the altitude. Cloud had tried to give them some sweets but Sephiroth had seen what they were made of and banned it, much to Cloud's amusement. Okay, so they were made out of the leaves of the same plant that made cocaine, but they really _did_ help with altitude sickness all the same.

Cloud looked at the rickety rope bridge with a sigh. "They still haven't changed this?" he said, watching it sway in the breeze. He supposed that with the wear and tear the villagers hadn't been out recently to do any work on it. There were some boards missing.

"That doesn't look too safe to me," Zack said, though he didn't seem too bothered. Cloud shrugged.

"It should hold up," he replied and stepped onto the bridge. He got half way across before Zack followed. The other started to swing it from side to side and Cloud's stomach rebelled immediately.

"Stop that! You're making me sea sick!" he snapped over his shoulder. Zack grinned.

"Aw, Cloudy, you're such a-"

Cloud didn't know what he was because at that moment there was a horrible snapping sound. Cloud felt the bridge beneath his feet give way and for a moment he was free-falling before he grabbed the wooden slats that were now rushing past his face and stopped his fall. He winced as his weakened hand threatened to give. He heard a yell and looked down to see Zack free-falling. The other had obviously been unable to hold on.

"Zack!" he screamed, watching helplessly as the SOLDIER plummeted down the gully. The wind buffeted him as he stared helplessly at the drop below his dangling feet. He tried to grip onto the broken bridge with his other hand but the wind, with one final harsh gust he was swept sideways and his fingertips slipped off the wood.

Falling felt almost nice, if it weren't for the fact he thought he might be having a heart attack.

*

Sephiroth had never been so frightened in his life. He immediately began to climb down the side of the gully, his enhanced muscles straining as he fought to climb both quickly and without falling to his death himself. He got to the bottom and the scent of blood flooded his senses.

He followed the scent, ignoring the MPs who were desperately trying to climb down also. One hit the bottom of the gully with a horrible thunking noise. Sephiroth activated a materia to heal him without thinking, his eyes still looking for the two broken bodies he was expecting.

"Over there sir!" one of the MPs who was still climbing down was pointing to the north. Sephiroth began to run, noticing that the scent of blood mixed with that of mako has he did so. He expected the bodies of Zack and Cloud to be spread before him, perhaps punctured by sharp rocks, blood pooling around them.

Instead all that he saw was Zack holding onto Cloud's shoulder and, with a crunching sound and a cry from the blond, putting it back into place. Materia glowed in Zack's hand and Cloud gritted his teeth as his shoulder was healed. Other cuts and bruises disappeared as well and the only evidence that Cloud had been heavily injured was the amount of blood smeared against his body.

"Cloud," Sephiroth hadn't meant his voice to sound so stern. Cloud looked at him, blue eyes narrowed.

"Yes, sir?" he asked. Sephiroth walked forward, reaching under his chin and forcing him to turn his head to the side. He checked him over for injuries, ignoring the MPs and Zack until he was satisfied that Cloud had been healed as well as he could be.

Sephiroth then calmly straightened and turned to Zack. The other was watching him warily and Sephiroth thought with good reason. It felt really _satisfying_ when his fist connected with Zack's jaw, sending the First flying before he fell to the ground. Cloud immediately got to his feet, a Cure materia activated and ready to heal.

"No," Sephiroth said sharply. "Fair needs to understand that lives put at risk have consequences." Zack got to his feet, wiping his hand across his jaw and smearing blood from his split lip across his face. Sephiroth saw the look in Zack's eyes and he nodded to the other.

"Sir! We're both fine! Let me-" Cloud began and Sephiroth turned to him.

"Tell me, Turk, what you would have thought if Lieutenant Fair's antics had caused the death of myself or any of the MPs here? Would you then think that a split lip was too weak a punishment?" he asked. Cloud's gaze hardened and he folded his arms.

"You've made your point now let me heal him," he said. Sephiroth shook his head and Zack spat some blood onto the ground.

"It's alright, Spike. I get the point of this anyway. Seph's right. Was a stupid thing to do," Zack turned to Sephiroth. "Sorry man. I didn't think what might happen if Cloud fell."

Sephiroth nodded and then looked along the length of the gully. He didn't sense any monsters around, which was lucky, as they would have to fight whatever they came up against. There was no where to hide down here. He drew Masamune just in case, not wanting to be caught unawares by a Green Dragon or anything similar.

"We'll have to use the cave networks to climb back to the top," Cloud said after a moment. He had drawn his gun and was calmly sliding bullets into the breach. "Mount Nibel is virtually hollow. The dragons dig out caves to attempt to get to the mako," he explained and glanced at Sephiroth.

"Lead the way then. I promise this time not to do something moronic," Zack said seriously. Sephiroth gave him a look that said _is that even possible for you to promise?_

"I hope I remember the way... It's been a while..." Cloud replied but he began to walk down the gully, not waiting for the others.

Sephiroth felt he should say something but he didn't want to admit he was wrong. Zack had been an absolute idiot and had put an operative in danger. Regardless of friendship, he had deserved what he got and would also deserve the write-up he got from it when back at HQ.

Cloud led them into an opening in the mountainside and Sephiroth began to cough. The stench of mako was so strong that it made his eyes water. Beside him Zack was similarly affected, trying to clear his throat as the smell became overpowering.

"What's wrong with you two?" Cloud asked, the closest he'd come to addressing Sephiroth since his fall. Sephiroth shook his head.

"Mako. Is there a fountain up ahead?" he asked. Cloud frowned.

"There never used to be," he replied and glanced at the two of them again. "I'll go ahead and check..." he said and scrambled around the corner.

Sephiroth sent an MP after him, not wanting to risk anything happening to Cloud while he was alone and leaned against the wall, trying to ignore the cloying smell. There really was no smell like it and it made Sephiroth automatically think back to the labs of his upbringing and the mako injections that he'd been forced to take regularly.

A few moments later Cloud returned, the MP with him looking rather shame-faced. Obviously Cloud had given him a good scolding for following him.

"Yeah, there seems to be a new fountain the way I used to climb the mountain. I guess the dragons have grown desperate with the reactor using up so much of the mako..." Cloud reasoned. Sephiroth nodded and was glad when Cloud changed the direction of their ascent to take them away from the fountain.

Cloud led them through increasingly constricting and steeper passages, his sense of direction miraculous. Even Sephiroth, with his enhanced eyesight, could barely see where he was going. Cloud appeared to be navigating by touch though, his hands running over the walls. Sephiroth eventually began to notice that there were marks in the walls that were obviously made by human hands. Cloud was obviously following some kind of Nibelheim navigation Braille. He felt a swell of pride in him that Cloud was so talented.

They finally got to the top of the mountain and Cloud led them out into the fresh air again. The blond was soaked with sweat and quite clearly was exhausted. He did point out the reactor though as he slumped to the ground near the steps. Zack patted him on the head.

"I forget you're not enhanced sometimes, kiddo," he said. Cloud glared at him.

"Kiddo? You're not that much older than me Zack Fair!" he protested. Zack laughed.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. Wanna wait out here and cover our asses so we don't get ambushed by monsters on our way out?" Zack asked. Cloud looked up at the steps of the reactor and nodded.

"Yeah. I won't be much help in there anyway. The only stuff I know about reactors is what I learned in AVALANCHE and that's only how to blow them up," he said, resting his head against the railing as he settled on the bottom step. Sephiroth nodded.

"We'll be back out quickly. It shouldn't be too hard to find out why the thing is malfunctioning," Sephiroth promised. Cloud glanced up at him and offered him a small smile as a peace offering.

"Remember you promised Ma that you'd go round tonight and fix her TV up for her," he said. "We're already behind schedule because of that bridge collapse. She'll kill us if we're really late."

Sephiroth nodded and leaned down to kiss Cloud's forehead. The MPs busied themselves looking away and Zack just beamed at them.

"I'll be right back then. God forbid we anger Ma Strife."

*

Rufus walked into his father's office with as much confidence and purpose as he could. If there was one person who intimidated him it was his father. He would never admit it to anyone else, preferring to refer to the President as an old man, feeble, inept, but they were people who had not witnessed Rufus' childhood. They hadn't seen the President beating his own child until Rufus had barely resembled a human any more.

The Turks had covered that up. Rufus had been hastily sent away to another family to be raised then, but the damage had already been done. Emotionally stunted, unable to trust and with a vicious cruel streak, Rufus had grown older into a rather twisted being. His father was disgusting, but he was the only person on the Planet that Rufus knew had complete control over him.

"Father," he said. The President looked up from his work. There was a moment when he seemed to look almost proud of Rufus, but then the look was quickly replaced by contempt.

"I know why you're here, Rufus. If you had an ounce of sense in your head, you would have asked a Turk to cover your tracks as you romped through the classified files regarding this mission," The President's knowledge of Rufus' purpose automatically put Rufus on the back foot. He resisted the urge to show any outward emotion, schooling his features into perfect indifference.

"Can you explain to me why you're whittling away my inheritance?" he asked, trying to keep this above arguing with his father for lives that the man wouldn't see as worth saving.

"To please the man who is going to make sure that your inheritance is even greater than it is now. Hojo is going to help us get to the Promised Land. I'll give him anything he asks for so long as we discover it," The man's eyes went to the doors behind Rufus. Rufus glanced over his shoulder to see that Reno and Rude had entered. Reno looked a little uncomfortable but his expression became neutral when he saw Rufus looking at him.

"You can't do this. SOLDIER are important. Sephiroth is one of the best allies we have-" Rufus began. He reached into his pocket and withdrew his PHS. "Call it off or I will."

Rufus was surprised to find a familiar hand gripping his wrist. He stared at Reno as the other twisted his arm until he was forced to drop the phone to the ground. The other didn't seem too bothered by the fact he was hurting his lover, his green eyes fixed on the President.

"Rude. Check his phone for any communication with the Nibelheim mission," the President ordered. Rude snatched up the phone and began to go through it with the efficiency of a Turk.

"You're making a mistake! How can you be so callous! Sephiroth and Fair have given their lives to you to build this company!" Rufus snarled, trying to free himself from Reno's grasp. Although he was larger in build than the Turk, Reno seemed to have a strong grip and he wouldn't be shaken off.

"I will sacrifice anything for the Promised Land," the President replied. "That includes you."

Rufus felt a chill run through him at that. He stared into his father's eyes, wondering if he was really going to order his execution right here and now.

"Sir. The phone is clear of communication with Nibelheim, however there's something that might be beneficial to Professor Hojo's accomplice on here," Rude said. He pressed a button and the sound of Strife's drunken, drugged voice filled the room before dissolving into sexual noises.

"Oh really, Rufus, I didn't think you were quite _that_ perverted," the President said, wrinkling his nose up. "Forward it to Genesis. He'll no doubt find it useful in destroying Sephiroth."

Rude pressed a few buttons and Rufus began to struggle anew to stop the message. A quiet 'blip' announced the file had successfully sent and Rufus let out a quiet growl.

"I hope Sephiroth survives this and kills you all," Rufus snarled. The President looked amused.

"Indeed," he said, then looked at Reno. "If you would, Turk, I believe you prepared a little something for my son to help him feel comfortable..."

Rufus wondered what on earth the old man was talking about but he didn't have long to think about it. Reno let him go and swiftly bashed him on the back of the head with something hard. Rufus staggered forward and was quickly restrained by Rude, who went so far as to wrap his arm around Rufus' neck.

Reno pulled a case out of his pocket. At first Rufus thought it was a darts case and wondered if he was going to become target practise, but he soon saw the syringe that was nestled inside, along with a vial of off-white liquid.

"What is that?" he asked, panicking. There were a hundred and one chemicals that could be, all of which would poison him and send him to an early death. He tried to catch Reno's eye, tried to break free of Rude's grip, but he couldn't do anything but squirm as Reno slowly drew the liquid up into the syringe.

"Don't worry," he heard Rude rumble in his ear. "It's not fatal, sir."

"No. You needn't worry. I'm not about to kill my only heir," The President was enjoying this far too much. "It will just put you into a deep sleep. A chemically induced coma. We'll wake you up when we're in need of your services. After all, with your involvement in certain _organisations_, it's dangerous to leave you to challenge my leadership of the company."

Reno advanced on him and Rufus tried to plead with the other with his eyes. "For god's sake, save them, Reno," he said, trying to jerk away from the needle that was moving towards his thigh. He guessed that Reno was just going to shove it through the fabric.

"It's nothin' personal, yo," Reno said, and Rufus saw that desperate look in his eyes. "Jus' following orders."

The needle penetrated his skin and Rufus' head began to swim. Reno sure had made it potent. He began to slump in Rude's grasp and he felt Reno's lips against his cheek.

"We'll look after you, love... Don' worry, yo," he whispered. It was the nicest thing Rufus had heard in a long time, but it was a shame that he was too close to backing out to tell the Turk that.

*

Sephiroth walked into the reactor, glancing around the metal structure. He could already tell something was wrong, and it was confirmed the moment he stepped into the main room of the reactor. He stared at the pods that the Turks had mentioned for a moment before shaking himself. _What on Gaia?_

"So these are the abnormality," Sephiroth said. Behind him Zack appeared to be getting the creeps. The First began to wander towards the pods. Sephiroth glanced into the window and froze, transfixed by what he saw inside. The mako green eyes that stared back at him in the face of a monster.

"What's got ya so spooked?" Zack asked, elbowing Sephiroth aside to peek into one of the pods. In shock, the other fell to the ground, his mouth hanging open.

"What the fuck was that?" he demanded. Sephiroth looked at it again. The knowledge of Hojo's previous experiments struggled to the forefront of his mind. He had a good idea, though the thought was repulsive and... terrifying.

"Do you know what normal SOLDIERs are?" Sephiroth began. "They are humans who are infused with mako to make them stronger. Still human, despite their enhancements. These are creatures who are more mako than human."

Zack looked like he was going to vomit. "Those were once human?" he asked. Sephiroth began to shake. There was something here. Some piece of the puzzle he was missing.

"They are no longer. They're monsters..." he replied. The thing in the tank was staring at him. He was certain it was trying to communicate with him... It was recognising one of it's own.

"Hojo created these," Sephiroth said softly. "Is this what you meant, father? When you said I had been created purely by science?" Sephiroth was barely away he was making no sense. Zack got to his feet and seemed about to put his hand on Sephiroth's shoulder before he thought better of it.

"What do you mean 'created' Seph?" Zack began. Sephiroth wasn't listening though, his mind already flying through all the things Hojo had said, all the clues lining up in his mind. He stormed past Zack, running up the steps.

"He-eey!" he heard Zack shout but he didn't care what the other had to say anymore. He felt Zack's arms wrap around him and he pushed away from him, accidentally shoving him down the steps in his frustration. He turned to apologise, gripping his head that seemed to be overpowered by the thoughts of what lengths Hojo had gone to to play god.

His gaze was taken up, however, by the person he had least expected to see here. He turned to Genesis, old friend and war buddy. He could sense the madness lingering in Genesis' eyes and knew that they had to be echoed in his own. This is what had caused Genesis to defect. This knowledge. Knowledge that they were different. That they were monsters...

"I always knew," Sephiroth said. Genesis looked at him with mad mako eyes. Monster eyes. "I'm different. I'm different even from you and Angeal, aren't I? Different from humans. I'm not human anymore, am I? I never was, what am I saying?" Sephiroth reached up to his head, trying to banish the images of all the things he'd done. Things in the Wutai War that only a monster was capable of doing.

"You're right. You're a monster," Genesis confirmed. Sephiroth couldn't look at him. He heard Zack move and Genesis hastily cast a spell. It hit Zack squarely, sending him flying.

"You're a product of the JENOVA Project," Genesis explained. "A project to create the perfect monster."

"What does the JENOVA Project have to do with me?" Sephiroth asked.

"_Father?" Sephiroth asked, his hands gripping the action figure that one of the nurses had given him. Hojo scowled down at him._

"_It's Professor, Sephiroth," he scolded. Sephiroth looked down at his shoes shamefaced._

"_P-Professor...? The nurses were saying... they were explaining something called re-repuroduckshun," he said the word carefully, pronouncing it badly with his two missing front teeth. "And they said that to make a baby you need a mother and a father... Who was my mother?"_

_Hojo seemed amused for a moment. "Her name was Jenova. She's very special and so are you."_

"_Where is she, fa-Professor?" Sephiroth asked. Hojo shook his head._

"_She didn't want to stay with you. Now go away. I'm busy."_

"It's the name of the experiment that created you. They used her cells," Genesis continued.

"_He's reacting badly to whatever you've given him Professor... The J-cells are attempting to eliminate it and the mako is sending his system into overdrive... Are you sure that you should have injected him with dysentery on top of cholera? We could have tested his immune system some other way..."_

"My mother's cells?"

_Sephiroth lay on his bed, a book propped against his knees as he carefully read each word. In his mind his mother, a beautiful woman with long silver hair like him and kind eyes, read it to him and kissed him on the forehead, wishing him goodnight._

"You're so pitiful, Sephiroth. You never met your mother. You only heard her name right? Well, I know what she is. I know what _you_ are-"

"Genesis!"

"_Get out of my sight you disgusting creature!" Hojo shouted. Sephiroth had failed one of the tests that Hojo had set for him. He ran out of the room and crawled under one of the tables in the research centre and began to cry._

_He soon began to imagine a fantasy world where his missing mother would come back and realise she wanted him after all, would cradle him in her arms and take him away from Hojo all together._

"JENOVA is an alien that fell to earth almost 2000 years ago. A monster."

"_What are you watching?" Hojo asked. Sephiroth glanced up. He was older now, his growth spurt had occurred and he had gangly legs hanging over the edge of the couch. He glanced at the televison._

"_It's an alien movie."_

_Hojo began to laugh._

"Sephiroth! The crowning creation of the JENOVA Project! Only you can save me! All of us created from Project G... We're flawed... But you! You got everything to prevent the deterioration! Lend me your strength!" Genesis demanded, his voice becoming hysterical in the madness.

"What can I do?" Sephiroth asked, looking at Genesis through the haze of his memories of Hojo's mockery.

"You don't have the same powers as me and Angeal. You're different. With your cells I can stop the deterioration!" Genesis said, taking a few eager steps towards him, reaching out gloved hands.

"Are you trying to trick me? Is this really the truth behind the project?" Sephiroth demanded. "I don't believe you. I don't believe I am the answer you seek. Go decay on your own, Genesis, and atone for the crimes you committed."

"As expected of a _monster_," Genesis spat. "But perhaps a little more truth wouldn't hurt, while I'm here."

Genesis pulled out his PHS, pressing a button on it and turning the volume up.

"_Do you love him so much that you won't look at me?"_ A woman's voice echoed through the phone. He heard Zack's breath catch behind him.

"Oh no! Genesis! Stop this right now!" Zack shouted, trying to get to his feet despite his burns. Genesis laughed.

"_'m drunk."_

Even in his current state, Sephiroth recognised that voice. It was Cloud's. He froze, staring at Genesis and wondering how on Gaia he'd got a recording of Cloud on his phone.

"_Forget them, Cloud... Forget Rufus, and Sephiroth, and those that hurt you... I won't hurt you..."_

The sounds that followed made Sephiroth's stomach ice over. The wet, slick sounds, the moans and then that quiet cry that Sephiroth _knew_ was Cloud's completion. He began to shake. Was there anything in this world that wasn't fucked up? Was there anything in this world he could rely on?

Even Cloud? Even Cloud had betrayed him?

Sephiroth wasn't even aware what he was doing. He rushed at Genesis to attack him, refusing to admit that there were tears in his eyes. Refusing to admit that madness had taken over his actions, refusing to think at all. Genesis departed the reactor and Sephiroth followed.

"_The end of the world is brought by the duel of the beasts. The Goddess shall fall from the darkest sky. Spreading her wings of light and darkness, she shall lead us to our paradise, along with her gift..._"

*

Zack followed the two outside but once he got there he couldn't see either Sephiroth or Genesis. Cloud was missing too. He sat down on the step putting his head in his hands. What on Gaia's name had just happened in there? Sephiroth was some kind of test-tube alien baby or something? That was too far-fetched, even for Hojo...

"Hey Zack!"

Cloud waved to him, dragging a Nibel Wolf corpse behind him. Zack stood up and began to descend the stairs.

"I heard something in the bushes so thought I'd investigate it. We can sell it to the inn later, I thought. It might help us stock up on Po- What's the matter?" Cloud shut up when he saw Zack's face. Zack didn't know what to say. He put his hands on Cloud's shoulders.

"Cloud... Did you see Sephiroth just now?" he asked. Cloud shook his head.

"Why, has he left already?" he asked. "I didn't see anyone come past... Why would he just storm past without waiting?" Cloud asked. He was clearly unnerved by the expression on Zack's face.

"Genesis was here... and he said some things to Sephiroth that... well... They didn't make a lot of sense," Zack said, feeling ashamed that he hadn't been able to put a stop to everything that had happened inside.

"What did he say, Zack?" Cloud asked, his voice wavering like he already knew.

"That Sephiroth is the child of Hojo and some alien creature and that he was a monster... And... he had a recording..." Zack's throat closed up as he watched Cloud's eyes widen and his face drain of colour.

"No... No! Rufus promised! He promised that-"

"I know!" Zack said, shaking Cloud. "I know that! But we've got to find Sephiroth now. We've got to explain what happened, alright? And we've got to convince him that he's not a monster... Not like... not like those things we saw in there..."

Cloud seemed to want to ask what they'd seen, but then he stepped back and pulled out his gun.

"Where are the MPs?" he asked. Zack hadn't even thought about them. He glanced back at the reactor.

"They must have been taken out by Genesis. I didn't see anyone inside," he said. Cloud took a shuddering breath.

"I'm not going to lose him," he said firmly. Zack looked at him and then ruffled his hair.

"Don't worry too much. Sephiroth will understand if you explain it to him."

*

Cloud collapsed against his bed at the inn. The sheets had been changed and they no longer smelled of him and Sephiroth. Cloud wished they did. More than anything he wanted to see the man right now. Zack sat down on the bed, looking like he didn't know what to say.

"I wish I were SOLDIER. Then I'd be able to keep up with you two and I'd have been there for him," Cloud said, staring up at the ceiling.

"You don't want to be a SOLDIER," Zack said. Cloud glanced at him. The other's face was drawn. "You didn't see those monsters in the reactor. That's what SOLDIER becomes... That's what Hojo is trying to create."

Cloud was silent for a moment before his eyes rested on the Buster Sword at the end of Zack's bed. "Is that what Angeal died for? For you to think that of yourself? What happened to dreams and honour?"

Zack looked up at him, surprised. He then looked at the blade and got to his feet, running his hands over the hilt of the sword and lifting it.

"It's a twisted kind of honour that belongs to a SOLDIER, Cloud," Zack said, putting the blade on his back. Cloud regarded him for a long moment.

"I belong to the Turks and you're trying to tell me SOLDIER's honour system is complex?"

*

Cloud trudged tiredly across to his mother's. The day felt too long and he was absolutely weary. He still hadn't seen Sephiroth and every muscle in his body ached. Still, he couldn't stop. He knew that his lover was somewhere in the village, he had to be, but no one had seen him. Zack had attempted to report in earlier, but had received a message to say that his PHS had been cut off.

They were on their own to sort out this mess...

Cloud opened the door and dodged the dog. His mother took one look at him and immediately kicked the dog out back again. He shut the door behind him and stepped into the room, stumbling a little on the uneven floorboards.

"What's wrong?" she asked. Cloud looked at her and knew it was best not to lie. He told her everything, including what had happened with Elfé. It came out as a hysterical stream. He couldn't even seem to hold back the more embarrassing details, laying it all bare for his mother to hear. She stroked through his hair until he stopped speaking, his words no longer stumbling from his mouth.

"I see... So Sephiroth is a monster and there's a huge misunderstanding with a girl who should be dead and isn't yet," Herta said, a gleam in her eye that told Cloud that Elfé was likely to die if she ever came anywhere near his mother.

"I do have some good news for you though," she said softly as she turned off the stove. Cloud looked at her, wondering what good news she could possible have for him.

"I saw Sephiroth earlier. He was heading into the Shinra Mansion," she said. Cloud immediately turned but his mother caught his hand.

"Cloud... Be careful... If Zack's right and he's lost it... You're all I have. I've come to accept that you like to put yourself in danger, but I really don't want to lose you in a lover's spat to that man," she said. Cloud turned to her and gave her a smile.

"Sephiroth would never hurt me," he reassured her. "I know he wouldn't."

She regarded him for a moment longer before nodding. "Send your handsome friend over when you've found him. I want to grill him some more about his girlfriend. I have no idea why he hasn't proposed already. He's going to lose her. Even good girls get impatient..."

Cloud let her mumble to herself as he left, heading straight across the square towards the mansion. He saw Zack exit the inn and the other fell into step beside him.

"I'm assuming you know where he is," Zack said. Cloud nodded and they fell into tense silence as Cloud pushed open the gate to the Shinra Mansion. It made a squeaking noise as it opened and Cloud winced as the noise ran down his spine.

The main door to the mansion was open and Cloud stepped inside. Years worth of dust coated the floor and surfaces and Cloud surveyed the place disinterestedly. As a child he'd believed this place was haunted, now he realised it was just old and dangerous. A rich man's hunting lodge that had long fallen into disuse.

"There's tracks through the dust," Zack pointed out. Cloud nodded, following them and trying to avoid anywhere in the staircase that seemed to have any sign of woodworm. He followed them to a stone wall where they abruptly ended.

"Well, he didn't just up and fly away," Zack said, then winced. Cloud had no idea what he'd said that was so bad, so he ignored it and began to look around for some kind of trigger. He found a book in the bookcase and jumped back as the wall moved to reveal a door. Without even considering that it was a stupid idea he began to run down the staircase.

"Careful, Spike! You're exhausted! You don't want to trip and fall down all these!" Zack called after him. Cloud didn't care. Sephiroth was here. He could almost feel it in his stomach. His knees felt weak, his breath was coming hard, but it didn't matter. He had to see Sephiroth.

At the bottom was a cave and Zack caught up with him long enough to grab him by the scruff before he just ran into it.

"There are monsters here," he said. "I can smell them."

Cloud quickly drew his gun and began to proceed with more caution. Zack stayed at his back and Cloud moved as quickly as he could through the caves. Soon he saw a lit door towards the end of the cave and pointed it out to Zack.

"Looks like someone's here at least," Zack acknowledged. Cloud dashed the last ten meters and pushed open the door to run inside.

Sephiroth _was _there.

Cloud put his hands on his knees and panted as Zack followed him, shutting the door to keep the monsters out. Sephiroth didn't even look up at them. He had a book in his hand and he seemed absorbed by it. Cloud could see the strain in his expression though, the red rims of his eyes, the way that his foot was nervously tapping against the floor.

"Seph...?" he said, trying not to sound too breathless or afraid.

"--an organism that was apparently dead was found in a two thousand year old geological stratum... Professor Gast named the organism JENOVA. JENOVA was confirmed to be an Ancient," Sephiroth read aloud. Cloud had no idea if he'd been reading aloud before they came or if this was especially for them. He took a few steps forward but Zack stopped him moving any further with a hand on his shoulder.

"Careful," the First muttered in his ear.

"The JENOVA Project was approved and Mako Reactor One was approved for use – the reactor of Nibelheim," Sephiroth continued. He looked up then and Cloud saw the insanity in the man's eyes, pure and undiluted. He stepped back against Zack in shock.

"My mother's name is Jenova. The Jenova Project. Hojo's little... jest... Mocking me all this time," Sephiroth stroked the page of the book fondly. "Just coincidence? Professor... No, Father, why did you never tell me this? Why did you not tell me?"

Cloud felt his throat close. He took a cautious step forward. "Sephiroth? Can you hear me?" he asked. Sephiroth's eyes turned to him and they hardened. _Okay, he recognises me..._

"Can I explain some things to you?" he asked, taking another step forward. _I'm treating him like a wild beast. What happened to my trust in him? He won't hurt me..._

"You have come to explain what you did with that harlot. Do not worry. I understand. She was female. It's not cheating if it is a woman. Procreation comes before all else. My father told me that," Sephiroth said and Cloud winced, wondering what on Gaia Sephiroth had been taught as a child.

"That's not true, Sephiroth..." he said quietly. He was close enough now to touch Sephiroth but he didn't, not just yet.

"So you're saying that what you did _is_ cheating?" Sephiroth asked, his cultured voice level. Cloud heard Zack make a noise behind him but he held up his hand to keep the other silent.

"That tape was a recording of an incident that happened before AVALANCHE's destruction. I was drugged and assaulted to gain blackmail material that would tie me to the organisation," Cloud explained softly. Sephiroth's cat-like pupils dilated and narrowed again in response. Cloud lightly rested his hand on Sephiroth's arm. The other didn't jerk away.

"And you didn't tell me because...?" Sephiroth asked. Cloud frowned.

"Because I didn't want you to think I wanted it. I didn't want you to think that I was trying to cover my tracks. I just... I didn't want to spoil things between us," he said. Sephiroth looked unsure for a moment but then he nodded.

"I think I understand. You were afraid of my reaction," he said. Cloud nodded.

"You were afraid of the reaction of something that wasn't even human. A monster might kill you if you anger it," he continued. Cloud shook his head.

"No... No I just didn't want to hurt you..." Cloud said softly. "I didn't want you to be upset. A human thing, not a monster thing," he reassured, unsure how else to explain it to the man who seemed to be losing his grip on reality. Cloud's heart threatened to tear itself from his chest as he saw incomprehension in Sephiroth's eyes.

"Come on. Let's get you back to the inn and get you cleaned up..." Cloud said, trying to take the book from Sephiroth's hand. Sephiroth's grip on the book tightened however.

"I should stay here. I was created here. This is where I belong," he said firmly. Cloud let go of the book, sensing he shouldn't push it too much. He instead reached out and tucked Sephiroth's hair behind his ear.

"I guess we really do share a hometown then," he said softly. Sephiroth didn't acknowledge he'd heard and Cloud turned to Zack helplessly.

"Come on Spike. We'll get washed up and fed ourselves and then bring him some clean things and food," Zack said. Cloud shook his head.

"I don't think he should be left on his own..." he replied. Zack shook his head.

"And I don't want you to pass out. We'll get some camping equipment and come back down if you want but I don't want you to sit here stinking, exhausted and hungry for him to come out of whatever trance he's gone into," Zack said. Cloud glanced at Sephiroth, but he gave no notion that he'd heard.

"Yeah. Alright."

*

Zack was worried about Cloud. The blond hadn't ceased with trying to rouse Sephiroth from whatever state he was in. He'd stayed in the basement with him, trying to prompt him to eat or tear him away from the research notes that detailed his creation. Zack made sure that he brought them food and water, as well as toiletries for Cloud. He said that Sephiroth had neither drunk nor eaten anything, nor had he even relieved himself or washed.

Zack was beginning to think the man _was_ inhuman.

He wouldn't say that to Cloud though.

Cloud had taken to training the dragons. They had their eyes open now and in moments when Sephiroth was too lost in madness to even respond to Cloud, the other would train the little things to sit or roll over or play dead. They were remarkably intelligent and Cloud explained it was the mako inside them. It gave them some kind of head start on normal creatures. They also grew at an alarming rate. They were already the size of a small dog.

Zack watched Cloud ordering them to sit and both pearly-green rumps promptly dropping to the floor. He applauded and the little things turned their heads to him, running around his feet like puppies to greet him. Cloud smiled wearily.

"So, still the same today?" Zack asked, glancing at Sephiroth who was currently on the top of a ladder stacking books into his arms.

"I'm beginning to think that once he knows everything he'll come out of it," Cloud said. "Once he knows exactly what was done to him as a child..."

Zack wasn't so sure. He'd seen that look in people's eyes on the battlefield and knew what it meant. Madness, pure, unmoving insanity. He didn't want to say anything to Cloud though. He barely wanted to admit it to himself that his best friend had definitely jumped ship to Planet Loonball.

"Eventually he'll realise he's starving and come out of it," Zack replied, kneeling down to rub the head of one of the dragons. For reptiles they sure liked being petted.

"He's not a stray cat, Zack," Cloud said, though there was a small smile on his lips.

"No... I guess you're right..."

*

_Hello? Zack? It's Aeris! I can't seem to get through to your PHS! It keeps saying that the number doesn't exist but I know that it does. I'm leaving this message on a number that doesn't exist because I stole a phone off a Turk. It seems that _Reno_ can send you messages, but normal phones can't... It must be the reception or something..._

_I just want to tell you to be careful... The past few days... The Planet is screaming, Zack. It's crying out that something terrible is going to happen. Something worse than what happened to Cloud before... It keeps on telling me that everything's going to tear apart. It keeps talking about the Calamity and the son of the Calamity... I don't know what it means but... I'm scared Zack._

_Please phone me back. I need to know you're safe._

_And pass on my love to Cloud and Sephiroth too..._

_Come back whole, Zack. I miss you already._

_I'll wait for you to return to say all the other mushy stuff..._

_Um... Bye I guess..._


	18. Insanity

**Title: **A Twisted Kind of Honour  
**Rating: **NC-17  
**Pairing**: Sephiroth/Cloud, Zack/Aeris (some S/C/Z)  
**Genre**: Hurt/Comfort  
**Warning**: Canon.  
**Chapter**: 18/20.  
**Comments**: You may notice that my JENOVA isn't a sentient being or exerting mind-controlling powers. I've always believed that Sephiroth's madness is just that, madness, and thus any voices Sephiroth hears are in his own head. Thank you for the wonderful feedback over the last few chapters. Short chapter.

**Chapter Eighteen:**

**Insanity**

Zack began to cough in his sleep. He hazily sat up, wondering what was wrong. He hadn't had a cold in years and the only thing that made his throat close up was mako. He soon realised that the darkness in his room, however, wasn't from the night outside. It was thicker, it sat in the air. His eyes widened.

"Fire!" he shouted. "Fire! Everyone get out!" He began to bang on doors, getting everyone out of the inn's rooms. The innkeeper and his wife quickly escaped, running out into the town square. Zack stared around. Every house was on fire. Someone had systematically torched the place...

His eyes immediately went to the well kept house on the end. Without thinking he ran towards Cloud's mother's house, pushing open the door. Inside was filled with smoke, thick and cloying. Zack took a deep breath and ran inside, trying to remember where Herta's room was.

He found her unconscious and dragged her from her bed and out of the house, his breath exploding from his lungs as he got within a few feet of the door. He gasped in the fresh air once he escaped the house, putting Herta down on the floor. The innkeeper's wife ran over.

"We'll look after her," she said, leaning over Herta's mouth and checking her pulse. "The other townsfolk say the fire started at the mansion. You need to go check on your friends."

Zack nodded and began to dash towards the mansion. He was just climbing the steps when he saw him. Silhouetted against the flames. Sephiroth was carrying Masamune, his eyes burning with the light of madness. Under his arm he held Cloud. The other was unconscious, ash smudged on his cheeks.

"Sephiroth!" Zack called. The other smirked and disappeared into the flames. Zack cursed and ran up the steps.

_Sephiroth... this is cruel... this is just too cruel..._

*

_Sephiroth was laughing. Cloud cuddled one of the dragons to him as he stepped towards the other. "What's so funny?" he asked, hoping that Sephiroth would answer him._

_He was pleased when Sephiroth _did_ look at him although a shiver went through him when he noticed that feverish gleam to them. "Cloud... Traitor..."_

_Cloud swallowed and put the dragon down, his hand automatically going to his belt to get his revolver. Sephiroth's eyes followed it._

"_You're an ignorant traitor. I removed the bullets while you were sleeping. Oh no, we're going to go together, Cloud. You and your cheating, ignorant _human_ hide. We're going to see Mother," Sephiroth said. Cloud took a step back, raising the gun and pointing it to Sephiroth's face regardless. He still couldn't bring himself to pull the trigger though, not in light of the insanity he saw there._

"_The Planet was originally inhabited by the Cetra. They would migrate across the stars, settle in a planet and then move on..." Sephiroth said, turning around and raising his arms to the heavens. Cloud's hands were shaking. At his feet the dragons seemed to quiet, understanding their 'mother' was distressed._

"_At the end of their long, hard journey, they would find the fruit of their endeavours. The Promised Land. The place of supreme happiness!" Sephiroth's voice was manic, high-pitched, crazier than a mako-drunk Slum crackpot._

"_But-" Sephiroth spun around, regarding Cloud with that killer gaze again. "There were some who opposed the Cetra. Those who chose the easier way out! Who chose to stay rather than to move on! They took and took without giving anything in return!"_

_Sephiroth looked away again and Cloud took a step backwards. Beside him the dragons were arching their backs and baring their sharp teeth, regarding Sephiroth as a threat now._

"_Those were your ancestors. The human race! Insects!" Sephiroth spat. Cloud shook his head._

"_Sephiroth! It's me, Cloud! Tell me you remember me!" he said, his hands shaking so much that his gun was barely pointing at Sephiroth at all. He removed the safety, knowing that he was going to have to shoot him if he tried to do anything stupid._

"_Long ago, disaster struck this Planet... Your ancestors survived because they hid. They sacrificed the Cetra and saved themselves... Traitorous little creatures. Devious. Liars," Sephiroth snarled. Cloud closed his eyes and squeezed the trigger. There was a quiet click but no bullet erupted from the end. Sephiroth had been telling the truth._

"_All that's left of the Cetra is in these reports..." Sephiroth gestured around the room. He gave no sign that Cloud had tried to shoot him at all. Cloud took another step towards the door. He had to warn Zack, tell him that Sephiroth had died. What was left... What was left wasn't worth saving..._

"_Sephiroth... Sephiroth _please_," Cloud begged. He didn't know what he was asking for, but he hoped that eventually his voice would break through the madness._

"_An Ancient named Jenova was found in a geological stratum from two thousand years ago... The JENOVA Project... The Ancients... Is it not obvious? The JENOVA Project seeks to create Ancients... And I am what they produced," Sephiroth said, gesturing to himself and laughing a little._

"_Sephiroth! You can't believe that! There has to be another explanation! Listen to yourself! Please!" Cloud pleaded, his eyes desperate. Sephiroth stepped forward and, faster than Cloud could see, he had his hand around Cloud's throat._

"_You, traitor... You will see Mother's triumphant return... She's calling me. Can't you hear her?" he asked. Cloud struggled, kicking his feet helplessly. His lips were turning blue and everything was going black..._

*

Cloud woke up on the cool floor of the reactor. From the bruises on his body he assumed Sephiroth had just dropped him like a rag doll. He pushed himself up onto his knees. His throat was sore and he took a few deep breaths just to be sure that he could do it, before looking around.

In front of him, Cloud saw the dead body of the Mayor. He'd been run through, Masamune still sticking out of his solar plexus. His face was a mask of terror. Cloud crawled over, closing his eyes and looking at the blade. Sephiroth had left it behind. That said more than anything else.

"Why... Sephiroth... Why have you let this happen...?" Cloud asked. He pulled the blade out of the mayor and used it to help him stand. He waited until he was less shaky on his feet before he entered the next room of the reactor.

"Mother... I'm here to see you... Open the door," Sephiroth's expression was almost dreamy as he touched the door lovingly. Cloud gagged on the stench in the room. One of the pods had split open and the thing inside it stank of mako and rotting flesh.

"Sephiroth! What have you done!?" Cloud shouted. "Why did you murder the mayor?!"

Sephiroth didn't so much as twitch. Cloud growled and began to walk up the steps. "Won't you answer me, huh? She more important to you? Well I've had it! I put up with this for over a week! Snap out of this, whatever it is, and talk to me! Stop running away-"

Cloud felt the blade leave his grasp and then, seconds later he was being pushed down the stairs. Sephiroth held the blade aloft as though to cut him as Cloud's arms windmilled, but he seemed to think better of it as Cloud eventually lost his balance and rolled down the stairs, his back battered as he finally landed at the bottom. He watched as Sephiroth got the door open and stepped through it.

"Cloud!"

He looked up to see Zack there, his Buster Sword in hand. He smelled of smoke. Cloud winced as he tried to sit up. He had to lie down again as pain zinged up his back.

"What happened...?" Cloud asked, not sure he wanted to know.

"He burned down the village... There must be hundreds dead," Zack said shortly. Cloud felt his eyes fill with tears.

"There's nothing of him left, Zack... You're... you're going to have to..." he couldn't finish his sentence. Zack's mouth thinned and he nodded.

"Wait here. I'll... I'll try my best..."

*

Zack stepped into the room at the core of the reactor and couldn't help the chill that went through him. In the tank in front of him was some armoured being, definitely female, hooked up to god knew what. Zack levelled his blade at Sephiroth regardless. The man was stood in front of her, stroking the glass that encased her.

"Mother... Let's take back this Planet together... I have a plan. We can go to the Promised Land together... Just us Mother..." Sephiroth was cooing at her. Zack had never heard Sephiroth sound so tender, apart from when he thought he was alone with Cloud.

"Sephiroth! Why did you burn the village? You hurt Cloud! Answer me Sephiroth!" Zack shouted. Sephiroth began to laugh.

"Mother... Those insects have turned up again..." Sephiroth said to her before turning to Zack. Zack could see the depths of his insanity for himself now. Cloud was right. There was nothing left.

"Her superior power... She should have ruled this Planet! Mother was destined to rule this Planet with me by her side!" he said, with all the fervour of a religious convert. Zack tightened his grip on the Buster Sword.

"But then _you _people... _You _took everything... The Planet was taken from her..." Sephiroth turned back to Jenova, a sycophantic expression on his face. "But you don't need to be sad any more Mother... Your son has returned... Let's go together... To the Promised Land..."

"Sephiroth! I trusted you-!" Zack had heard enough. With a loud shout he ran up towards Sephiroth, attempting to strike him down. He was swept aside easily by Masamune however. Sephiroth's speed was inhuman, and Zack could barely block the blows that rained down on him from all directions. He felt the blade bite into his flesh countless times. His hands slipped on the hilt of his sword and he felt the shallow cut right across his chest. He was thrown back, through the door and into the pod room, down the stairs. The Buster Sword flew from his grasp, rattling as he landed a few steps further down.

Sephiroth stood at the door, regarding him with a cool expression.

"I am the chosen one. I was chosen to rule over this Planet with Mother."

Zack took a bubbling breath. His lungs were filling with blood by his guess. He let his head drop down onto the steps and watched as Sephiroth disappeared back towards his 'Mother'.

He heard the sound of metal against metal and turned his head to the side. Cloud had snatched the Buster Sword up and was staggering towards the room. Zack closed his eyes. He wanted to shout at Cloud for him to stop, but there was no point. Sephiroth needed to be stopped... Even if it cost both of them their lives...

*

Cloud stepped into the room where JENOVA was housed and looked up at Sephiroth. The man's handsome face was washed out by the halogen lights and the eerie glow of the mako, but his eyes were still as bright as ever. Cloud used all his strength to lift the Buster Sword.

"_You've… milk moustache…" he said, pointing in the general vicinity of Sephiroth's mouth. The man picked up a serviette and wiped the foam off his top lip._

His fingers slipped on the blade from the blood. Zack's blood. He took another step forward, ignoring the way his knees trembled from the thought of what he was about to do.

"_So even though I'll be a rubbish boyfriend… and it probably won't work out… I'll accept your 'not exactly honourable' feelings and see where they take us." _

Cloud hoisted the blade higher, holding it straight from his shoulder in a way he could vaguely remember from cadet training.

_"I'm not breaking up with you."_

He began to run.

"_It's wolf, Zack. Nibel Wolf to be precise," Sephiroth explained patiently, obviously knowing his food quite well from his travels. Cloud blinked when Zack dropped his cutlery and turned almost green._

"_W-wolf?!"_

Cloud gritted his teeth as he prepared himself for the collision, pushing his shoulder behind the hilt as he felt it finally connect with the body of someone he couldn't think of as his lover.

"_I didn't want to just blurt this out..." he said. Cloud's mind was racing. Why was Sephiroth on his knees? Strange imaginings from his cadet days came back to him, though his more adult brain told him to stop being so stupid. "Cloud... will you move in with me?"_

There was a horrific wet sound as the blade almost cut Sephiroth in half. The stench of punctured guts surrounded Cloud and he tried to hold back the retch that formed in the back of his throat.

"_I need you to know that I desire you…" _

Cloud leaned his forehead against Sephiroth's back, the man's hair tickling his cheeks. "Why...?"

"_W-why aren't you disgusted with me?" _

"Sephiroth... _WHY?"_ Cloud demanded, screaming against the man's still back. He realised he was still leaning on the blade as it cracked through the glass.

"_No. I don't hate him Elfé," he admitted softly. "I love him."_

"I loved you... I loved you so much and you... you killed them all!" Cloud said, stepping back, suddenly aware of what he'd done. Blood was pouring out of Sephiroth's mouth and his eyes were wide. He was still alive, but he didn't seem to be able to see Cloud at all. Cloud withdrew the blade.

"_You didn't know?" Sephiroth asked, turning around with a raised eyebrow. "My father is Professor Hojo of the Science Department. My mother was called Jenova. That's all I know about her." _

Cloud turned and began to run, run away from everything he'd done, everything Sephiroth had done. He needed to get away. Zack was probably going to need healing as well...

"_You were made for me," Sephiroth whispered._

Cloud got to Zack and he dropped to his knees. He felt the wet against his cheeks.

"I did it... I killed him," Cloud sobbed. Zack didn't stir. His eyes were closed and his breathing was shallow. Cloud pulled him closer. "Zack... Zack... Wake up... I need you.... I can't do this alone... I can't cope with this alone... Zack!"

Cloud clutched at the man's uniform. A few moments later he heard a ragged breathing noise and looked up. His eyes widened when he saw Sephiroth staggering forward, holding his innards in with one hand and Masamune and the head of the alien JENOVA with the other. Cloud got to his feet.

"How could you-" Sephiroth began. Cloud raised the sword again and charged. Sephiroth was still fast though and he blocked the blow. Cloud didn't have the strength to prevent the Buster Sword from being wrenched from his grasp. He watched as it spiralled away.

Cloud did the only thing he could think of. In his back pocket was a bullet. He had been saving it for Elfé, but there was a more immediate threat. He slid it into the empty barrel of his gun. Sephiroth was watching him warily.

Cloud raised the gun, his arm shaking from the effort and squeezed the trigger. The bullet went through Sephiroth's chest with a wet thwacking sound. Then all his breath left him as he felt Masamune pierce his chest. He looked down, wondering when that had got there...

He slid down the metal as Sephiroth lifted him off his feet, screaming as his hands rose to the blade in an attempt to pull it out. He guessed he deserved this, deserved this for trying to kill the one he loved, the one he loved and didn't deserve... Had never deserved... He saw the scars on his wrists and felt a laugh bubble in the back of his throat.

_I was never worthy... it was all just a dream... Just a dream of me and him and a world where things like that didn't matter... This is just fate's way of reminding me that scars never disappear, that I had it good for too long_...

"Together..." Sephiroth said softly. Cloud slipped another agonising inch down the sword.

"Together we'll go to the Promised Land... Me and... you and Mother..." Sephiroth forced out. Cloud felt tears come to his eyes.

"Go... on your own. I don't... want to... go anywhere with... you," he forced out. Sephiroth's eyes met Cloud's own for a moment and then the other set him back down on his feet. He yanked Masamune free and took a step back.

Cloud fell to his knees immediately, blood pouring freely from the wound. "You bastard. Just die!" Cloud shouted, angry tears falling down his face.

_I never told you I loved you... Not once did I? I should have done... The real you... I didn't want to die without having said it... I guess it's too late now. We're both dead already..._

"If that is what you wish. But let it be known that, despite your traitorous nature, I intended to share the Promised Land with you..." Sephiroth said and took another step backwards. Cloud stared dumbly as the man disappeared down into the cavernous mako pool below. He felt an emptiness inside him that he knew had little to do with blood loss.

He staggered back to Zack, knowing that he had to get them away... He managed to get to the stairs before he wobbled and fell, his body hitting the metal and sliding until he was almost level with Zack. His eyes closed.

"You did well, Cloud," he heard Zack say but he didn't open his eyes. He didn't want to open his eyes ever again.

*

Cissnei was let out of the cells at two in the morning. She glared at Tseng as she stepped out.

"What happened to protecting them?" she asked. Tseng shook his head and pointed up. Cissnei took that to understand that they were being monitored and tightened her fists.

"Rufus has been taken to Junon. We follow him there. There has been a mass-defection in the Turks so we're relying on you to be the sole protector of the VP for the time being. It shouldn't be too hard," Tseng said. Cissnei scowled at him.

"And why isn't Reno doing it?" she asked. Tseng shook his head again.

"It's bedside duty. We need Reno for more active things," he explained. Cissnei didn't understand, but she was more than willing to agree to anything so long as it got her out of the base to where she could help Sephiroth and Zack.

"And Cissnei...?" Tseng asked. She looked at him, keeping her expression neutral.

"The Nibelheim Mission... It went badly. Everyone was wiped out according to reports. Professor Hojo and some of the Turks are there now surveying the damage. It seems that Sephiroth went insane and burnt the village to the ground," Tseng said, keeping his voice level. Cissnei fought back tears.

"And Zack Fair...?" she asked, aware she'd been far too attached to the man.

"Dead. His body has already been identified as one killed by Sephiroth. Same as Cloud Strife. However, those are Hojo's official reports. I am waiting to hear from my own operatives before I write them off as truly dead," Tseng said. Cissnei was aware he was offering her hope but she wouldn't dare let it stick. She nodded and straightened her back.

"I better get to my duty then, sir," she said. Tseng let her go, knowing that she would need to cry in private.

*

Hojo surveyed the scene with something akin to arousal in his gut. He just _loved_ the smell of fresh mako, particularly with the knowledge that it had given him two new test subjects. Of course, he'd lost the prize he'd been after. Sephiroth's body hadn't been retrieved, but from the evidence it seemed that the man had been thrown into the mako pool by one of the test subjects.

'C' didn't stir. He was almost dead from sheer will it seemed. Probably wanted to join his dead lover or something equally as poetic. Hojo didn't care. He turned to 'Z' to see the other's eyes had opened, though they didn't appear to be focusing.

"Sedate them both. The blond is going to make a good test subject for the process of making a second Sephiroth to replace the one lost... I guess it's back to the drawing board for now..." he announced with a small sigh.

He looked down into the pool of mako that had swallowed his son and spat into it.

"Next time... Next time I won't have any failures. I'll prove Gast wrong."


	19. Lonesome Sky

**Title: **A Twisted Kind of Honour  
**Rating: **NC-17  
**Pairing**: Sephiroth/Cloud, Zack/Aeris (some S/C/Z)  
**Genre**: Hurt/Comfort  
**Warning**: Canon.  
**Chapter**: 19/20.  
**Comments**: These chapters just keep on coming. Thanks for those of you who are sticking with it! I'm uploading this and the epilogue together so this is the final update for _A Twisted Kind of Honour. _Sorry if it seems weird for Herta to be where she is, that's something that will be explained in _Scars_.

**Chapter Nineteen:**

**Lonesome Sky**

Zack stared at Hojo's ugly face through the green haze in front of him. He'd grown used to the burn, grown used to the pain of being submerged in liquid fire, though he'd never got used to watching Hojo experiment on Cloud.

The treatments that Hojo gave him left the blond catatonic, completely incapable of doing anything. He was even fed intravenously now, his body long ago given up the simple act of swallowing food. Zack raged inside his tube but he could do nothing. Hojo barely had him out of it and he was clearly just waiting for Zack to either mutate or die.

Hojo's face, for a moment, was overlaid with another face. A sterner one, but one with much more familiarity to Zack. He blinked, trying to see clearly. He reached forward, watching as Hojo walked away but that face, that figure remained, stood there.

"Those wings... Lend them to me as well..." he tried to say. The mako burned down his throat as he tried to take a breath. He felt strength surge in his muscles and when he reached out for the man's hand, he felt his hand break through the glass. He tumbled to the ground, mako rushing around him as he lay there in the broken glass. He healed almost instantly.

A scientist ran over but Zack didn't think, sticking a piece of sharp glass into the other's neck. Blood spurted over Zack's face and hands before the scientist fell, his hands reaching for his neck in a vain attempt to prevent himself from bleeding out. He stepped over the writhing man and put his hand against the tank that held Cloud, smearing blood against the glass.

"Let's get out of here," Zack said and brought his fist back, breaking through the glass with the same strength he'd had to break free of his own tank. The mako splashed onto the floor and as he drained Cloud began to fall. Zack caught him before he cut himself on the glass and lifted him out of the tank.

"Cloud?" he asked. The blond's eyes were closed. Zack checked his pulse. Still there, still strong, but it was clear that the boy wasn't 'all there' at all. His eye were gummed shut by the mako. Zack knew he had no time though, so he threw Cloud over his shoulder and began to run out of the basement lab.

There seemed to be no one about, which was surely strange, but he was thankful all the same. Zack's breath was coming hard when he managed to get to the top of the staircase and into the bedroom beyond.

"Hey, Spike, must be really out of shape, huh?" he said, patting Cloud's rump as he lay him down on the bed. He glanced around the room. There were a few SOLDIERs uniforms folded on a chair. This was obviously used by the guards when they had to stay up here.

It didn't take long for Zack to discover a bathroom either and he stripped off his own uniform, dumping it in the corner and washed away all the mako. It took a long time to get the stuff off him and he was shivering when he was done. There weren't any towels so he put the new uniform on and shivered as the water soaked through the fabric.

He walked back into the room proper with a wet wash cloth. This was going to take a while. He stripped off Cloud's mountain gear, wincing when he saw the scars that littered the other's body. The old ones he barely noticed, but the new ones from needlemarks and incisions... and the one in Cloud's shoulder that seemed to have turned a deep red-purple colour so that it stood out most against the skin.

"I'm not ogling you Spike, so don't worry. Just checking you over for injuries or extra limbs or something... You know, cuz Hojo added some pretty weird shit to your blood..." Zack said as he finally stripped off everything. He then began to wipe off the mako from the blond's skin. He was strangely tanned, probably a reaction to the mako.

"Gee, Spike, you've certainly put on some muscle weight..." Zack said. "Still not perving but it's true... You should see your abs... Mako must have tightened everything up for you..." Zack couldn't help but snicker. "Seph will be-" He cut himself off.

No, Sephiroth wouldn't be anything. Sephiroth was _dead_.

Zack finished the job in silence and slipped fresh clothes onto Cloud's frame, sliding the fabric up his body and fastening it all up. He even found the obi-style stomach armour and attached it for good measure. He then glanced down at Cloud's face, smoothing his hair back from his forehead.

"I wonder how long we were down there, Spike? Seems like forever, doesn't it?" he asked, scanning the room again. The wardrobe door was open and something glinted and caught his eye.

He walked towards it and opened it. Inside was the Buster Sword, a handful of scattered materia and Cloud's trusty revolver. Zack couldn't remember if Cloud had ever named the thing. There was no ammo, but Zack took the gun anyway. It was more symbolic.

He attached the Buster Sword to his back and tucked the revolver into Cloud's belt before he lifted the other and took him downstairs. Opening the door of the Shinra Mansion and stepping out and he smiled as the mountain air met his nose.

"Fresh air, eh Cloud?" he said, looking down at the other. The wind stirred his blond hair but he didn't so much as flutter an eyelash. Zack tried not to let it get to him as he walked out of the grounds towards Nibelheim.

He froze.

"What is this? Why is the village still here? It should have burned to the ground?" Zack said, staring around in incomprehension. He saw Shinra MPs heading towards him and cursed.

"It's the Professor's samples! Get them!"

"Just wait here for me, eh, Cloud," Zack said, setting Cloud down and grasping his Buster Sword. He was about to attack the men when something blocked his view.

Two Green Dragons, fully grown and snarling, began to attack the MPs. They mowed them down with such efficiency that Zack began to wonder if he would be strong enough to escape from them. The dragons let out an ear-splintering roar that sent the remaining troops scattering, before they turned their heads back towards Zack.

He tightened his grip on the Buster Sword. The dragon's eyes had focused in on Cloud, probably because he was the weakest. They stomped forward and Zack got ready to strike.

"Argh! You stupid things! Get back!" Zack shouted. To his surprise the dragons stopped. Zack blinked.

"Sit?" he said. The two dragons obediently sat. Zack began to laugh. Of all the things to come across, Cloud's pet dragons hadn't been one of them.

"Spiky! Look! Your pets are all grown up!" Zack said, gesturing to them. Cloud made a kind of gurgle in his chest. Zack looked back at them for a moment then scooped up Cloud.

"Well, you guys be good and clear up for us here, okay?" he asked. The dragons made a chirping sound that sounded like acquiescence and took to the skies.

*

Herta Strife smoothed the forehead of the sleeping Vice-President. He looked more and more like his father every day. She had taken to coming to talk to him, seeing as he was the most adept listener. A lot of the time, a red-haired Turk called Cissnei would be sat in the corner, reading or watching television. Herta had grown to think of her like a surrogate daughter.

She sat down and began to tell Rufus about her day. Occasionally he would blink. Sometimes Herta thought he blinked more than others and pretended to herself that meant he was listening, but really, Cissnei had explained that Rufus was completely and utterly comatose.

Herta wasn't stupid though. She saw the strange drugs that they gave the man and knew that there was more to this than met the eye. She'd seen Cissnei come in, beaten black and blue, and wonder where she'd got them from. There was something going on.

Yesterday she'd discreetly disconnected one of those bags. Sure enough, during the two hours she was there, Rufus' vitals hadn't changed and Herta grew more confident that whatever it was in that bag it wasn't vital to the other's sustenance. She's noted down the name of the drug on the bag and, ignoring Cissnei's eyes on her, had left with it clutched in her hand.

It hadn't taken much to discover the drug that was being used was something that induced a catatonic state in healthy individuals. In smaller doses it was commonly used as a sedative or date rape drug.

The next day Herta waited for the nurses to do their stuff and then went in straight after, disconnecting the bag and waiting to see what happened. For four hours there was no change, then suddenly Rufus' fingers began to twitch.

Cissnei noticed and she looked up at Herta in alarm. The woman shook her head.

"It's not right," she said firmly. Cissnei met her eyes and then nodded.

"It's time for me to disappear then..." she said, standing up. As she did so her phone rang. She opened it.

"Yes?" she asked. Herta took Rufus' hand as Cissnei spoke with her boss on the end of the line.

"Madam Strife. I've been called to deal with a breakout at a laboratory. I trust you can look after the Vice-President," Cissnei said. It was clear that she didn't intend to return. Herta smiled and stroked Rufus' face.

"I'm sure that we'll be just fine..."

*

Zack panted. He'd done his best against the robots, but with Cloud it was a struggle to even keep moving. Shinra seemed to be swarming around him and with Cloud's dead weight...

"Yo, Cloudy, we're going to have to dash for the next bit," Zack said tiredly, dragging Cloud towards him and lifting him with tired arms. "Hope you don't mind stretching your legs..."

_I can't do this much longer... I can't leave him though... What am I going to do? Sephiroth! Why didn't you come around? Why didn't you realise who he was and stop? This isn't fair! THIS ISN'T FAIR!_

Zack managed to avoid some of the bigger robots and eventually he found a deserted cove. It would at least bottleneck any enemies chasing them. He put Cloud down, leaning him against the wall and sighed.

"I bet you're hungry, aren't you buddy? Well... I might be able to catch some fish with a Lightning materia I guess... Not sure if it's a good idea to cook it though... The smoke might attract soldiers. We'll just have to enjoy it the Wutaian way," he muttered, knowing he was mostly talking to himself but still hoping that Cloud might come back round.

He walked a few hundred meters down the cove until he could see more clearly the fish in the water.

_If I'm honest with you, Cloud, it's probably better that you never come back from wherever it is your soul has gone... Stay hidden away because you won't have to deal with what _he_ did to you then..._

He heard the sound of metal dragging against stone and turned, raising his sword immediately. Cissnei was standing there, her shuriken hanging limply by her side. She looked happy and sad at the same time as she tucked her hair behind her ear.

"Yo, Cissnei. It's been a while, huh?" Zack said, keeping his weapon raised just in case. _You never know with Turks after all..._

"Zack... Are you the sample that's trying to escape?" Cissnei asked, her shuriken catching the moonlight as she swung it a little. He remained silent. It should be obvious.

"It was Hojo's lab... wasn't it? What did they do to you?" Cissnei asked, there was something bright in her eyes. Something hard that Zack remembered seeing in Cloud's eyes during battle. It was that elusive Turk's honour.

"I'm not going back. If you're here to retrieve us you'll have to kill us first! I can outrun the army, but I can't outrun the Turks," Zack said. _At least... not with Cloud..._

"It's my duty," Cissnei said, raising the shuriken. "I'm sorry..." She drew her arm back and Zack prepared to deflect it, but she never threw the blade towards him. She didn't move.

Zack saw the confusion in her eyes and quickly backed away, using the speed SOLDIERs were so famed for to get back to Cloud. They had to get out of here if the Turks were on their trail. He heard Cissnei on his trail but knew she'd never keep up. He finally got to Cloud. The blond hadn't even stirred. Some saliva was hanging in a long string down from his bottom lip onto the lapel of his SOLDIER uniform.

"The army and the Turks are around. We're going to have to sleep here tonight and head out in the daylight. I know it's not idea, but I need a rest too, y'know?" Zack said, crouching down to rest his hand on Cloud's head. He heard the sand crunch behind him and turned to look over his shoulder.

"Cissnei-"

"This is what they did to him? I thought he was dead. I thought _you _were dead," Cissnei replied. She was looking at Cloud with such pity that Zack immediately got defensive. He didn't _need_ the pity of someone who was going to haul him back to the lab.

"Why did you follow us, Cissnei? Why can't you just let us go?" he demanded. Cissnei shook her head.

"What's wrong with him?" she asked. "He's going to die if he stays like this without hospital care..."

"Mako poisoning," Zack forced out. Cissnei turned her face away from Cloud. She lifted her phone out of her pocket and Zack immediately lunged to get it. She jerked back, holding up her hand to stop him from snatching it from her.

"Tseng, the targets have escaped," Cissnei said calmly. Zack stared at her as she let the phone drop from her ear and hung up. "It's up to you now. Get your shit together and escape. I think I'm going to take a long vacation in the Costa Del Sol... I had a false identity set up for years just in case I needed to disappear quickly. I suppose now is the time to use it..."

"Cissnei... thank you," Zack said, reaching out to hold her. She was warm in his embrace, compared to Cloud's cold, dead weight. She was alive and breathing and _helping_ him. He felt tears come to his eyes. "Thank you."

"You need to know... Cloud's mother, she's still alive," Cissnei said, pulling away from the embrace and straightening out her uniform, looking flustered. "She's being kept in Junon on the President's orders. It is to stop the true events of Nibelheim becoming public. Anabel, the innkeeper's wife, is there as well. Her husband died on the way..."

Zack grinned. "That's great, Cissnei," he said. He turned to Cloud. "You hear that, Cloudy-boy? Your ma's safe!"

"I don't think he can hear you, Zack," Cissnei said softly.

_I know that. I know he can't hear me, Cissnei. You don't need to tell me..._

"Oh. Here. You may as well have this," Cissnei dug into her pocket and pulled out some keys. She put it in Zack's hand and closed his fingers over it. "There's space on the bike for two. Just be careful driving it okay? It's a bit faster than the older models..."

Zack hugged her again and then scooped Cloud up. They were going to definitely outrun the army now...

*

Zack was tired. It seemed that nothing had changed in the time he'd been captive. Genesis had attacked him and damaged the bike. It wasn't going to last much longer. Cloud still hadn't come out of his coma and Zack was beginning to notice his skin becoming papery. He was dehydrated. He needed help badly.

Weary and barely conscious himself, Zack finally began to pay attention to where he was going when he realised there was habitation springing up around him. He looked around tiredly, recognising the scenery almost immediately.

"Gongaga, huh?" he said, wondering if he'd every think of his home town romantically again after what had happened to Cloud just outside it's borders.

_I guess it wouldn't be a good idea to visit my parents... Cloud needs help but I don't want to put my family in trouble to get it... _

He didn't realise that he was drawing up towards his parents. He tightened his hands into fists when he saw a black suit lingering outside his house. He relaxed when he saw it was Cissnei.

"Don't be an idiot. Get out of here now," Cissnei said without preamble. "I was going to just hightail it, but then I remembered that you didn't have a brain. You can't visit your parents, Zack. Get out of here."

Zack growled. "I need some help and advice! My mother-"

"Remember what happened to Angeal's mother? That's what happened when Shinra realises that SOLDIERs have contacted their parents. Why do you think Tseng was on that mission?" Cissnei demanded. Zack's throat closed.

"Wouldn't you want to see your family if you had gone through all.. all _this_!?" Zack asked, throwing his hands up. Cissnei shook her head.

"The only family I have left is Genesis," she replied. "And I truly don't want to see him."

Zack stared at her, wondering why he'd never seen the resemblance before. Of course, Cissnei and Genesis... He raised his hand to his forehead.

"There are other things lurking around here, Zack. Things you don't want to know about. Get going... Genesis is on your tail now as well," she said. Zack was too floored by the revelation to argue as he kicked his bike up and drove away.

*

Zack sat there, a letter in his hands. Defeating Genesis, watching everyone die, learning the truth behind everything that had happened... nothing had affected him as deeply as this. In his hand was the proof of how long he'd been gone, of what had happened in such a short time, such a _long_ time... The world had moved on and yet nothing had changed at the same time...

_She_ had moved on.

_This is my 89th letter..._

He wanted to crumple it up and throw it away. He wanted to fold it up and put it in his boot to keep it safe. He wanted to show Cloud.

He wanted to cry.

_...but it will be my last._

*

Reno was torn. There were two sets of orders on his desk. One came through unofficial channels from Tseng, one came directly from the top. He looked between the two and sighed. He'd damned himself so far by putting his faith in the company, it was time to go the whole hog.

He picked up the mission statement from the President and patted Rude on the shoulder.

"You can sit this one out, partner. I don't want you involved in this shit anymore."

*

Tseng couldn't get hold of Cissnei. She'd disappeared somewhere shortly after she'd reported Cloud and Zack as escaped. Tseng could only assume it was to give them a chance. He personally didn't mind. He wasn't trying too hard to find them himself.

He grabbed the box from his office, taking it to the roof to the helicopter he'd requisitioned.

He had letters to deliver. Eighty-eight of them.

*

Zack was so glad to have found someone to hitch-hike with he had nearly kissed the man. He sat in the back, feeling the wind through his hair, and dared himself to dream that he might get to Midgar, might get a chance to see Aeris again and explain to her what the fuck had happened to him. That she was a good girl, that he wanted to marry her, if she could live a life on the run with him...

_And Cloud... what on Gaia am I going to do with him? Leave him with Elmyra?_

Cloud gurgled as though in protest.

"Ah. I'm just kidding, Spike. I wouldn't abandon you," he said, grinning.

"Let's become mercenaries. We can go round killing monsters for money, you know? Maybe pick up some girls along the way... Well.. I'll have Aeris but you could do with someone new. You know, I reckon an older girlfriend would be perfect for you. Someone to look after you and push your boundaries a bit," Zack said, mostly just to hear his own voice. "Right Clou-"

He ducked when he heard the bullet hit the side of the truck. He covered Cloud with his body as he gathered their things together and jumped the truck. He dashed to behind a rock, putting Cloud's body down on the ground and making sure he was propped up and hidden from sight as well as he could be.

He straightened, his hand lightly cupping Cloud's cheek as he did so. "Well, Cloud... You wait here for me, okay?" he asked, turning around. He thought he caught movement out of the corner of his eye, but before he could turn the sight of what seemed to be the entire Shinra army met his eyes.

He drew his Buster Sword, holding it out in front of him.

_Well, Angeal, the price of freedom sure is pricey..._

He saw that most of the soldiers looked nervous to be going against him and felt sorry for these kids who were just following orders. They were probably going to die. Then again, so was he. There was no way even _he_ could take on this many and survive. He glanced at the rock that Cloud was hiding behind. He had to survive, he had to save Cloud... He just had to... He had to get to Midgar. He had to tell Aeris that he loved her and was going to marry her...

"Never let go of your dreams! With pride and honour!" Zack cried as he ran into battle, his thoughts filled with all his reasons for living.

*

Cloud crawled forward when he heard the soldier's go away. He didn't know what was going on. He didn't know who he was. He didn't know _anything. _He could barely remember how to move by himself.

Was everything supposed to hurt like this?

"_Together we'll go to the Promised Land... Me and... you and Mother..."_

Cloud put his hand to his head. Who had said that? Was there someone else here? He crawled and crawled and then eventually he came across a puddle that was different to the others.

It was red. The others were clear. Were they meant to be red?

There was someone lying in that puddle. He leaned forward, seeing that person's face. Something flashed through his mind, through the green haze of his thoughts.

"Z-Zack..." he felt his lips form the words. The person in the puddle stirred at that, making a pained noise and looking up at him. Fresh red stuff was oozing out of everywhere. Cloud didn't think that was a good thing.

"For the... both of us..." Zack said and Cloud didn't understand.

"Both of us?" he repeated, unable to comprehend the other's words at all. He needed time to work it out. Speech... He used to speak, didn't he? Once? He used to scream too...

"That's right..." Zack replied, stopping to take another breath. "You're gonna... You're gonna..." Cloud didn't get it. Why was this thing repeating itself? Zack reached out and touched him, dragging his head down into the blood and rain soaked clothing. He let himself be dragged, not understanding what the other was trying to do.

"Live," he heard Zack say. "You'll be... my living legacy."

Cloud could smell blood and rain and mako and he felt he should be feeling more, that he should he understanding more. The fog in his mind would ease though. He stayed where he was. Why was Zack talking about weird things like this? What was it... to be a legacy?

The other's hand slipped from his head and Cloud straightened up, glad because it had been hurting his neck to be held at an awkward angle. He could feel warm, red blood on his face and for some reason it didn't bother him that much. Marked... Marked forever as... a legacy?

Zack looked towards the sword in his hands. Cloud looked at it too and reached out to hold it when Zack attempted to lift it to give it to him. "My honour... my dreams... They're yours now."

Zack said it so forcefully that Cloud didn't think it would be right to ask about what those dreams were, or what Cloud's dreams had been. He thought he should remember. He thought he should realise what this all meant. Something important was happening. _What was it?!_ Zack pushed the sword towards him and Cloud wobbled unsurely on his knees.

"Living... legacy..." Cloud repeated, the words leaving his lips as his hands tightened on the handle of the blade.

Zack's lips turned up into a smile and his eyes closed. Cloud watched as the rain washed away some of the blood on his face. He felt the rain run down the back of his neck and down his face, but there was warm water too... Warm water coming from his eyes... What were they again... What were...

What...

Why...

_Zack managed to fill up the awkward silences perfectly. Cloud had never appreciated Zack quite as much as in that moment. He placed the pot of stew in the middle of the table, taking the lid off and pulling back as the steam erupted onto his face. He put the lid to one side and shoved a serving spoon into it, knowing that Zack would no doubt help himself and Sephiroth would take his lead._

_He returned with the bread and potatoes a moment later to see Zack happily scooping out all the dumplings._

"_Leave some for us too," Cloud scolded, putting the bread and potatoes on the table and taking the serving spoon off Zack._

"_Heeeey! They're the best bit!" Zack protested, trying to protect his hoard of dumplings from Cloud who was using his fork to remove some of them to put on Sephiroth's plate. The General looked vaguely amused and looked down at the dumplings with a bemused acceptance._

_Cloud took over serving things then, not trusting Zack at all. He served the two SOLDIERs large amounts, settling for a smaller amount for himself. He didn't have the mako in his system that leached away all the energy. He then began to tuck in, ignoring Zack's terrible table manners and concentrating instead on chewing on a particularly tough piece of meat._

"_'s goodh!" Zack said, accidentally spraying a bit of dumpling onto the table cloth._

Cloud began to shake, turning his eyes up to the heavens and _screamed_.

*

Reno watched Strife drag the blade away. It would be enough to let the kid go right? Enough redemption. He could report him dead anyway. He wouldn't last long on his own. Fair was a mess, bullet holes littering his body and blood pooled around him like he'd taken a bath in it.

"Stop playing fucking dead, yo," Reno spat. Alright, Fair was in a bad way, but he was obvious he wasn't dead yet. His skin was pale, but not _dead_ pale.

"Is this Heaven Reno? Because I sure as hell didn't want your ugly ass here. Where are my virgins? I died a martyr, didn't I?" he asked. Reno snorted and tried to light his cigarette up despite the rain.

"You gotta know why I'm here," Reno said. "Makin' sure the job gets done yo."

Zack looked at Reno with his bright blue eyes. "Don't report that Cloud's alive. Give the kid a chance."

"Already ahead of ya, Fair. If Strife can make it to Midgar without getting spotted, he'll be fine," he said. He didn't tell Fair the odds of that, but he didn't think it mattered much to the man anymore. He was dying anyway.

"Any last words? You can make them really cool, y'know. I'll even get them tattooed across my ass if you want," Reno said, unable to remain serious when presented with a situation like this. He had to hide behind humour. He couldn't kill Fair without thinking this was one big cosmic _joke_.

"Tell Aeris... Tell her I love her.... and that I read her last letter," Zack said, his eyes imploring. Reno felt his gut clench unpleasantly.

"Shit, Fair, I can't have that tattooed on my ass, yo," he said, raising his gun. Zack just continued to look at him with those puppy dog eyes. Reno flicked off the safety. "I'll tell her, yo. I'll tell her you died a fucking hero."

Fair smiled and his head rested back against the rock, his eyes closing. Reno watched as Fair raised his arm, as though trying to take someone's hand...

A single shot echoed through the air.

*

"I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhauser gate. All those moments will be lost in time... like tears in rain... Time to die." - The Replicant, Blade Runner.

*

**End Note:** That final scene with Reno has been planned since I started writing this fic, hence it's the most developed. Epilogue is up now. I'd appreciate a review for this chapter separately from the epilogue if you could, but I appreciate most of you want to rush to the end so I won't insist.


	20. Epilogue: Opening Bombing Mission

**Title: **A Twisted Kind of Honour  
**Rating: **NC-17  
**Pairing**: Sephiroth/Cloud, Zack/Aeris (some S/C/Z)  
**Genre**: Hurt/Comfort  
**Warning**: M/M scenes.  
**Chapter**: 20/20. **COMPLETE**  
**Comments**: Thank you for the overwhelming support for _A Twisted Kind of Honour_ over the last year. You guys have been great. This is the final chapter, the epilogue that sets up the sequel, _Scars of Friendship_. This fic is also going to go through stringent editing with many scenes re-written, added to and extra scenes put in. Hence when _Scars of Friendship_ appears, please be sure to re-read _Twisted_ for any additional scenes that may have been added!

**Epilogue:**

**Opening ~ Bombing Mission**

Cloud tried to keep Zack in his mind. He found it was becoming fuzzy already though. The sword Zack had given him, his sword now... Well... When he'd been in SOLDIER... wait... had he ever been in SOLDIER...?

_Zack... I won't forget you... Wherever you are... I promise you I'll live my life in your memory..._

He staggered and used the blade to support himself. He had to get to Midgar... there was something important there... A girl! That was it! His girlfriend! He and Zack were going to see their girlfriends and they were going to get married! That was it...

_That sounds wrong..._

He could see the graffitied walls of Midgar rising above him. He just had to get inside now... Inside without anyone seeing...

It was okay... They still couldn't take on a SOLDIER, and that's what he was... wasn't it? He did have a SOLDIER uniform on...

_I must be... I'm a SOLDIER... This is my sword..._

_Che. There was a time when you could get by with just scraped knees... I wonder what changed...?_

*

Elfé was throwing stones across the train tracks, lost in thought. It had been years since she'd set foot in Midgar, but she'd been unable to resist coming back, not when she'd heard the wonders that the new leader of AVALANCHE was working. He was more reckless, more ambitious, and more stupid, than they had been. But it was working.

Beside her a girl sat. Tifa. She had been Cloud's childhood friend. Elfé remembered the details guiltily. Tifa was no longer a girl anymore though, but a woman of twenty-five, who had seen a lot and done even more. Elfé didn't have the heart to tell her the truth of everything that had happened before with AVALANCHE. The organisation was different now, that was all that mattered.

"Why did you come back?" Tifa asked, turning her wine-eyes to Elfé. The other woman shrugged.

"I didn't want to, but it seemed the right thing to do. I've grown up a lot in the last few years. I have some things I want to put right. I want to bring Shinra down, but I want to be doing it for the right reasons," she said. Meeting her father had been a shock, but she had never identified herself with the identity he had of her. She'd been Felicia for as long as she could have managed, but now she needed to be Elfé again.

"And the right reasons are...?" Tifa asked. Elfé smiled.

"The Planet. It's beautiful, isn't it?" she asked, leaning against the lamppost. "It needs to be around for our kids."

"You have one?" Tifa asked. Elfé shook her head.

"Do I need to have to want to protect the world for future generations?" she asked. Tifa seemed to accept that.

"That girl though... Barret's daughter... She's not really _his_ is she?" Elfé asked. Tifa began to laugh.

"What gave you that idea? Are you trying to get around the race issue here by being obscure?" she asked. Elfé didn't have the grace to blush, but she did look away.

"Marlene is-"

"What's that?" Elfé asked, narrowing her eyes as something stirred on the train tracks. There was someone stumbling along it, weaving their way along the lines.

"Probably just some mako-drunk guy stumbling home," Tifa replied. "You see them a lot around here nowadays. People can sense the end of the world-"

"No," Elfé said, narrowing her eyes and pushing away from the lamppost. She saw that, despite the dirt and blood, the man stumbling towards them had a shock of blond hair. He was dressed in ragged purple clothes... a SOLDIER uniform... although SOLDIER hadn't been seen for almost four years... And...

"Oh my god," Tifa's hands went to her mouth before she jumped onto the tracks and began to run forward, catching him as he fell. The man's hands tightened on the sword he carried.

"Oh my god..." Tifa repeated, trying to drag the man's dead weight up onto the platform before a train flattened him. Elfé ran forward, helping her drag him onto the platform.

"Cloud?!" Elfé backed up once she realised who it was. Her stomach flopped.

"Quick. Fetch someone who can heal! Anyone!" Tifa shouted. Elfé snapped out of her daze. There was only one person who could heal _that_ well, and she was two sectors across. Elfé quickly phoned the Ancient.

*

Aeris did as much as she could but even then, she could only do so much. She explained that the mako poisoning would take specialist care, and the malnutrition and dehydration were things that took time to heal. There were no physical injuries to take care of. The blood all over Cloud was either old or not his own.

She couldn't help the hope stirring in her heart. When she saw Cloud, wielding Zack's sword, she had to think that maybe, perhaps, somewhere, he was alive. She prayed, prayed with all her heart, that he was going to come from somewhere, grinning and apologising for being late.

But why would Cloud be here without him if that was the case? Cloud had nothing to return to Midgar for...

Aeris looked up and saw two blue eyes watching her.

"Ah, so you're awake, Cloud!" she said. The door behind her burst open and Tifa tumbled in. Aeris pursed her lips. She'd told the other woman to get some rest, not lurk outside the door. Tifa still went straight to Cloud's side.

"Where am I?" he asked. Aeris smiled reassuringly.

"Seventh Heaven," she replied. "Sector 7."

"So I made it... to Midgar?" he asked. Aeris nodded, glancing at Tifa.

"Cloud... what happened?" Tifa asked softly. Cloud looked at her and his eyes went blank. He appeared to have not even heard her.

"Cloud, why do you have Zack's sword?" Aeris tried. Cloud looked at the sword at the other end of the room.

"That's my sword. I don't know who owned it before me. I've had it since I became SOLDIER," he said, almost dreamily. Aeris felt her heart in her mouth. What on Gaia was Cloud talking about?

"I... see..." she said, unsure if she should push it or not. "Cloud... tell us about yourself a little?"

"I'm Cloud. SOLDIER First Class. I joined the army at fifteen and became a prodigy. I was made SOLDIER quickly and fought in the Wutaian War-" Cloud continued to prattle out achievements that Aeris _knew_ were Zack's own. He thankfully didn't start detailing Zack's relationship with her, replacing himself in there. He could see Tifa was confused, but she shook her head, waiting for Cloud to finish.

"Alright. That clears a few things up, thank you," Aeris said, smoothing his hair off his forehead. Whatever had happened to cleave his spirit so clearly in two that he had forgotten who he was and adopted the persona of his best friend, Aeris was sure she didn't want to ask. She gestured to Tifa to leave the room and followed her.

"Cloud thinks he's Zack," she said without preamble. Tifa frowned.

"Zack?" she repeated. Aeris groaned. Of course, Tifa had never met Zack.

"Sephiroth's second in command and Cloud's best friend. It seems like... like he's forgotten who _he_ is. He didn't mention Sephiroth as his lover either, which makes me think that he's purposefully locked the memories away," Aeris said, leaning against the door and biting on her nails.

"But why?" Tifa asked. Aeris shook her head.

"I don't know, but I don't think it'd be wise to try to tell him the truth until he's recovered. He needs to remember on his own... I don't want... I don't want to rip him apart by forcing him to face truths he's not ready for," Aeris said, dropping her hand from her mouth. Tifa nodded and put her hands in her pockets.

"So we just back up his story?" she asked. Aeris nodded.

"Make sure that Elfé does as well," she said. She took one look at the door and shivered before walking away.

She couldn't deal with looking at Cloud and seeing Zack. She couldn't deal with the fact that Zack was dead when he was walking around, alive, right in front of her.

*

Cloud's strength returned quickly. The mako had enhanced him enough that he was up and about in a few days and within the weak he was bored and restless. Tifa had discussed it with Barret, and they'd decided to give Cloud a chance in AVALANCHE. Elfé had been against it, saying that there was no way he should be allowed to join.

Tifa understood why Elfé was upset. She knew that Cloud had been an enemy of AVALANCHE, had fought them, had killed her friends, but at the same time... They needed someone of Cloud's strength to help them.

"He's decided to become a mercenary," Tifa protested. "He's set on it. We need to keep an eye on him. What better way for him to earn some money while under our supervision than by working for us!"

Barret was confused about the whole 'supervising' thing. They'd decided not to tell anyone about Cloud's mental state. If more people knew then there was more of a chance of the blond being told by accident, and they were trying to avoid it at all costs. Barret just got the impression that Cloud was dangerous.

"One mission," Barret said. "Jus' one. If he screws it up, then we get rid o' him."

Tifa smiled, relieved, and went to tell Cloud the good news.

*

Cloud jumped off the top of the train, his sword raised high in the air. He cut the guards down with ease, swinging the sword back onto his back and attaching it to the magnetic sheath.

_I'm Cloud... SOLDIER, First Class_.

*

**TO BE CONTINUED IN _SCARS OF FRIENDSHIP..._**


	21. Interlude to Scars of Friendship

**Interlude**

Tseng looked at the cliff, still stained red with blood. In his hands was a box of letters, each with a name carefully printed across the front. All were still sealed. He looked up to the clear sky.

"I guess I'll have to forward these to wherever you are."

A small smile came to his lips as he turned and walked away.


End file.
